Post here instead of contacting your ex!

[Wes377]

Hi Hope your having a great day......Miss you

[periwinkle00]

Going on week 5. It's been so tough. I read somewhere that by the 8th week, the guy is supposed to call..I guess I have hope. I wish I didn't read that, because I feel I'm more attached to you by thinking that.

Even if you did, would things really be different?

 

I try to fill the void with interests..hobbies..it helps, but in the end, I am just so broken inside.

[IAmFCA]

Wingman has a bet that you will reach out to me but he is not sure how long it will take. SC and I say no, no way, not ever. Then I hedged, and said, well, actually. if and when A dumps you, then I hear from you for sure. And the only way that happens is if you live in the same town, and are pressed into living your truth, and then forced to discover that you love it or you don't.

 

You were feeling bad about yourself after being with me, and wondering what path your life should take, and I wonder: feeling bad about how you treat me? treat her? where to live, work, go to school?

 

But you know what's best, actually, is that I don't really wonder. Last year, yeah, I would have wondered. This year? Nope. You are a passing thought like when I am doing the laundry. Not a twinge, not a twitch. The hold is gone, as if a spell has left my body.

 

The weather broke here. You know what I remembered today walking accross the park? How many beautiful days I wasted last year when you were oh and then you weren't available to play. I am SO HAPPY I don't have to deal with that crap. HAHAAHA Ciao love. You were the best lover ever ever ever, and we could talk and in fact did talk for a night and the next day straight, many times. We rode bikes through the city on dinner dates more than once, and always impromptu. You took me to the bar I always have wished a man would take me to, and you had no idea. You taught my child to ride a bike in 10 minutes. We were all that and a bag of chips and a soda too. But dang I am so glad to be rid of you.

 

Deep down? You think you met someone really important. and you weren't ready, and you know you goofed. oh well. i met someone really important too, in you, who helped me break new ground so that I could leave you behind. Have fun with that LD gf you love so well that you won't claim her, though she claims you. What a web, love. As you would say, yeah, good luck with that.

[beaton]

We were at a bar tonight and everyone coupled up and I missed you. You were my partner. I feel so alone here. Charles' gf flew in today to surprise him. She showed up at the door (we were all in on it) and he had NO idea. I fantasized about you doing that or me while we were together. If I had done that for you woud you have stayed? Who cares. You didn't.

 

I miss our life.

[periwinkle00]

Sometimes I think about you coming to my door, and me sort of melting into you. You're so tall, I just put my arms out and my face nestles in your chest. You're so gentle.

You look cute with your new hair cut that I saw at Christmas. I bet you smell good too...ahh yeah. I miss that feeling.

[jsenorin]

I really miss you and how I wish you were here holding you, and hugging you tight

[james31]

I blocked you on FB thinking i wouldnt have any chance of seeing you, what your doing or anything like that... i havnt been temptes to unblock you or snoop or anything and i thought i was getting by just fine.

And tonight .. after a good night at the pub, i somehow see a pic of you and all of those good feelings, everything i thought i had accomplished over the last few months, i had such a good day because i thought i had reached the point where i was over you and what you put me through. Its all gone... seeing your beautiful smile, seeing how happy you are and knowing that you havnt reached out to me or anything at all and now i feel like i am back at square 1.

I didnt think i would have to delete other people just to avoid seeing your photos but it looks like i still care about you and the fact that you clearly dont is killing me

[Ammieg]

You tried to stop me talking to Katy, tried to get me away from her. And I realize why now.

 

Katy said she was worried about me. She said you are abusing me. And she's right, you are. You wanted to stop me talking to her because shes the one person that can help me. She's made me realise what you are - just a sad, insecure, jealous man who is obsessed with me, not in love with me. Shes made me realise that we're in a honeymoon phase and that things will get worse again.

 

You're being so sweet right now, but for how long? How long until I annoy you, and you get mad and angry at me? How long until you knock on my door and list all my faults, all the things that are wrong with me, how i'm not good enough? all the things Ive supposedly done to fail you, to make me feel guilty? How im supposedly a cheater and a liar? How long until you disappear without a word for a week, leaving me in the lurch? How long until you make plans then cancel last minute to purposefully upset me?

 

I want to believe you can change so badly. You have so far for 3 weeks. Your charming, and caring and understanding right now. But you were abusive for 9 months. I can't get over the damage you caused, even if I wanted to. I'm a shadow of the person I used to be. You don't even recognise you need to change. I've tried to tell you, and you don't listen. I'm starting no contact today. I know you will come back eventually. I'll cross that hurdle when I come to it.

[LonelyGirl10]

I keep showing her pictures to my friends. At first glance, it's obvious that she's prettier than me. But A pointed out something to me. Her boobs are small. And they are. Her boobs are tiny. Mine are not. Mine are too big. And I know how much you love boobs. So I win. My boobs win. Hah!

[james31]

I keep showing her pictures to my friends. At first glance, it's obvious that she's prettier than me. But A pointed out something to me. Her boobs are small. And they are. Her boobs are tiny. Mine are not. Mine are too big. And I know how much you love boobs. So I win. My boobs win. Hah!

 

 

 

Thats the way!

[figmentations]

I get it finally. You're at totally at peace with the decision you made. You're not gonna talk to me neither is the idea of getting back together even a tiny seed in your head. That's ok. I needed this final push to continue moving on. I love you dearly and I miss you but I can't change what you are, who you are and what you've chosen for yourself.

[Alone Now]

I also had a dream. A dream that you and I were back to basics of a friendship but no matter how hard I try, I know it is not meant to be. Having this knowledge doesn't make it any easier to get over you, in fact it makes it harder. I AM STILL RIGHT HERE IN FRONT OF YOU! Am I blocking the view of finding someone else? Why can't you see me?

[Alone Now]

The weather broke here. You know what I remembered today walking accross the park? How many beautiful days I wasted last year when you were oh and then you weren't available to play. I am SO HAPPY I don't have to deal with that crap. HAHAAHA Ciao love. You were the best lover ever ever ever, and we could talk and in fact did talk for a night and the next day straight, many times.

 

What a web, love. As you would say, yeah, good luck with that.

 

I would love to have someone who I could call and just hang out and talk and joke and laugh and play! I had a partner once who I could talk to about anything and he always gave me sound advice and never to the detriment of making me feel small but empowered and stronger for knowing him. It's funny how that works. I went looking for someone else and lost his lifeline to a world that I wanted to learn more from him. Maybe I should have told him that I loved him more often or that I should have been the one to initiate going to the park or bar or just hang out at one of our houses. But he is gone on now and I am desperate to regain the friendship we had, my problem is that he no longer has an interest in being my friend so I feel I'm the one who lost a grand experience.

 

It sounds as though this person you write about screwed you over ten ways to Sunday and I hope you are rid of him forever. Did he teach your child how to ride a bike because he cared about your child or was it something he felt he had to do to string you along. It sounds as though he kept you strung along.

 

And I hope you find someone that you can turn to during the great and not so great experiences of your life. Someone that you can learn from and who offers you sound advice without harsh criticism and that you both can learn from. It was hard for me to find out too late that I had a friend like that and he was right in front of my face. And now I see the roles are reversed as I would give anything to just be able to call him and say "let's go to the Hard Rock, a great new band is playing" or "how about meeting me to get something to eat". I was in your shoes also IThinkICan and was used and treated like a piece of waste paper and the entire time I had a friend cheering me on to be a better woman. I guess we never know what we missed until it is gone. I hope you take my advice and are able to say goodbye to this person and look around your collective base of Wingman and SC and anyone else that matters and find peace in those who care and love you without being full of ***** and playing with your emotions. Maybe that person is already in your base of friends?

 

This is what all women of today deserve! A stand up guy who has his faults but is there 100% of the time even when we don't want them to be.

[Wes377]

Hi baby.....I really miss you. I want things the way they were....I miss snuggling with you on the sofa and having you fall asleep on me.

I'm soo sad right now. Why did it have to be this way? What happened? What did this? I am the guy you first met...... Please give me some closure ...something. You mean soo much to me....please contact me.

Love you

[kz91]

Do I miss you? Like crazy, so much it hurts.

 

Do I want you back? That would be a no.

 

**** you.

[figmentations]

Tried to call you today, put myself back in day 1 of NC. I just love you tons and can't yet let go you'll see your errors and come back. But I have to be realistic. I need to let time pass and you need your space and time and boundaries respected. I tried more than once to trespass them but I will try my best not to. And from now on, I'm writing whatever I need to tell you on paper or on the computer.

[periwinkle00]

I'm thinking it's time, or nearing the time, to completely disconnect from you emotionally. NC has been in place now for 5 weeks. It's time for me to have faith that if we were meant to reconnect, it will happen one day, and to be connected in this way, via unhealthy guilt strings, is not the right way to go. You're going to school again, so it's your time to shine there, and it's my time to really delve into my hobbies/interests. I also have a workshop I will be attending later this year. I'm really looking forward to it, and it looks like it will really mark the beginning of my chosen career.

 

I love you, as I'm sure you love me, but we need to be ourselves, fully. Maybe you realized this before me, which is why you broke it off.

 

*sigh* Life is life. What is life without some sort of faith.

[Kimcwell]

I miss you so much, but if I truly love you, I have to let you go..... I do truly love you... Sigh

[IAmFCA]

AN

 

You are so right!

 

You know its funny. I do not look at this man I write about as though he screwed me, although he did behave erratically and worse. Truthfully, I allowed myself to be in the path of him. I was able to free myself of him, from the inside out, when we rekindled our interaction after two months of NC. He knows and feels bad about his behavior, its so easy to label his intentions as just for sex or whatever, but it is more complex. And the beauty is, it doesn't matter what his intentions were/are/will be. It only matters what I have and don't have, and I don't have what I want, so See Ya. After the period of NC, the love letter, the renewed attentiveness and connectedness while he was on the road etc., I actually saw him differently, but then he fell off the map again just like old times. So it was easy to move on.

 

It was the NC over the holidays that were hard as heck, so hard I wondered sometimes if I could go to work because I was so distracted. During the 60 days, I learned such an incredible amount about myself and healed from losses much more meaningful than this one.

 

I now have a few tidbits of him left behind, a love letter, a picture, a race number, that I want to rid myself of. What I really want is to have a funeral pyre for them, over beers and laughs with friends, and just burn them up into the sky. Something wonderfully cleansing about that.

 

AloneNow A couple of times I have nearly messaged you to thank you for your caring responses on this thread. Thank you! I love this thread. It is a great dumping ground. My big victory? I wrote to him a kiss-off letter that was not the slightest bit angry, accusatory, or even door-closing. I simply pointed out what little value our connection was bringing to either of us, admitted that I felt a responsibility towards him, and with the letter absolved myself of it. I was so grateful to have the time and the ENA outlet and encouragement to identify that I needn't be the slightest bit angry, and that it was okay to want love. I need only to identify what I want and leave the rest for others.

 

Alone Now, it seems like you didn't appreciate what you had? But also maybe there other dynamics influencing your choices. In my case, he was 100% perfect or just absent. Talk for days, teach, help, fix, learn, solve, carry, play, serve. Then disappear. The other dynamics made his perfection not good enough. Whatever it is in your case, you didn't have the whole package. When you are ready to receive what you want, it will be there for you.

 

(And yes, I am exploring someone new. Dont know yet. )

[IAmFCA]

Hey you. I forgot to think about you today. Your dang fb page and As fb page keep popping up on my phone. It doesn't annoy me. Well, except that it isn't what I am looking for, so I have to make extra clicks.

 

I will not send you your love letter, the pic from Morton's, my race number that you always thought was "cute" to find in my bedroom. I am just not interested. I might burn them, but for now, I lost the love letter. Ha! That's rich.

 

It has never occurred to me whether you miss me like you did during the winter NC or whether you are looking at my balcony as before, or anything. You just don't occur to me at all. I don't expect to replace our incredible, honestly its the best I have ever had, physical connection. I mean really, it was all that. It just was.

 

But you know what? I don't miss that either. And I might just create something just as wonderful with someone new. Yup, I might. And if I do, how cool will it be that it is with someone everyone else likes too? With real friends, and a real personality.

 

Yup. I won.

[Alone Now]

AN

 

 

Alone Now, it seems like you didn't appreciate what you had? But also maybe there other dynamics influencing your choices. In my case, he was 100% perfect or just absent. Talk for days, teach, help, fix, learn, solve, carry, play, serve. Then disappear. The other dynamics made his perfection not good enough. Whatever it is in your case, you didn't have the whole package. When you are ready to receive what you want, it will be there for you.

 

(And yes, I am exploring someone new. Dont know yet. )

 

ITIC

 

I know where you are coming from. I had the exact same type of a relationship with a man who failed to mention that he was still married and I did the same thing you were thinking about a funeral pyre and it was empowering to know that I was rid of him in every way imaginable. Until he contacted me and we almost fell into the same pattern of attention and then disappearance. He went as far as to say he would leave his wife to be with me but it never happened and I finally cut all ties with him. I had a great friend who would listen to my story of woe and was always able to make me laugh. And I did the exact thing you are contemplating in exploring someone new and as a result I lost that friend. I miss the friend more than the ex and I would give anything to regain his friendship but I feel as though he would reject my attempts. That is why I'm on enot, not because of the ex but because I had the greatest friend in the world and I blew it. He would have done anything for me and I guess I forgot the positives that he gave me in my life like guidance, laughter and a host of other traits that I was learning from him about me! Now that friend is gone and I can't believe how endearing he is to me now. I would call him and talk for hours about everything under the sun and now he has pulled away for his own sanity I suspect. How do I let him know that I regret overlooking his kindness and rebuild a trusting friendship again? As far as I know he could be the man of my dreams but I wasn't willing to explore the day to day life changes with him. He helped me grow and I learned so much about myself with this guy and I feel like I have let myself down because I was looking for the new person.

[IAmFCA]

Yikes he was married? ugh.

 

so was your friend disappointed that you didn't choose to go out with him romantically?

 

my new interest is completely new to me and has the blessing of my friends. but still I don't know if he has what it takes....

[Alone Now]

ITIC

 

I wish you had messaged me. Someone else who has been there and done that I think I have a perspective of not going out and looking for someone new too soon that might save you some unnecessary craziness.

[Alone Now]

Yikes he was married? ugh.

 

so was your friend disappointed that you didn't choose to go out with him romantically?

.

 

No I don't think so, I think my friend was just trying to be there for me and it became difficult for him to watch the spiral that I allowed myself to get into. Now that I think about it though, he would have been perfect for me because he helped me grow as a woman and helped me face demons that I decided were just interesting quirks. He had a way of saying things and offering advice without making himself seem like he was doing it. He would just do it. And he was so sweet and such a stand up guy who I constantly pushed away because I thought he was in the way. Boy was I ever wrong. I mentioned earlier, he was a pain in the butt, and I pushed him aside more than once, but a better friend I could never hope for. He was honorable to a fault and a man of faith and a man who stuck to his word on any and all topics even when the topic was uncomfortable for me. He was the kind of male friend that every woman dreams of and I had him right there and decided that he was just a friend and not the greatest friend I would ever have.

 

Yes, the ex was married and he would be attentive and clever and pretend to be friends with my friends when all he really wanted was for people to think he was cool. It was so uncomfortable to go out with him and my friends and know that my friends really hated him and they would even ask about my friend friend in front of him. The ex was too full of himself and the friend was the exact polar opposite. Does any of that make sense?

[Alone Now]

Forget the ex, I want my greatest friend back. He allowed me to be myself and made me feel comfortable in my own skin. He gave the greatest hugs and preferred that I let myself act like me! ITIC, I would suggest and hope that you don't race into another relationship, it could be devastating. I did the same thing and now I have no friend to turn to because I forgot he existed. I was too busy looking for a quick fix.