drahcir Posted June 12, 2004 Share Posted June 12, 2004 2 days ago i was at working enjoying my break until i read an article in a newspaper....it talked about the typical profile of a young sex offender...it said the 2 key traits to identify a sex offender is respect for authority and being a loner (ie. not having a girlfriend)>>> you see, its articles like taht really bother me..when you reach a certain age and still haven't had a girlfriend, people begin to wonder whats wrong with you...they may suspect you are a sex offender..or are gay....or they may think you are lying because you want to hide something negative that happened in a previous relationship....thats what bothers me the most about not having a girlfriend...people think you are a loner and a pervert...does any one else feel this way????? Link to comment
Shinobie Posted June 12, 2004 Share Posted June 12, 2004 Ya dude it seems like i know the feeling man because it just seems like girls seem to think your a pervert for nto ever having a gf or other people.Its just soem weird vibe they give off like they r thinking that way but yea how hold r u drac? Link to comment
justlikeyou Posted June 12, 2004 Share Posted June 12, 2004 Hey peoples.... Type in AC Green online and the word abstinence. He was a LA Laker at the time of Magic Johnson - the difference? He waited until age 38 to have sex. An NBA player (who are usually notorious for affairs, i.e. Kobe), waited until he was 38 - until he was married. I think it is sweet. Also, I think people who become sex offenders are people who take out their pain on others, I think enotalone people are the type to intraject their problems - not misanthropes who go and hurt others, i.e. the guy who said hiring hookers is cool (no offense). That's when sex is sex, they lose the emotional value to it. If I met your drahc - I wouldn't think that. Link to comment
Tom_Bombadil Posted June 12, 2004 Share Posted June 12, 2004 2 days ago i was at working enjoying my break until i read an article in a newspaper....it talked about the typical profile of a young sex offender...it said the 2 key traits to identify a sex offender is respect for authority and being a loner (ie. not having a girlfriend)>>> you see, its articles like taht really bother me..when you reach a certain age and still haven't had a girlfriend, people begin to wonder whats wrong with you...they may suspect you are a sex offender..or are gay....or they may think you are lying because you want to hide something negative that happened in a previous relationship....thats what bothers me the most about not having a girlfriend...people think you are a loner and a pervert...does any one else feel this way????? I never understood that either. People make it seem that if you're over 21 and aren't married or at least engaged, than you are gay (not that there's anything wrong with it), or you have mental issues. Why, just the other day my neighbor stopped by and asked me why I don't have a girlfriend. It always catches me off guard, and, I never know how to respond to that question so I just smiled and shrugged. He then looks at me with a totally straight face and says, "Rick, are you gay?" Link to comment
OceanEyes Posted June 12, 2004 Share Posted June 12, 2004 Bah ... it's crap to assume that every girl is going to think you're strange or a pervert if you haven't had a girlfriend by the age of 24. I have a very good guy friend who just turned 25 and is still a virgin, let alone never having a serious girlfriend! His reasons? He has always been a very good looking guy and has had plenty of opportunities to have sex and girlfriends ... he's just a romantic idealist and waiting for the right girl to come along. He just doesn't see the point in having a ton of sexual parteners because he doesn't see sex that way. Not every guy will nail any girl who isn't a complete fright. The way I see my friend is that he is a moral, sensitive guy who never bought into society's expectations of how fast he should do things. He's had brief romances, but he really is waiting for something (or someone) more extraordinary. He is a great guy! Link to comment
drahcir Posted June 12, 2004 Share Posted June 12, 2004 hey Oceaneyes...at least your friend is lucky enough to have had a few romances...i haven't even had that yet.....i don't care about having sex..i could remain a virgin for the rest of my life..the only thing i care about is having a long term romantic relationship........sex means nothing, romance is everything..at least to me..lol.. RIchard Link to comment
xxatti Posted June 12, 2004 Share Posted June 12, 2004 Hey peoples.... Type in AC Green online and the word abstinence. He was a LA Laker at the time of Magic Johnson - the difference? He waited until age 38 to have sex. An NBA player (who are usually notorious for affairs, i.e. Kobe), waited until he was 38 - until he was married. I think it is sweet. Also, I think people who become sex offenders are people who take out their pain on others, I think enotalone people are the type to intraject their problems - not misanthropes who go and hurt others, i.e. the guy who said hiring hookers is cool (no offense). That's when sex is sex, they lose the emotional value to it. If I met your drahc - I wouldn't think that. AC Green was a fool by the better sense of the word. But he was different from these guys for the simple fact the remained a virgin by choice, not by lack of opportunity or options. Link to comment
Iori_Yagami Posted June 12, 2004 Share Posted June 12, 2004 Well, it seems our group is extending - I have always wondered whether my situation is common or not - I' m 21, have never ever dated a girl, but still in the process of searching for my other half. In fact, I am not as shy as some other guys here, but I WAS shy for quite a long time, up to the age of 17 when I started endless attempts of finding a girlfriend, which all failed... BUT they gave me experience. Some important points I'd like to state specifically: 1. Don't ever think that a person you like is waaaay better than you, so you value yourself quite low. In fact, after trying several times to make any relationship to a girl I once fell in love, I realised that we were too differnt, to say the least. Well Iam sort of a stay at home and learn guy, you know, (I find myself quite good in the field of Information Technologies and generally science), but she...liked company, parties, attended anything like concerts, etc, etc. We were, so to say 'incompatible types'. 2. Practice is extremely important. It is painful, I agree - once I even managed to reveal my feelings to the girl I liked and got a laughter, disbelief and unrespect (how's that written? - my mothertongue is not English, sorry) in return. As I remember, I couldnt do anything or even speak for that whole day. Still, later I learned that you have to be, to train yourself be respected if you ever want to earn anyone's sympathy or even love. 8) 3. As for appearance... Don't listen to people who say you're ugly, too short/tall, thin/fat or whatever. That all is said in spite only and doesn't mean anything serious. The problem is you begin to believe all that cr*p they say about you and lower your self esteem. Be positive. 4. As a rule of thumb, count your failures as steps to victory and never stop. I know how awful is than you get rejected, especilly in a rude manner (once a girl told that I need to make a brain transplantation in order to date her - ooooh, how rude, considering I am the second best student in the group and my nickname in the group is 'professor' With time, I have had so many unpleasant/insulting responses form girls that now I almost have immunity to that. That's normal - if someone rejects you - it may be just a defensive reaction (no big deal). 5. Finally, try finding your other half where you spend most of your time. I personally now have a girl friend (not to be confused with girlfriend), whose also intrested in IT as me (no matter how odd it may sound - girl sometimes are good at brainwork no offence to anyone that's a joke ). Well she's the type I like - open, simple, not snobbish and extremely friendly. To sum it up, I'll just say YOU (lonely guys & gals on this thread) CAN make it if you try - don't expect much form your first attempts though - result comes out of experience. Link to comment
drahcir Posted June 13, 2004 Share Posted June 13, 2004 your're right JOhn..meeting women in bars and pubs is a waste of time in my opinion..there are lots of other great places to meet women...try going to a college or university...esp. in the library..there are lots of opportunities to meet young women...does anyone else have any ideas... why have your dates been disasters???? well i think some of the women are rude if they don't even say thanks.... as for the debate on whether to be nice or hard to get, i think nice is better....i have seen that being nice well get you much further....but all depends on the type of girl who you want to date..some enjoy pursuing and thereforeeee playing hard to get is better...others expect to be pursued..and then nice is better....asian girls are more conservative (generally) and expect the guy to be nice and her to passive and be hard to get....western girls are usually different..... i am sorry that all your friends have girlfriends and don't spend time with you...for me most of my friends don't have girfriends..all my closest friends have never dated, never had a girlfriend just like me...so its not that bad..though it does hurt sometimes.... see everyone later, Richard Link to comment
Shinobie Posted June 13, 2004 Share Posted June 13, 2004 Ya how is it that i go to school..... have so much more social situtations then my friend john,then he lands a date with some girl that works at his work out of no where by asking him out.He is an extremely shy guy and doesnt know what the hell is going on just like me.Why is it that he gets so lucky by that one girl when all he does is work at that place and i have no contact with girls at all.Am i just probably plain ugly?I mean how can you relaly tell how bad looking you really are.I've been feeling really really down today feeling like a hopeless ugly moron but things will kick up.I just dont get how all these guys get lucky... its just starting to make me think that maybe im just ugly......I mean why do i have to be burdened with these hormones to want to luv if im just too ugly to use em why does god have to make some of us human beings just plain ugly i dont get it...... Link to comment
xxatti Posted June 13, 2004 Share Posted June 13, 2004 Post a link to a pic and Im sure some of the girls here will give you an honest evaluation. Link to comment
madhornet Posted June 13, 2004 Share Posted June 13, 2004 My dates have been disasters in the sense that we meet up, things start OK and the conversation flows pretty well at first but there come those points when an uncomfortable silence hits and you feel you have to say something before they lose interest. That's when something completely random and stupid sounding comes out of my mouth and I get one of those looks that says 'you just screwed up this date'. I think perhaps I went into each 'date' with the wrong attitude, treating it as though I had to impress her and act as someone I'm not. I assume being yourself is the only way, do as you do when you're out with your friends as you are normally - if you try to be someone else that's when it goes wrong. The only stumbling block I really have is that I can't stand clubbing and hate dancing as I can't dance to save my life, it is almost expected that you have to be able to dance otherwise women are put off very quickly when they find out (in my experience). I don't know any women who dislike clubbing or dancing for that matter. Obviously being shy makes it difficult to show that confidence that women like. I've never met anyone who has that many similar interests to myself, finding someone who does would be a good starting point. I'm a keen walker as my main form of exercise other than playing football (there aren't that many women who are avid football fans like me) and found a couple of local groups where they have regular social events so I'm going to join up, even if just to make a few friends and expand my social circle a bit. That way I'm doing something I enjoy not just doing it for the sake of meeting women. Link to comment
Agent47 Posted June 13, 2004 Share Posted June 13, 2004 Man, I know exactly what you mean. It can really piss you off sometimes. I've been in clubs before standing right beside guys that were doing the exact same thing I was (staring at the wall) and had really hot girls come out of nowhere and approach them because they thought the guy was "so cute" as they put it. Meanwhile, Im sitting there thinking to myself "what the hell?! Am I like invisible here?!!" Ironically, when I was living in Europe I got to be that guy that the girls would come up to. Now that Im back in the states I get nothing. I cant even get a girl to look my way. I just dont get it. Link to comment
wlfpack81 Posted June 13, 2004 Share Posted June 13, 2004 Ironically, when I was living in Europe I got to be that guy that the girls would come up to. Now that Im back in the states I get nothing. I cant even get a girl to look my way. I just dont get it. There's the difference right there. While girls can be shallow everywhere U.S. girls tend to be the worst of them all. Basically this is probably due to the American way of having more means you're a better person and have a better social status etc. Link to comment
drahcir Posted June 14, 2004 Share Posted June 14, 2004 hey.... i know whats it like when you reach that point where there is nothing else to say....what i have done to avoid that is make up a list of key questions which i have memorized..these are questions when i throw in when there is nothing else to say...these are some that work particulary well: 1. Ask the girl is she has any brothers of sisters -this is a fantastic question and always goes well....be sure to go about what thier siblings are doing...but one word of caution: don't ask this of a chinese girl...because of the one child policy in China, any brothers or sisters she might have had would have been aborted...don't make that mistake... 2. Ask her what she has studied at school, or about her career dreams -another great one..... 3. Ask her where she has traveled..... 4. Ask her what she likes to do for fun.... hmm...i can't think of any more right now.... if you can't dance take some lessons and learn...trust me, its well worth it...its great fun...girls usually grossly out number guys in dance classes so for sure you will have girls flocking to dance with you (they obviously don't wnat to be dancing with other girls..lol...)..don't learn salsa..learn traditional dancing.....likes square dancing...even old fashioned stuff.... Girls love to dance......so learn it!!!! i can't sing either...don't worry about that...... goodl luck... as for the all the conversation about american girls being too demanding and having too high standards..i don't know if thats true..i am in Canada..what i would say is that its better to try with girls from a more conservative country...like the Philippines or Korea....filipino girls are often very accepting....Korean girls too...Japanese girls too are very open and less demanding...as long as you love them they are happy...they rarely care what you look like...ect...but if they are raised here they tend to adopt more selfish western values....but if they are immigrants, its easier to get a girlfriend..tahts why i personally prefer korean of filipino girls.... see everyone later Link to comment
northernlights Posted June 14, 2004 Share Posted June 14, 2004 Well, I think the little racial categorization of how girls look at guys is a little inapplicable. I'm a very international person. Went to a high school with a huge diversity. Go to a college with a huge diversity. You can't really categorize people by race. That's just too general. But anyway... for all the guys out there who are too shy to talk to a girl (hey don't worry, I have the same never had a boyfriend problem, but I DO know what I want in a guy so my advice should still be useful)...that's totally understandable. But the thing is...you HAVE to talk. At least initiate a conversation. Show some interest. There are dozens of guys I've thought are really cute, but they never actually came up to me and said even a simple "hi". And of course I'm shy too, so I never went up to them. The result? Two potentials who thought the other was cute went on their way, dateless, because they couldn't gather up the nerve. Don't wait for the girl to make the first move. We're just as scared as you! And there's that whole expectancy of the guy being the one who should make the first move. (Though apparently today girls seem to be making more first moves. I hate it, but it's true.) A simple "Hello" goes a long way. It shows you're interested, and as a result, the girl starts talking. Let her lead the conversation for a bit if you're lost after that "hello"...at least you started it. Talk about things you're really passionate above, even if it seems weird to you. That way, you can describe it to the girl, and it will be just like describing something to any other person, except it will be the girl you always wanted to talk to. Offer to help her when she looks like she needs help. We LOVE divine (ie: the opposite gender) intervenence. There are so many times when I wish guys would just get over their shy barrier and help me out when I need help (ie: carrying things, pushing something, when I'm having a particularly crummy day). Confidence is hard. I know. I don't have any. But as a girl, I can say we love guys making the first move. We love it when guys help us out. (Just don't belittle us and make us feel inferior because we're female) It's too cute when a guy musters the courage to break away from his safety net of friends and come talk to us alone. And I mean *too* cute. Maybe you're shy and you need a more dominant girl to date, but you have to show you're interested in her before she ever dominates the conversation and helps you. So first move. first move! Oh, and for god's sake, CALL HER. No, you DON'T look needy. I know it may seem that way, but we love knowing that someone likes us enough to pick up the phone and dial our number. Just say "hey, what's up. Just calling to say hi" and let her carry it on from there. Don't wait for her to call you. We hate calling guys first. (At least my friends and I do) Link to comment
Caldus Posted June 14, 2004 Share Posted June 14, 2004 Well it is starting to become easier for me to come up to a girl and try to initiate a conversation, so it's just a matter of practicing that. My problem now is that most girls seem way out of my league every time. I try not to think of it that way but it seems to just be the way it is. Like I got this girl's phone number but I know that she lives with a guy and some other people so I'm pretty sure she has to have a boyfriend or at least be extremely social. And I'm not that social even though I try to be. My problem is that it's hard for me to follow other peoples' conversations during social gatherings like at a resturant or whatever. They always bring up conversations that I can never contribute to and I know if I try then I'll probably say the wrong thing and disrespect everyone. Like I was out with these people from my church tonight (people around my age) and not one girl seemed to want to talk to me at all despite my best efforts to initate a conversation with them. I mean, a lot of girls online say I look good. I try to keep a smile and be friendly, but they continue to just shrug me off (in a polite way of course) eventually. Am I too nice or something? Do I have to change who I am just so I can get to know them? And they always tell me to just stop searching for one and they will come to you. How is that ever going to happen if it has never happened in the past when I'm not searching for one? I try not to be negative about all of this but I feel like I have to get this off my chest. Link to comment
Lily04 Posted June 14, 2004 Share Posted June 14, 2004 I think the reason you haven't found the right person in the past is because they don't have a similar personality to you, or interests. This is what I've found in restaurants..people get into conversations and I feel like I can't really relate to them or contribute because I don't particularly care what they're talking about, or perhaps can't make small talk well. But I've met people who seem to have the same personality (if you believe in the personality tests, they have the same letter combination as me or similar) and we hit it off great. It wasn't forced conversation..there are not many people I've met like that though. The type of people I usually like are studious, a little bit crazy, confident, and inquisitive..and has some sort of sensitive/shy side. this is pretty much me summed up, but I find I get along with people like this..and it's true that similar people are more attracted to each other, the 'opposites attract' philosophy isn't as true (it was briefly discussed in my psychology textbook, there's research on this of course.) I guess if you have a personality traits that's not so common, it might be difficult to meet compatible people? Like that test I took said I'm INTJ, which is apparently found in less than 1% of the American population. So maybe that's why..although some of my best friends are INTJ as well, I don't think it's quite as rare as they make it out to be, but who knows. Anyways, just don't change who you are, you will meet someone, although it may be harder for you than the average extrovertive jock. When you click with someone you'll know it, don't take experiences like this to be a generalization of your life to come. People, you'll meet people! Trust me..although if you have a severe case of shyness (i.e. social anxiety disorder like one guy I know) I can understand it might be harder..seeing a counsellor may help. But otherwise, you'll work it out, just keep looking and be friendly and the right person will come. Link to comment
xxatti Posted June 14, 2004 Share Posted June 14, 2004 I completely agree with everything you're saying. But it also goes both ways. As a girl, you shouldnt just sit around looking at the wall and expect the guy you like to come up and talk to you. Let him know that you notice him. Give him the signs to make him want to come over and talk to you. A lot of girls will see a guy that they're attracted to, and try to do everything possible not to let him no it. Then they leave wondering why the guy never came up to them. Go figure. But yes, the guy has to be the leader, the initiator. But the girl shouldnt just sit there and expect everything to fall in her lap. Link to comment
drahcir Posted June 14, 2004 Share Posted June 14, 2004 hey Northern lights.... you know, i agree..most girls expect guys to make the first move...just tradition i suppose....but i want to ask you from a girls perspective..why should guys make the first move..why do you think thats the way it usually is?????? ya thats right...look for every opportunity you can to help a girl out....even if you don't know what you are doing, atleast pretend you are..lol.... but you know, race really DOES matter...girls of some races are far more easy to please than from other races...i know because i am in Vancouver, Canada--which according the United Nations is the most racially diverse place in the WORLD..no place on earth as more races, more language, more cultures than Vancouver...anyway....i have seeen that race really makes a huge difference...its so easy for me to talk with and impress a filipino girl than to please a caucasion one (i am caucasion myself)...caucasion girls tend to be more demanding..girls from more conservative countries are easier to please..they also care about romantic love more..they may sound raciest, but its true.....of coures its an overgeneralization and it doesn't apply to everyone--there are always plenty of exceptions..but its true that some races of girls are simply more easier to please than others, and for guys who have problems finding a girlfriend, i suggest they try someone of a difference race..esp. filipino..but also Japanese girls..they are so easy to please and love you as you are...not so demanding...thats why so many men who can't find a western girlfriend (because some western girls are too demanding) want to get a "mail order bride" from the philippines or thailand or some place like that...so in conclusion, its true that not everyone can be judged by race, but its also true that race does matter a lot..some races are in general easier to please than others..and guys with out a girlfriend should try to meet up with some filipino or japanese girls.... take care, RIchard Link to comment
Shinobie Posted June 14, 2004 Share Posted June 14, 2004 As for the picture i am not the type to put one over the internet because i am to unconfident about my looks to put one on.I am just to stupid and dont want to show my ugly face to anyone on the internet because that is what i think it is anyways.As for your posts drac i hope there r girls out there in the world like that that you speak of because i would not want to go on living my life alone like i see all these other guys doing.If i were to live that lonely up to the age of 26 when i have a job all settled away and stuff.I would DEFINITELY kill myself i would feel there is no reason for me to even be on this earth.Although i dont want to question gods authority but why does he have to make some people scorching hot and then some of us unbelievabily ugly.WHy does it have to be so unfair it bothers me.Like people with a great singing talent,rich,good looking,lots of friends,and a great family.Like so many fricken great qualities to go with them.While their might be a person who is insanely ugly,poor on the streets,is an orphan,no friends,and has no sense of life.Life is very confusing and i dont get anythign about it,just pisses me off. Link to comment
drahcir Posted June 14, 2004 Share Posted June 14, 2004 hey Shinobie.... hey this talk about killing yourself is no good...liife is still worth living even with out a girlfriend..yes it hurts, but am i going to go kill myself because cuz i never had a girlfriend...no..that would be really dumb...because what if right after you killed yourself you would have come accross the most perfect girl and she would want you? and what if there is some girl who secretly likes you when you kill yourself--then you will never be able to have her....life is certainly worth livign without a girfrliend..maye its lets fulfilling, for sure, but its still good.. its true that life is grossly unfair but everyone has to make the most of what they already have..i remember when my friends went to mexico and the children there live in absolute poverty..they have like one toy...and yet they loved that toy more than anything else and the children there were so happy even with little...then my friends went to Los ANgelas and disney land and it said on the front of disney land "the happiest place on earth"..they thought..."what a joke!!" "what a lie"...the happiest place is down south where the poverty is...this kids are happy with what they have...they were having more fun in mexico than they ever would in disney land....be happy with whawt you've got now....... and anyway you are only 16 right?? you still got lots of time to find a girlfriend.....when i was 16 i thought no girl would like me....but now i know differently....you still have plenty of time left... take care, Richard Link to comment
bite_me Posted June 14, 2004 Share Posted June 14, 2004 Hmm, being ugly dont stop u getting a woman, i keep getting told i'm ugly by female friends half the time, and i've been out with some amazingly good looking women. I used to think that looks were all important since as men we just classify women physically and think attraction is based on looks. But stop thinking that way, its important to women but not as important as you think it is or it is to men. One way to think about it is you can fall in lust with any beautifull woman easily, but how many of them could you actually fall in love with once you get to know them? Try this, it's the advice a friend of mine gave me long ago. Resign yourself to not having a girlfriend for the the next 3 months, and spend this time just learning how to talk to women. Walk upto total strangers, ugly women, beautifull women, all women ( start out with the ugly ones if you feel nervouse ) and just talk to them. Start out by saying hi, smile at them, and maintain eye contact. It doesnt matter if you dont start a conversation, just get used to doing it, you'll be surprised at how many women smile back and say hi. Try it on the street, at work, at college etc, try just smiling at women and you'll notice them smiling back. Once you can do this start having conversations with women, let them do most of the talking, carry on the conversation on topics that interest both of you or just her. Whatever you do DO NOT at any time let the thought enter your head that you could go out with any of these women, it'll ruin your vibe. Talk to them the same way you'd talk to your mom/sister/female friends. Be in the same mindset as you would if you were just talking to some other man about the football / cars / films etc to pass time. Once you've got the hand of talking to women you'll be surprised at how easy it is to get female friends, and dates soon after. Link to comment
Shinobie Posted June 15, 2004 Share Posted June 15, 2004 thanks for all the posts and some of those posts r just random acts of anger when i feel really depressed some days.Can u become bipolar in your life time instead of being born with it.because it feels like ill go to feeling very very great one day to feeling very depressed but nah what am i thinking just the stupid teenage crisis. Link to comment
drahcir Posted June 16, 2004 Share Posted June 16, 2004 Shinobie..i don't know much about bipolar...all i know is that if you are seriously worried about it go to the library and look it up in a medical dictionalry..and then go to someone you trust...like a school counsellor or pastor or priest and tell them how you feel...i see your real problem is not about not havign a girlfriend..its deeper than that..so solve that problem first....bipolar is treatable with medication.. nows its time to get back the discussion about not having a girlfriend...i was wanting to know...how often do you guys think about not having a girlfriend..every day?? several times a day? every hour?? some times i spend an entire day...other times its just a couple of minutes per day...? but i don't think i can go a day with out thinking about..because the whole dating love thing comes up everyday...like everday i see people kissing..holding hands...even when i see stuff about the debate on whether gay people should be married....it all reminds me of not having a girlfriend...i think its inpossible to escape that fact... i also wonder....like everyday i pass people i wonder if there are any guys i pass who have also never dated / never had a gf....as a percentage i would guess that maybe 1% ....but its hard to know who..because it just seems that everyone has atleasted dated...outside my circle of friends i don't know many people my age who have never dated / never had a gf..anyway just my thoughts.. take care everyone and happy girlfriend hunting... Richard Link to comment
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