Post here instead of contacting your ex!

[saluk]

Happy would be 1 year anniversary. I wonder if you are feeling that tinge of old feeling bubbling up like I am at this moment? If so, I hope we both can find a way to move past it and see the beautiful life that lay ahead of us, even though that beautiful life does not include a relationship between us. I do hope that you can find a way to deal with your emotions enough some day that we can talk once in a while without it being so awkward. The way you treat me makes me feel like you have unresolved feelings for me; even though you are the one who wanted to break up. By choice we have not altered our lives in a way that we won't see each other fairly often, and if we are to move on we have to find a way to talk. Maybe not today. Maybe not next week. But someday.

 

Thank you for what you gave me a year ago. Even though breaking up has hurt, it was the best experience of my life. Whatever comes after will only have been possible through the gift of love we shared for that brief time.

[delicous]

Since I have less to say than usual, I must say Im doing an alright job at not thinkin about you as much....Still think, but I just can't let myself care anymore Even though I see your damn truck around every CORNER!!!

[raenetha808]

sigh.

 

I wish I was ready to let you go, I really do. It would be so much easier to move on that way. I'm just glad I didn't attempt to contact you today though, like I had an urge to.

 

I'm taking it one day, one step at a time. I'm trying to remember that you're not a villain... you're someone that I am still in love with.

But I also know that no matter what your reasons are, whether you're depressed or whether you're a horribly avoidant and completely selfish, it's not healthy for me to be this fixated and taking it this hard.... it's also not right for you to be putting me through this. It makes me doubt who you are and your potential to ever make me happy, even as a friend. Even if you suddenly came back tomorrow with sweeping sobs and promises... man, I need stability, I can't handle disappearances "because you felt like it".... f that. I don't hate you.... but I hate what you've allowed your silence to do to me. I'm way, way better than that, really. My head knows it........ it'll just take a while for my heart to catch up.

[raenetha808]

reading this was beautiful. I really, really need to have a 'funeral' of my own, including the acceptance and the grieving, in order to get on with my life... thank you for the inspiration.

[LikeWater]

Hey, you

 

I really wanted to contact you today. Wanted to SO bad. I'm so glad I didn't, though. What would I have even said? What would you have even said? Well, I can guess at that one, and that's probably nothing. Probably just would've ignored it under the excuse of being "busy" as has been the case for a while now.

 

I'm aware you're busy. I really am, I know it's not just a BS excuse. Your life is pretty crazy at the moment. But... at the same time it IS a BS excuse, because no one is so incredibly busy they can't make time for someone they care about. So really it's just that you don't give a damn about me anymore and I need to learn to accept that. It's hard. It's hard processing our entire story, trying to make sense of any of it, formulating rationales and reasoning with it all.

 

It's so odd. I feel so many different things towards you now. I hope you know it used to be nothing but love. Unlike you, I was sincere when I said that. It's okay if we weren't on the same page, but you didn't have to string me along until I was convinced that we felt exactly the same way.

 

I remember when you started pulling away and I finally convinced you to at least talk to me about it, I asked you if you still loved me. You said you did, and then you broke up with me a few days later. I guess I should have asked if you were still IN LOVE with me. But... perhaps you never really were? I don't know. Honestly it doesn't matter, and I spend far too much time and energy contemplating things that fall under that category.

 

I hope one day it hits you... what you've done and how wrong you were to go about it the way you did. You're not a bad person, I'm not saying that, and guess what... although I do feel a lot of things towards you, some of them negative, the strongest is still love. I still love you, babe.

 

In all honesty though, I should hate you. I wish I did...

[NoGood90]

But cocky always has a negative connotation, I think the word you were looking for was 'self assured.'

 

Not so sure, where I'm from it tends to be put in more of a positive light. Guess age plays a role in it aswell I think!

[Nvme]

I hope that someday, we will have a chance of being together again. You feel empty now, I don't know if thats because I'm not there or just your general outlook of life right now. I wish I could make things better but that is not my role anymore. As for me, I go through phases but currently, working on improving myself, finding myself. And loving myself and God. I hope that you realize you are never alone and that I'm always caring about you.

[Patterbatter]

I wonder if we could ever be friends again, maybe it will take years, but i'm not even sure if that's what I want. But you know what? That will be MY decision, because I am in control now and I have the upper hand.

 

F-you for giving up on us, I fought for so long just to please you and my family. It felt like a massive game of tug of war. So what you guys didn't get along, but relations were becoming stronger and I could see it, I think you could too. But you had already given your heart to someone else. How could you? Selfish b****

 

I would have done anything for you, wait...I did and it still wasn't enough. What goes around comes around, just remember that

[IAmFCA]

Lately, we have been showing more and more vulnerability in our email exchanges. You have been more plain about expressing your love for me, your desire for me, your appreciation for certain aspects of my personality, and perhaps more telling, your concern for my daddy issues and my tendency to overthink things. I asked about boundaries and you responded about possibilities. You observed your newfound jealous streak, I have observed my own.

 

It seems as if you are evaluating what exactly you want to do with me.

 

I remain open to having you in my life. I do. Nobody around me is comfortable with this. Not on this site, not my friends. I respect that information, and it is based on legitimate concerns about your prior behavior. Yet I have not been happier than when we were together, since --- I dont know. Before I was married, sometime. If we choose t omake a go of it, then I feel like I would benefit from talking with a relationship counselor who can help me address my concerns about your ability to resolve conflict, and help you address your concerns about I dont know what, but you clearly have them.

 

I would move out of this city for you. Do you know how incredibly huge that is? I would take your name. These are issues that in the past, I would not have been the slightest bit flexible about. I am growing, I am learning to have a greater sense of internal control, allowing me to let go of external things. I can do this.

 

Rather oddly, I do not want to speak to you by voice. I am grateful for the shield that email provides. I will be jealous of A, I will want to know her role in your life, I will become insecure that I have moved too quickly. Yet I am looking forward to being with you in person.

 

We are on a journey. Where to?

[JohnGalt]

Did you cheat on me?

[IAmFCA]

And another email from you praising me. If you are in love with me baby and you are struggling not having me, then why not try to be together? Maybe this is what you are processing. I am trying to just BE.

[IAmFCA]

Did you cheat on me?

 

Ouch, JG. Been there. If so, its not about you in any case.

[ConfusingEx]

why.. why keep in contact with me if you do not care about me. why ask me to lunches or dinners and then not talk to me for weeks after that. why leave it so far between contact and then out of the blue ask me to spend time with you. why is it you say that your new "bestfriend" makes you laugh and happy. and yet all i ever see is sadness, unhappiness, you being depressed.. is it just you want me to believe that you are doing better then you actually are. that you are happy since we split up, or are u just faking it for my sympathy and playing on my feelings i still have for you.. when i bring up the subject of how i notice you havent been happy since we split that you give me some BS like "i bet that makes you happy to know im unhappy since we split" and then expect me to be ok with it.. if your not happy then obviously there is something in your life you are missing that you once had that is not there anymore. why are u avoiding thinking about things and just chosing to ignore then hoping they go away.

 

you are one confusing lady. knowing you for 8 years i can read you like a book which is bad in my opinion as i know when you are lying, i know when you are not happy, and every other emotion you have. its not fair to keep me thinking there maybe a chance while you are talking to some other guy.. TELL ME YES OR NO. stop playing the games. i try to not talk to you and you just pull me back in knowing i have a weakness for you..

 

telling me information that only i know the reasons to why you do it. is it to hurt me? to shove something in my face?

 

if only i could say this without the feeling afterwards. as everytime i say something along these lines i feel like im the one doing something wrong for wanting some peace. im not at peace away from you. im not at peace seeing or talking to you. im at a loss to what i do to keep busy as everything i do reminds me of you. doesnt matter where i go what i do. something reminds me of us. i cant move on and start a new relationship as all i seem to think about is getting hurt again.

 

ive told you i dont want to be friends. i dont want to talk to you like we are the best of friends where anything said will have no affect on me. you know id be willing to talk about maybe having that 2nd chance you said you wouldnt be opposed to if you had feelings for me. but you keep talking to me like we are just friends and after 8 years it just cant be that way..

 

you ask me what im doing and when i answer you give me some attitude like im doing something to hurt you because you just sit at home playing games with your "bestfriend" who is on the other side of the country keeping you stuck to the chair..

 

you ask my advice about him and when i answer you call me biased,jealous.. in my honest opinion i answer. its not what you want to hear and you call me a liar. do you want me to lie to you and tell you exactly what you want to hear? i dont ask questions if i dont want to know the answers to them..

i give you an honest answer from my observations and you get angry at me when i tell you hes using you..

 

you say hes there for you always.. why do u come to me when u are unhappy. if hes your best friend and has your best interests in mind wouldnt he be the person to talk to about being unhappy or sad.. he obviously only talks to you when you are not having a drama. yet im there unconditionally and i get treated like the enemy.

i cant tell you what to do and i have to sit back and watch you make the mistake, and the friendship you have with will ruined if it goes down hill. it will hurt me to see you sad. and yet i'll be there for you.

 

i know this makes me a sucker and i cant help caring. but treat me with some humanity and stop treating me like im just a second choice. you dont notice when im down, when im sad as i do you without even talking to you i feel you are unsettled.. flirting with you because you know what my buttons are and then getting awkward when i say something in return..

 

you say you dont want to lose contact with me like your parents and you are doing exactly what your mother does to your father. play games and mess him around..

 

i just rambled on and on. but if i dont say this it'll just cause problems with me and my ex that im currently trying to not talk to. everytime i get a message from her my heart races and i feel like wth is it now..

 

sorry for the wall of text. i guess im still not over her after 6 months.

 

CE

[Chalk]

I'm going to have to return to our city to sit an exam at the beginning of December. I've asked to stay with a mutual friend & have asked her not to tell you. She said she's okay with that, understands & can keep a secret. I suppose a little part of me hoped you'd find out. I'm over-reading into it - she understands because you've moved on & have a new girl & are wildly happy. She understands because you look perfectly well & happy. I hate how I feel that I can live & get on with my life but little things like this hold me back. I'm just plain angry at this whole situation!! I had a dream about the caiques last night and I missed them. I also dreamt that I was Lois from family guy & I found out you were sleeping with a friend. You callously enjoyed it and had no concern for me. You then slept with me as well. I wish I had dream punched you! Man, I really miss the old you of yester year.

[ev0ker]

I'm one ****ed up person for believing everything you've said. You're a piece of ****. I wish I've never met you.

[lalalollipops]

I need a hug.

[chamachama]

I need a hug.

 

(((((lalalollipops)))))

[Chalk]

When will I let you go stinka*se? I'm getting to the point where I just think hope is a waste of time. I've always wanted my mother to grow up & maybe I transferred that to you. Sometimes I see my life here & sometimes I don't. I'm mourning what we had & what we were meant to be. I hope you learn from our relationship, if not for me then for your own future happiness. You know, one of the last catches in my brain is imagining you with someone else & I wish it didn't hurt so much or make me so jealous. I honestly have no idea why I love you or why I ever loved you. Please stop making me cry. Xxxx

[Chalk]

I miss my intelligent wee birdies so much. I'm scared you are not looking after them. I know they will grieve me & it breaks my heart. Especially when Mango is so innocent & Marvin so distrusting. I know you are entitled not to love me I miss them so much. I'm really scared that you're life will change and you'll just give them away. My heart would break for them if you did that. It also hurts me to think of another girlfriend or maybe in the future wife getting to know them and love them. It seems so unfair that I knew them as babies & some other women will get the rest of their lives with them. Please don't give up on them EVER. Please let them be the one commitment you do make. I miss Mango grooming my hair. I hate you for doing this me. I'm so angry at you for breaking us up.

[lalalollipops]

I wish I could kiss those lips hard.

Until they bruise and bleed.

I yearn for your touch.

I need you, I need you right now.

[soybeans]

I miss you holding me.

[tryharder83]

i miss us. i miss me when im with you.

 

right now, it doesnt hurt as much but it still does

 

i was always hoping you'll reach, but also kind of skeptic whether you'll ever do it. and just recently you did. didnt bother knowing the whole message. i just dont have the heart.

 

someday ill be ok. and someday i can finally say i want you to be real happy with someone else.

 

for now im just missing you so bad.

[sublimek2]

It's was great to have you in my arms again

I missed your hugs and your kiss

I missed your smell

My heart raced as I saw your smile again

 

...but then I woke up. Back to reality.

[lalalollipops]

The way you used to run your nails up and down my spine was mother f hot stuff.

Mmmmm.

 

 

Miss you.

[lalalollipops]

I half dialed your number just then. Haha I need to f control myself.