Post here instead of contacting your ex!

[mdavidohoh]

My heart is broken and I know you don't care.

 

You are actually making this very easy on me.

 

I don't love you, I love the version of you I've created in my head.

[figmentations]

Hey M,

 

I hope life is treating you well. I'm starting a job tomorrow. I wish I could share these news with you, I know you'd be happy but mostly I'd like to tell you to return that slap in the face you gave me over not having a job. I got it. My life is changing, I am beautiful, I have other people after me telling me I kiss very well and ask me how crazy you had to be to let me go. Your loss. I know I am beautiful and a wonderful person and don't need you.

[Roka]

I think of you a lot lately. I have been hurting but the truth is I really did check out earlier. There are so many things I love about you, But you and I have not brought out those

parts of each other in some time. Ego love or true love? I think both KS. The heartache is too much for the both of us, I actually admire your ability to let go before myself, to know

that things are not working, it shouldn't be so hard. Always what I saw in you reflects in my mind as love. Despite it all, I think of you, wish you peace, love, and joy ...RK goodnight KS!

[beaton]

I miss you.

I'm mad at myself for meeting with you.

You made it super obvious that you don't love me anymore, I don't even understand why you asked to meet me. I forgot how brash you are by default.

 

 

People, DON'T meet the ex for coffee. That was the stupidest thing I have ever done and I'm right back to being a crying mess.

[beaton]

I hate you so much. Finally. I never really was at a point where I hated you, and maybe that why moving on from you has been so hard, but you seriously suck. Why would you meet with me just to be as cold and standoffish as you were? You didn't even hod the door open for me which is just standard manners. What were you trying to prove? And you really don't even have the decency to respond in kind to my text wishing you well? I spent 2 years with you and I regret loving you as deeply as I did because look at me now. You literally don't give a crap how I am doing or even have the human decency to punch out a "thanks, you too". I hope you fall off the grand canyon on your stupid trip. I hate your guts. I hate how little you care. I hate how much you hurt me. I hate how you just pretend like we never had a relationship. It's just so disrespectful of what we had together.

 

I might never see you again. I have no reason to move to where you are. I wish I had the courage to write you a scathing letter but if you didn't reply I would feel even more low. So I'll settle for posting here.

[xancrish]

Please come back to me baby. Please. I'm hurting, you are hurting. You have got it all wrong. I really love you. I still love you. I will always love you. Please come back to me. Please don't do this to yourself. Please.

[surfjon]

Somewhere a seed falls to the ground

That will become a tree

That will someday be felled

From which thin shafts will be extracted

To be made into arrows

To be fitted with warheads

One of which, someday when you least expect it,

While a winter sun is shining

On a river of ice

And you feel farthest from self-pity,

Will pierce your $hit-filled heart.

–Michael Fried, “Somewhere a Seed”

[dreamstate83]

Somewhere a seed falls to the ground

That will become a tree

That will someday be felled

From which thin shafts will be extracted

To be made into arrows

To be fitted with warheads

One of which, someday when you least expect it,

While a winter sun is shining

On a river of ice

And you feel farthest from self-pity,

Will pierce your $hit-filled heart.

–Michael Fried, “Somewhere a Seed”

 

This is beautiful. I am now going to look up more of his work!

[IAmFCA]

Yo B haven't written to you in awhile. I have reviewed your head and mine, and continue to conclude that I did the right thing. I think you needed a commitment from me, which commitment you would abuse, and then as a result you would find me not worthy of your commitment to me, and yet, you are unable to trust unless someone else demonstrates first that she can be trusted. So, on reflection, I did exactly what I wanted, you can see that I can be trusted, because my note to you didnt close any doors, but did assess correctly your autonomy and how inappropriate it is. You know what you lost. You are clinging to what you have, and I can see that you have to. She is the thread to your old friends, your hometown connection, the only link to community that you have. You dump A, and you lose everything and everyone. You are without a job, without roots, and without a home. No wonder your nomadic instincts. Easier to go somewhere fresh then to get attached to actual people who might see beneath your powerful and brilliant top few layers. Plus, by using A as a conduit, you are protected from having to engage intimately, directly, with your friends.

 

You have done this to yourself. I wonder but I dont worry that you are putting yourself in a dangerous situation, and I sort of wish I could say something to you about that because nobody else will know you well enough to say anything. You are a smart man, and if you dont like what you have created, maybe you will figure out how to change it.

 

B, I see that you will not ever resolve your inner pain because you would need first to claim it. I wish you would. To have been beaten, to have learned to be unbeatable, to have killed, to have been alone and responsible for your own protection your whole life... this is going to have a dramatic impact on how you form and don't form attachments. You protect your little ones - who arent so little - because their role as children is clear. What they need from you is your primary skill set. Is the military the only place for you now? I wish beyond reasonableness that you will find a way to give yourself the security that you give them. Let people know you and love you.

 

I want to have hope for you. That is my gift to you - hope. I almost don't want to give it, as it seems like I am cheapening the very idea of hope by giving you some. But I will keep a little hope for you tucked away. I think that is what I am looking for, when I look for evidence of your goings on - hope that you are finding your way.

[El3216]

I hope my suspicious thoughts are not true. I believe now that while we were living together you became interested in another guy. I know you wouldn't cheat on me but I believe that's why you were so ready to move out. It could be my brain but who knows.. I will not ask about the guy in the photos because it will not change. What done is done.

[RougeQueen]

Somewhere a seed falls to the ground

That will become a tree

That will someday be felled

From which thin shafts will be extracted

To be made into arrows

To be fitted with warheads

One of which, someday when you least expect it,

While a winter sun is shining

On a river of ice

And you feel farthest from self-pity,

Will pierce your $hit-filled heart.

–Michael Fried, “Somewhere a Seed”

 

Love it so much!!

[IAmFCA]

OK

Speaking insanity just to get it out like an exorcism and look at 00it in the light

 

I go about my days, and one day I wake up to an expression of love from you, followed by shows of your attention all day long. You show up in my lobby at the end of the day. You present me with a letter. You wait. You leave, so as not to intrude. You come back again. You convince me.

 

This would feel ridiculously giddily over the top amazing.

 

And it would be the worst thing that could happen to me, in the love department. Because I would love you completely, and eventually, you would fail me.

 

Brain, let this day go. It is beginning to feel like the backside of your monthly mountain. Maybe it is. Let it be.

[iggy320]

Crap she said:

 

"Sex is gross"

"I don't want my kids to have some weird half-brother out there"

 

and thanks for being just so unaccepting, sorry that my legs are not exactly the size you want, sorry that I am bit older than you, sorry that I have LIVED life and you haven't had anything bad happen to you, screw you for seeing it as baggage, you KNEW i had a kid for such a long time, now you're using it as an excuse to not be with me. I would have worked through everything. I didn't complain as much as you said I did - you're more negative than I am.

 

Screw you. And all your stupid immaturity. You're 22, grow the hell up, there's nose excuse. Oh and get your stupid nose job, it won't make you happier. Go find your "perfect" baggageless man. You won't find a better man than me, and when you figure that out, it'll be too late for you. You'll regret it.

 

I'm a nurse, I'm caring, successful.. you think you're gonna do better? You're a mess. You treat people like crap.

 

One last thing, for god's sakes say the words "I love you" when you've been together with someone who's been saying it for over a year. Biotch.

[Alone Now]

I have been having quite enjoyable PM with someone on this site and tonight she shared with me the fact that she has a friend who wrote a song for her. Normally that would be all nice and fuzzy because nothing is more fun that to have a guy write a song for you and then play it in your living room just like in the movie "Just Friends". The difference being this song written for this lady was done by a member of a world famous band! What woman in her right mind wouldn't feel honored? What woman wouldn't fall in love with that type of man? I can't imagine what it feels like to have that type of emotion emulate from a guy for a lady? That is one strong man knowing that the song will be heard on a CD and on the radio by literally millions of people! Is there a more unique and stronger way to say "I love you and care for you"?

 

My enot friend is having man issues as most of us are. But unlike most of us, she has a real man who is unashamed to share his love and devotion to her. What I wouldn't give for that.

[figmentations]

Do you miss me? I'm more curious than anything.

[beaton]

No contact again. I know it's for the best. Why is it so hard for me to get past this? I was doing ok earlier but now I'm working on stuff and hit another one of those moments when I would have turned to you for support or encouragement. I don't have that anymore I miss how you held me when I needed it most.

 

I can't dwell on those moments. They're long gone. I relied on you too much, and that is one of the factors that split us up.

Some day I'll wake up and not need you anymore. Soon. I'm saving up to move somewhere new, I'm busting ass on my portfolio to start applying places. I need a fresh start. One without you.

[Tyler123]

Dear ex I know I deserve better than you. But I still love you. I don't get it how do I still love you. You treated me like ****. I wasn't allowed to have any freedom. I lost connection with all my friends. Because of you im pretty much alone.My best friend right now is your ****ing brother. He stuck it out on my side. He saw through your crap and knew you gave up the best guy to ever be with you. If you try come back I won't even acknowledge you. I love you but I never want you back. You'll just hurt me again. I'm wondering do you miss me? Another question why did you move where I told you I was going? Just to screw with me? You think that's gonna stop me from moving there? You won't last long there anyways you waste your money on dope and booze. You cant pay bills yet you can party everyday? Thats a little out of control.The only thing I ever controlled for you was cleaning up your life. I was so worried it would mess you up in the future. Now all you do is party and piss your life away. What happened we were both going to go to college? When you left me why did you say i was the best boyfriend you ever had? If i was the best why did you give me up?I only wanted to change your last name. Maybe one day you'll realize that... Maybe you never will.

[Roka]

It's 2 nights in a row now that I can't sleep, I have missed 2 days of work aswell. I had this strange thought of us spending time together in the future as friends. That at the moment seems completely impossible. I'm trying to let go with love,instead of blaming, or playing the victim. I accept my role in all this. Could that work? Just hanging out from time to time? Our little guy is growing up so quick. He's sleeping right now,you have changed my life, he has changed my life, now I will change my life. I LET YOU GO!!!!!

[loveandlive]

You are a POS! I just saw you added your ex on Facebook, only a week after breaking up with me. Thank you for confirming my insecurities on that issue we had with her. The truth has finally unfolded. Even though I unfriended you on facebook and I know I should probably block you, it helped to see that. It finally gave me closure much quicker than I expected. It certainly brought pain to my heart seeing that but overall I feel free now. I feel like I can officially shut the door on you. You are no longer on this pedestal. You are a liar (as we both know because I caught you twice) and have a lot of growing up to do when it comes to relationships. I can't believe you even told me I was the most mature relationship you've ever been in, and we were together only 4 months. That's crazy. Well at least I can teach you a few things. My love for you is still there but as of now, looking at you disgusts me. So long!

[Alone Now]

There has been a less than subtle shift. MW is becoming a memory, one which I am able to finally breath from. I am also distancing myself from NG. NG is polite and somewhat attentive but the phone calls are becoming less frequent and ever more strained. I can see being his friend but nothing more at this point and I regret having slept with him now. It was using another person to get past the pain that MW caused me. I admit that now.

 

My problem now is that my GF is forefront in my mind. It is only with him that I can share all the ups and downs of life. It as though he knows when I am happy and want to share good things or when I am sad and need to cry or frustrated and need to talk about MW. All of this without me saying a single word to get the conversation flowing. It seems that I can pick up the phone and he will instantaneously know something is wrong. Oh, I can put up a good front for others but with GF I feel free to cry if I need to. And as far as men go, he is the only guy who can make me cry. And cry buckets. While most men keep their emotions in check, GF is the exact opposite! He has cried with me when he is upset about something and he has cried when I am upset by something. He is the most emotionally involved man I have ever met and it turns me on. For me, it is a sign of a true man. Rough, strong mind and body and still able to mature enough to show emotions most men wouldn't. GF is hardly a wimp, he is strong and fiercely protective of his friends and has never backed down from protecting those who need protecting. He is quick with a joke and is hysterically funny and finds humor outside of the box. He always finds ways to better himself even if that way is to keep his mind sharp my learning the basics of a new language. And then there is this incredibly sexy sensitive side. He is able to find beauty in a simple flower. He used to send me flowers to my classroom because what girl doesn't like getting flowers? He doesn't really profess to being a softy but it is clear that he is when he is one the ground playing with my son.

 

My son asked about him on Monday and I really didn't know what to say. Was I protecting my son or protecting myself? GF backed off because of the troubles that MW has caused. He knew that MW hates him and didn't want to get involved in a brawl should the two meet again. The only interaction the two of them ever had was at a concert at Disney of all places. MW confronted GF and wanted nothing more than to fight. GF took the high road and walked away. It was pretty embarrassing hearing MW name calling as GF walked away. "F@g", "pu$$y" and all the other words used when someone walks away from a fight. All of it in front of my son. It was confusing to him and caused MW to want to fight anyone who came in his way because he couldn't be calmed down. I guess it is all a part of his military training.

 

But now it seems I have lost the kindest, more gentle man I will have ever met. Why couldn't I have found GF prior to being involved with MW? I feel lost without my best friend and have no idea how to regain that bond. I miss not having to strain for a conversation. I miss playing in the parks with my son and my best friend. And this is something new. GF has never ever gone without contact for a few days ever. And it hurts! It hurts me and I think because of the sorted past it has a direct effect on my son. My son loves GF. My son likes and probably tolerates MW because MW will show up with a few gifts and minimal attention. GF, God bless him, has actively been involved with my sons homework while I was busy doing other things that needed to be done.

 

And now this. Out of the blue, my son asks about GF and I had no reply. I miss GF and would love to hear from him.

 

"Love will make you oh so happy inside. Love will make you oh so sad, make you cry"

[IAmFCA]

B

 

We have always had this rhythm, where right about the time I am really really wishing I would hear from you, indeed I do, and it happened again. It happened before, when I contacted you, and you had been crafting a long letter to me, and this time, I had a letter from you waiting in my mailbox.

 

So, if I were to let myself talk to you, too too too much energy and information would pour out. You expressed frownie face about me going to the show, but you dont know that the real threat isnt at the show but is somewhere else entirely (and within you, most of all). You expressed me being your light, and I am going to the show to offer my light to others who need it right now, but I dont want you even to know. You dont deserve to know? I deserve a little mystery in the face of you. GK thinks you will show up at the show. I know you wont. I scare you, you are terribly disciplined. But, you might cruise the lot I suppose. Go to the star for a beer. humph.

 

I would tell you that knowing you inspired me to explore attachment theory, and that there maybe something there for you to think about as well.

 

I would tell you that the experience of being with you, when good, is for me incredibly engaging. The experience of being with you, otherwise, is just strange. I would want to assure you that, as you requested, your replacement will not be who you have seen, but someone you would appreciate. I would tell about the C, about A's drums, about C's piano, and especially about her lacrosse. She is scoring most of the goals now! that would make you happy and wistful. Damn it I wish you could coach her. If you were coaching her, she would be scholarship material. I would slip up, and tell you that our time together is incomparable. You know that but you do not deserve to hear it from me.

 

I would tell you that when I stalk you, I am looking for signs that you have found hope, balance, acceptance, joy. I would tell you that I will know you are moving forward when I see that you will let someone love you in your imperfection. You are perfect in your endeavors, because you are so terribly certain that you are unlovable. Maybe, maybe, maybe, if you are very lucky and I am very secure, maybe one day I will write you why you are lovable. I dont think anyone has ever told you. Not your mom, your dad, your (ex)wife, your A, I just dont think anyone has. Actually, no, I will not, because you will not be able to read it or hear it.

 

I would tell you that I want you to find happiness, that I want to see your eyes crinkle, that I want you to let someone actually love you and watch you settle into your skin. But in truth, I dont want to see that. I would feel hurt and jealousy because nobody can give you that gift better than I, and when you are ready to receive them, which you will never be, I will be righteous that it should be me.

 

I earned the privilege of loving you dammit, but in truth, I dodged a bullet. Will you ever fly me anywhere? Will you ever hold me, when you are scared, and try blindly to make it work? I have always had the instinct that you went to iraq in part because it gave you an out. P asked you not to go. She liked your salary. I see your point, but you closed off to her concerns pdq. We were going to put bikes on a plane and go to the beach. You can fly IFR, I would have trusted you in the air. But, no, its just too much.

 

You do not want to hear from me, and yet, I know you do. To walk away from me, it is your last option of showing me that you can be trusted. You make a bloody mess, babe, when you try to find comfort and run from it too.

 

You set the perfect hook. Now, I let my thoughts bubble. I let my soul heal. I try to move on to a new experience of attracting men who are emotionally available. Have I ever done this? No. So as I grow, you will become less attractive. That is the path I must be on. And you know it. Maybe I never even tell you that I read the letter. I just dont know, but I know I will do nothing until it is clear as day what must be done. Thank you ENA for being my dumping ground.

[BWaters13]

Dear ______,

I don't think I will ever truly get over you. We had the best times when we were living together, and even better times vacationing. I'm sorry that the distance and pressure of being engaged was too much for you to overcome. Even though you broke my heart I do not resent you. You will always remain a very special part of me that I will look back fondly upon and remember the happiest times of my life. I'm so proud of you studying so hard for medical school and having such focuses aspirations. You were always the stronger one. I'm sorry that I never fully trusted you enough to enjoy you undergraduate years and expected you to make the trek up to visit me every weekend, when I rarely ever made the trip to visit you. I know how hard that must've been to leave your family and friends behind. I just want you to know that I never stop thinking about you, and there is no one else on my mind, and I don't think there ever will be. I love you forever and always.

[RougeQueen]

Damn, today is one of the rough ones. Thoughts of you keep chasing each other around my mind. I'll feel fine for awhile and then something will pop up and I'll be back in The Pit without a ladder. I keep thinking about the things I miss about you (the few there are) when really I should be focusing on what I don't miss and what I'm glad to be done with (a much longer list).

 

I miss knowing you so well and having you know me in return. Maybe that was the killer. No mystery anymore. Well screw that! We're not kids where a relationship is based on one upping or keeping the other person off-balance to keep things "interesting". I find that exhausting and completely negates the point of a relationship. A healthy one anyway. Grow the f@&$ up. If you need to change up relationships every few years without a break in between so you can feel all manly and keep from being lonely, then you will find yourself a sad little man one day. You will just drag all that baggage onward and never grow as an emotional being. I don't think you have grown emotionally since you were in you're early 20's anyway, if what you told me is half true. You will always be stuck in the same place you are now. Never content and never satisfied with what you have. Always looking for something "better". You're immaturity in certain matters at your age is appalling.

 

Right at this second I can't honestly say that I wish you happiness. Sometimes quite the opposite. But I'll tell you this, one day I'm going to wake up and I'm not going to care either way. I'm going to look back and laugh about all this and how silly I used to be for actually being upset over you leaving me. That will be the day I raise a toast to the woman you left me for for saving me from you and myself.

 

I think that considering we haven't even been broken up a full month I'm doing surprisingly well. Especially since we are coming out of few years long relationship. I accept that there are going to be good days and bad days to this healing process. But so far, even the bad days aren't as bad as I thought they would be. I haven't even really cried over you. Lordy knows I've tried because I thought that's what I should be doing. But I just can't muster up enough hurt to really cry. I'm not saying that it doesn't hurt like a b$&@ sometimes but I've been through worse and I think that this BU has been coming for a long time and we both knew it and started getting over it before we were even done. I think the hardest part about it is now restructuring my life around just me instead of "us". Stepping out onto a brand new path is always scary. But exciting too. I can do anything I want now! I can be who I want to be now without worrying if someone will like me or not. Instead of the grey walled-in life I had with you I now have endless horizons stretching before me. And you, oh you, will be trapped by the life you have chosen to lead. Never changing, never growing, and always waiting for something to happen.

[Firesite]

Hey D,

 

Its been two and a half months since we last spoke. I think about you all of the time, and all the things I wish I could tell you. I know we will never be together anymore and it hurts just thinking about it. I always wanted things to go so perfect while I was with you and I never wanted things to go wrong. It always seemed like the more I tried to make things right the worse it got. In the end I know I'll find someone who truly loves me for who I am and not who they want me to be. Today was our anniversary im sure you don't even remember.

[Slowjam35]

It sucks that we ended on a bad note because of me. I acted extremely desperate and embarrassed myself. I should've just kept my mouth shut. But it's too late now. I've really been working on my issues lately and I actually feel pretty good. I've really improved my confidence, which was the root to all of my problems. I just wish I could have done all of this while we were still together. I hear you're doing well, which is bittersweet. I want you to be happy, but at the same time, I still want to be with you. I feel like a relationship between us would be better than ever right now. But I ruined any chance of that, and I'll just have to live with it...