iggy320

Crap she said: "Sex is gross" "I don't want my kids to have some weird half-brother out there" and thanks for being just so unaccepting, sorry that my legs are not exactly the size you want, sorry that I am bit older than you, sorry that I have LIVED life and you haven't had anything bad happen to you, screw you for seeing it as baggage, you KNEW i had a kid for such a long time, now you're using it as an excuse to not be with me. I would have worked through everything. I didn't complain as much as you said I did - you're more negative than I am. Screw you. And all your stupid immaturity. You're 22, grow the hell up, there's nose excuse. Oh and get your stupid nose job, it won't make you happier. Go find your "perfect" baggageless man. You won't find a better man than me, and when you figure that out, it'll be too late for you. You'll regret it. I'm a nurse, I'm caring, successful.. you think you're gonna do better? You're a mess. You treat people like crap. One last thing, for god's sakes say the words "I love you" when you've been together with someone who's been saying it for over a year. Biotch.

I have a couple more tips: - Make the sleeping area very quiet - Complete darkness is important - don't have the clock facing you, you don't wanna know the time! - go to bed and wake up at the same time every day - if you move a lot during trying to sleep, just focus on staying still - make sure you're warm - keep those eyes closed, don't look around! - convince yourself to think of nothing

Maybe you could practice eye contact with guys you aren't attracted to, and then apply the ability to the guy you like and hope it works.

In this case, too much of either extreme is not good. Extreme shyness means you won't talk at all. Extreme talkativeness means you never let other people talk.

Yeah I guess the lesson there is to find balance. Don't be needy, but open up just enough. Don't be cocky, but don't be so modest either that you give up your power. I'm really getting the hang of being me.. I guess coming here and hearing all the positive words is plenty of fuel as it is. It's so heartwarming that people take the time to do that here.

Sorry to hear about your predicament. Most of the readers in the thread have already provided excellent suggestions. Personally, I'm impressed with how you've dealt with your life, it must be really hard and you seem to be keeping it together. I think you could work on a lot of things.. get everything going for you that you can. Hit the gym and get a solid looking body (as someone already mentioned.) I'm not knowledgable on body dismorphic disorder, you should tell us more. Get really good clothes, great hair, wear contacts if you wear glasses etc. basically anything that will make you feel confident and not self conscious in the way you look. Work on your self talk, don't be negative about anything if you can help it. Catch the negative thoughts and throw them away. Just pretend bad thoughts are like greasy food.. don't eat them! "I can talk to that person.. i can!!" instead of "I can't do it". Even if you can't have great conversation yet, at least you aren't hurting your chances right off the bat with negative self talk. Understand that you do have a condition that makes you shy, and it wasn't your fault. But when you come out of those bindings, you will be so knowledgable on defeating shyness that you can help other people conquer it. Over 50% of the world is shy to some degree. If you have been diagnosed with social phobia, medication is not looked down upon because you most likely have poor serotonin balance in the body chemically. It may make for a more even playing field if you correct it. Don't worry about just seeking girls, seek guys and girls. Treat everybody like a new opportunity. The best techniques I've been using in conversation (and I am very shy also) are taking an interest in other people, and being relaxed around them. Relax, relax, relax, is what I say before I jump into a conversation. As for taking an interest in other people, make it evident that you want to hear about them. People LOVE to talk about themselves!! Just watch people eat up your question as you ask it "Hey how are you finding this class?" "So what are you doing this weekend?" "Hey so did you see the new World Trade Center designs? What do you think of them?" People tend to not care as much if you just talk about yourself anyways, unless they are shy themselves and just want to listen. Well that's it, hope that helps. Focus on my earlier points first if you find my suggestions helpful.

At first I thought you were kidding, but this DOES seem like a good idea! Strippers are very accustomed to having guys approach them, they won't even think twice when you do it. That's pretty smart. They'll probably accept you with open arms since it's their job to talk to guys when they're not stripping. Excellent ego booster since they will not reject you. Just don't bother asking them out.. hahaha

She seems kind of cold. Are you watching her other body languages? Like, is it just you that she stares at the ground with? It's so difficult to get girls that are so shy like that. I'd let some super confident guy get that girl, perhaps you could move on. I think you'd be better off going into clothing stores, the girls there are usually a bit more open for conversation, plus there's no "wall" formed by the cashier register/counter. It's too bad that they end up talking to people only because they have to be nice since they work there. So keeping that in mind, don't be too creepy, only ask for the number if you're sure she doesn't have a boyfriend and if you think she likes you. Then again, you have nothing to lose! They are all just girls after all, not princesses. I'm no expert on this stuff but those are my views.

Thanks for the replies, guys, they're all full of lots of intelligent things I can work on I do lift weights as well slim86, it does help with confidence and I am 5'9" and 135lbs so I need everything I can get to help me look bigger. And the chick being boring and not me is a good way to look at it because I know I can be very interesting. To the poster above, I am also doing what you're doing, getting more social and stuff.. going to parties etc. The "be relaxed" idea is probably the best thing I can do.. I often get jumpy and fidgety during conversations, even if I'm not all that nervous (just a habit). Thanks again for all the feedback.

Yeah I'm quite familiar with those site's teachings and pick-up styles. I've learnt a lot about how being needy is not good, how to treat a woman in an attractive way by being confident, how and when to give compliments, when to call a girl and how to set up dates etc. that's all great stuff. That's not the problem, these sites are just not me. I can change my personality traits to be less needy, but I can't magically become cocky and funny anyways. Cocky and funny is actually kind of lame; imagine saying to a girl at a cash register who needs your phone number to enter you into the system.. and you say something like "does that mean I get your phone number too?" the girl would probably think you're a loser. And my example is not far off from what these sites tell you to do. I'm a nice guy and I don't want to have to change that into being a fake-ish "bad boy" just to get a girl. I just want to know how to get over the fact that guys have to make the first move, and how to deal with low self esteem.

Hi everyone, I feel a bit selfish for making a topic as my first post. I'd like to say that this is one of the most caring and helpful communities I have ever seen. I'm a 22 year old guy, I'm in college taking some very demanding courses to become a nurse; which makes me very busy. I have an active social life and many friends, but my problem is this: I am just so self conscious, shy, and I have a recurring low self esteem issue. Everyone else seems to get girlfriends so easily, but I have never really had a steady one. I've had a few sort-of GF's, last summer this girl asked me out but dumped me after one day, and all I had done between that time was made a quick phone call to meet her the next day. Everything was going so great too. We're still friends but I think the reason was because I'm too much of a nice guy and I don't have a powerful enough personality for her. Before that, I asked out my best friend that's a girl, but I broke it off because we've been friends for 5 years and our relationship didn't seem to get past friends with kissing benefits. Other than that my life is just full of teases, and reminders that guys must make the first move always. Since I fear rejection, I choose not to make the first move but get pissed off at how girls never make moves. I'm not ugly either. What, if anything, am I doing wrong? Should I even be pursuing girls at such a busy time in my life? How should I deal with the resulting low self esteem?

great post to the person above me ^ I'd like to say that being shy is TOTALLY okay. Well, it's not good to be so shy that you can barely talk, but being kind of shy is a balance for some people that talk more. If we were ALL super talkative no one would ever get to talk. Shy people are good listeners. Some people of the opposite sex often find shyness really cute. As long as you get yourself out there and talk to enough people, don't worry about how shy you are. It usually never completely goes away but it's not something to hate... remember, you are a likable person and there's no reason to feel completely shy.

I have a couple suggestions for you. If you're living alone in your apartment, don't. Move back in with your parents so that you will be around them at the very least. Or move in with a sibling. Or close friend if possible. You don't have to wait around for people, people can't read your mind... give them a call. Trust me, people like you, even if you don't think so you're probably just tricking yourself into thinking that.. they're just like you, they need people too. Get a job where there are people around to meet and hang out with, people who are alike to you, so that at the very least when you're working you can talk to people. You can always make friends with them. Get some hobbies, not even necessarily ones that get you to meet people. Hobbies that get you away from the computer, things like drawing etc. so that when you meet people you can talk about your hobbies with them; making yourself more interesting as well. No need to want to be alone. If you ever get a chance to get out of the house, do it, and live it to the fullest with the other people. Don't think for a second that being at home alone is better, or safer. Risks are safer than you think because chances are you will benefit from them. I have tons more suggestions for you, but focus on these first.