Post here instead of contacting your ex!

[Reilly2856]

The other day, I felt an enormous urge to talk to you. I couldn't figure out why at the time until today.

 

Its been three months since we've officially gone NC. Weird, how the heart senses these things while the mind tries to block it out.

 

I know it was the best option to walk our separate paths...but I can't help it...I miss you today. Wish I could hear your voice again.

[james31]

I havnt heard from you in nearly two weeks... the longest we have ever gone without talking to each other, even at kapooka i spoke to you every 2 or 3 days.

 

Im getting better, i think i have hit the mark where i have started to move on and it feels refreshing... ive rediscovered the old james, the one you fell in love with last year. Im actually happy, im sleeping so much better now and everything is going so well with work.

 

Im going to see B soon, Pepper is 4 months old now... shes gorgeous, i cant wait to meet her and to see what bring an uncle really feels like.

Im catching up with a friend whilst im up there, im sure you will see the photos of my trip so i dont want you to get the wrong idea, even after everything you have put me through i dont want to upset you.

 

I mean this in a good way, Thankyou for doing this, i have been liberated and i am happy again, i know that as much as i loved you deep down i was questioning our relationship and considered breaking up with you the last night we were together, but i thought we could get through it. Ohh well...

 

Ive met someone new, shes really nice and she seems to really like me... and my beard lol

I hope your doing ok... i know it will be a while before you find someone because your mum told me you dont know why your relationships keep failing and your going to stay single until you figure it out.

 

Dont think i didnt or dont love you... i loved you so much when we were together and i will always have a place for you in my heart, whether you can earn that place is up to you

[Cakegirl12]

I woke up from a dream of you this morning. You felt so close and we felt so happy. Then I woke up and you were gone. I know you miss waking up to me too, that was the one of the most treasured things you had in our relationship. Sleeping next to each other and being consumed with bliss. Smiling as we opened up our eyes.

 

Why did you throw it all away? Because I was dependent on you? We were arguing? You know what fixes those issues.. communication. You should've talked to me the way you did when you were breaking up with me. I understood and empathized with what you were saying, and you returned the favor. Why couldn't you do that before? I deserve that. I cared for you in a way that's going to be hard for you to find in other relationships. But you. You would be so damn easy to replace, you know that? Everyone tells me that I can meet someone that cares for me better. AND IT'S TRUE! I have met so many guys that are gentlemen and want to date me. The thing is..I only want you. I felt complete when I was around you. Maybe we could be together in the future but I probably shouldn't count on it..

[figmentations]

Two weeks since we haven't spoken at all. Considering not a day went by that we didn't speak. I miss you, but not as much. I'm still waiting for you to talk to me but I feel it's hopeless and all I'm doing is just hurting myself

[Alone Now]

With the help of ITIC I contacted my greatest friend and he responded with a kind response. I don't know how long I will need this support, but it has been great and unwavering. I was told that I focused on myself and ITIC was right. So I sat down and thought about all the male friends I had made over the past couple of years and I even wrote down their greatest strengths and weaknesses, as silly as that sounds. And this included Mr. Wrong and every single other guy I had encountered in the past year or so and as try as hard as I might, I kept coming back to this one friend. Like ITIC he gave me great advice without being pushy, he held my hand through a tragic break-up with Mr. Wrong a couple of times and even tried to warn me that the relationship was doomed from the beginning. He made me laugh, we talked for hours and it seemed like only a few minutes. We would send goofy messages to each other and he would send me flowers to my classroom for no reason what so ever. He is kind and sweet and a true gentleman. I thank ITIC so much for pushing me to this excercise, though she never suggested it out right.

 

What I finally determined was that the GF (great friend) means more to me than I ever thought. Initially I thought we would be hang around friends and we would go to shows together and it was never sexual; but it was never non-sexual either. I felt safe with him and often compared him to Mr. Wrong, but GF stood his ground and helped me anytime I made a mistake. Mr. Wrong often would be there when it was his time away from his wife. GF made time for me. I made time for Mr. Wrong. I know, I know, ITIC, it seems like I am making this about me, but I'm really not, I am just explaining how I came to the conclusion.

 

Who knows what will happen with the GF becuase I'm not going to discount the possibility that as we renew our friendship something greater may occur. I think what I learned was that I had completely took him out of the equation when the answer to the question, or at least part of the answer, was him! I am going to take things slowly with GF because I don't want to mess things up. I also came to this revolation because I was so quick to jump into a relationship right after Mr. Wrong exited the scene again. And it was a disaster because of the emphesis that I placed on the new guy. I needed some time alone and as it turns out the new guy wasn't as nearly as charming as I thought he was and that he built himself up to be and it took a couple of months to find out that he was full of it. I thought I was taking a step forward from Mr. Wrong and it turns out I was taking multiple steps to the rear. So I learned a valuable lesson in progressing s-l-o-w-l-y into a new budding relationship because if I had to do it all over again, I would watch how quickly I became attached to the new guy. With GF I am attached because we have history. Not all of it good but the good out weights the bad and at the end of the day he really is my GF and I missed him while we weren't talking and I worried about him a lot (he is in the police academy down here in Orlando).

 

So thank you all and I will continue to write and check in because nothing is quite as it seems I think. But I want to give this to ITIC because she really is the best!

[IAmFCA]

The work is yours AN. Good job!

[nfperception]

I tried contacting you, and you didn't respond. It has since been months since you stopped talking to me, and I wonder if I'll ever see you again. Even though through mutual friends they said that I hurt you, how did I? What did I do to cause you to say that?

 

I thought we had a future, I thought we were going to make it, but I guess I was wrong. Will I ever see you again, or are you trying to make me look bad and that's it? You broke up with me for someone else, so why do I still feel this way toward you? Do you even miss me?

 

Why won't you reach out and at least try to talk to me, something. I don't know... why did this happen to me?

[IAmFCA]

For the first time I showed you a level of power you can't overcome.

 

You practically begged me to do it. And now you are left with the results.

[Alone Now]

For the first time I showed you a level of power you can't overcome.

 

You practically begged me to do it. And now you are left with the results.

 

 

Wow! Good for you!

[periwinkle00]

Everyday is a struggle. I have some health issues, still, and it doesn't help.

I'm trying to find the real me, the real me, that's been hidden all these years.

I'm big into Astrology, and the last large planet to turn direct from retrograde, will be mid/late December of this year. I have a lot of self work to do. I wish I could contact you sooner than that, but if I am not ready to potentially only be a friend, then it is too soon. I've already said this..It pains me to think it.

[figmentations]

do you even care about me at this point? was everything you said a lie? i'm suffering so much, i just want it to stop. i love you dearly still and i'd stupidly take you back if you wanted. i'm dealing with my mental health issues already, this is just too much and you're just absent. but i can't expect otherwise, we are no longer together.

[LonelyGirl10]

I hate you. And I told you that earlier today. I texted that I hated you. And I haven't heard from you since then. It felt good to say it. Now I feel bad saying it. Why do I feel bad?

 

You slept with two other girls while you were with me. And the whole time, you were saying all this crap about how you don't believe in the appearance of evil. I hate you so much. I hate you so much.

 

We had a great relationship. We had the type of relationship that other people dream about. But it was all fake. While I was blissfully happy, you were having sex with two other girls. And not just a one time thing. You were dating her. Dating her while looking at engagement rings with me. I hate you. I hate you so much.

[periwinkle00]

Today I thought to myself "This is the first day I feel like a woman", then I thought "Today is the first day I feel like a human being". For years, I have surrounded myself with positive female influences, in order to raise my self esteem as a woman, and finally, it hit me. I was watching this British Comedy with Jennifer Saunders..it just hit me..I am a person. I'm not just some object for men to gawk at, or disprove of, or whatever.

 

So, when I contact you again, I don't know when it'll be, but I hope to feel a lot more whole as a human being by that time. Who knows, we still could have a chance, but at least this process of NC is allowing me to really dig deep into becoming the real me. I hope you're figuring your life out too.

[beaton]

That was an unexpected start this morning.

I'm still friends with your sister on facebook, and today she posted a photo of herself with you.

You've already moved away?? I thought you were waiting till May...So I guess, I really won't see you when I come visit. I'm partly relieved that the decision has been made for me, partly pissed that with one photo my control over the situation feels whipped away. You beat me to the punch. It's stupid to think like that and now that it's out of my system I'm going to try to have a good day.

I'm also sad. I really, REALLY have no idea when/if I will ever see you again.

You look happy.

Good bye. Potentially forever.

[Alone Now]

Mr. Wrong tried to call me just now and I looked at my cell phone and got a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach wondering if I should answer it or just let it ring. I chose the latter and now there is a voice mail. Do I listen or do I delete and in doing so remember all the heart ache he caused? I haven't spoken to GF as I want to leave him out of it but I am torn because his advice was always on point.

[jsenorin]

It was a not so great day today. i miss you so much, but i can't be with you. it hurts but i need to endure this pain. sooner or later this pain and hurt will be over.

[Chelle212]

I sent you a nasty text a few days ago because you were cruel to me earlier that day. I know your going through a lot but it doesn't give you a right to treat me like a punching bag and as someone who doesn't even deserve any human decency. Although you kept knocking me down I kept standing until I couldn't take it anymore and I told you off. We spent four years together and you are ok with the way you treat me now and don't deserve it. When I confronted you about it you said I treated you poorly four years ago. It hurts me to know that this is one giant game of revenge and how low you think of me, when I thought you always cared for me.

 

I glanced over our text messages all the way back from January and it's clear to me now that you didn't even really care then because you would respond for every 7 or 8 I sent. Why have I been so blind for so long.

 

When will the day finally come when I am not sad. I am sick of being sad.

[pinkheart]

im beyond upset i do not want to here from you but i keep checking my stupid email to see if you change your mind, how could i not wal away when i could?? you are the married one, and im begging for your love>??/

 

i have sooooooo many things to tell you, you use me, you abuse me emotionally and still i thought u were a good person,, no you are not a champ and no u are not great u are a looser tryingt o ocnvince the world that you are superman! i hate u

[Nayanays]

I would love to tell him what an emotionally retarded fool he is and how he has literally told me he regrets the break up, I'm like you are utterly pathetic. Know what you have when you have it!

[pinkheart]

did u ever heard about this person?

[Nayanays]

What? Haha

[figmentations]

I hope you're thinking about me and that it makes you uncomfortable every time you see something that reminds you of me. Alternatively, just talk to me.

[Robin2904]

I'm having a really weird feeling today and I don't like it. Just heard the news about the explosions in your city today and my stomach literally dropped. I wish I didn't care and that my first thought wasn't 'OMG I hope he is okay' but that is exactly what happened. All I can think of is I hope you and your family are okay. And I mean its understandable to think even if we didn't leave things great with us I would of course wonder if you were okay after a horrible event like that. But I'm sure you're fine since the explosions didn't happen anywhere near you. Still I thought about calling your mom just to check. I won't but I thought about it. I would reach out to her before I would you since I am still so embarrassed over my contacting you last month. Not my best moment. And since I'm sure you're still with your new girlfriend so I doubt you would even reply to me, and probably no doubt still think I'm insane for my drunken half drugged texts and phone call to you. That's okay because I'm still beating myself up for it. So I don't think I would ever contact you at this point because it would probably make you think I'm more nuts then I appeared then. Regardless of it all I do hope you're okay, I really do. Part of me may be mad at you, but I do still have love for you (though I probably shouldn't) and I just hope you are okay. And I hope your family is okay because I love them...as much as I wish I didn't feel worried I do. I have this sick anxious feeling in the pit of my stomach. I hope it passes.

[IAmFCA]

I am here to discover if I have something to say to you. With the violence of this afternoon, I thought of you. I know it impacts you in a way that is visceral, and I half wondered if you are considering going active again. You have done a good job cleaning up your web presence, and maybe you will find a job. For my part, I am rather appreciative to be out of your life. As much as I enjoyed talking with you, I did not enjoy your combative rants, I did not enjoy your righteousness. Tonight, I do not have to be on the phone hearing you spout off about the President, the military, the terrorists, the journalists or any some such thing.

 

The fact is, you curtailed your rants for me and I know it, and I appreciate it. Also, you often were right. Are right, I suppose. But nobody can hear you because your delivery is too aggressive. Someone like me takes cover and shuts you out. And that takes energy. So, yes, I feel for you this afternoon and tonight, because I know that you want to fix the bombing, in a way, bring justice and kill, yes, the people who are responsible. That is a big burden for you to carry, and you do it in service to the rest of us so that we don't have to. I know, I get it, and it is honorable. Your brilliant mind is chewing on many things right now, and this bombing is having an impact.

 

I don't hope that you find peace, I am not that faithful. But I do wish it for you. I know you found it in my house, in my company, your voice quieted and your eyes smiled. So, maybe just maybe, you will find a way to bring peace into your life. I like to think you are thinking on this idea now, but you aren't. And that just reminds me how glad I am to be rid of responsibility for you.

 

Maybe I will see you on the train, in the coffee shop, somewhere. Doubtful. If I do, I hope I find you happy.

[meoww]

I still think about you sometimes, not in any romantic way (shudder). Sorry I don't mean to be so rude.

 

It's been 7 years since I first met you. While the thought of you in a sexual or even platonic way kind of still traumatizes me and creeps me out and while you still seem really rapey and kind of pedoish to me, some of the things I learned from you I apply in my life every day.

 

While you are responsible for a 3 year nightmare, I still changed for the better because of you at the end of the day. Despite the fact that you have flaws that ordinary people don't have, some of the things you think and know are brilliant.

 

I wish I would have known what you were right about, and what you were wrong about from the beginning. Then I wouldn't even have had to date or have sex with you in exchange for your insights.

 

Just being honest. Now that I don't hate myself anymore, even your flaws are starting to seem tolerable, or even endearing. Everyone is starting to seem endearing.

 

I mean, I'm sure you're glad to be rid of me at the end of the day. We were very clearly wrong for each other, if to some extent an intellectual match. But you deserve much better than someone who doesn't share any of your interests, which I kinda just don't. I'm sorry that I am totally not who you thought I was, it would still be nice if you would recognize that you couldn't mold me into who you wanted me to, and that how you treated me was very inappropriate a lot of the time. I couldn't be your pet, I needed independence, I clearly had differing values and goals from you that you tried very hard to suppress. You took advantage of my vulnerability as a young, child abuse victim and that was very wrong. Now that I am almost at the age you were when you met me, I am pretty sure you should have known better. But hey, maybe I'm just more mature than you were or have more common sense or a better grasp on morality.

 

I think I'm finally getting over my anger at you. Mostly because I just can't change the past, and partly because without you, my foundation with you and your patience with my ignorance, I'd most definitely be worse off. I am just stupider than a lot of people. It sucks sometimes being this ignorant, naive, clueless and dumb. I have to make the lamest mistakes just to figure the most basic things. And I'm just tired of that.

 

I wish we never happened for that reason. I don't like to think of myself as one of those people, those weird outliers who are so bizarre and embarrassing. God what an embarrassment I used to be to society. Just plain dumb. I just want to erase everyone's memory, my own I could handle but my mistakes will live on forever in everyone else.

Even if they don't give a **** about me, I'll still be that totally clueless idiot. Is that a label I can never escape? Why was I so clueless?

I guess that's why people prefer to pretend to be stupid, because nothing is more embarrassing than thinking you are smart when you are not. Being ignorant is much less of a personal embarrassment. I guess that is what it is. That's what I learned. Never be too eager because it will make you look like an idiot. Brilliant.

 

Sometimes though, people admire that. At first it seems refreshing, unusual, maybe even spiritual.

But I feel like I'm learning the meaning of cool.

It's almost like a form of perfectionism of self consciousness. DUH. It's a way of showing your flaws in an attractive way. Alright guess that's enough. Being cool means shielding yourself from the vulnerability of extreme emotions, sometimes. Being strong enough to stand up to social judgement, showing leadership, slowing down just enough, like a surfer riding the crest of a wave. It's the balance of enthusiasm and defiance. It kind of makes sense, it's kind of freaking me out and confusing me.