24 and never had a girlfriend

[NightLily]

Well to the poster who said that if they see anybody else happy it makes them feel worse, scrop. If this is trully how you feel you may want to seek some professional help from others. Seeing other people happy shouldn't always make you feel worse. Yeah, when you are feel.ing especially down perhaps.. but other times, you should be fine.

 

Anywho,

Peace.

[wlfpack81]

Why do you think you don't have a girlfriend wlfpack? Just because of your shyness? ..

 

Well, that and the fact that honestly I'm not the most attractive thing on the block either. Not trying to down myself but just being realistic here. I'm 6ft 2in, 150lbs which is thin for my height and most girls don't want to date men who aren't too muscular. Of course being thin is something I can work on if I got my butt out to the gym but everytime I tell myself I'm gonna go on a 6 month workout plan to gain 20-25lbs it doesn't happen. Maybe once I get established out here in the midwest I'll free up some money to buy some weights or a blowflex or something and work on adding some muscle to this frame. But even then I don't know if it'll help too much. Of course they say working out makes you feel better anyways so I guess if I ever did get the nerve to start lifting weights I'd gain some confidence which would be a good thing.

[lonelynshy]

wlfpack,consider yourself lucky. I'm almost a foot shorter than you and 20 lbs lighter. Women *may* not like a thin,tall guy but they sure as hell will run away from a SHORT guy like me oozing sappiness and sorrow. Women suck. I just realized it. No offense to Suzy or any women reading this.

 

and scrop,you're not alone. I'm in the same position as you (except that I'm midway through college). i don't want to live anymore if the rest of my life is going to be as lonely as this (let alone job stress,etc).

[scrop]

It just seems like our society is extremely superficial in alot of ways. Maybe some people are just condemmned to be alone or kill themselves

[wlfpack81]

It just seems like our society is extremely superficial in alot of ways. Maybe some people are just condemmned to be alone or kill themselves

 

Haha this reminds me of a joke by Chris Rock on his latest HBO Comedy special.

 

When you're married you wanna kill your spouse, when you're single you wanna kill yourself.

 

how true on that last part. I've had those periods where I felt like ending it b/c of lonliness.

[mrdagger]

Hey I am 43 yrs old and have never had interaction with a woman either fu%$#*@ bi$#&% women are so full of sh^% they hold the cards and they say oh I am looking for a nice guy wrong women are looking for some one just so they are not alone in the same hand they have no problem trashing men though so go figure women create their own problems with men by being as^%$#* then they wonder why men treat them like sh^% because you women are sh^% and cant admit that you are the problem not men we want to go out with you but not when you constantly look down at us get a clue ladies take your head out of your as%$ once in a while

[1Adam12]

I can see why you don't have interaction with women mrdagger..your attiude is pathetic!!...I've got no interaction with girls and I'm only 20 but I try to keep a positive attiude about it..look around on this site and read the posts some girls make..I think VERY FEW of them go along with what your saying there..

 

just my opinion take it or leave it.

 

Phil

[theghost]

I'm 19, and I'm working on it.

 

I'm overweight, and I'm going to tell all the people something...

I took some classes on health, and my teacher explained all the bad stuff and its not good to be overweight.

Since then I lost 10 pounds in one month, not for just girls, but for myself as well. I always been a nice guy all my life, and in high school this girl( she was kinda hot) liked me, but I was confused why she did...she even got close to me and everything, but I was too stuburned and I didn't reply back...I didn't had any confidence because I was overweight

well...

during the summer I'm going to try to loose 50 pounds.

the way I did it with not much exercise was I cut back on all fast food and soda, and on snacks, and I layed of fried food too, I also don't drink juice that they make at Vons because they usually have sugar, so I make my own juice.

For anyone that is overweight, and you really don't like to look like that, it may take one year, or ever two, depends on how dedicated you are, just try, for yourselves.

[Cookies2477]

"There's nothing to fear but fear itself"...I used to be the shyest person EVER...even my parents never heard a peep out of me that changed when I took a few drama classes and realized what I was missing out on...if you ever get the chance the story "Who Moved My Cheese?" would be very helpful to you. It basically teaches u how to improve yourself and your life and adapting to change and I think that your problem lies along those lines. You need to start by atleast making new friends regardless if they are hot girls or ugly guys...just practice communication skills with everyone and sooner or later you'll be communication with "the one." If all else fails there's this show nowadays "Dating Patrol" it helps people move past their fears of dating...link removed Good Luck!!!!

[RDW]

hang in there,

I just turned 24 today, and I would have to say I fell just like you sometimes, the not knowing what to say, the nervousness, and I just feel like I'm ugly sometimes. There are people who have these problems and It's nice to know your not the only person. one of my friends also has this problem, But It's sometimes hard to help someone if your having the same problem. But by reading the problems and some solutions on this site I feel alot better and I hope you do to. Now what Ive been trying to do to make my life a little easier, I'm going to try to get out there and see what the world has for me. When I find a girl that I'm intrested in I kinda look for something to say that might be interesting to her. Like maybe her hair looks nice, or I like your shoes, something simple like that can usually start a conversation. But theres the nerves that are in the way of you and that girl you want to talk to. What I am doing to solve my problem is trying to go to public places like bowling allys, pool halls, and just going different places to get use to people. This has helped me on my nerves, just being around people helps. I know how hard it is to break youself from shyness. To be honest what I do is get one of my more outspoken friends to go out with me, and they usually talk to all the people so I just jump into there conversations and just start chatting away. This might seem a little overwhelming but If you dwell on being shy it will take over, and us shy people have to have fun too we just need to learn a little conversation skills and a little confidence, remember nothing can get better if you don't put forward a little effort. Good luck

[NightLily]

Okay I'm sorry about this, but who was the guy that said he is 6'2" and 150 pounds? geez.. skinny guys can actually be really hot sometimes. Especially the artsy skinny guys. Seconly, 6'2"? Just show me where he is! That is like IDEALL height (in my opinion) so don't be so down on yourself over that.

 

Also, to the guy that told women to pull their heads out of there.. 'backsides'. Maybe by believing this you are in many ways condeming yourself to only see what you believe.

 

Exhibit 1: You are judging woman before you really get to know them. You will turn every little thing they do as something to hurt you, insult you, cut you down etc.

 

Exhibit2: With that attitude, of course woman aren't going to like you! (You know the saying you learned back in preschool: treat others as you would also like to be treated, it does actually work!)

 

 

And lastly, I have a dare for all of you men on this thread (or lurking on it) that believe that you have little to no luck with woman to be outgoing and "make a move on" (or in other words compliment), one woman in the next week. The compliment can be subtle and almost mearly friendly.

 

Luck to you all,

SuzyQ

[deebee]

I was 30 before I had my first proper girlfriend, even though I am reasonably attractive (so I've been told). I am shy, introverted and occasionally depressed, but always thought of myself as a basically 'nice' person.

 

I went through a lot of the similar thoughts expressed here, thinking I would never find someone, what a failure I was etc etc. I went through university without making many friends. It wasn't until I started work at a large company in my late twenties that I became more sociable, as my self-esteem went up, I earned money and started to meet lots of new people. Some of which were women, and it seemed that they liked me! Which was a shock.

 

Eventually, I started seeing one woman who worked at the same company and we ended up going out with each other for six months. She was beautiful, intelligent and nine years older than me! Unfortunately, I had been made redundant and the pressure of not finding work lead to depression and the end of the relationship.

 

Again, I thought I would never find anyone else, but to cut a long story short, have recently had a really great relationship with someone who was an ex-neighbour. So she was literally right in front of my nose. Just broke up though and it sucks, but that's for another forum...

 

I won't pretend any of this was easy for me, but the message is: don't give up hope. Doesn't matter what you look like (up to a point!), but if you project low self-esteem/self-confidence, no woman is going to want to spend time with you (would you?). So do things you like, build relationships with your same-sex friends - anything that makes you feel good about yourself. The rest will happen in time.

 

It is risky, nerve-wracking stuff this love business. Don't assume that 'everyone else/normal people' find it easy - they don't either! But don't sabotage yourself with hang-ups. assumptions and negativity because it only makes it harder. Good luck - you can do it!

[single4good]

Wow I never realised there was like a community of guys just like me. I am in the same boat as so many of you I am 23 nearly 24 and have never had a single g/f. Many of you seem to think it has to do with looks but I really am not so sure. I would classify myself as attractive with a very easy going nice personality and none of it has helped me in any way. Infact to me being attractive is even more frustrating. I often receive compliments such as you are really a nice guy and very good looking. Well here I am 23 going on 24 and as single as I have ever been. I have no problems interacting with females and go out reguarly on Friday and Saturday nights and have a very active lifestyle playing basketball 2 nights a week take dance classes to interact with females on another night. I have a few close female friends some of which I have been interested in but never vice versa. It seems every girl I meet has something postive to say but are just as happy to leave me to the next girl. I am a pritty positive guy most the time however never having g/f can really get me down. I feel like I can control just about every aspect of my life but this. For all you guys out there who feel the same I just want you to know you are not the only one....I know that doesnt make it any easier for you but next time you are feeling down and thinking you must be some kind of freak because you are still single and all your friends have g/f's (or have had) ... just remember there are tons of people out there in exactly the same boat.

 

It just seems to me no girl is ever interested in giving me a shot. People on here say have confidence and go and approach girls and everything will be fine. This is not the case and it does not work (for me at least) I could seriously count over 50 times I have gone up to girls at a club or pub and tried to start a conversation they either get real nervous and want tell you anything more than "Hi" or they think you are some kind of sleezebag after something more than just a conversation. Even more frustrating to me is the fact that any girl that I have got to know and has given me the time of day would never think of me as a potential b/f . It is all so very frustrating. What is a guy to do? anyone with any suggestions?

[NightLily]

Here is what I am thinking might be your case possibly single4good. Yesterday, I saw this guy.. and I swear he was the most beautiful creature I have EVER seen in the course of my life. Anyways, we bumped into eachother in a very crowded room and talked a little bit. I could tell that he was trying to.. "pick me up" you could say. Well, He was very nice and sweet.. but I also noticed that with every single female that walked by that was remotely attractive, he would turn and look. That is an obvious turn off. IF you are the type of guy that is wanting a relationship and you try to get one by perpusing every girl that you think has any shred of potentiall all at once.. other woman will pick up on this. They will jump to their own conclusions and they might label you as a "womanizer."

 

Now, if this isn't the case and you are actually.. approaching woman and trying to get somewhere with them, and you keep getting turned down and never accepted.. you are either really unlucky (assuming you are as good as you say you are), ooor.. maybe you are trying to hard. I get the most nervous when it is increadibly obvious that the guy is only trying to get somewhere with me. If it is a little bit more friendly and casual at first sometimes I can loosen up around him a bit.

 

Other then that, I would tell you to just keep trying. You sound like a nice guy, and I find it very hard to believe that nobody will ever realize this. And being female, the same thing often happens to me. Many people will say they like me and I'm really attactive.. blah blah. But, they often don't feel that way about me. The only guys that ever do seem to are guys that I don't know at all.. or guys I have known for a VERY long time (but how rare is that?) Perhaps, you are in some ways a lot like me.

 

Luck to you,

SuzyQ

[drahcir]

i really do appreciate all the messages everyone here has taken the time to post. My name is Richard and i am almost 21, and still have never been on a date or had a girlfriend or kissed a girl, ect. For the last 8 months or so i have felt really down about this...every day i think how sad it is that i have never had a girlfriend...i am a very romantic person, so to not have someone to love and be loved is really really hard....i do ask lots of girls on dates except every time i ask the girl says she already has a boyfriend....its hard to find anyone who is still single...its also hard because people just assume that because i am almost 21 i must have had a girlfriend and when i tell them i haven't they are shocked and often are skeptical....one time i had to give an interview for a volunteer position at Big Brothers..and of course they asked me about my prior relations with women..i told the interviewer i had never had any and he didn't believe me.....that really hurt!!!! i have been told by several girls that I attractive...that i am tall, have nice hair, nice blue eyes, and an accent that "turns girls on" but i don't know if thats true or not....i just don't think its fair that i have all these good qualities..patience...romance..caring....ect. but still have not had anyone..it really hurts!!!!!!

[NightLily]

Aww.. Richard! You sound sweet. I'm sorry you haven't found somebody yet. These posts always make me want to find you guys and give you a big hug. You could maybe join some sort of a singles group? At least there the girls won't already be taken.

 

Take care,

SuzyQ

[single4good]

Thanks for your reply SuzieQ. I am not some Brad Pitt or male supermodel however I am fairly good looking bloke (heh trying to stay modest) and know my problem has absolutely nothing to do with looks. The only thing that I think does create some problem is my height I am quite a tall guy (6ft4) I know a lot of girls say they adore tall guys but is 6ft4 too tall? I have a friend who is 6ft5 and we both agree unanimously that being too tall is a set back.

 

I am sure some women I have approached in the past would classify me as a womaniser. I think that is the problem with just approaching girls who you don't know but would like to know.... they always seem to think you have an ulterior motive. This is NOT the case just because I go and talk to a girl does not mean I want to take them home with me. I am simply trying to start a conversation with them to get to know them a little. It really is rather ironic if you were to ask any of my female friends if I was a womaniser I am sure they would laugh in your face. The problem is its very hard for a girl who doesn't know you to see this. Also I am not one to look around the room if I am already talking to someone whether they are female or male it really doesn't matter I think it is rude to the person you are talking with to look around the room and not pay attention to them.

 

To me I think the problem has a lot to do with access to girls. If you have an excuse to talk to a girl then I think you are set. If you have no excuse and they are a total stranger I think its very hard to even get a conversation going.... as immediately they think you are some kind of womaniser or sleeze.

 

Richard I can relate completely to your story about not wanting to tell girls you have never had a g/f at my age it is even that bit harder. It is like they label or tag you for not having a g/f. Mind you I am not blaming them for this. I'm sure If I met an attractive 24yr old girl and she told me she has never had a b/f I would be suspicious as to why. So yeah I would always try to avoid discussion about past g/f's because it is quite embarrassing

[drahcir]

hey Single4good...hoz it going??

 

i know what you mean about being too tall. Girls always say they want taller guys, but it can also make one appear intimidating to them...i am quite tall myself, but sometimes i feel that some girls feel somewhat intimidated by my height....they like it but at the same time it scares them...of course i can't blame them because if i was short and everyone else was tall i think i might feel the same way...oh well...

 

hey about being accused of being a womanizer...i don't you need to worry about that....as long as you dont touch a girl inappropriately, then you have nothing to worry about....i take the bus everywhere and i often talk to girls on the bus..its true that many of them appear shut up and have a "i'll bite your head off" sort of look on thier face..but if you are peristant and gentle with them many of these girls will drop thier barriers and become very sweet and open..it take time though....unfortunately everytime i have reached that point i find out they already have a boyfriend..maybe most of the girls you talk to already have boyfriends so thats why they appear to closed to you....

 

it can be embarrassing saying you are old and have never had a girlfriend before..its sort of like being gay..its a topic that you try to avoid and try not to disclose...right now i am nervous because i have applied to do some volunteer work with RCMP Victims Services..and they do extensive back ground checks...there is a 95% chance they will ask the "girlfriend question"..oh well.........

[NightLily]

Well as for if 6'4" is too tall....

 

*thinks for a second about seeing a handsome, 6'4" guy*

 

No, it most definitely is not too tall. Now, if the girl is short then that could possibly be a different story but I am 5'8" (on the tall side for women).

 

And also single4good, if you believe that the reason you can not start a conversation is because you don't have a good excuse, then try to put yourself in a place where you will? For instance.. dance clubs.. fitness clubs, singles groups etc. Also, at a place like the mall, if you really need an excuse to talk to a girl, you could simply turn to one and ask her what she thinks about whatever you are looking at. While that could be a little awkward, at least you seem to have an excuse. And if you didn't have one.. as long as you are gentle and nonintrusive it should be fine. Also, smile. I know I would respond to a friendly, handsome.. tall.. guy coming up to me with kindness. I figure there must be tons of other women just like me in that aspect.

 

And.. enjoy the search! That can be half the fun

SuzyQ

[single4good]

Yeah I think girls do like guys taller than themself however I also think there is such a thing as being too tall. And because girls are generally somewhat shorter I think tall to the average girl is around 6ft. I know a lot of girls 5ft8 and above do like guys who are probably around 6ft2 and above but the problem is there isn't many girls that tall! haha.

 

I know exactly what you mean about the "get to know" part Richard. It just seems every time I do get to know a girl they either have a b/f like you say or they would only ever think of me as a friend or vice versa. I wouldn't worry too much if they ask about the g/f situation. I usually just handle it light heartedly by telling them I just haven't met the right girl with a bit of a smirk on my face...and to some extent this is true.

 

SuzyQ, yeah I have been working on ways to meet girls so I can talk with them or rather have an excuse to. I already do dance classes... I have found this is a great excuse especially since there is a relative low number of guys there and they wonder what you are even doing there in the first place haha. I definitely think access is the key though. With every girl I have ever met and got remotely close to it has been through friends, sport or being introduced. Sure nothing has worked out for me yet but I will try to remain positive for now and keep at it.

 

I think the other side we often forget is its not so bad being single anyway. Relationships are a complicated thing and people would like to think they are easy but really they are not. I know I have seen through my friends a fair amount of heartache. Whilst you can feel very isolated and lonely at times being single... I sometimes feel lucky I have not had to go through some of the heartache I have seen my friends go through. Anyway I should be good at being single now I have been it for long enough

[NightLily]

Well actually, .. I know quite a few girls as tall as I am *gives single4good the evil eye*

[single4good]

where where? hahaha When I go out at night I rarely see any guys as tall let alone any girls....that is not to say I havnt I have actually seen a girls basketball team out and i felt short.

 

I just did some research.....the average height of a female in the United States is 5ft3.7 inches...see! statistics support my claim! there are not many tall girls around and even less girls around who like a guy 6ft4

[NightLily]

Yeah?? Well.. I actually know women as tall as I am. And if you think about it, that average height also included asians and hispanics who are mostly all notoriously short. If you look at the caucasian population it would most likely be a bit taller. So .. there

 

-SuzyQ

[NightLily]

halls.md/chart/women-height-w.htm

 

This link goes to a chart showing the average height of a caucasian female. The average height as you will find SINGLE4GOOD ( ) Is just about 5'5". I am in about the 90th percentile meaning I am still on the charts. lol.

 

Assuming you are white, for your race you would be just above the 100th percentile for height.

halls.md/chart/men-height-w.htm

 

Who is right now?

(By the way, I'm just playing around with you)

SuzyQ

[single4good]

lol....still 5ft5 ...what would they think if they saw some freak 6ft4. That would be like me seeing a girl 7ft3 hahaha. But yeah your right...It is easy to missread statistics whilst 50% are 5ft5 or shorter that means 50% are also 5ft5 or above unfortunately for me I rarely find them...and if I do knowing my luck they would like shorter guys...