Post here instead of contacting your ex!

[JoyfulCompany]

I know there was no other way for us than to break-up. We were both bringing so much of our old comfortable (and sick! sick!) ways into the relationship...

But even knowing that, a part of me feels completely lost since I'm going on without you. I do laugh, go out, have fun, meet people, cope with my life, but my heart is deserted. No deep joy, only some kind of content when I'm in a stable mood and have some sense of humor. I know happiness is within me, I know it doesn't come with or from you. But, still, I miss you. Sometimes I startle by the thought how we got here. And now I see how at the end I blamed you for not being ready to make an effort for the relationship while I was doing exactly the same - I was just giving it all up.

[emptyeffort]

hey,

after you left me a few weeks ago. this is the first week i achieved without crying. but today made it really difficult not to. it is my birthday. for some reason i have to think alot of you. prolly because i really looked forward to spend it with someone i loved for the first time. we spent yours together and you claimed it was the best youve ever had and i know it wouldve been my best birthday aswell but unfortunately its the worst. already over a month in advance b4 you broke up you told me how you thought alot about my gifts and that you already bought them. i know you loved doing this kinda stuff and im sure i wouldve liked them. you asked me to take them when im ready. but as much as id love to i dont think i can and i really shouldnt. i know you know that its my birthday today. and i also know you didnt text me on purpose because we both know we shouldnt keep contact tho we both want to but i dont know.. it shouldnt but it kinda hurt me. im writing this cz i know sooner or later id cry and id rather get it out of my system now before driving to my parents'.

 

so ye.. i guess: happy bday to me.

[JoyfulCompany]

Happy birthday to you, sickr!

[Seymore]

Not that I'm thinking of contacting you - what I did was for the best for both of us - but I just need to get things off of my mind and into something relatively tangible.

 

I never knew anyone who loved Halloween as much as me, until I met you. We had the best outfits and did so much decorating and preparation the last two years come this time. Now I'm in my condo, with one lone decoration hanging on my door, hoping the kids in the building will ring my doorbell so I can give out at least one piece of candy. I don't think it's going to happen. Halloween is a bust this year. It's not over and I'm still hanging on to faith that somehow it'll feel like Halloween this year, but it's rainy and gloomy and just...not Halloween. I know you didn't put your decorations up, either. A coworker told me. This year we could have turned heads, laughed and enjoyed ourselves. But we're over.

 

I hate you for it. I hate that you put my father's (non) acceptance of you over the fact that I was STILL there with you. I hate that your drinking caused so many more problems than it was worth. I knew I would never have a PERFECT relationship with you, but we worked so well, when we worked. But you just wouldn't grow up. You wouldn't see what was right in front of you and just couldn't help pulling us apart, strand by strand.

 

I hate that I had to walk out on you and your kids after warning you for so long. I hate that I have to endure your friends' insults because I left. I can't fire back and tell them WHY. I can't tell them all of the things you did. I'm not that low. I hate that I've lost friends and have to stay away from them because they're close to you, too - and I can't be anywhere near you, for both of our sakes.

 

I hate that I had to break it off clean and give the appearance that I just lost my heart and soul and quit caring. There are days where I wish I were never born. Blocking your number, your Facebook, your e-mail...none of those things were done without me wanting to cry so hard. And you'll never get it. You and your kids will always think of me as the heartless bastard who just took off. And you'll paint me as a jerk from here on out, never explaining how many chances I DID in fact give you. And I have to live with that.

 

I remember one day, a few months into the beginning, while you were still married and hadn't filed for divorce yet. You wanted to do something that made me uncomfortable - I can't even remember what - you pushed me into so many things...I remember having a drink at a bar with you, and you trying to push me into something. I said to you: "This is going to come apart someday. You want to push things until they break." I was so right. I had a feeling it would happen, but hoped that it wouldn't.

 

But I'm the bad guy. I'm the jerk. I'm every nasty adjective you could think of, and I always will be. All I did was love you. I need to set boundaries with people from now on. I need to not allow behavior out of fear of the other person leaving. I shouldn't have let it get this far.

 

Anyway, Happy Halloween. For some reason I still think fondly of you. And that's scary. HA! Sense of humor is coming back.

[treesandbees]

I always wonder what made you a PCL, something in your childhood..perhaps the divorce, the father issue? Is it just in your DNA. You know the good choices and thoughtful of others actions to take, because you have a kind heart in you so why be how you are. I feel it keeps you from being where you need to be and not one person in your life now will be so honest to tell you this.

[h0pelessl0ver]

you said you would never leave, you said you would be by my side when I made it. You're a horrible person and I pray to God every day he gives me strenght to move on and never look back. You took advantage of my kindness, you took me for granted. Now you will regret.

[JoyfulCompany]

It seems I'm stuck missing you. Today it physically hurts, the arrow in the chest is not only a metaphor. I meet with guys but can't help comapre them to you... you win every time. And I feel even worse after I've kissed someone. I guess I should leave the whole dating scene since, even though casual, it doesn't help me to move on but to hurt more. I've underestimated how much you mean to me.

[92151794]

You killed my hope and faith in you you told me you wanted to spend the rest of your life with me. And that you felt love before ands feel more than that for me yet you chose your selfish mean cheating ex over me. I can't even begin to tell you how much im hurting Have a good life. and good luck you will need it.

[Snix0805]

God, I miss you so much and Everyday is so hard for me. Even though I find time to be busy, thoughts of you still haunt my mind. I can't stop hoping, thinking that you'll come back just as you did before. I can't stop thinking of you and her and it hurts me so much. I cry less everyday but it doesn't mean zi hurt less. How could you be happier without me? How could you not miss me at all like you told Yuan? How could you be so indifferent and cold?

 

Yesterday was supposed to be our 49th month together snd I couldn't sleep properly at all. I miss your face, your voice. I miss your hugs and the way you cuddle me. You promised you wouldn't leave me and yet here I am facing all these alone. I keep checking the time to see kf you have come home or still doing overtime at work. I just wish things were back to normal with us because you left me so suddenly. I keep dreaming of you but mow this is reality and I'm alone after four years, I'm alone.

[Seymore]

I keep thinking about our snuggles in bed. God, I miss that. I could fall asleep in less than a minute the way we fit together. I would have these bursts of happiness and content while I was wrapped around you. And I wouldn't let go until we awoke. You loved that and so did I.

 

But then I think of all the times you wouldn't let me sleep because you were drunk or angry or both, and threw my father's disapproval of you in my face among other insults, often until 2 AM, AND I'd have to get up early in the morning, miserable from arguing and begging you to let me sleep the night before, often times literally barricading me in and not allowing me to leave to go home and sleep, when all I wanted was to snuggle and be peaceful with each other. You HAD to fight. You had to fight at the wee hours of the morning. The happiness and content was dwindling.

 

Why was it not enough for you that I loved you? Why did you let so many things get in the way? I was there and I wasn't gong anywhere. But you HAD to have my dad's approval, no matter how I felt. Why were you so obsessed with him? Why did you have to drink so much? We had such a good thing. I wish you would have gotten help, and I wish I would have put my foot down and not allowed us to get involved while you were married. You...we destroyed what could have been great.

[Astrogirl]

You consumed five years of my life like rot eating into an apple; I must've tasted too good for you but all you've left me with is how bad you treated me. Of course I think of our good times. I doubt you do, posting photos of you going out with the very people who tried their hardest to split us up. What hold do they have over you? Are you really that weak?

 

You used to constantly accuse me of holding hypothetical conversations. Well, guess what? Sometimes I destroy myself with the thought I shouldn't have left you and your twisted view on relationships I accused you of having. What is the other option? Exactly what I did and leave you to see if you really did love me as much as you swore you did. "I'll always love you. I'll never give up on us.", you used to say. Looks like what I accused you of was right. I proved myself right. After a few days you gave up on us. Hypothetical? No, just my gut instinct telling me you are a pathological liar. If I'd have stayed you would have always spun me the same crap over and over again. If I hadn't have left I would never have known I was staying with a man who really didn't care for me or would be bothered if I left.

[Hazyillusions]

Today it occurred to me that I might be finally over you.

I'll always think of you fondly E. And will always love you in some way.

[LyEd20]

Hey been 4 weeks now since you left. Just wanna say thank you for leaving ny apartment. No im no sorry for asking you to leave at all. You're the one who decided to talk to your co worker about our issues right? So its not really my fault why you got attracted to him. Just want to point out that before you even met your co worker, you were unemployed for 3 months. Who did you think sheltered you while you're looking for work? Who took care of you while you're hospitalized? Who protected you from the people who wanted to hurt you? I never thought you can do this to me ever but yep, you've already done it. So don't you dare pin this all on me! I may have been overprotective but thats because i know you were worth it! But now, you're not even close to how much i'm worth at all.. I wish you luck growing up.

 

PS: don't you dare reach out to me again! You do not deserve me!

[Doc Blaze]

Why do you care so much about what your friends think. Why do you let them have so much control over you. As you get older, yes they will be your friends but they will have their own lives but then what about you. Your best friend is not a best friend. I know you are an adult and you are responsible for your own actions but you have changed since she has been around you. It was like she was jealous of our relationship the whole time. I hope that you will learn one day that you cannot please everyone in at the end of the day, whatever makes you happy, go for it without being afraid of being judged.

[sunshine34]

I'm a mess... I use men and relationships to escape reality.. Maybe that's why I can't keep anything, Bx I use them in a toxic sense. Like a drug or alcohol. To numb the pain from life problems. Most recently I left my job, had to come back home, 2 weeks before I met a guy, no one I would ever attempt usually. Super hot, not very successful, prototype. I did it and I had an aamazinf time second I felt attached and that he was pulling away is when I told him I was leaving in a week.. Then I ended up meeting another guy in my building, super hot but literally just broke up w his live in gf, what did I care ? He was a distraction, ended up bonding w him over a cancer connection , how sick I know. Anyways, I'm home now thousands of miles away talking to both of them... Why?!?! To distract me from my real problems... That I'm reverting back to a temp job bar tending and trying to figure out where my life goes next... Only now these feelings are confusing and making me angry and upset. The time zone difference and how much one of them works

[sunshine34]

He is not able to talk to me much at all... When flirty or nice things are said it seems like it's all me... Then when I try to be an adult and say I'm gonna back away Bx j feel like I'm more into this he says no, this is the most I've felt into someone in such a short period of time my schedule is just crazy ... I hate feeling this way and have no idea when I will see him next so it feels pointless. I just want resolution.. Meanwhile , I still don't think I've completely forgotten about my ex and I'm still hurt w our last convo and how easily he has forgotten me. Every time I come home I think more of him, not that he ever leaves my mind, but here he seems to taunt me... It makes me feel worthless that someone who shared so much with me and of Me that would move on the way he did over semantics. Why does it matter who ended it when he was out practically cheating on me and not treating me right at all?!? This whole thing is a mess

[Jennyhen]

All I want is for you to realise what we had, everyday I wait for you to contact me and beg for me to come back but after months it's not happened, each morning it's hard just to get out of bed, iv made a fool of myself texted you all the time so il contact you on here from now on and hopefully that'l help

[Deadinside44]

I just want you to come home and for us to work this out. I love you. I miss you. I miss your touch. I don't know how I will carry on without you. Where are you? What are you doing? Do you miss me at all?

[Greeneve]

I never thought you would be the one I'd say goodbye to

[Deadinside44]

I miss you. Where are you? Please tell me this is a bad dream. Spent the day around people (strangers) and out of the house because I had to get out of the house. I look around and I KNOW no one compares to you. No one. I'm sorry if I wasn't always as attentive to our relationship as I should have been. I literally wish I could turn back the hands of time, I would do it differently. I would shower you with the love and affection you deserved. I would criticize less, praise more, love more. This hurts so bad. I had no idea that this is how I would be spending my weekend. No idea.

[Deadinside44]

I miss you. Do you miss me? It's weird to suddenly be without the person who was your whole life for so long. I love you and am still in love with you despite all the pain you are causing...because I think back to all the good times and all we've been through together. I'm scared of losing you forever. I hoped you would feel our relationship was worth fighting for....things don't magically change overnight, so why did you give up on me, on us, so quickly?

[Seymore]

I'm sure you're telling people I just up and left you and your kids, that I'm heartless because I went NC. I'm positive you're painting yourself as the victim and claiming no responsibility. I bet you're at one of our mutual friend's birthday party tonight. And I'm sure you're drinking.

 

What I did was out of love, and you'll never understand that. I gave you a clean slate. You never have to worry about impressing someone's dad. You don't have to worry about your SO having any guilt because you pushed him to help you cheat. You'll never get how difficult it was for me to leave, or how many nights I'VE had to drink myself to sleep post breakup just to forget what went on between us.

 

Please don't screw it up the next time around. At the very least for your kids. I hate the thought of you enjoying life with anyone but me, but this is how the universe has made things for us. I hope someday that you realize the "why" of why I left you. I don't have much faith that you ever will, but I have to live with that. Best of luck to you, C. You'll always be special to me.

[JoyfulCompany]

I love you. I miss you. I wish I was stronger and could just let you go...

[h0pelessl0ver]

I'm finally moving on, thank God you broke up with me because even if i was being mistreated and taken for granted I would have stayed and fought for you. You did me a favor! Now the right girl will be able to get me! WOOHOO!

[Deadinside44]

I miss you.