24 and never had a girlfriend

[northernlights]

lol...oh man, please don't take a psychology class just for the girls. I'm a freakin' psychology major and now I'm a little disturbed.

 

But what the previous post said is right. People don't treat you the same in college as in high school. In high school, people can be cruel. And cliquey. You know how it is...you've got the stereotypical high school with the jocks, the cheerleaders, the nerds, the losers, the weird artsy kids, etc. But in college, they all blend together. Plus, in college, people have around the same intelligence level as you and have similar interests, because why else would they have chosen the same college as you then?

 

So hold on, and you'll see why everyone says college is the best time of their life. And really, you don't need a girlfriend yet. It may seem like everyone in high school is dating, but they're not! Only a small percentage are. How do you think the other people without girlfriends feel?

[drahcir]

northern lights..i was a psychology major too before i changed it to criminology..but its true...psychology classes = good chance of finding a girlfriend...also it atleast enlightens you to peoples thinking and behavioural patterns...esp. social psychology...that can teach a lot about attracting someone, persuasion...ect.....

 

shinobie, i really think your fundamental problems is not not having a girlfriend..its just you are stuck in a bad situation..but soon it will be over..if you are about to graduate, or already have...well..you have something to look forward too......university is like death: its hard, but its the great equalizer.......it can be a second chance to make it in ways you never made it in high school....its really fun too...you will love it..don't buy into the idea you have to be popular or drunk or sleep around every weekend to enjoy college...its a really good time...just learning is fun...also you get to meet lots of new girls...and you have no repatattion behind you...like now i go to a university, and NO ONE from my grad class is there....only 1 girl who graduated after me goes there...so i have no repuation..its a REALLY REALLY good opportunity...to become popular..and find a girlfriend......so get rid of the tylonol and get out some books and pamplets on college......

 

Richard

[Shinobie]

No i know its not just girls mang its just a whole mess load of things but girls r a big one i dont get and depresses me.I found out that i suffer from depression the fricken doctor is putting me on lexoprin an anti-depressant for 6 months so ill just call them happy pills i guess.Can they work right away cause today after i took one afew hours later it felt like i was happy but it felt like i shouldnt be happy.

[drahcir]

today i was just thinking about my wood working teacher in high school. He was always talking about finding a girlfirend and getting married, and it was n't until age 42 that he finally found someone. I really really don't want be 42 before i find someone i love unconditionally and who loves me unconditionally....lol..but he also talked about some of the advantages of being single: its important to remember them before whining about not having a girlfriend / boyfriend..first, one can go in and out when we please, be able to spend money how they please (thats important)...cook what they please.....eat when they please....not have to worry about someone at home getting mad at them...ect....i suppose there are both benefits to being single and having a girlfirend / boyfriend..the quesition is that is one better than the other..i still believe finding someone special, despite its setbacks, its better than being single.......

 

Richard

[Shinobie]

Drachir man u sound like u r depressed a lot of times but iono maybe its just your posts but remember maybe u can always try happy pills.I luv them im so happy and i dont know how somehting can help so much.

[drahcir]

do i really sound depressed?>? well i am not...i am actually very happy most of the time i post here...i don't seem depressed about not having a girflriend...frustrated maybe but certainly not depressed....in any case i don't think that medication is the answer.....fnding a girlfriend is...lol

[Jon79]

This is the second time I've had to write this....for some reason the computer deleted my last entry. Writing this a second time won't be fun.

 

My name's Jon. I'm 25 in September. I have had some experiences with girl however limited it was but I have never had a girlfriend.

 

I've seen a lot of the usual advice on this site that I've heard a dozen times from other internet agony sites or heard from friends offering their wisdom in exchange for a cold beer. None of it helps. Here's why...

 

I'm not Brad Pitt but I ain't ugly. I exercise regularly so I have a decentish figure. I'm average height and weight. I have plenty of friends and plenty of them are girls. Though I was a wallflower in high school, University helped me come out of my shell a little so as much as I don't have a huge amount of confidence I don't walk into a room looking straight at the floor and avoiding eye contact. I can maintain a decent conversation with a girl I have just met (though I'll admit that this is easier if I don't find her attractive.)...Despite being the kind of guy that I'm pretty sure should have managed to strike up some kind of relationship wioth a girl right now, it seems I just can't. Some of my "girlfriends" tell me that I'm a lovely guy and that I just need to be a bit more forceful of confident (there's that word again) or tell me that I just haven't met the right girl yet. Thing is I've had crushes on some of these friends before (one in particular is springing to mind as I write this) and I just know that if I confessed any feeling toward them they'd run a mile. In fact, despite being a lovely and genuine girl, the young lady I was thinking of did run a mile when she found out I was nuts over her.

 

I know there are bigger problems in the world, but I can't help but feel down about this. I wan't things to be different. Hell...I wanted them to be different when I was 17 and the hormones were flying aroung like no one's business. Being in love now is one thing, but when you're hormonal, if that person shares those feelings for you...that must be amazing...limited and probably doomed to end...but what an ending it must be! As it is I sometimes feel that it's too late for my life to turn around no matter how much I want it to. Maybe it wouldn't be right for me if it did...I don't know.

 

What I do know is that I'm tired of feeling like s#@t about this all the time. I'd rather not do anything drastic, but pitching my lonesome little self off something very tall onto something very sharp seems a lot better than my life right now.

 

I'm tired of feeling like dying. I'm sick of feeling sorry for myself. I'm sick of pretending to all my friends that I'm fine and everything's OK just so I don't upset anyone. And most of all I'm tired of waking up alone.

 

But then there's a lot of that going around...

[otrebla]

I had my first girlfriend when I was 22, now I'm 24 and after 1 year and 8 months I've lost her because of my mental condition, I'm addicted to chess, played a lot of tournaments and wasn't taking care of her.

She was the love of my life,

Listen, whenever you get a girlfriend, treat her kind, There's nothing more special and beautyful in this world than having somebody who loves you, somebody to share the good and the bad moments. I'd give my life to get her back for just a moment.

[damon]

ok, so I'm new here and I just spent the last couple of days playing catchup on the first 48 pages of this thread...

 

Jon79, my situation is very similar to yours (mentally) except that I'm 28. In fact, my situations is similar to many of you on this thread.

 

28, girls say i'm either cute or good-looking, never had a gf, still holding the v-card (and it sucks), pretty good job (alright salary) that allows for extensive travel around the world, pretty good dresser (according to other girls), can carry a conversation with a girl (and yes, if I find her less attractive, the easier for me it is), etc. Girls have liked me in the past but I never found them attractive (on many levels not just looks).

 

I too have thoughts of loneliness when I'm not preoccupied. I think about not having a gf on average three or four times a day. Some days are much worse than others. I've tried things like swing dancing just to meet girls. By accident, I became good at it and have always rec'd the attention of other girls while on the dance floor. For some reason I can't translate this into getting a gf although I can land dates (which is a start and better than nothing at all). Swing dancing though has allowed me to have more confidence to ask girls out. The girls I ask out though are not of my most desired type in terms of looks (yes, I must find her attractive at least), ambition, intelligence, have extra baggage, etc. The girls I really really want to ask out I find extremely attractive and I just freeze and go into retard mode when I try to even talk to them. My major hangups are that I'm very ashamed and scared of my v-card and inexperience. I don't want the person to find out and think I'm some sort of freak. Also, my conversation skills start slipping when I talk to a girl I'm interested in. It pisses me off when my brain goes numb like that. It pisses me off that I see other people around me just meet and hit it off in a heartbeat. I've never had chemistry before with a girl and it seems that everyone around me does. For example, tonight this attractive girl I know (much younger than me) met this guy on the dance floor, and after their one dance they sat and talked for 10 minutes and boom, he lands a date with her right after the dance! I'm thinking WTF did he say/do????? It takes me 10 days to muster the courage to ask a girl out, and this dude does it in 10 minutes and gets a YES from her! I wish I could have some recording to listen to what the successful men say to these women. What the hell? I too think that somewhere I went wrong in the social category. I have 4 weddings to attend this year and it sucks being reminded on a daily basis that there are lubby dubby couples out there holding hands, kissing, enjoying each other's company, etc. I am a typical human male and I too long for affection. I want to hold hands walking through the park. I want to cuddle. I want to lie in bed and just look into each other's eyes. Hell I could care less about the sex. I just want someone that I can talk to on just about anything. Just knowing that someone is there who loves me and I love back would mean the world to me. Yes, like many of you, in high school I wasn't popular, didn't have many friends, etc. College/University opened my eyes and it was a better experience. You never get picked on, there are girls everywhere, and you will meet alot of friends most of whom will be your friends for life. College helped me improve my social skills, but the thought of wanting a gf has been with me for the last 10 years and I hate it. I too have had thoughts of ending my life, but these were just split second thoughts that won't actually come true. So for those of you who are only 17, 18, early 20's... you still have a long way to go before you become like me.

I don't want to settle for just anyone. I want to find that chemistry that everyone seems to have. I hate being the odd-th wheel. I'm so inexperienced that I have no clue on how to kiss properly, how to unhook a women's bra from in front, etc. I feel so square. I feel like I'm a loser sometimes when I know I'm not. Sometimes I feel that I should just accept the fact that I'll be by myself for life. I don't want it to be that way. I have no more motivation to do my job anymore. I have no motiviation at all. This getting a gf thing has bugged me for so long that it's the only one thing in life that I really want now and I could care less for anything else. I want to feel what love is, even if it ends in heartbreak. Just a taste of it would mean the world to me. I want to be able to open myself up for rejection and be vulnerable in a relationship. I want to be free of this perpetual loneliness.

 

Sorry for ranting with this braindump... I really needed to get this one off my chest.

[otrebla]

Go get a street woman, when you've learned some tricks you're ready for everything that may come.

[damon]

Go get a street woman, when you've learned some tricks you're ready for everything that may come.

 

Umm, thanks Alberto.

[goodquestion]

ok, so I'm new here and I just spent the last couple of days playing catchup on the first 48 pages of this thread...

 

Jon79, my situation is very similar to yours (mentally) except that I'm 28. In fact, my situations is similar to many of you on this thread.

 

[clip]

 

that everyone around me does. For example, tonight this attractive girl I know (much younger than me) met this guy on the dance floor, and after their one dance they sat and talked for 10 minutes and boom, he lands a date with her right after the dance! I'm thinking *beep* did he say/do????? It takes me 10 days to muster the courage to ask a girl out,

Sorry for ranting with this braindump... I really needed to get this one off my chest.

[clip]

 

get her talking, ask her questions, if she has a glint in her eyes, ask any sort of personal questions, or touches you (keep your hands to yourself), after 10-15 minutes, ask for the HOME phone number, then leave. Call in 5-9 days, not on a fri, sat, or sunday.

 

l8r

[Ceema-k]

Trying to find a girlfriend before coming to terms with your shyness and lack of confidence is like learning how to run before knowing how to walk.

 

I am currently trapped in the perpetual single zone like many of you guys on the forum. 27, good-looking Asian, fit, funny, caring, a good listener, etc. etc. a lot of other good stuff. The shyness that crippled me as a teenager and college student is a thing of the past. So out I comme after years of hiding, and what do I find? A continuing uphill battle. See, overcoming shyness and gaining more confidence wasn't the cure-all to my problems, but they were in and of themselves worthy achievements and have made my life more enjouyable even without having a girlfriend.

 

By the way, I had my first girlfriend when I was 23. It lasted barely over 3 months and it was primarily long-distance. Before I met her, I used to think, "Man, all I want is to have that first girlfriend, then even if it ends, I'll know how it all works and everything will fall in place for me from that point forward." Four years later and here I am, fully aware that things rarely just "fall in place". Add to that realization with the fact my first girlfriend wasn't "the one", not by a long shot, and I lost my virginity to her. I woudly gladly get my v-card back if it meant being with someone I genuinely cared about.

 

What the point of my message? Hell if I know, but if you got something out of it, more power to ya.

[CityHunter]

Here goes nothing.

I am currenly 29 (turning 30 in a few months), I never had a girlfriend, went on a real date, or kissed a girl until January this year. (But I did lose my virginity when I was 26, don't ask)

My female friend at that point can be counted by the fingers on 1 hand.

I'm extremely shy, didn't have much of a social life.

 

But last december everything changed, I had been asking a girl (an ex-co-wokrer) to some co-workers gatherings/going to movies with the group for over half a year. She had turned them ALL down. But suddenly she asked me to one of her friend's party.

 

I have to admit I wasn't my normal self at the party, I'm usually shy and quiet, but I became VERY talkative that night. (Which surprised her, since I'm always very quiet at work), I took and seized this opening/opportunity and occupied her time the entire night on the couch. Eventually I asked her out on a date (for her, it was just friends' hanging out; but all my friend said we're going out)

 

One date (or rathing hanging out) turned into another, I just keep on asking for dates, spending time together, going to movies, dinners. Pretty soon, we kissed. Yes, it's my FIRST kiss and she said I was a very good kisser?? We turned into a couple soon after, and she got several weddings to attend, (she was bridemaid for 1 of them), I drover her to shop for gifts, help out the bride & groom with the prep, and I suddenly had a social life!

 

One advise, if you're shy, don't be yourself when you're with a girl. Think of something to talk about ahead of time. And you will do just fine!

[drahcir]

I used to be really bothered that I still hadn't found a girlfriend, or even dated before, but now I really don't care. I mean, I am so busy with school and stuff that I don't really have the time for a girlfriend. Also I want to move accross the world in a couple of years, so if I have a girlfriend now I may have to break up with her later (when I move). But I often question myself-Am i missing out on somethign????? Is everyone (or most people) enjoying something I am not enjoying???? I don't know, and i don't really care. I am just enjyong my time by myself. And finishign school, looking for a good job. Thats whats important right now. Everything has its own time, and we should appreciate what we have now and not wish for things that will for sure happen in the future. Of course i wonder if I will ever find a girlfriend. But then again, I should be thankful. Its easier for an older guy to find a girlfriend than an older girl (because girls usually date older guys) so i should be thankful for that atleast. And unlike some people on this thread, I have no plans to be spend time with a hooker....lol...

[drahcir]

Today I feel really sad about not having a girlfriend. Sometimes I wonder whether if I am missing out on a whole chunk of my life by not having a girlfriend. Hmmm...like i am missing out on something that almost everybody else enjoys. Does anyone else here feel like that?

 

There are many reasons why it really hurtz to have never experienced love like that. First, there are so many things I want to share with a girlfriend. How much I love her, how much i care about her, how much I want the best for her. I miss the chance to cuddle her, talk to her, have fun with her (in a non sexual way of course), propose to her, dance with her, protect her, write love peotry for her ( i do write love poems sometimes but I never have anyone to give them too Hmm...what else...i miss out on....spending Valentine's day with her, baking her favourite food or snack for her, sharing dreams, watching the stars, horse back riding with her, laughing together, eating together, sleeping together, camping together...when we get married, travelling together, having pillowfights with each other, having children together, being able to find a new family (in laws), dressing each other, KISSING each other, hugging each other, complimenting each other....what else am I missing out on???

[Shinobie]

Ya i feel ya man it just doesnt feel that well sometimes to me either and i wish i can experience something like that i mean hey i havent even got past third base and my sister is already dating like crazy when 13 but o well.

[Caldus]

I think that soon enough we will all be happily taken. Just got to hang in there for a little longer. How much longer? Who knows. But I think that if many girls are looking for guys like us and if we show who we are in front of people then in a matter of time we will all be taken.

[chanceit]

i do sometimes but theres not alot to miss - a girl/boy friend is just someone you have sex with...anything else you can do with ya friends - so maybe what you should be looking for is some better friends....forget about finding a girlfriend and concentrate on expanding your social network and having a good time - get some contacts so you have people to go out with at least once a week 4 a drink or what ever you like doing. you might be surpised what happens - i was...

[wlfpack81]

^that's the whole point chanceit. Unless you're gay most of us guys here want to experience those romantic benefits with women, be it sex, kissing or just a nice night cuddling infront of a tv. I'm sorry those kind of things you CAN'T do wtih your guy friends if you're a straight male. To me your argument holds no water in this matter.

[chanceit]

hey you're right you can't - actually some my closest friends are girls but i wouldn't really want to do anything with them like that - it would be a bit weird.

 

But that wasn't quite my argument - it was more about being less reliant /obbsessive / desperate on finding a girlfriend and just trying to happy in your own life in a way you are not dependant on anyone else for your personal internal happyiness.

 

i probably got this all wrong but i think happy people who don't care are more attractive than people who moan all time about how they have never had a girlfriend.

[Iori_Yagami]

It may sound really stupid, but it is true - if you want something that bad - get it, whether it is something material as wealth, or something ethereal such as respect or love.

 

The most important problem is that you don't try enough - even if you think you're completely out of luck - try again, change your search area, change your methods, but still try - it is difficult , but it works far better than just complaining about your problems.

 

I honestly wish you luck!

[CoffeeFiend]

Okay, this thread just really scared and made me sad, almost to the point of making me cry... because I am 23 and *drum roll* never had a girlfriend, never had date ... also

 

* I was overweight most of my teen years, I started losing weight in the beginning of 2004, I have to lose 10-15 kg more (that's about 20-60 pounds) until I reach my ideal weight. Which would make a total loss of 50 kg (100 pounds).

* Suffered from depression most of my teen years.

* Until high school, I was also a total academic failure.

* When younger, at school, I never teased girl I found attractive, while most other boys did. I never understood... and still don't why they did that. The thought processes that must have lead them to that are completely alien for me. (Just wondering if this holds true of others of my kind)

* Currently, I am socially pretty isolated.

 

Long story short, academically, I got my act together in high school, finished with straight A's, currently I have a GPA of 4.38 at the University (studying. surprise, surprise. Computer Science). I will graduate most probably when I am 25 or 26.

 

And here I was, thinking that when I get my degree, a decent job, reach my ideal weight, get some nice looking muscles on that rack of mine, suddenly... I will get a girlfriend. Seems, it won't be that simple. Thanks for all the guys in this thread for letting me know that a nasty surprise may be in store for me.

 

And now that I know, I have decided that I must do something about my problem(s), I don't know what atm, but I must do something, because I feel we all have some sort of psychological problem(s) that we might not be able to cope with by ourselves. I think many of us might need professional help, heck, we might even end up being someone's PhD thesis

[Caldus]

CoffeeFiend, take it easy man. There's nothing majorly wrong with anybody in here. I think it's great that you've already been making the effort to lose more weight and things like that. That shows strong character. And what's wrong with Computer Science? It's a great major. 8)

 

I think the main problem is that a lot of guys just aren't making the effort to go meet women. They expect the women to approach them one day. It is very rare that a girl actually approaches a guy. I can only remember one or two times ever where a girl would initiate a conversation with me. Another problem is that guys think looks are so important to women when in most cases it really isn't. It's more about how you carry yourself, maintaining eye contact, and little things like that.

 

I hope the best for everyone in this thread. Meet a woman with the expectation of just meeting her, not to be in a relationship with her. You never know if they are right for you until you get to know them a little better. Relationships are really not that as heavenly as some of you seem to make it. They won't be like that if you frantically search around for a woman.

[1899]

Im with chanceit.

 

"forget about finding a girlfriend and concentrate on expanding your social network and having a good time -"

 

I think this is the best way to meet a woman. You have to learn how to crawl before you can walk. Find some guy friends that you have somthing in common to hang out with and expand that social network. You never know who you might run into or whos sisters cousin you might hook up with. Plus it makes you look popular to the ladies if you seem to be someone who has alot of friends and knows how to hang out and have a good time with the fellas. Like guys on HS football team. FIRST LEARN TO BE SOCIAL!

 

Personally, Im moving to a new area with a more diverse younger crowd of people in the area. I figure this will increase my chances of hooking up with someone naturally since i notice women will strike up conversations with me from time to time. Im just waiting for a specific job opening in the area.