Caldus Posted June 16, 2004 Share Posted June 16, 2004 I'm kind of like you. One day I will think about it a lot while the next day the thought hardly ever enters my mind because I'm so busy with other things. I try to stay busy so I don't start thinking about it a bunch. You're right though, it's pretty hard to escape that thought because you at least see couples holding hands or read something about it every day. It's like you're exposed to it no matter what. But I'll be patient for as long as I have to. Link to comment
Pyralis Posted June 16, 2004 Share Posted June 16, 2004 I find myself thinking about it at least once or twice a day. It can be really depressing but I do my best to keep my mind off of it. It's never easy though. The society we live in seems to constantly bombard us with these images of romance and sex. It has the effect of making us feel abnormal to not have experienced any of that at our age. (20+ years) Link to comment
wlfpack81 Posted June 17, 2004 Share Posted June 17, 2004 As for the picture i am not the type to put one over the internet because i am to unconfident about my looks to put one on.I am just to stupid and dont want to show my ugly face to anyone on the internet because that is what i think it is anyways.As for your posts drac i hope there r girls out there in the world like that that you speak of because i would not want to go on living my life alone like i see all these other guys doing. I know what you mean. I don't like to take pictures period or even really look at myself in the mirror b/c I'm fed up with the beast I see on the otherside. If i were to live that lonely up to the age of 26 when i have a job all settled away and stuff.I would DEFINITELY kill myself i would feel there is no reason for me to even be on this earth. I feel on this Shinobe. At least you're 16 but I'm freaking 23 and in the same rut. In high school I told myself if I was 35 and was still in this boat (never had a g/f, date, kiss, sex etc.) I would kill myself. Of course back then I figured I'd luck out and get over shyenss and somehow get a g/f by now but obviously that hasn't happened otherwise I wouldn't be posting here. That kill date has now moved up to somewhere between 25 and 30. I don't care if I have a decent job now, I'm tired of being alone and in solitude and I want to know what's it's like to have a female outside of my damn family to care about my well being and want to be with me etc. Although i dont want to question gods authority but why does he have to make some people scorching hot and then some of us unbelievabily ugly.WHy does it have to be so unfair it bothers me. I'm not that religious but if you are it does make you think why some are born lucky and others aren't. And if you're not religious then it still sucks b/c it's like man in the game of chance on DNA I got screwed out royaly. Either way it blows chunks. Link to comment
Shinobie Posted June 17, 2004 Share Posted June 17, 2004 Well for me there are somedays i think abou all day long just going down into a deep state of hopelessness and some depressiion.Then other days ill think about it twice or 3 times then try not to think about but it always tries to haunt my mind. Link to comment
drahcir Posted June 17, 2004 Share Posted June 17, 2004 Shinobie, thinking about how you or i have never had a girlfriend doesn't neccessarily have to be depressing or hopeless...like often it annoys me but i also think more about what it is like (or will be like) when i finally have a girlfriendl...like i think of all the things we will do together...what i will say to her...how we will embrace, kiss..make love....how we will raise children together....try to think about the positive...think about how awesome it will be when you finally find what you are looking for..after all the harder and longer it takes to get something, the more you value it, and the more important it is to you...like for someone who has several relationships by the time they finally find "the person" its just another relationship to them...its nothing special, nothing unique....its better if you are somewhat deprived of love and then later find the ONE>>then she will mean much more to you.....she won't just be girlfriend # 6, wife #3.....it will actually mean something... take care, Richard Link to comment
drahcir Posted June 17, 2004 Share Posted June 17, 2004 there are some things that really annoy me about having never dated / had a girlfriend..one of them is seeing very young teenages dating..its makes you feel so..out of it...like just yesterday i talked with a girl who was 14...before i talked to her i saw her kiss her boyfriend like it was there wedding night or something..like the most passionate embrace and kiss ever...things like that annoy me.....cuz it makes me feel that time in my life is being wasted..my way of thinking is that life is meaning less without a girlfriend..i know intellectually thats a stupid way to think and i don't honestly believe it, but emotionally it feels that way..it feels like being locked up in a prison and time it ticking by and the limited time we have in this life is being wasted for no good use...i know that life can be meaningful with out a girlfriend too..but it doesn't feel that way most of the time... Richard Link to comment
Shinobie Posted June 17, 2004 Share Posted June 17, 2004 One things that makes me happy is i believe that u have a true love that you will once marry one day,i believe in that.What makes me feel good is thinking about they are somewhere today maybe thinking about who their true love will be when it is me maybe.Like we didnt even know each other at all yet or meet each other but we are off in our own areas thinking about it.Its really hard to explain but it makes me feel good just thinking she is off some where thinking the same thing as me maybe. Link to comment
drahcir Posted June 18, 2004 Share Posted June 18, 2004 thats right...to imagine what the girl i will one day marry is thinking right now...is she as lonely as me? as hurt as me? as desparate...or does she just not get..i hope she does care.....care about me atleast...like whatz she thinking...only God could know something like that..i hope she really cares..i hope she is as desparate as me to find someone to love..well i don't hope she is in pain or have gone through what i have gone through..but if she has...well its a good thing....cuz when you hurt to get something it means more to you...for me when i was in grade 4-11 i didn't have any friends at all...so now i have lots of friendz i value them more...they are important to me...and same with a gf....cux i have never had one...i value her more..she will be more precious when she comes...if she comes...oh come soon...... Richard Link to comment
xxatti Posted June 18, 2004 Share Posted June 18, 2004 This thread is really getting depressing. We need to stop with all the negative, pessamistic thoughts and start putting up some positive messages to help people get going in the right direction. Even if you feel you cant help yourself, do something worthwhile and try to help out others that may be in the same boat as you. Link to comment
drahcir Posted June 18, 2004 Share Posted June 18, 2004 this group isn't depressing...we are just expressing how we honestly feel and there is no other place to express it than here...its more comforting to know others feel the same way as you...that you are not alone.... Link to comment
drahcir Posted June 18, 2004 Share Posted June 18, 2004 ..for a long time i thought i was all alone at being my age and not having a girlfriend (except a few of my friends who at the time weren't interested in finding a girlfriend)...so it was really hard until i found this group and founds others in the same situation........i don't think the negative messages are too bad, as long as we stay away from any talk about killing ourselves..that is too extreme....killing oneself is never a solution...talking about our problems is a solution though...but i wonder though...how many guys do commit suicide because they have never had a girlfriend..i don't think its that many....most people just have mental illness or i don't know why people commit suicide.....but i have never heard of anyone who killed themself because they haven't had a girlfriend..sure lots have talked about it, but actually doing it...i hope not...and i have never had a girl talking about commiting suicide because she doesn't have a boyfriend.....thats because when it comes down to it young men are generally more romantic that young women....society continues to express the idea that young men want sex, young women want love..but psychological studies prove otherwise....young men want more love and more sex......and esp. more love...that why it hurts more for a young man who is not in love than for a girl..in general....many young women (not all of course) have a sort of passive attitude toward love..that if it comes they are happy, if it doesn't come they are happy....while the guys are more motivated-they think it has to come....of coures not everyone is like this...but this is why many guys who more if they don't have a girlfriend than vise versa..also why most stalkers are men...because once they lose a relationship its too painful for them so they have to stalk thier former girlfriend. or wife.....while rarely do women stalk men...after the break up of a relationship they feel hurt, but they leave it at that...men feel hurt but they are more motivated to do something about it.....oh just my thoughts for today... Richard Link to comment
woobiegirl Posted June 18, 2004 Share Posted June 18, 2004 Hello Dave, ...about - self esteem and happiness: Words of inspiration can inspire you daily... read them and speak them often! - Listen to your inner voice and follow them for it is wisdom that knows what is best for you. - Talk health, happiness and prosperity to every person you meet. - Think only of the best, to work only for the best and expect only the best-you deserve nothing less. - Care about the happiness and success of others and offer them all the help and encouragement they need. - Forget your past mistakes and focus on your successes encouraging yourself to greater achievements in the future. -Always do your best so you can be proud that you gave it your best shot. -When you help someone ask nothing in return, you will receive your reward ten times over. Make the most of each day -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I'd like to share a few pointers I learned at seminars... 1) Feel Good when you Want When you need to boost your self confidence or self esteem, find 3 things that make you feel good. These could be memories of good times, a piece of music, a holiday souvenir, or a person's face - use photos if it helps. Practise thinking about them and bringing them to mind. Developing self confidence that lasts - because of the way emotions 'attach' themselves to memories, you will quickly train yourself to feel good when you want - a great help. 2) Beat Self Consciousness Self consciousness is the No.1 enemy of self confidence. Learn how to keep your attention off yourself. You can do this easily by following these steps... a) If you notice you have become self-conscious, (you can usually tell because you start to feel anxious), choose something 'everyday' you can see and study it in detail. For example: examine a door, look at the different textures and shades of colour, wonder about who made it and how and so on. The important thing is that you're learning how to keep your attention off yourself. b) If you feel self-conscious in a social situation, it's usually because you don't have enough to do! Focus on what your purpose in the situation is. Whether you're there to: find out if you like the other people in the situation make others feel comfortable find out some information make business contacts and so on... It's easy to feel self-conscious if you have nothing to do, and much more difficult if your attention is occupied by a task. Think how comfortable you have been with others when you're all working toward a common goal. The common goal of socialising could be making friends, it could be the exchange of mutually beneficial information, it could be whatever you want it to be! 3) Don't Take Undue Criticism - Even From Yourself ! Challenge your own assumptions. Here's a few to get you started: a) Confident-looking people have bad moments too. b) Just because you feel under-confident, doesn't mean other people can tell. c) If you're saying things to yourself like "You're no good at anything" then rest assured, you're wrong. Everyone can compose a sentence, get successfully to the store, eat without choking. Don't let yourself make sweeping statements about yourself - in the long run it is this sort of thing that can really damage your self image. Building self esteem is not just about thinking good of yourself, it's about not thinking bad for no reason! d) Just because you have felt bad about yourself in the past doesn't mean you're always going to feel that way. I have seen many people surprise themselves once they have learned how to build self confidence in a way that it stays built! sorry about the length, but hope it helps a little... Woobiegirl Link to comment
Lily04 Posted June 18, 2004 Share Posted June 18, 2004 Thanks for the tips woobiegirl!! They all seem helpful, except the one suggesting that you pay attention to something inanimate like a door & study the details. I've tried this before & it never really helped..what helps for me is prepping myself through positive thinking, and telling myself that it doesn't really matter much (even if it does, to lessen the anxiety.) Sometimes I also imagine I'm someone else, a more confident & extrovertive person and play that person for a while, being silly and goofy and make friends more easily..this is why I actually often find it easier to meet people for the first time, because they don't know anything about you & don't have any preconceptions or expectations.. But that is good advice. And to another poster who said it's depressing watching young people who have it easier, I know what you mean. My 15 yr old sister already had her first boyfriend and she didn't want to tell me because she thought it would make me feel bad. It didn't really, I just felt sorta embarrassed..but she's the total opposite of me; extremely pretty & popular, she goes partying a lot, so what can you expect..but at the same time I know I have other qualities that she doesn't have, i.e. I'm more studious & intelligent in some ways and thus get better grades..it's not a competition, but at the same time, don't put yourself down too much. Other people may have things easier in some realms of life, but I'm sure you're better in other areas than them. Think about those areas and it will boost your self-confidence as well =) take care, lily04 Link to comment
madhornet Posted June 18, 2004 Share Posted June 18, 2004 I can relate to the watching younger people have success where we don't part, all my friends are younger than me as is my sister and they don't have any trouble finding a girlfriend/boyfriend and if one relationship doesn't work out it isn't long before they can be in another one if they want to. I guess what I've learned is you have to concentrate on enjoying your own life, and making sure you're happy in as many aspects of it that you have direct control over. I still hate being single and am not finding it easy but the more I focus on that the more desperate I seem and women want to run a mile. I'm going to a wedding a week Saturday - maybe I'll get to meet someone nice through one of my friend's there (they have been trying to introduce me to friends of theirs for ages) - always a chance I guess if I relax and have a laugh Link to comment
Shinobie Posted June 19, 2004 Share Posted June 19, 2004 For me i am so far down in negativity that whenever i try to think positive things about myself i am so pessimistic i just think about the bad.Like when i think about o maybe i am not that bad looking i think about how bad things in that aspect come out whenever i think in a better way.Like ill think more postively then ill get called bad looking.Or ill think better and then my friend will get another gf(like his 12th).Then like my friend john who just got his first gf which im very glad for him.She like met richard and now 0o0o0o0 she wants to him to meet her friend some cheerleader and this guy is the guy who has had like 12 gf's.....She has prolly seen how i look but like usual she prolly thought how ugly i am and her friend wouldnt really like me.This is just how pessimistic i think because i havent met her but this what i think will happen because shemight of seens ome picture my friend had of me iono.Cause why is she eager to get richard a date.I dont get why girls like him so much he acts like such an immature person and talks like ahhh like girl for fun when they say somehting he doesnt like.I thinks its just because he is good looking and i guess girls like the immature guys in way or something.Ive gotten to the point where i always i think "the worst thing is gonna happen.O yah, good luck and i hope u have agreat time at the wedding hornet, have fun Link to comment
Caldus Posted June 19, 2004 Share Posted June 19, 2004 Well, for the last few days I thought this girl was interested in me. We met online (both live in the same city). So eventually she wants to meet me in person. I said OK. We met on Thursday night last week and seemed like she had a good time (she was with her brother and his wife, we weren't alone). But ever since that night she doesn't seem to be too interested in me anymore. I guess she's just busy and all, but it's like she was so interested in me when we talked online and when we met in person she seemed to still be interested in me. But now it's like she doesn't even want to talk to me anymore. Like I talked to her online this morning and I would always have to initiate conversation. It used to be the other way around. I felt like I was annoying her and eventually she said she had to get on with her day. I'm just hoping she's busy with some things and not ready to hang out with me again yet. All I want is to at least have a good female friend (if I can't have a girlfriend, then can I at least have that?). I have one other female friend and every time I call her she says she's busy or too tired to do anything. It's like girls don't want to have anything to do with me once they've met me in person. I'm not ugly at all. In fact, that other girl told me I looked cute. And a lot of other girls in the past online have told me that I look decent. And I be myself around other people and try to enjoy myself as well. I just feel so horrible because it's like the harder I try, only the more pain I feel. Yet I want to try harder because I have so much more free time right now and now is a good time to fall in love with someone. I've tried talking to girls at the mall, I've tried joining a church group, I've tried all kinds of online dating sites. All I ask for are some more good friends (and more female friends at least). I only have a few friends but they're always out working or "busy." Is there something wrong with me? I never thought there was. I went through heavy depression in high school and have recovered for a year now. I got saved last semester and reading the bible every night and praying to God that I will find someone soon. I also pray about Him too. It's like people don't want to have anything to do with me ever. A lot of girls online tell me that they would be my girlfriend if they lived closer but how come I can't find anyone in my city like that? It's so hard for me to get on with other things in life besides getting a girlfriend because I've never experienced having a girlfriend and really want to experience it now. And I try not to come accross as too desperate in front of other people too. I feel like giving up sometimes but I know that if I give up then I will change back to the person I was in high school and not give a crap about anything and will be a waste of space on this planet. So I keep trying anyway. And please, don't tell all of us that "we will find someone some day." While we appreciate your concern, we've heard that countless times in our lives. We will only believe it when it happens, that's how it works. And I realize other people in this world are going through much worse situations and I pray for them every night (I really do, not lying here). And I realize this thread is depressing in some ways and that nothing is achieved by posting here. But I really need to get this off of my chest. Link to comment
drahcir Posted June 19, 2004 Share Posted June 19, 2004 caldus, lots of people, not just girls, more or less ignore someone after they met them from the internet..several of my friends have told me that same thing..like they have a really great relationship with someone, and th en when they met them in person, thier internet friend is no longer interested in them....i don't know why some people do that, buts its very common and probably has little to do with how you look........ lol... you tried to join a few church groups to find a girlfriend...i 've tried that too, but i feel its very disrespectful to just go to church to find a girlfriend....too disrespectful so i don't do it anymore.... yes everyone says the same to me...that i will eventually find a girlfriend...its little comfort.... Richard Link to comment
Caldus Posted June 19, 2004 Share Posted June 19, 2004 I joined the church group a while back when I wasn't searching for a girlfriend. Anyway, so you think I should give up on online dating sites? I mean this girl is just perfect for me. We both shared the same interests and beliefs and just seemed to click so well. If you want to see a long conversation we had then PM me and I will send the file to you to prove that we really did "click" so well before we met in person. I really don't think I'll ever meet someone else like her. I'm trying not to fall in love with her because I have a feeling that she is going to ignore me forever. Might as well just go get a job somewhere and quit whining and suffer like you other guys who are now 24 or whatever and have no girlfriend. Oh, and if any girls want see a pic of me, PM me and I will send one to you to prove that I am not ugly. I will pray for all of you guys. I feel like I'm getting nowhere with all of this and probably never will. I hope at least some of you guys in this thread find someone soon because you all seem like great people. Again, I will pray for you! Link to comment
Shinobie Posted June 19, 2004 Share Posted June 19, 2004 I feel the same way caldus man except for it always happens in real life.Like whenever ill talk to some girl in one of my classes in high school and i get to know her a lil better.After awhile it seems like they ignore me and want nothing to do with me although i would like to be friends with some of them.I wonder if ill ever get like u caldus because i still always have had that small tint of maybe ill meet a special girl sometime and ive never lost that.I know how u feel man and hope everything gets better but only time can tell like how i think right now. Link to comment
Shinobie Posted June 19, 2004 Share Posted June 19, 2004 I dont really get how i really want it so much for such a young age i mean i even have it in my dreams.Like the girl i liked at school when i was going and plan to try to talk too next year at school.I had soem dream last night thta i actually got to know her and asked her for her phone number and got it.Then like right before i was about to call her i woke up those dreams make me feel better till i wake up.Its those type of dreams i wish i can put into reality and make it happen and hope it will happen which i think it might.Are dreams like these signs of confidence things like this r gonna happen?Its like even when im sleeping i want a gf its so weird because i shouldnt even care right now but o well. Link to comment
Caldus Posted June 20, 2004 Share Posted June 20, 2004 I know...I don't know what it is. I really wish women would just tell me if they are not interested instead of ignoring me or whatever. It leaves me hanging there wondering if I still have a chance with them. I would rather know for sure so that I can do the whole be miserable for a while and then go on eventually routine instead of finding out later. This girl has been doing this to me all night. I said "hi what's up" on AIM and she hasn't even responded in the last three hours. And her status is that she is online and not idle, so I'm sure she's there. I would rather her tell me to bug off or something. I feel like I will be annoying her if I keep sending IM's. I don't get it. She was so interested before and we talked for like 4 hours. I think God is trying to tell me to stop searching for a girlfriend or something. Link to comment
downout Posted June 20, 2004 Share Posted June 20, 2004 You guys shoudlnt put so much pressure on yourselves at such a young age. I mean when you are 17-20 dont worry about it so much, get out with your peers, go to parties, hang out. You should have a free spirit and just enjoy life. You have plenty of opportunites to meet girls now and also if u pursue college. After you are 25 the chances really start to decrease of meeting someone since you wont be in as many social situations anymore and most of the women will likely be married or hooked-up. When it happens it will happen it isnt something you can force, well I guess you can try but that usually dosent work. Girls can usually sense if you are trying to hard or are desperate, it gives off bad vibes. If they ignore you after you have gotten to know them then that is usually a bad sign that they are likely not interested or may find you as a "friend" only. Its hard but its something you have to accept and move on. Alot of people formulate opinions on others in a matter of minutes, like first impressions, physical attraction, etc. Some people can tell right away if they would date you or not. Yes it may seem superficial and shallow but its true. Caldus you were talking about meeting someone you met online I think often the perception of what you think someone will be like and what they actually are can be very different. Talking online and actually meeting them in person can often cause disappointment and anxiety. Maybe the person isnt as good looking as you thought or as tall or as funny. But its a risk you take and eventually it should pay off. Either way you guys are way ahead of me I am 28, single and I suffer from anxiety disorder and had mild agoraphobia which greatly limits my ability to meet people and feel comfortable. Imagine if just stepping out of your house would cause you to freak out. Link to comment
drahcir Posted June 20, 2004 Share Posted June 20, 2004 Down & out, the age cliff you are talking about is what i am really scared off...like after 25 the chances of finding someone are so slim..and i am approaching it so fast...just 4 years and 4 months until i get there....and what if when i am 25 i have still never dated, never had a girlfriend....you know.....thatz what scares me the most...i am scared of being all by myself, dying by myself..never having a girl to share my love with....that is why many guys here are desparate, because they have already come to that age cliff, or are about to come to it soon...or are just scared they will come to it...we don't want to be pessimistic feel sorry for ourself guys...we are just scared..... i have been thinking...should i try to find a girlfriend now, or should i wait until i finish university and have a stable job...i will be graduating in less than 2 years (April 2006)..so i am thinking...maybe i should just focus on my studies and my volunteer work and work experience that will give me better chances of getting a good job...and then when i have a job i will be able to devote more time to my girlfriend when i have one..because now adding a girlfriend into the p icture. would take time and i would not be able to spend as much time as i want with her...what do you guys think... Richard Link to comment
wlfpack81 Posted June 20, 2004 Share Posted June 20, 2004 What down&out says about 25 and no chances is probably true and scrares me but I won't get to that point. I WILL COMMIT SUICIDE AND KILL MSYELF BY JUNE 20, 2006 (I'LL BE 25 BY THEN) IF I STILL HAVEN'T HAD ANYTHING FROM A GIRL. I will not live by myself and be a punk a** 30 yr old loser living alone. I don't care if I have a stinking job or not. Link to comment
drahcir Posted June 20, 2004 Share Posted June 20, 2004 wlfpack, no one is going to out and kill themselves because they don't have a girlfriend, including YOU>>>>>what if just after you commit suicide there comes accross a girl who would be perfect for you...but because you are dead you will never have her..and of course you are thinking..what if i never come accross that girl???>>> when that would really suck...but even so its not reason enough to kill yourself....life has meaning and purpose, even when it appears not to...now everyone here should stop talk about killing themselves and focus on how they feel now and share it with us, not how they will feel at age 25 or what ever.... good luck in finding girls everyone, Richard Link to comment
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