24 and never had a girlfriend

[Shinobie]

Although u sound like a great girl suzy and im glad there r some like you

but how i see it.There are a lot of girls that are shallow it seems like and dont give us certain guys a chance because we r bad looking or something they always turn away.Like when i was at the fair with my friends and they met up with some girls an he introduced me to one she looked all disgusted when i said "hi" so maybe im just too bad looking it makes me feel very down.Dont u hate that feeling when your friends constantly walk by girls they know and say hey and flirt with them while you are just stsanding there for the next 5 minutes while you seem invisible and nobody cares your there.Are there plenty of other girls with the same frame of thought as you suzy because i hope so cause u seem like a great person.Like also im pretty sure i am probably bad looking but i dont know how bad looking i am do any of u guys have that same problem.Like to know if your just ok looking or just plain bad looking i do not really know but with all my life experiences id say im probaly ugly.I mean are human race is very shallow and i eveen seem to think that some people r too ugly and it makes me feel mean although i dont try too.LIke just that instinct that whenever u walk by a girl u judge the way she looks right off the bat.Many people dont mind their hormones because they can utliaze them but too me it just seems like one big burden that just keeps haunting me and i just want it to stop even though when i try too not think about girls and why i dont have a girlfriend those thoughts come out.

[xxatti]

All this talk about height is really irrelevant. I know plenty of guys that are 6'4'' and have to fight women off with a stick. I'll elaborate more tomorrow, its late and Im tired.

[drahcir]

hey everyone!!!

 

well about the height thing: its important to remember that the height scale for females in North America assumes that they are caucasion...asian females (and males) are much much shorter. There are lots of filipino girls i know who are 4'11..its quite common for asian girls to be much shorter than caucasion girls. Where i live, caucasions are the minority (around 10% of the population) and chinese and filipinos are the majority...so most of the females (and males) are much much shorter..just something to keep in mind if height difference is important in a relationship..

 

yes singleforgood is right..there are some benefits to have never dated. I think the biggest is there is more time to focus on school. Because i don't have a girlfriend i have lots of time to study, which is why i have done extremely well...maybe it is best to put of dating until one has finished university and has a stable job---does anyone here agree??? or disagree????

[Derek]

To the guys in this thread,

 

You need to forget about women, and concentrate on yourself for a few.

Making yourself into a better man first, before worrying about women.

Having some interests, living life, learning and trying new stuff every day,

Make a list of things you want to see or do, try to work towards those goals step by step. Having a full life with lots of different things going on

can make you feel more confident as well. Girls notice when a man is doing things his way and making his own way in the world. Take life by the throat and live it, you only have one chance.

 

Some of you say you will never get a woman, you get too nervous talking to them and such. Well how about a little trick to yourself... Think about, if you have given up on women, then you can go and talk to those pesky creatures without a care in the world. You don't need to be nervous around them since you've already given up on bothering with them anyways.

 

BTW, I don't think you should start with going out on dates.

Start with maintaining eye contact with people, especially women,

even women that just walk by.

Then perhaps step it up by saying "hi" to everyone, especially women.

Step it up again,

Imagine just going to a mall casually and making small talk with

all the saleswomen in the different stores, they will at least be

cordial. Don't expect anything, be casual, work on being funny

and making other people comfortable with you.

 

Go from there.

 

 

[single4good]

Richard I agree completely, although it really isnt a choice of my own... not having a g/f does give you a lot of spare time for *other things and I definitely found it helped me throught university to get higher my marks than I probably would have.

 

Derek, I know where you are coming from and you do make some very good points however what you are saying is good in practice but a lot harder in real life if you have *never* had a g/f or even interaction with females for that matter. It is kinda a natural thing to want companionship... and when you see other people out and about enjoying themselfs together whilst you sit there miserable and lonely it is definitely not an easy thing to forget about.

 

I do agree that is best to *try and put girls out of your mind somewhat and try to focus on other things....that way as you say you dont expect anything....and anything that does come your way is just a bonus.

[NightLily]

awwww... sad and lonely? *hugs single4good*

[Artiste19]

Hi everyone, I'm new here, but I just wanted to comment on some of the things I've read. Being a girl, I can say that for me at least, height can definitely be a good thing for a guy to have. Although everyone goes for certain qualities in a person, height can be attractive. I knew a guy from university that was 6"7, which made him stand out from the crowd, which is always good, and he had a lot of female friends, even though he wasn;t always the most outgoing. So basically, don't worry if you're tall, which a lot of posts have already said, because to a lot of girls, myself included, it's good. I don't know if that helps, but don't get yourself down about being tall and/or thin. Definitely not all girls are so shallow that we only go for guys that have a certain height and muscle tone. not true at all.

 

to be more general, attraction is not all based on looks, and don't let that stop you from trying to talk to a girl you're interested in. As an aside, I realize it's hard for many guys here to approach girls -- I feel the same way about guys -- but if it helps at all, don't obsess over what to say, or try to find something witty or supremely intelligent to say when talking to someone for the first time -- they're more likely to remember the tone of your words, and how friendly you were. Just be nice, be yourself -- no one will be analysing every word being said and judging you on it. Sorry this has kind of branched out, but this is kind of a reaction from reading various posts, and tryng to give a female perspective. Hope this helps (?)

[single4good]

SuzyQ, your just too nice. Maybe we can clone you and make thousands of you or something lol.

 

Artiste19 thanks for your views its very true what you say about attraction how it is not based entirely on looks....personality is a HUGE + in my books....infact at the end of the day it is definitely more important than looks.

[NightLily]

Clone me..?? *suddenly grows paranoid*

 

Artiste19, its nice to see another woman on here backing up my views. I completely agree with everything you said. Do you happen to be a fellow artist?

 

Also, I'm really not too nice, I just like to suck up to all the charming guys that post on this thread. Heh. (SEE? Now you HAVE to have a boost of confidence Shinobie)

 

Take care all,

SuzyQ

[PuzzlingItOut]

Okay, this is going to sound really stupid but hear me out. If you are a really shy guy - the best way I can think of to change that is for you to go and get a job in a restaurant or a bar. This sounds strange BUT I think you will find that it works. Just stick with me for a minute - to work in a restaurant, you don't have to be outgoing or charming, but it helps. So what happens is that there is a fairly high concentration of outgoing and charming people working in these places. If you work with them, you will naturally be included in all the fun. It rubs off - you'll become more outgoing. They are not going to care if you are shy - they are going to drag you into the mix because you are there!

 

So, if you are in a position to get a job like that - try it. And I don't mean washing dishes or working in the kitchen (although I've met a lot of fun cooks) - get out front. Trust me - waitresses are terribly wicked and will flirt with you just because its fun. You'll grow out of that shell quickly!

 

And if this sounds callous, cause you think some miracle is going to happen and the world will suddenly discover that what it was missing was YOU - sorry. You wouldn't think that 6 pack abs were going to be delivered by the Ab Fairy - you'd know that you have to WORK OUT. So, please try a little immersion therapy - it couldn't hurt. You might just have fun.

 

Good Luck!

 

P.S. Just don't fall in love in one of those places - yech!

[downout]

Just to let you know dave_d4 you are not alone. I am 27 years old and have never had a girlfriend either. I generally feel awfull almost everyday of my exsistence. I keep wondering how everyone else is able to meet someone and connect so effortlessly, while here I am toiling in my own skin and have such low self-esteem and almost no confidence. I try to tell myself that tomorrow things will be better, I will wake up with a new outlook on life and be full of zest, energy, and confidence. But to this day that has not happened yet, and infact as I am getting older I am finding it increasingly harder to meet single women i am attracted to. It seems like everyone has found someone and is happy and full of life except me. Its like im a dark abyss falling and I have no way of stopping myself. I hate going out because it makes me jealous and furious when i see happy couples and realize it may be something I can never have. I am really at a crossroads right now in my life. I am 27 but I feel like im 80 years old having lived through a life of bitterness and disappointment.

 

Whats funny about my situation is that I have actually had girls like me in the past and have said i was attractive but for whatever reason I was never able to seize the opportunity. I know of about 15 girls who liked me but I never did anything like the passive fool I am. I even had a girl say one time that i would make good babies but all I did was stand there looking at her dumbfounded. At the very least i could have gotten laid which by the way I am a 27 year old virgin having to relieve myself with my two hands. There are 13 year olds that have seen more action than me. A problem I have is the girls i like always reject me and the ones I dont like always like me, so its a lose lose situation and frankly very depressing.

 

Why was I not able to act on these advances? I dont know. I ask myself that question everyday now. What could I have done different, is there somehing wrong with my brain, is it my personality. Whatever it is its eating me up from the inside and destroying my soul. I so desperately want to meet a great girl and find happiness but that dream seems farther apart each and every day. Everyday is a struggle for me and in all honesty life just dosent seem worth living. I just graduated post secondary school and i didnt even really care about my diploma, all i think about is all of these lost chances and it had made me very bitter and envious of what other people have and I dont. It dosent help that alot of my friends are already married or dating and here I am stuck at home twiddling my thumbs pondering if it will ever happen to me.

 

Everyone always asks me why I dont have a girlfriend and many people I Know have jumped to the conlusion that I am gay because they never see me with female company. Everyone says I have so much going for me I am half white half chinese and I have green eyes, fairly tall at 5'9", 165 pounds with hardly any bodyfat. I worked out hardcore after highschool for 3 years and developed a very good muscular build. I am very defined, have sixpack abs and I could bench 245 pounds when I weighed only 160. I am educated, have a pretty good sense of humor, and i can be very personable but still I do not have a girlfriend and have never been in a relationship. Sure I have a few good friends but I am not looking to find more male friends to bond with, I am looking to date and truthfully it is causing me immense stress and anxiety. I live with this shame, embarrassment, and humilitation everyday of my life and it overshadows everything else in my life, im not even excited about startiing a career or say going to watch a movie. I also live in Calgary and we are in the stanley cup finals and I couldnt care less. I put on a fake smile and cheer just like I do everyday of my life GO Flames Go........

[scrop]

I'm actually jealous that you are as old as I am and have actually had a conversation with a girl. Not only that but with more than one that expressed some kind of interest.

[downout]

Yeah well it dosent matter because I have nothing to show for it. I dont even care if 1 girl or 100 girls liked me but what is important to me is to find someone I like and am comfortable around. Something that has eluded me thus far.

[wlfpack81]

Man this site really is helpful. Makes me realize that I'm not alone in my loneliness. Of course knowning others are alone like you doesn't do jack b/c in the end you're still alone and yearn for companionship. Well, one thing I've started to do to avoid being lonely is get friendly with a good friend named Bud...Bud Light to be exact. That'll get you through any mess.

[tabbor]

I 'm like you in many ways. I'm 29 going on 30 and have never had a girlfriend or any real friends.

 

What is worse, as you get older, you come to realize it never gets better. There aren't any opportunities anymore to meet people (not that we took advantage of them when we were younger) people you know start getting married, so there are fewer women- really it is like Chris Rock said, some people are born to be alone.

 

What can you tell such a person ? I used to be obese and lost more than 100 pounds and am now average weight, and work out regularly. Didn't do a damn thing. I went back to school for a graduate degree. Couldn't stand going to bars and that superficial nonsense and had no friends, and really, couldn't wait to get the hell out of campus when classes were over.

 

When I was in middle school and high schooll , school was like a prison where people went gratuitously out of their way to treat me badly. But even if there is little physically wrong with you and you are just introverted, ,people will still find a way to ostracize you, even if you make an attempt to make friends.

 

My advice? really, I have none, other than learn to be at peace with the fact that you are a loner. Life sucks, and you have to deal with it. Every day around the world , people starve, or have atrocities committed to them. Last year, I was unemployed for 5 months, and during that period, was actually happy I had no social life. I guess I have made peace with that and don't mind not having a social life anymore.

 

You also have to be ultra realistic about things. You don't have a girl friend because you don't have friends. And you don't have friends because you are an introvert.You can't walk up to girls you don't know and compliment them- that's just silly. You can't fantasize about women who met your eye contact two years ago.

 

I myself came to the conclusion that none of it matters anyway. I suggest to the 24 year old virgin to save a few bucks and buy himself an hour with a high-quality prostitute every few months. It's awesome, and the memory of banging some girl with big Tits will sustain you for a few months. " There's also a whole new world of internet reality nternet porn out there, just waiting to be explored! Maybe it's not socially acceptable, but normal society has never given me a damn thing, so they can go to hell.

[xxatti]

Its post like this that really piss me off. There's nothing worse than giving up on life. Is that what you really want? To live the rest of your life in solitud, having to pay someone to give you attention or affection for an hour every month?? You might as well be dead. (although I shouldnt say that cause you're probably 1/2 a step away from suicide.)

 

You say "You can't walk up to girls you don't know and compliment them- that's just silly." Why not?? Girls love to hear compliments, especially from a complete stranger. That one compliment would probably make their day. "You can't fantasize about women who met your eye contact two years ago." See, this is your problem. When a woman does show some sign of interest in you, you do ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!!!!!! This is why you're alone. Grab your self confidence by the balls... If you have any left, and learn how to be a man!!

[scrop]

You have no idea what its like.

 

If I were to see a girl I thought was good looking, I would look away before she saw me. I don;t feel I have the right to look at her or talk to her and I feel to ashamed and bad about my self to try. I couldn't think of one reason why any girl would want my attention

 

It sounds crazy to you - but its a crippling problem. And no matter how many times people tell me to "just do it" I "just can't". The harder I try the more frustrated I become at my inability to change.

[xxatti]

Oh, trust me. I know EXACTLY what it's like because I've been there. You can change, it just takes time and effort. But the post by tabbor is NOT the answer.

[wlfpack81]

What tabbor wrote may be harsh and side but sad to say I have to agree with him on the reality of things. If the world was perfect, there'd be no death, no poverty, innocent people wouldn't have terrible things happen to them and those who do evil would always get punished. But alas this world isn't perfect and for most people life does suck. Just look at most 3rd world countries and even the poor bombed out ghettos and poor mountain towns in the Appalachain Mountains and see how much life sucks for those there.

 

Point I'm trying to make is that not everyone is lucky enough to have the outwardness nor looks to be lucky in love. The law of averages would have to say that there are those will live and die alone not by choice but just rather by bad luck, a crutch such as shyness, being overweight etc. Yea some of it is our fault and some of it isn't. Just the way society goes.

 

And tabbor certainly hit the point about the lack of women as you get older. If I couldn't get over my damn shyness and meet women while in HS and definitely in college when they were all around me how the hell am I gonna meet someone when I'm working 4 days a week in a town in which I'm new to and don't know anyone? Not to mention even though my job is hiring a lot of new young people my age right out of college (22-30yr old range) most of them seem to already have b/f or g/f, engaged or are already married. This means it's not like I can hang with them to meet people b/c I don't want to be a burden on their relationship as the emfamous 3rd wheel creep.

 

Being at peace w/yourself over your situation is the best way to go (thought I can never really seem to achieve that peace) though I won't agree with tabbor about the hooker angle. NOt that I haven't thought about it myself but in the end I'm not gonna lower myself anymore by having to shell out $$$ for fake attention. I'd rather watch a porn where at least I can control the flow of action on screen. However, I've found a way to achieve peace somewhat on the weekends. A pack of Bud Light and putting on some good music on my PC tends to help me vent any frustrations I may have.

 

Yea I sound like a pathetic loser here but after telling myself a million times to get over this shyness and that it's all my head and not improving I've just about given up. I'm tired of fighting a losing battle.

[xxatti]

I agree the world is not perfect. And I hate the fact that everyone is not created equally. Our world is very much animalistic. It's either kill or be killed, and only the strong will survive. What you call bad luck, I call choice. You cant tell me you couldnt hook up with not one woman on this entire planet. You'd be lying if you did. But the problem is that nobody wants to settle for anything less than a supermodel. I understand. You'd rather be alone than be with someone you consider to be "below" your standards.

 

You feel you dont look good enough, or arent rich enough, or dont have the self confidence to get the girl you want. But in this day in age, there are just too many ways to put yourself ahead of the pack. That money tabbor is throwing to hookers every month, he could be using for a gym membership to build the best physique the world has ever seen. If you're so self conscious about your looks, you'd be amazed at what can be done with plastic surgery now adays. If you say there's no one in your town, move to a different city, a different country if you have to (women in other countries love american men). You guys just give up and accept failure. That's what separates you from the successful people. Everything you guys bring up as to why you're destined for failure is nothing more than just another excuse to justify your negative subconscious.

 

And BTW, even people in 3rd world countries can get laid, so dont try to use them as an excuse.

[scrop]

How are you suppoed to even start to change?

 

Just go talk to someone? How? They dont want to talk to me to begin with? Why doesn't someone just come talk to me?

[wlfpack81]

You cant tell me you couldnt hook up with not one woman on this entire planet. You'd be lying if you did. But the problem is that nobody wants to settle for anything less than a supermodel. I understand. You'd rather be alone than be with someone you consider to be "below" your standards.

 

Ha honestly while it would be great to have a perfect 10 I know I can't achieve that thereforeeee the majority of the girls I look at while I'm attracted to them may not be considered supermodels by others. Heck this one time that I actually attempted to ask a girl out and tell her how I felt about her (fresh yr of college) I got rejected. While I was attracted to her she certainly wasn't a supermodel and my good friend at the time wasn't interested in her and he's from NY and had the so called "game" to get what girls he wanted.

 

If you're so self conscious about your looks, you'd be amazed at what can be done with plastic surgery now adays.

 

I'm not throwing out money to go under the knife and have my faced cut up and rearranged. To me that's a waste of time.

 

If you say there's no one in your town, move to a different city, a different country if you have to (women in other countries love american men).

 

Haha nice joke but certainly not an option here. Unless I hit the lottery and win millions and can travel I plan on staying where I am with the good company I currently work with. Making good money now for a recent college grad and there's good chance for promotion in this company if you handle your own.

 

You guys just give up and accept failure. That's what separates you from the successful people. Everything you guys bring up as to why you're destined for failure is nothing more than just another excuse to justify your negative subconscious.

 

Actually I'm only a failure when it comes to women. Everything else so far I've been fairly good at. Went to college right after HS, graduated in 4.5yrs with a BS degree and unlike most new college grads I was lucky enough to get a job right away in my major. So financially I'm good, romantically I'm not. And yea I am being a wuss by giving up but seriously I used to try and take the advice of others when it came to women. But everytime I even try to muscle it up and attempt to just say hi to a girl I get freaking nervous, I mean physically I feel ill man and most people just don't get it. I don't think my problem is made up but rather possible a true case of social phobia. I use to think that shyness was just a stupid, learned trait and not something chemical but over time I've began to rethink that issue. I really don't wanna go on something like Paxil but if in the next few years I don't somehow change and open up I think medication is the way to go.

 

And BTW, even people in 3rd world countries can get laid, so dont try to use them as an excuse.

 

Yea b/c in 3rd countries everyone is poor and unlike America the men/women there aren't as materialistic and hung up on fitting in as we are here.

[Caldus]

I think that the first thing to do is to find peace and happiness within yourself first. Which I know is kind of hard to do when you have other desires, but it can be done. Believe me, I know how you guys feel. I've become a lot more happy about myself in the last few months, so it's not like impossible or anything. I'm lucky that my mom is really into fitness and so she can teach me proper techniques of working out and what places to join in order to get fit and meet more people. I'm hoping to join my local gym pretty soon.

 

I try to have a little schedule that I follow every week. Every day during the week I work a few hours for a small company doing some IT work, then I go to the pool for a few hours and get a tan, and then later in the evening I go to a karate class. And hopefully I can add this gym to my schedule as well. It will be a great opportunity to get a better social life. I just have to keep in mind to have a good smile everywhere I go. I try calling up people during the week and see if I can go to church with them or have dinner with them, etc. I have dinner with this great Christian family every once in a while and I always feel happy afterwards. If I try to be out somewhere for at least half the day, then I will have a much better chance of meeting the girl that fits most of my requirements.

 

And when I'm at home, I've started teaching myself how to get better at Photoshop and Flash. I also read a lot of topics in these forums as it seems to be helping me a lot so far. I'm thinking about making another web site pretty soon too. I remember back in the day when I really enjoyed making web sites. It will be a great way to keep me busy and distracted from having thoughts of lonliness as well as getting better at things related to my future career in the IT business. It's a win-win situation there.

 

I realize that nothing is achieved by thinking those thoughts. I also realize that you can't help it sometimes. You see some couples going out somewhere when you're out and you try not to think about it but it just comes to you. I know how it is. But I keep saying to myself everyday, "I will not give up without a good fight." Once you find this inner peace and happiness within yourself, you have to try to keep it everyday. Don't get off track one day.

 

I don't expect anyone else here to agree with what I said, but I wish everyone in this thread the best of luck!

[xxatti]

I don't think my problem is made up but rather possible a true case of social phobia. I use to think that shyness was just a stupid, learned trait and not something chemical but over time I've began to rethink that issue. I really don't wanna go on something like Paxil but if in the next few years I don't somehow change and open up I think medication is the way to go.

 

I have nothing against medication. I think many people actually need and can benefit greatly from it. If you think this might be the problem then I would definitely look into it. Its just not worth it to force yourself to live in misery.

[xxatti]

 

 

I think you make a lot of good points.