Iori_Yagami

I thank both of the respondents, and invite everyone else to have a word. I think this issue is quite important, not only for ones like me (who lives in a economically 'difficult' post-Soviet country with huge unemployment rate and gross gaps between the rich elite and numerous underclass almost without having a normal backbone of every well-developed modern country - middle class - the engineers, scientists, doctors, teachers, otherwise intelligent professionals). No, I've read the same thing buggers westerns too, and it is a bad sign for all modern people. The roots are easily spotted - the technology becomes more and more powerful and requires less and less understanding of it to successfully operate its artifacts. Remember old photo cameras? Not eveyone had the skill and patience to learn it, to run a in-house photo lab with red lights and all, to prepare solutions of different chemicals to develop film, to read vast amount of photo literature... But now... push the blasted button, Johnny! As for my case, I studied in a rather 'difficult' uni - it was countries oldest state official university which generally didn't accept anyone for money, but rather knowledge - you have to have very good marks in your school graduation certificate to get into uni. (it all was funded by government). So it was quite difficult to pass each of the exams. I think a lot on the matter these days, because: 1. it actually lit me green light to find a job I'm suited for (not an ice-cream seller or the like) 2. it is almost useless at work, but I like to address this to the very nature of IT sphere - ever rolling turmoil of change - what you thought novel once become garbage in a year 3. I sometimes regret I didn't stay to get Dr. degree(it is a recurring dream from childhood of being a scientist ... so silly, anyway), but calm myself with the idea that it is not really for me (if regular studying was difficult, what would be next?)

I graduated from university this year (was educated in IT sphere), and observed quite an intresting phenomenon - a presense of so-called fraternity or brotherhood-like relationships amongst vast majority of students. Its main idea is simple, yet powerful, to help thy nearest in need. Not rivalry and competition, but help and protection. I once read an article which dealt with quite an infamous difference between individual-oriented and collectivistic cultures. It stated, above all, that these cultures are not only different, but also antagonstic in their ideals. The first type concentrates on one particular individual's achievements, and values independence, self-confidence and performance. The second focuses on group values, such as morality, universal good, unselfishness, kindness. The first one would shun anyone not strong enough to stand out, while the second will hate anyone who has ambitions which do not comply to the society's trends. In fact, the word 'ambitious' is a negative-value word in those languages (for example, Russian word 'амбициозный'). The most popular praise and disapproval, respectively, are: 'you are so rich', (healthy, strong, beautiful, lucky, beaten everyone else) and 'you are a loser' (weak, poor, beaten by anyone) in the first type of culture and 'you are caring' (honest, kind, respectful, knowing, wise, responisble, hard-working) and 'you are selfish' (cheaty, neglectful, scornful, careless, lazy) in the second type of cultures. So, after such an introduction, let's catch on matter... I, personally, have lived for all of my life in a second type culture country, and may have a tiny bias, but still understand both of them. I think, your country's ideals (at least as seen from outer world) seem natural to your history - adventurers of any sort form all parts of Europe went for search of better life to another, not so hospitable continent. Having all the knowledge already in purse, they needed only to use it. thereforeeee, a great custom of acting all the time was born. Competition was also part of the story. There was no time to think or work on morale. You had to act, before your neighbour does and gets an advantage. Now let's really catch the body of the topic. Once one of our professors told us that foreign students (that is, the western ones) were different in the fact they had no problems with plagiarism. If you studied anywhere, you know the problem in and out. (I'm not much into US educational system, but I think a college would do. We do not have colleges - our schools encompass whopping 12 years (from age 6-7 up to 18-19), and various high schools (institutes, universities) 4-6 years.) It is when you no longer just blankly do what you're given, like a lot of homeworks for 1-2-3 days, but rather a few tasks for weeks or even months. No minute guidance, only general directions are given. Lectures help, but they are not enough, and not always well understood unless much later (I still doubt if it is just me, or this is supposed to be this way. A lot of people feel the same, because the pressure is hard during years of study, even former geeks at school start to get tired. As for the others...) Yeah, as for the others it is just that... Plain dumb revolting dirty filthy deadly (whatever else) p l a g i a r i s m. I actually was anti-plagiarist during school days, because I WANTED to do anything myself. Let it be ugly, stupid, weak, not ideal, with flaws - it is still my work till the tiniest atom. My mistakes are also mine. To be honest I was a good pupil at school (even in the top 20 ratings in the whole 400 pupil school). What I believe helped me is that my mother never helped me with any school tasks. I didn't let her. I was assertive and careful since 7 years old. Yeah, I had drawbacks - no friends, no parties, weak nerve system, but still I thought of myself as being 'good' in second cultures sense. During my university years, my thoughts changed a little. I understood, that school was way different. You had to be attentive and hard-working, and that would be sufficient for earning good marks almost stabily. In university, natural brain power comes into play. I've seen lazy and unserious people who solved differential equations as snapping nuts, smiling at everyone else; as well as some hard-working ones unluckily failing to grasp some essential concept of physical property or dependance and having to learn by heart a lot of unneeded material just to pass their exam and forget it all altogether afterwards. What unfairness, I often asked myself, does make things so? Now for the last part, I'll state one intresting thing - one other professor noted a characteristic trait of us - if a difficult task was not solved for a long time and than finally someone (eureka!) solved it, then the solution became instantly known to all the other students. That is so-called brotherhood - you help others, not making rivals of them. Returning to plagiarism, I'd state that it blossomed. And they told us that westerns don't have it. No, the westerns are not more responsible, they are just selfish and don't share. No such thing as fraternity could exist where money is, and for the vast majority of westerns education is future money. So, (we are returning to the start now) it is a personal goal, while we tried to share thoughts (illegally, that is; I still remember it and advise against it because dumb copying will only trick you out of failure, but not give any food for the brain) as a community. They said that sheer competition is what prevented so-called brotherhood attitudes. We helped each other, because knew that students are, as usually (don't know about your country) are the poorest people of all (who can't yet earn anything serious, but already left parents), have problems with food, or rent, do theirs thesises at night while working at some second grade facility as barman, pizzaman and the like. We felt that the clever ones should help the others. I even knew two fellows who lived in 'symbiosis': one did the papers and solved tasks for both of them, and the other peeled potatoes and cleaned up the room for both (I'm talking about dormitory living). What you guys (and gals, too, lol) think on the matter? Have anyone observed this? Have anyone thought on the matter, or, perhaps, faced some different culture in their life? How hard do you find studyng completely on your own? Do you prefer it, just as me, or think it is impossible? If so, would you defend copy-paster cheaties? I found out, after I started working, that ability to think by yourself is even much more important than the knowledge itself, because it can be acquired easier that way and gives real understanding. Do you agree?

200 years is nothing, really... Perhaps, most of you are Americans (I'm not) so you can't imagine greater historical measures. (Oh, it is a whole different thing about artificial country, machinated society and engineered conscience - I'll speak later on that matter. Shortly - natural evolution is longer than human creation, but more stable). You see, your mistake was that THIS kind of modern thinking is new - it is 18-19 century, and historically it was recent. Great industrrial revolution caused it. Yet before there was no reliance on technology. It was, but it was different - AND I MEAN no the insignificant details, or outlook, or something - I mean the most important - THE THINKING TYPE. How do you answer most global questions - who are you? why are you? what is your goal and purpose? what you believe? I speak of anceient type of thinking, medieval, renessance period, ... It si very sad that modern people are so ovrwhelmed by so-called "realism" that they can't think more globally. Yes, I see that many misinterpet idea simply because their own mind recognises ONLY several selected and suited for them aspects. Do you now who Freud was? Do you think you really understand him? It is such a profanation, that's going on now. Sad.

Thank you, Caterina. I highly appreciate your answer, it seems so open and calming. Yes, it is difficult, but can be done. Maybe it is the thing that I hardly had any friends, most of neighbour kids being sort of bullies, who'd push away you back if you are shorter or weaker. Also my mother was and still is only one person in the world, who loves me. Sad I cannot visit her often these days (it is 200+ kilometers), but we have very warm and kind family. Still, thanks. Well, when I told about N persons, I meant actually that everyone is different in everyone's eyes, and even in your own eyes you are not what you are truly. Who knows then, except God? (Yes, I am a non-american, so I don't know how do your people behave - maybe that's an issue). Humbleness can be good for one society and bad for another. Everything is bad, when it goes to extremes. Are there such proverbs as "The slower you ride, the further you go" or "measure a cut seven times, make a cut once". in your society? There are these cycles not in only person's life, but also in society's life. Time to fight and time to heal, time to grow, and time to gather harvest"...

Think when you said "thank you" last time from your heart. Not as a sandart phrase, but simplyy from what you wanted to say. Think when you helped someone last time. Not when someone watches it to to show you're good, or because you wait for something in return. Simply because you felt you can do someone something good. hink when you made some work last time. Not because of payment, or necessity. Not to show off your skills ans strength. Simply to make surroundings better, and improve life in its process.

Thanks to both girls, your replies sounded reasonable and well-built. I'd even say it is the thing I believe in. caterina oh, it is so depressive... lately I found out that even my best pleasures don't make me happy. I even started to dislike and rant about my field, the IT, of which I was a great enthusiast once. I forgot when I smiled last time. I'll try, I'll try... northernlights it is all correct, but, excuse me, it is plain truism and banality. What I try to say, that objective reality exists outside our perception. We have only image of objects, and for each it is different. There is not one person, there are N persons with the same name for each N people who communicate (including indirect such as via books and culture) and self. THink a little about it, it won't hurt. Still, thank you. Errr, if for that particular occasion, it is over now, for 10+ months ago... So it all ended. I may be obsessed, but no completely stupid. We do not talk, she blocked me everywhere possible, we do not see each other for weeks... it is long over... BUT something still stay in my heart. Such little little rat which slowly eats away my lifeforce, bit after bit. Maybe I have gotten myself a inferiority complex. Maybe I have had it since childhood in the first place... I am continuing this topic because other questions arise. Namely, all the occasions (they were four) are quite similar. I guess they answer to my psychological behaviour model and are a system. Evil never comes alone, they say. It's true. I understand that it is just the top of the iceberg, the whole thing being my wounded soul. Inferiority, fear, humbleness, difficulty in communications, weakness. That is what is the root.

Oh, it's a pity. But that's a nuisanse. Online relationships? Pfffft! What I am trying to tell is this strange addiction, unnormal and painful to me. Psychology names it a "masochistic addiction to a person", meaning not that stupid kinky BDSM stuff, but the model of relationship, where one is negative towards the other, and the latter is just happy about that. I wish I were different! The biggest pain is that I don't ever get infatuated or like those girls, who like me. They seem so unintresting and easy to seduce, so... But the ones who want challenge are so difficult in making relationships with. Yes, that's my own psychological problems.

As long as humanity stands, there will be questions to be asked. I, as another human being, while having both a soul and an animal nature, will hesitate. Yes, hesitation is inevitable. It is just our fate, since we divided and separated ourselves from our mother nature. Logic is a human creation. Sure. It is now clear that it is not perfect. Many times people have to learn that they mistake something they see for something it is. Einstein showed us, gave us a little hint about our selfish and shortsighted ideas - we mistake often. Time and space are of one nature, world is 4D, energy and mass are two side of one thing. Now I come to a though that action and thought are two sides of one thing. I can influence my mind by actions and vice versa. No, that's not entirely exact, but words escape me, as I try to put it rather clear. What is your idea - "be happy with what you have". Yeah, you would say soon - "everyone deserves his own", and know what? That was written in all nazi's bases, where SOME people were thought of inferior and thereforeeee subject to inhuman experiments and such. No, we are equal, and no need to prove that either. It is an axiom. I can be not very well dressed, poor, or sick, or anything else, but not without my own self. Yes, i don't really have anything. Nothing belong to anyone, truly. Sometimes not even your body in case of a slave (either real, ancient slaves or modern slaves of 'common sense' and 'political correctness' and 'consumers socety's idol - the big golden bull - the money). My mind is what I own, and it is the most valuable thing I have. I often think - you care so much about proteins in vitamins in your food, about cleanness of your shoes, hairstyle etc. But you don't care nothing about your mind - foolishly poison it with mass-production media, weird and false ideas of other sick minds. You live a blind life, from month salary to salary, just to spend it on increasing effectiveness of that, trapped forever in this endless loop of consumer's philosophy. Yes, you try to cheat yourself with your sport club and travelling, computer games, interest societies, post modern dead poetry, pop music and movies... as soulless entertainment as it is. Who am I, a flea? Or a proud human? Can I? Will I? Shall I? May I?

Long time no see, not-e-loners? Now it's final year. I do really rarely see her (once a week or so) and still there is a very weird feeling in my ... errr. heart? soul? brain? Can't actually say, some clever people say it is just lust and social desadaptation which causes such problems with unrequited love or infatuation or simply unresponded kind feelings. YES, I admit. I am a neurotic freak. YES, I do not want to argue on that matter. SURELY, my obsession with one particular person for two years while being clearly unwelcomed is REALLY not logical and understandible. What I still want to talk about is - the origins of such feelings. Why me? What for? Why do I keep feeling the way I do? I ask myself - you are an IT specialist, you use logical reasoning and careful and thorough analysis. Why don't you use it to manage your own life? Afraid? What is that value of emotion? Does it bring anything good? Does it move you to progress? Or does it stop you? So many questions, not so many answers. We had to do a long-term group work on university's information system requirements analysis, and I (lucky? unlucky?) got into the same sub-group with her. Four people total. Me the leader. Oh, as soon as she realised that she fled without telling any reasons. Why? Finally, I have to do all the work now alone. Not fair, simply... Is it good to move our personal conflict to this completely unrelated area? If I ever drown, will she help me to get out of the water or will she be glad? How angry and spoiled someone could be... I guess that is not only my own fault. I can't be blamed for everything around me. Tired of being scapegoat. No, I can't ever argue with her. She's sooo beautiful to my taste. It is odd, but I always get so excited about her that I can't show a slightiest displeasement sign to her while she's somewhat near. Only "Please, Good morning, I could help you, How's going, etc" Only later, when I realise that her answers like "get away, hate you, don't want to see you ever again, get lost, idiot" and such are truly painful to me, my heart starts to boil. Usually that night I see a dream about blood and needles. Knives, too. (NO, I'm just neurotic, not yet psychotic enough - these are just dreams anyway). Why on earth beauty and good personal treats are almost always incompatible? Is it because we, who you call "plainly looking to ugly" have so much pain and disrespect that we learn not to hurt others, to listen patiently to them, to try to feel them, to be quiet and attentive all because we know hardsnips. And they while never had felt despise or were pariahs, do not even realise that such behavior hurts others? Selfishness, yes, that is it. And no, it was not said before. My vision is a little bit new. Usually beautiful and successful people are forgiven almost everything, but others are treated without such mercy. Selfishness also is a treat never discussed on a 1st type person, cause s/he's "popular", "cool", "powerful" or whatever you please...

Oh, it is soooo simple, after all. The goal of a woman in relationships is to attract more and more men (that shows her a so-called popular high-status female like in animal world) and then to choose the best of them? who suits her the most. Just like instincts tell her - show yourself as healthy and attractive, amd then choose the best of them. It doesn't mean anything serious. Oh, don't you think that women centuries long beautified themselves for nothing??? It all has a purpose, despite she may actually reject the fact, it is deep in her instincts. It is in their nature and it has been the most frequent case of misunderstanding between sexes - I mean, even if woman shows some mild or strong sign of attraction it never means she likes you much. It is just done for her own pleasure - the feeling that she is "the best", "worth something", etc. Men usually take it too literally, meaning she is offering herself. Noooo, that would be wat too easy. That and many more is derived from differences in male and female behaviour models. It's much to learn, really.

Oh, this topic appears so often... The roots are deep, my friends. They come from society moral settings. The new society is to blame in all this. Emancipation, too. I often compare our culture with yours, western. And with eastern, too. It is such a pity that men are caged in laws and stupid regulations that they do not have much power left. It often seems odd, why tons of your western people go seeking a wife from our lands? I think it is purely to the unspoiled nature of our women, who have not been touched by horrible practice of emancipation which perverted itself. Actually it was a good idea at start. Gicving them voting rights, salary and such. But now, women do not know what to want anymore. Like immature and spoiled children, they greedily exploit their rights, never stopping and never having any shame. They don't have it, it is a MAN who must govern her and care for her, to be a spine in the family, while she becomes flesh, and together they form a living element of a healthy society. In eder days it was perfect - parents would chose wisely who to marry, what the family trend woud be and so on. Now young people are like children left on their own. They can surely care well for themselves, but cannot even think to care for others, to create a real family. Only thing left is the will to reproduce, but that is not enough. You can't overrun with quantity where quality is required. i mean good life level alone is nothing without educating morality and truth-loving. So, women now can easily chase you off NOT because you are immoral or untrue, but because of your looks, money or so-called "status". Yes, I know it is depressing, but I don't see nay other way out only to start hard work on your morality and truth. That is neede for whole western civilization. NEEDED, now! Start with yourself, and continue further with your family. Don't forget roman empire which ended rich but rotten inside, fully covered with filth and sins. Money won't save anyone.

Yes, yes, do not get me wrong - I quit some 7 months ago, but I am analyzing everything from a distant view. Why? Actually, she insulted me. Don't I have the right to know why? We all are equal. Different yes, but equal. I actually hate those people, who behave like you are in debt. Personally I never insult anyone, even if he/she is a heavy drinking beggar.

Well, I didn't even think, that people are so intrested in this all, but still I must admit, there is a lot to study. There are countless things that I did not mention. You actually can find them in relevant studies of scientists, if you want. It is really a great area. Tried, your reply was excellent. I have just to add some points. Altruism is not a very best thing to an individual organism. What is altruism, really? From biological point of view, it is the ability to victimize your own life for the other. Mothers of their kids often risk with themselves to save their little offsprings. Weaker animals do it, to provide safety to whole group. In animal world, there are alphas, betas, ... omegas. They have different roles, different STATUSES. Alpha is arrogant, strong, with finest genes in him. Every female would prefer an alpha to make a better and stronger offspring. Actually, as I said, only very little % of males ever participate in reproduction (~10%). Why is that? Simple, a contact for a female is very rare - she has long period of having to carry developing offspring, then raising it until it gets able to feed himself. thereforeeee, a female is EXCEPTIONALLY VALUABLE to the species. For the male, it is different story. His reproductive capabilities are virtually neverending and intensive. So, a single male is not very valuable, because ONE male can participate in reproduction with MANY females. (there are actually no real families in the animal world - it is unique to a human. Family is a genius creation of human race.) To be able to fight others, he HAS to be arrogant, bully type. A female easily recognises an alpha by his 'bullying' behaviour pattern. She'd refuse a weak male, but 'engage with pleasure' with an alpha. So you ask me, why altruism??? Altruism is a charecterizing treat of weaker, non-reproducing working males. They have to provide their lives to support other, stronger and healthier individuals. That is their role. Well, a human is a weird creation. It is an animal, but a developed one. Always remember, the period of civilized and cultural life of humans, counting pre-ancient times, is so minute comparing to the length of humans species being developed with nature. During such a short period we could have changed our lives drastically, but we couldn't chase away INSTINCTIVE PROGRAMS built-in in our brain, which are simple and woking well for animals, but are a real pain for normal civilized, cultural, religious, thinking, creative, ... beings. I fully agree that being 'nice' is good, but people don't always think. They sometimes just react. And now a question - what makes you do something when you don't think? You say - 'nothing. I've simple done this. I just wanted that way.' But nothing happens simply that way out of clear sky. NEVER. Now the answer - it is our instinctive program, which is strong and reliable, yet so too simple to help us in our complicated life situations. If interest remains, I'll continue later, or perhaps give a link to scientist's page (if it's permitted here).

I wonder if there is anyone, who is an expert, or at least involved in a science called 'ethology'? It is very very useful in my opinion. It tries nad succeds to explain our hidden motives by viewing a man as a biological type. Homo sapiens, that is. So, there are times when we can't explain something done purely 'just tha way'. We fail to explain, or more often invent a good but untrue explnation. The real thing is we forget about wea ARE animals, wearing a thin 'sphere' of culture and intellect, which governs instincts. Some people, namely so-called BULLIES are he ones, that have very little intellect and compassion, purely human qualities. But their life spring is strong and undying. It is beacuse of instincts. They usually accomplish more than simple good-natured, well-behaved people. The utter unfairness (nature IS unfair - tha is a fact) of this situation can be fixed... with time and effort. Why do girls despise so-called good guys? It is instint htat tells her: "He is weak, teethless amoeba. He can't live, fight, and such. Offsprings from him will be weak. Avoid him at any cost" If the girl is well-controlled by her brain, she CAN fight this underconscience, reasoning about good behaviour, kindness, hard-working. If not, she just FALLS FOR the alpha-man, who's actually a jerk, but is strong, and sure that he can get anything he wants. Did you know that some animal species are that 8% of males make offsprings with 88% of females? It means that the vast majority of males is left withou possibility to ever involve into contact with a female species. Only the alphas can afford it, and do it a lot. The situation with people is similar. We see poor guys who are nearing their 30's, and still have no g/f. And there are so-called 'skirt hunters' who's 'mission' is to hook up with every attractive female they encounter. Almost everything is explained by ethology. It is far deeper and closer to physical form than weak and self-praising psuchology. (Don't get me wrong - psychology is useful, but it is weak with roots of behavior, strong only with describing effects on the very top of human behavior model).

Assuming that the last question was meant for me, I'll answer. We study together in the same university, the same course and profile (it's IT, if it maters). Our first meeting was quite ordinary. She didn't show neither anticipation, nor hatred, she was rather 'cold'. Later I tried to make a friendship-like contact with her, by helping with some study subject's undersanding (it was i8086 assembly, for the intrested). She told that she rather fail it, than take help from me, and that she has better people to help her. Seems it is a prejudice of sort. All in all, quite a lot of time passed. We don't talk anymore. After she tried to hit me (pushing me on the ground - well, I'm heavier and she failed, but she sooooo mad at me, I honestly was afraid - it is when someone's eyes are flashing, their face totally red, and all moves rapid) I quit. She isn't a man, I actually can't either fight back, or calm her down, so leaving her alone is the only solution. Honestly, now I don't think she really suits me. NEVER! Her character is purely that of choleric type - offensive, fast, active. Myself, being a mix between melancholic and flegmatic, I cannot match her tempo. The main reason I'm still intrested in it, is wondering WHY? She refused to explain anything. What i know for sure, she doesn't have a b/f. All in all she is quite a wonderful girl in sense of attractiveness (sporty, fast, very young-looking) smart (not better than me, but still), but the character... It outweights all.

Yes, I see. You all are probably right just because you speak more confident, and with a clear mind. As for me, mine is shrouded with emotions (emotions could be such a trouble sometimes, you know). Anyway, I do not see her often these days. We haven't actually talked for over a month. Just a few glances at each other. Mine, sorry and shy. Hers, angry and annoyed. Yes, that's true - I understand there is no possibility that she would ever have something for me. I see it in her eyes quite clearly know. How sad, however... I thought I forgot how to weep at age of 7, but I have mistaken... al7 You're right. That was my biggest problem - moving from one side to the other like oscillator without ever getting clear what is my goal. One day I was desperate and the other I was almost cheating myself to believe everything will come out. Stupid, it was. To answer your question, there are really two antagonistic wishes in my head: too win her heart (to solve this problem) and to forger her altogether (to solve it the other way). It is just not to stay in this state. It IS destructive and painful, everyone who experienced this would agree with me. One thing, that is really important here is that I have already experienced that before, several times, towards our girls. Every so-called season lasted from 2 to 5 years, without hope, ending only when I accidentally met another girl, with who this all repeated. It sometimes seems to me I'm doomed to repeat this pattern with any other girl I try to make relationships with. The roots are deep in my behaviour and I still can't figure them out.

It is very unusual to watch this situation because usually people try to cheer you up, the use to say - "that is easy if you try, do not stop, keep on working, be patient, etc" in mostly all life situations. Sounds like giving up is the worst thing ever to be done. Hilarious, HERE it is directly opposite - anyone sees me as arrogant fool, who can't see that his action give me no fruit despite long and hard effort. Is it really not the case you have to be patient? Does this effectively mean there ARE impossible things? Does this all mean "give up"? That would be weakness. I sometimes think others envy me because my stubborness and long-lasting feelings, because they would never had the guts to live with it, rather would be conformic (say, choose another girl, etc). Sad, but it is true. And, al7 I already said - I am not very sociable at all, I just don't have the need to meet another girl. I could possibly be quite happy on my own, if not that weird painful feeling. (They say, it is called limerence, infatuation, obsession, unrequited love, whatever).

My opinion is: If you put enough soul in your dance, it doesn't matter, how your skill is rated by professional dancers, it really _can't look bad_ if you put your true emotions in your dance. Just let it go - it will come out amazingly good, set your mind free... Your partner will feel it and will appreciate it. Otherwise, s/he isn't really worth your effort... Always remember, dance is not work, it is for pleasure and relaxation; if it doesn't bring you joy, forget it.

Thanks for advice, but... It seems it is just one of the cases where easier said than done. Believe it or not, I am quite busy and not really much into relationships, girls, having friends, being socially active. In fact I thought I could live without ever having to love someone. It is both amusing and amazing, but I am starting to think some higher force punished me for that thought with my painful infatuation towards one particular person...as though wanting to prove I am not a machine, but a human with feelings, which can hurt... It happens now nad then, I know, but I just can't stop it. Have anyone experienced this feeling? Surely, yes, but noone wants to speak about it. My feeling lasts usually 2-3 years, the longest period was 5 years (it was very sad, that girl didn't even know I liked her - I was so shamefully shy...).

1. Does anyone have the right to be rude to answer normal approach? I mean, that's just too much of non-motivated aggresiveness. I'd feel Ok if I REALLY stalked her, phoned at night, etc. This way that would be adequate. 2. Frustration is summing up with all the experience. I have experineced this situation also before (with other girls) and it is geting worse, cause I find myself older and still no better at finding soul mate and love. Scary, isn't it? 3. Common? Why? Anyone I talked to, or anyone who by themselves wanted to help me commented that "I'd never behave like that, she's not worth your time and troube, respect yourself." Pretty good words, but their practical appllication is soooo questionable... It seems I barely can control myself when I'm near her (shivering, tremblin, difficult speech and such). I am probably too impressive.

Surely, it is amazing noone had this experience. Am I unique?

Oh, what if only morons are the ones who are above all? By the way, why when a girl already has a b/f, it is considered incredibly horrible to try to attract her, and "move" her on your side. It is a competition, after all. If he can't hold her by his side, he loses. That actually never stopped me from trying to reach my goals. Still, some may consider this unethical and immoral, but it happens in life more often than you expect. Just count the outcome, who wins, who loses. Sometimes it is better to leave her (just not to hurt her and his feelings), sometimes not (when you are confident enough to say you'll make a good partner for her and she for you also).

She doesn't answer me on ICQ, she rejects my help when I offer, and she refuses to help me, when I ask. I was quite painful, when she turned me down on St. Valentine's day, for which I prepared, but as always I spent that day all alone (as always). I never ever got any cards at this event form anyone. Am I really not worth loving? It is so frightening and painful... Questions: 1. What could be the reasons for such a negative attitude towards me (I mean in general, give any examples you can think of or have experienced in personal). 2. Have anyone experienced the same kind of feeling as I do? How did it end? How did you cope with that?

Oh, yes. I really have heard that all before, and have very throughly thought it over. I even sometimes hate myself for being such a weakling, but still I can't cope with that. By the way, it is NOT every day. I said I try to keep myself in place and to pretend that I to do not want to make any kind of realtionship with her, and even I am happy enough on my own... That's difficult, might I say, fighting yourself. I can easily make myself study all the night if I need, I can easily bear lack of food for almost a day, I am patient enough to hold a piece of my ice in my hand until it melts, and not drop it. I think I have the strong will. BUT this particular case is SO confusing to me (and her, of course, I often feel sorry, that I do bother her, so to speak. All my actions and words are unwelcome, despite my efforts to be just a little more attractive to her). I understand, it is difficult to believe, but sometimes I think this is just because I am insane, or something. Did just anyone felt something alike?

What is the outcome in a situation, if both involved people disagree? It is usually either a victory of one and loss of the other, or a compromise between two solutions. My particular situation is a starnge strong feeling towards a girl, who I know for almost 2 years, and this feeling is not reciprocated. So, when I find someone especially attractive to me (I won't discuss details, but really she is a kind of girl whose image just makes me forget about everything other) I can't manage to make her feel something in return (in fact she shows signs of ultimate dislike, such as avoiding, trying to insult or even beat me), I become obsessively mad about this. Well, I actually do not stalk her, cause I understand this is both ridiculous and unpleasant. Still, when I approach her (I fight with myself hard not to ever approach her, but my will fails, and like a utter slave of my feeling, I subdue to it. Of course, our usual converstion is just like: -Good morning, xxxx! -What again to YOU want from me? -I just greeted you, no offence. -Ok, then get out of my sight! -But, xxxxx, why? We could stay and discuss... -I don't want you near me. Get away! -You almost made me cry, but please give me a tip, WHY? -I do not have to explain anything to you. Nor I want to take any converstaion with you. Overall, she quite a friendly and communicative girl, when it comes to other people besides me. But ME. Oh , that's surely IS painful. I just can't understand, does she really hate me so much, or does she like to insult my self-pride? More of all, I can't understand that cunning feeling, which doesn't let me free my mind of her. It's SO PAINFUL. I actually have never been in a relationship or ever kissed a girl, but that's another matter... The point I am trying to make - person x wants to become a friend (or closer) to person y person y dislikes (or says so) person x What is the otcome in such a difficult case?