Post here instead of contacting your ex!

[Alone Now]

I can't sleep because my mind is racing around the fact that I have lost my friend. Forget the ex and forget looking for another to replace the ex. I WANT MY FRIEND BACK! Where is ITIC when I need her advice?

[Mike80]

Damn it.

 

I was doing just fine...17 days NC, our final rage-fueled exchange on April 2nd notwithstanding.

 

Last night, I had dream after dream after dream of you. You just REFUSED to let me sleep peacefully. Every single dream I had of you ended with you being with someone else and not caring how hurt I was. I woke up today and have been in a nostalgic stupor all day. To make it worse I was flipping through channels and our movie....Rio....was on HBO. I tried my best not to let my heart sink into my stomach, but it was for naught.

 

You're gone, and you're not coming back. We're done. For good. I'm still trying to process that. My mind still won't accept that I'm on my own and you're doing whatever you want and there's nothing that will ever bring us back together. I just want this to end. Tired of this mental anguish.

[Alone Now]

For the first time since I can remember I am aching wanting to talk to my friend. It is all so painful, I've been hunting for someone out there and I'm slowly realizing that HE is right there. I've known him for a year plus. He is charming and honest and funny and the stand up kind of guy that I have been begging for and because I wasted so many hours looking for someone who I thought would be Mr. Perfect, I lost the man who would have stood by my side through thick and thin. A man who has his faults but tried to better my life as well as his own.

 

And I still so blind as to want someone, an unproven quantity when all along I just needed my friend? Am I willing to risk the security of knowing that this man knows me better than I probably know myself just because I didn't think he was the person I wanted in my life? Scratch that. I NEED him in my life. And I am so sad right now that I could just spit. I know that ITIC gives sound advice, but if I could give her one piece of advice it would be to forget the ex, forget the new interest and simply find the quality you are looking for among your strong base of Wingman, SC and anyone else and let the hunt for someone new go.

 

I have been in her position and I failed each and every time. It took this last event for me to realize that I had all those things I was looking for in one stand up guy. A guy who would go to bat for me every time. A guy who loved me for me and not for the thrill of the chase or trying to sleep with me. A guy who loved me and liked my friends and who my friends liked because he treated me like a queen even though we weren't intimate. Am I still so stupid not to run to him and tell him that he is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me in such an incredibly long time? I do love this man because he is honest and strong and sincere and believes that it is more important to do the right thing for the right reason and to be a man in the difficult times and not just when he thinks he is being noticed.

 

Again, I say to you ITIC, consider what you are doing. Is it worth ruining friendships that you have built over long stretches of time. Stay safe with your home base for a while and enjoy the freedom to be who you want to be and not rush into a relationship or even try to build a relationship.

 

I would give my eye teeth to have the nerve to call my greatest friend and tell him how much I miss him and need him and love him.

[periwinkle00]

I just clicked on an old picture from your mom's facebook. I saw a leg, and I hoped it was you. In the larger picture, I see it's you, and this was right after we met over facebook, before we met in person. Oh my, you were HOT. You weighed a little less. Man, what a hot picture. Glad I didn't peep your page, and just your mom's. o man. Look at what I'm missin out on.

[jaded123]

it's almost 4 am and I can't sleep. sitting hunched in bed, wishing I had never hurt your feelings, wishing you had never left. wishing and tearing up and my elbow hurts and my shoulders ache. I wish I had been a better person for you. I don't know how to live without you. I miss how you used to say "oh yeah?" sometimes with that mischievous girlish twinkle in your eye...

[Alone Now]

I have taken the time, as painfully as it was, to actually think about you this morning. And I cried knowing that you were always there for me and I treated you like a ghost. How could you stand seeing me flirt and find other men? How was it that I turned a blind eye to you being the one who would have loved me without a question if I had just taken the time? I know your life was no party but you always put me ahead of your own problems. You were the one true man that I could turn to in times of need and you never failed to make me laugh and cry and want to know more about you. Not enough to actually ask you questions, but you knew the things to say without any prompting on my part.

 

You have so many things that I want in my life and in my world. Not material things but your goodness and kindness and the way you help people you don't even know. You are this man who finds the good in everyone and takes the time to look at the positive angle even if no one else can see them. Did I leave you with anything positive or did I really just take from you? I can remember the very first conversation we had on the phone over a year ago. We laughed the entire damn time and I felt like you were different from all the other men I had met. You actually got the weird things I would say and play off of them.

 

I let you get close but always pushed you away when you hit a certain point of my falling in love with you. You were free with your expressions of your faith in me when no one else had any faith in me. My friends said that you were perfect, but in my mind you were just a passing phase at best because I was never really going to give you the chance to know me. But you continued to be my friend no matter how hard I pushed you away until finally you broke. And now I wonder if I was pushing you away because you saw the good in me even when I refused to see it myself. You taught me so many things like how to love myself and see the good I had to offer. And what did I do? I took these incredible gifts you taught me and used them for my own benefit in looking for someone else. How foolish of me! You aren't the most handsome man I have ever met, I admit that, but your heart is the most beautiful one I have ever encountered. My friends kept saying that I should have given you a chance even when I took up with Mr. Wrong time and again. And what did I do? I pushed you away even further because you made me think about you when I was with him. Mr. Wrong would say horrible things about you and I would giggle and agree because I wasn't strong enough to stand my ground for you - you the stand up guy. I miss holding your hand as we used to when walking down the street. I miss the way you made me feel so incredible safe when I was with you.

 

Did I fall in love with you and deny it to myself? Probably.

[periwinkle00]

I had a dream about you. My dad was also in the dream and he did not like what you were doing with me (sexual).

Dad represents authority...man, this is because i saw that hot picture of you yesterday. yes, i am facebook friends with your mom still. she doesn't post much, thankfully ..but that picture she had of you..oh, you are so beautiful, seriously.

[IAmFCA]

Just reread the email I sent you. I still am grateful for it. It did exactly what I wanted, no anger, no digs, nothing but self-respect. Will I hear from you? No. My email was that good.

 

Whats funny, I even said I look forward to hearing from you, because I felt no need to close the door.

 

You have been dismissed my friend, and when I come onto this site, I think of you, and it still comes out the same. Yup, I did good.

[figmentations]

Did you even love me? What happened to us?

[Alone Now]

Did you even love me? What happened to us?

 

I ask myself the very same question fig. Unfortunately I know the answer. I'm the one who didn't love the man. I did, but could never tell him because of my own fears.

[Kimcwell]

I hate the weekends. They were always our time and it was so precious to me. I hope you know that, but I'm sure you do. I allways made a conscious effort to let you know how special you are to me. I know you don't have your daughters this weekend, so what will you be doing? After 4 months, I still can't believe we are no longer a part of each others lives. It's so, so sad...

[loveblindxo]

You know what. I can't believe I am actually moving on so fast. I went from anger to sadness to basically in difference in less than 2 months. The other day was my birthday, of course, not surprised, you didn't wish me a happy birthday. Didn't really much bother me, saw you walking, you turned your head according to my friend. When I saw you however, I swear, I didn't feel anything. Today is your birthday and I don't feel anything. Crazy how last year, we spent both our birthdays together, now, we are both apart. I was hoping we could have at least got to our birthdays, but the love was so far gone. Honestly, it's so unrepairable. I have no interest in you, but deep down, I am sad that love didn't work out in the end, when I fought so hard. Gladly, you are no longer in my life, however. No more misery. People told me, I look happier and I am glowing, something that was lacking while with you. Live on nightmare.

[aw1992]

I guess you're my ex as we're not together but I still don't think you are an ex. I'm sorry, i'm sorry I messed it up. I wish you could give me another chance one day. I can so easily imagine living out my days in thoughts of you. I wish I had been a better person. I miss you, I miss our silly times. I cannot get you out of my mind because i've let you go and I know someone else will value what I failed to. Waking up in the morning is the worst thing ever, the thought of you rips right through me. I wish you were here. I wish you were next to me, I'd give anything to just hold your hand for one second. I am so sorry sweetheart.

[Ryan1030]

Hey baby. I'm struggling. Friday night. This pain is excruciating. I miss my best friend.

[Seff]

I saw you post that you were looking for a new sex partner the day after we broke up. I know you did it with Srael and gawd knows how many other guys by now.

I know All your friends were their to support you , and to rip me into shreds for you to burn to dust and blow away.

I know how quickly you moved on.

 

I know its all my fault. I can't regret enough how I just had to let you know how much it hurts.

You'll be light-years ahead of me by the time I've got things straightened out. I need to let go, but you're in my head 24/7. Get out already - just get out.

I wish you the best and I release you. I release you. I release all thoughts of you! Or I'm trying hard to at least.

[quirky]

It's been a while and I know we're over forever. I am now ok with it. I know you won't contact me. What is sad is that I have this memory of you and so many memories of us where I respected you, admired you and thought we were special.

 

It is strange to see the different paths we've taken as I considered you a personal growth buddy. I thought of you as a sweet man, my playmate and someone so so special to me. It is very sad to see that bond is not there any more. I feel life passing by, I see the changes in me and they take me far away from who I used to be, how I used to deal with love. What I am looking for now is even harder to find and very hard to communicate because most people accept something more basic like I used to at some point. I feel like I am leaving you behind. And I somehow never thought I would. I sometimes also feel sad for you. That's my arrogance there. I feel life changing..and more and more I feel a distance from you.

 

No I don't think you deserve something better. But what you felt was right. And everyone needs to feel 100% accepted and that's why you'd never build a long term future with me. Maybe you did do me a favour. Maybe I would never be ok with your flaws.

 

Today I feel like I am floating in the air. Not alone as such, more like in transition again. Today I think of you and I don't know anymore of who I am thinking, my connection to you is withering further and further. It doesn't even matter if we're sad about it, maybe it's how life had to be. I remember once someone I bonded so deeply with and sadly what I now remember mostly is a haze and a feeling of disappointment.

 

Today is like I am not here.

[Ryan1030]

What quirky said.

[figmentations]

I think the hardest part for me is that I WANT to be with you. I wish I could summon feelings of not desiring this but while I feel better, every day passes by with the hope that you'll call, you'll text or email me. Why are you so silent? I don't deserve this. You didn't even break up with me face to face, you never have any decent explanations for your decision. I'm just so angry at you sometimes.

[Alone Now]

I almost called you last night to beg you to come over and hang out. Mainly I just wanted to be held by you. Instead of getting easier, I find myself yearning to be loved by you the way only you knew how. I need to learn that I have lost my best friend because I was out looking for the new romance of my life and you were were supportive of me in every way. God, what a mistake I made.

[jaded123]

A,

It just feels the same today, like it did 14 months ago when you left. I thought i had managed to suppress my feelings, out of necessity. But every second, even the things you didn't think I noticed, scenes and memories keep flashing by. I miss you so much (again). Someone told me last year, in about 2 years, i would realize it was for the best that it didn't work out but I don't think they were right. You were my star and I was in orbit and happy and I feel completely without a home now. Just wanted to hold you..we didn't even have to say anything, as long as you were in my arms. I am lost.

H

[jaded123]

a,

today, I took a walk thru the park where we had met. I hadn't done that since last summer, when we were broken up, you were seeing someone (but still unmarried) and I was trying to win you back.

 

I believe our own actions reflect back onto us eventually. I hurt you badly (and like I said, it was both selfish and immature of me, the hurt was not intended). I paid the price for it. I can honestly say however, that I never ever left you, never stopped loving you, and never would have till my dying breath. i had been alone for so long I had forgotten what it meant to be happy. you made me truly happy. I remember that "talking carl" app you had when we met andyou splashing water on me at rockefeller center.

 

maybe my attempts will reflect back to me one day as well, or not...I don't know. possibly one day someone will give me another flower in a sunny park and maybe they too will carry sunlight inside them, like you did.

 

I don't expect anything from the universe. but I don't think I will stop trying my best, in all my endeavors. you completed me and made me whole but even if i am forever alone, i won't give up on life. True damage only comes from giving up...and so I'm still not...damaged.

-h

[beaton]

I saw a photo of you on facebook today. I stared at it for a long time. For some reason it didn't really hurt. You look the same as you always have, but I didn't feel like it was you. I hope no one posts pictures of you with a girl for a while though. I'm not sure I would feel as indifferent.

 

I woke up with that guy again today. We're both at transitional points in life, and just got out of long relationships. We both know that it's casual but it's comforting to have someone who understands.

Connecting with someone so different from you is reassuring. Someday maybe I'll fall in love again.

[periwinkle00]

I've resorted to an online ranting site. Oh my Gosh, that was somethin' else. They rant against your rants. All this negativity has gotten bottle up in side me. It's not all because of you, but you pulled the trigger.

 

My brain hurts. My body hurts. I ask myself, if I were to contact you, would I be able to handle being just your friend? THe answer is no. I wouldn't..so I guess I will reassess in a month. They say 2 months is the minimum amount of time for no contact. Who is they..well, they. I don't know. I need more time to figure myself out. I have lost who I am long ago, but I need to find myself. I would like to include you in that journey, but I'm not ready. I don't think you are either to be honest.

[beaton]

I DID IT!

I booked tickets.

 

It feels liberating to know that I'm coming back and reacquainting myself with our mutual friends, as myself. I'm sure everyone already sees you as just you now, instead of as the unit we used to be. I'm hoping to establish that too.

[IAmFCA]

Sweet troubled manipulative B,

 

It used to be that in your absence, I struggled with myself. Now, my view of you has flattened and I have no struggles.

 

I suspect you have several. I do not pity you. Maybe I will actually hear from you someday, dont know when. I know for certain that if i ever marry, it will bother you. You are a conflicted mess, arent you?