Post here instead of contacting your ex!

[Slowjam35]

Even though you didn't tell me exactly why you broke up with me, I realized that I probably was part of the issue. You know the insecurities/problems I had, you told me I should work on them multiple times, but I didn't. I even promised you I would change and I still didn't... You stuck with me though, which made me feel like I didn't have to change anymore. I was wrong. Looking back, those problems I have seem so small. I would change them in a heartbeat if I could have you back. We both would have been so much happier and our relationship would have been a lot better and more fun if I did. But it's too late now. It sucks that I realize my mistakes when it's already over. All I can say now is, I'm Sorry.

[RandomBlather]

Thirty days' NC, and I'm desperate to call you, text you, Skype you.... whatever, just contact you in some way because I want to talk. Then I realise I want to talk because I'm lonely, and I want you back. But there's been thirty days' NC for a reason. You haven't contacted me either. Heck, I'm sure you've been having a whale of a time. But you know what? I have been too. I'm fit, healthy, looking great and I've dated a few times since.

 

Sadly, none of them were you, and deep down I still wish they were.

[swans]

Why are you still checking my tumblr daily (and asking one anonymous question) after more than three months after our breakup?

 

Aren't you in a wonderful new country full of new people, women you generally find attractive? So, please, just stop!

 

I'm really on the verge of posting something along these lines "Yeah, I've been visited daily in the past three months from someone in a country half a world away and with a totally different language. So yeah, I know who you are. Stop being a coward, and stop visiting this tumblr or if you want to know how I'm doing then ask me".

 

We've been 98 days NC. You are in a perfect place, full of perfect people. You're having the time of your life. Just stop.

[Chalk]

I feel like nothing will replace the S shaped hole that you left. Sure, I've done stuff I wouldn't have done if we hadn't of parted & maybe I'll have a richer life but there's still a hole x

[stella m]

Why? You said it didn't feel "right". It's been 4 months and I'm still unclear. How, after 5 previous relationships where you said you got your heartbroken and I was the first person you said actually appreciated you... how was it not "right" with me? I still don't get it. I was the girl who finally adored you and appreciated you... I was the girl you said over and over again, "Is the most special person in the world to me". What was it specifically about me and our relationship why you felt I wasn't "the one"? Part of me wants extra closure so I can move on. You've been dumped 5 times. Now the girl you said was the best relationship you ever had, you broke up with. What type of person is it that you're looking for?

[MattyMe]

(I got this idea from another forum I visit frequently, if one like this already exists by all means ignore / delete this one.)

 

OK, it seems a few of us have had a rough time with the darned NC. I had fantasies today of unloading all this anger, longing, and "W-T-F" onto my ex. I am creating this thread as a place for all of us in pain to post instead of contacting Ms/Mr ex. It could actually be kind of fun, at least a release.

 

What would you like to tell him or her? Even if it's been building up for years, post it here! Rage-fest! Longing-fest! DO NOT CONTACT that frigging ex, put it all here!!

 

I always fall for it. It's been years. I need to get over you. You have hurt me like no one else. I know I might have hurt you and I am sorry. I loved you more than anyone else. I hate that you can be happy and I'm still crying even though I'm with someone else. You have played with my head for so long. You screwed with my personal belongings but yet you can have a new car free of scratches. You can not worry if I'm going to drive by your house. You still lie but yet I still guess I love you. **** that. I don't love you. You don't love me. I'm a mess. It's not your fault. You hurt me. You could care less now. I don't believe your lies. You probably have slept with so many other people but yet you seem claim you have only been with me. You hide so much. You will be happy, have a family, and move on. I will be here sad, infelity problems and no family. I will pray that I will one day. It's been 5 years and I still can't get over you. I feel bad about my bf now and I don't want Jim to think I don't care because I do. He treats me better than you ever treated me. Yes, we have our problems but we still some now make it work. I hope one day I can forgive you completely. I hope I can be happy for you. I have held these feelings back for so long but I'm letting them out now. I will hopefully heal up and learn to be happy without the ghost of you haunting me.

[beaton]

REALLY?!

 

I'm exactly halfway into the 30 day trial and you went and texted me.

To answer your question, yes, I AM thinking of visiting soon. In fact, I booked tickets and will be flying out there this friday.

But I can't break NC.

So I'm not saying anything. It's hard. It's such crazy timing, I dreamed about you last night and while it didn't mess me up, you were in the back of my mind all day. And then you text me. SO now I KNOW you're still living there.

 

I have to go to bed. Well. First I'm going to call my brother, because now I can't sleep.

[jaded123]

A,

We all forgive each other eventually of course. I will forgive too but I will never forgive you completely, not for breaking my heart. You are the only one I ever loved because you are the only one that truly loved me. And I did all the mistakes and on top of that, was driven to frustration and hurt by all the stuff at your end, but throughout all this, I never ever left you. No matter what, you were mine and I would never ever did or would have left you. I know people change, people evolve in different directions but I would never have been incompatible with you. To my last dying breath, I would have and wanted very badly to be with you. My heart is crushed and has been for the past 14 months. The very last year of my thirties, which I had imagined to be a really great year, has been the very worst year of my life.

 

You want to be happy and you should be with whoever that makes you happy. That much is unquestionable. However, you loved me deeply once (or at least that's what you said) and you said you were happy with me too. So you could have given me a chance, when I truly, desperately needed it. I messed up and you threw me out. I thought you would open the door and take me back in. I despise you now for doing that. I still miss you every day with a constant physical pain deep in my stomach, yet I am completely abandoned and alone.

 

I wish you had not left and I wish you had not humiliated me the way you did while doing so and I wish you had truly loved me. Just you, no one else in the world, just you.

-H

[IAmFCA]

B

I don't want you. I don't want to honor you on your birthday.I don't want to hear that you wish I did. I don't want to know that you feel bad about your behavior.I don't want to remember how we pumped you up on your birthday last year. I don't want to know that you wish I were still there for you.I don't want to know that you know how much you lost.

 

I just want to be done remembering the joy I felt when I brought a smile to your face.

 

you are a dumb axs obviously, for which maybe I should be grateful. get on with your depression and manipulation please.

[periwinkle00]

So the day after I posted here, I added you on facebook, to make sure you would see my message (as they get sent to the "other" folder if you aren't facebook friends). We chatted a bit online, and then we spoke on the phone for two hours.

 

It was great, but, as I suspected, things are the same. You're busy getting your life in order, but you have your family close by. They give you the support you need.

 

I haven't spoken to you since (3 days ago), and, well, I want to try something new. It involves trust, but I think it's possible that we could stay friends and only speak to one another about once a week.

 

I have interests and hobbies that I want to work on, and you have your life. Something I did in the past, which I don't want to do anymore, is get your approval for my hobbies and interests. I would bring up the topic, and subconsciously, how I felt about it, would rely on what you said.

 

They say the definition of insanity is to do the same thing over and over, and expect a different result. Well, things are a bit different. It's still very painful to wait so long between conversations, but it's probably best for the growth of both of us. You don't really like to chat casually with anyone on facebook. You keep that mainly for infowars type stuff. I haven't even been checking my notifications right away, because I remember the sadness from checking and realizing you haven't commented or "liked" any of my things.

 

I brought up how on your plentyoffish, it says you're single, and you said you had just updated that recently.

 

 

So this relationship is interesting. Non-traditional. We are friends, but I am afraid to slap on the label of romantic relationship. We have feelings for one another, and there is hope between us that we will get back together again..There is that underlying feeling.

 

I wonder if I am in denial.

 

This requires trust from the both of us. We don't even speak to one another regularly. I want to try things differently, and give you your space, but ultimately, the idea is that we save ourselves for one another.

 

I'm not in any rush to find someone new. It takes a lot for me to give my heart to someone, and it seems to be the case with you as well.

 

The next time I speak to you, I will tell you what I wrote here, that I have this concept that we are saving ourselves, or waiting for one another. It's best that I initiate clear communication. I've always been the best at that. It's my responsibility to tell you how I feel, and it would take a load off my chest. I also believe that now is the time to create new patterns. What is it, every 21 days that new habits are formed?

 

The people on this forum might not agree with my decision, but I think it's worth a shot, anyway.

[jaded123]

A,

I posted earlier today that I didn't think I could forgive you completely and that I despised you for leaving and the way you did. Well I don't. I forgive you completely and I don't despise you at all.

 

When one can see the truth and love it anyway, that is a real testament to attachment. To love an illusion of a person is not love at all.

 

I don't hate you. Im not indifferent. I loved you and I still love you, inspite of all your issues and your choosing someone else to spend your life with because you are ultimately, a kind and beautiful person. I don't have to and will never see you again but that's ok as long as I carry only love in my heart.

 

That is all.

-H

[periwinkle00]

Wow, no one really posted today. ok. Well, that's good, I suppose.

 

D, you are still my ex. We contacted one another a few days ago, and I would like to keep the communication to a minimum. I'm actually beginning to have a life! I went to a great consciousness/meditation group today, and I look forward to many more. I met a really sweet girl and we talked all about Ayahuasca. There was a really cute guy sitting in front of me who checked me out a few times. There was another cute guy sitting near me. I've got to say, I am becoming more aware of guys with the special vibe. I am picky, but I like to know that if I chose, I could date someone else. I like men and women, as you know, but it's a lot more rare that I see a woman I'm interested in, energy-wise. That's why it made me feel sick when on your facebook, you posted a picture for your plentyoffish profile, and even though it wasn't a picture of you, you wrote "It's a secret- this is my plentyoffish profile picture..shows where my priorities are when it comes to meeting women". Like...just thinking about you thinking about other women that way, and pursuing them, it makes me feel sick..but to be fair, there are some pretty hot guys out there, body and soul, and I would be lying if I said I don't wonder what it would be like to know them..maybe even sleep with them

 

i hope you are doing well. I hope you understand why I'm not contacting you. We need to both live our lives, and not depend on one another for reassurance, even if it is just as friends. Since the relationship didn't end so long ago, just friends, always has that extra attachment.

 

I don't know what kind of web I'm weaving, but, I can honestly say, I'm finally beginning to live my life, as I said before. I'm playing piano again, and singing lots in public. I just ordered a Bessie Smith songbook for piano with lyrics. I'm so excited

 

I'm learning to love the Goddess, to view the feminine spirit in a positive and loving light. I lacked the guidance growing up, because my Mom is not in touch with her inner Goddess..so, it's actually sort of amazing, once I began accepting certain things about women, and not feeling ashamed, it's been easier to walk down the street and feel comfortable in my own body. I feel a lot more proud. Anyway, I'm doing well, minus some anxiety.

[kz91]

I think of the good times it makes me miss you even more, I think of the bad times and it makes me cry.

 

What am I supposed to do?

[IAmFCA]

I woke again thinking of you, not in any particular way, just there you were in my head, me curious as to what you are doing these days, what topics are you spouting off about. a big waste of my time thinking about you. maybe it's just my familiar hormonal pattern.

 

I don't actually care if you have a happy bay today. I don't wish you well.I don't wish you ill.

 

I wish myself the power of information, which I don't have.

 

even better,I wish myself the knowledge that I don't need any information at all. it just isn't relevant to anything in my critical path.

 

yup. definitely my hormonal thought pattern..

[IAmFCA]

just read again about emotionally unavailable men. which is to say, I read about you.

 

I was fathered by you, I dated you, I married you. I actually had a very loving relationship with a reformed you and that was essential but would have ended in a hurtful confusing way had he not ended first, and then I dated you again, and I may be interested in you again.

 

So one, I pledge to own my attraction to the EU man. two, I pledge to break my pattern, in parts. I will not become the pursuer. I will not take responsibility for whether we work, only for my own contribution. three, I will be ready to accept that I am not what he wants. what do I care? am I what I want?

[Alone Now]

just read again about emotionally unavailable men. which is to say, I read about you.

 

I was fathered by you, I dated you, I married you. I actually had a very loving relationship with a reformed you and that was essential but would have ended in a hurtful confusing way had he not ended first, and then I dated you again, and I may be interested in you again.

 

So one, I pledge to own my attraction to the EU man. two, I pledge to break my pattern, in parts. I will not become the pursuer. I will not take responsibility for whether we work, only for my own contribution. three, I will be ready to accept that I am not what he wants. what do I care? am I what I want?

 

This is wonderful!

[Alone Now]

I was up all night writing to someone else on enot and I discovered that you are part of my life. I wish you weren't of course, but like a cancer.

 

Will I ever get over you? I doubt it because you have a certain appeal that is very wonderful to me, like the bad boy who couldn't be caught.

 

Will I end the new guy? Yes, because I need to focus on me and my child.

 

GF? He is my one constant. He is strong and supportive and loving. You know, all the things that you are not!

[IAmFCA]

This is wonderful!

.

 

thanks!

 

life is a journey!!!

[Robin2904]

Glad you're all safe. That's all.

[El3216]

You moved out and I could tell you were sad. The anger front you were giving me was a little transparent in the last few mins together.

 

I hope over the next few months of being apart you realize that your love for me is u conditional and that we can work to be a team again. I love you will all my heart and I have worked on everything I needed too.

 

This is different because now we actually have each other space and took care of things that needed to be fixed.

[Slow Club]

Hey,

 

Was just thinking of you today. I still worry about you and hope that life will treat you well. Take care.

[kz91]

“It's a full moon here tonight, which makes me think of you. Because, I know that no matter what I am doing or where I am, this moon will always be the same size as yours, half a world away.”

[Alone Now]

MW: I have been corresponding with someone on ENA and we were talking about my favorite band so I decided to pull out all the old CD and take listen. What I found is that none of the songs, not a single one, made me think of you. Not even the one song that you liked so much. Every one of the songs made me think of GF, all of them. You once said that I place too much emphasis on music and I suppose you never thought about it beyond the music itself.

 

Did you ever wonder what the writers who penned those songs, this band in particular, were writing about? What they were going through? Who they were writing these soulful ballads to? No, not once. But I think about it all the time. Were they happy? Were they sad? Were they writing a love letter the only way they knew how? Your "love letters" to me were self-serving, looking for the hook-up, they weren't meant for me, they were meant to get me. And what of the people that the songs were written to. Did they understand the genius that was pouring out? Did they even give a damn about it? Did they touch the recipients heart as they were intended? Granted, some of the songs are not romantic and some of the songs are meant to sell records. What record were you trying to make MW? Was I just a muse to you to get what you wanted from me or, like the artists who wrote these songs, were they from the heart and filled with passion and desire and dedication? And what became of those songs to the people to whom they were intended? Did it have an impact on their lives? Your impact on my life will forever be present and I can't help that. But even still, you played me and I'm so afraid that you will continue to play me.

 

NG seems the same way you do. He can take music on a superficial level but clearly doesn't feel the music and the words. I will attempt to play some this bands music for him when he and I are driving this weekend because I will see him; as a diversion from feeling anything for you. And I know that he will say that he likes the band but I know he doesn't feel the words. That's a shame when I think about it.

 

Unfortunately or fortunately, depending on your perspective, I need music like I need air to breathe. Unfortunately I need you in the same way.

 

Why did I push GF away so many times? He feels the music, he feels and digests the words. He gets it. Why was I so blind to his sweet and quirky ways for so long? Did I set our friendship in concrete with no way to take it to the next level? Did I keep him safe because I was so afraid of this musical connection which would lead to something even greater?

 

I'm listening to a song called Thank You For The Love from the bands album Another Mother Further. "Thank you for the love, thank you for the heartache, thank you for the tears I cry, thank you for all the lies." It speaks the truth that I feel for you MW. How could they have known that it would?

[Kimcwell]

Something at work today made me think of you and it took my breath away for a brief moment. This hurts deep

[IAmFCA]

B, I am not at all sure I want to talk to you at all. but today you have been in mind much of the time, even though I know birthdays aren't a big deal to you, you also know I would not have ever ignored you on it like I did today.

 

meanwhile also today I really discovered that I truly do not enjoy my job. at all. I liked it before. now, not at all. you were a great escape but I need to confront this problem. you would understand my midlife crisis. I want more family time.I want as job I can succeed at. I want to be home by 6 every day.

 

this just isn't working for me. what am I going to do about it? well, talk to someone actually. see what solutions I can make.

 

maybe I will find a way.