24 and never had a girlfriend

[chadyls]

wlfpack, money doesn't buy happiness. I own a brand new mercedes, two houses (one is a vacation house) and spend a lot of money on clothes and shoes, but all that did not make me successful when it comes to dating. It didn't improve my level of confidence much. I've had many instances when girls approached me and I totally screwed up because of lack of confidence and the fear of exposing my lack of experience. Plus, because of my professional status, I fear dating but the attractive and educated women.

[wlfpack81]

Well for me being intimate with a women is happiness and with the money you make I wouldn't have to speak, I just flaunt my wealth. Yea not having a girl love me for who I am may suck a bit but hey if I'm laying in the sack with her then I don't give a damn at this point. I'd rather feel the soft touch of a girl who doesn't love me rather than having on other choice but feeling my hand accross my weiner to get off.

[drahcir]

hey Chadyls....

 

overcoming a lack or skills when it comes to dating is like anything else that takes time and effort to learn.....after all i am sure you became rich through a lot of dedicated study...put the same amount of effort into finding a girlfriend as you would into study, and sooner or later it will come..i mean..buy books on how to make yourself appear more attractive..here are some great ones i have read that have helped me:

 

1. The Friendship Factor or The Romance Factor

-both books written well over 25 years ago....the friendship factor is still in print because it is so good....you can buy it on link removed or some online book sites....

2. How to Be A People Magnet or How To Make Anyone Fall in Love With You

-both written by the same author..its really great...usually found in larger libraries.

3. Put Your Best Foot Forward

-by Jo-Ellan Dimitius and Mark Mazzarella

 

Here Are A Few Other Tips To Remember When Talking With Girls:

 

1. Always make eye contact...make eye contact around 70% of the time....look right into her eyes....

2. Smile..smile...smile.....to be able to smile and not feel nervous practice smiling as wide as you can at objects around your house..its sound silly but do it....smile 100 times in a row, several times a day..and soon you will find yourself smiling at girls and not even knowing it.

3. Always dress attractively....not neccessarily expensively because the most expensive thing is not always the most attractive...aslo pay attention to what women say is nice on you, not what you think is nice on yourself..like i bought a blue and a yellow shirt this week..i thought the blue one would be impressive but no girls were impressed....i then wore the yellow one thinking nothing of it...but 2 girls said they liked it, and numerous others looked!!!! try out different styles and see what girls say looks nice on you, not what you think looks nice..

4. Offer girls lots of hugs.....even after meeting her a couple times, if you have some sort of connection don't be afraid to hug......do it...girls want to be touched, and being hugged is almost never and inappropriate way of touching a girl....

5. When talking to a girl, talk about what her career or schooling is...what she wants to do with her life...ask about her friends...her family...where she has travellled..and show interest in what she likes to do for fun....You might actually want to make a list of questions that you will ask a girl or topics you will talk about and memorize them.. know them off by heart, so when you talk to her they natually come to you.....some advise.. a good way to find out a girls age is to ask her what high school she went to and then casually ask her when she graduated..almost all girls will answer so you can find out her age....as for finding out if she has a boyfriend....talk about some getting married or something and how you really want to get married...after doing this, almost every girl i have talked to then asks if you have a girlfriend....then bounce the question back to her!!!!!

6. Get her name and repeat it back to her often...

7. Be emotional and show your romantic side quickly..say "I feel that" instead of "I think that.."....emphazie with her......

8. Make her the center of attention....don't look at any woman or anyone else walking by or anything...pay attention only to her.....

9. Truly listen to her....rephrase what she said and repeat it back to her..

10. Practice, Practice, Practice....if guys spent as much time working on finding a girlfriend as they spend on other things, then they would find someone quickly.....is there a tv show you want to watch??? cancel it and there is an extra hour to practice these things and find a girlfriend....

 

good luck,

 

Richard

[1899]

Wow Richard, thats some good information Ive never thought about. I know I need to work on the smiling one. When I get nervous I get really straightfaced and sometimes look towards the ground. When My sisters tell me they dont like somthing im wearing before we go to a gathering, i usually just listen, I figure they know best.

[drahcir]

Chadyls,

 

you remind me of the story of The Great Gatspy....the gatsy guy was really nice and had tons of money...he had a hurt past....but with all his money couldn't find love....people only used him for his money...even though he was really nice..he couldn't find a girl to love..in this case Daisy.was who he really liked but couldn't get her to love him....

 

has anyone here lied and said they have dated and had a girlfriend or boyfriend when they haven't?

 

Richard

[zombie king]

Trying too hard to get a girlfriend seems a bit, well,.. desperate.

Trying to dress specificly to get girls attention,.. practicing smiling and other stuff instead of doing what you really want to do,...

I mean,.. we're talking about how we're not good at social relations enough to communicate with women,... but that's not the kind of thing you totally gear your life towards.

If i were buying an advice book on how to meet women,.. I'd consider myself desperate.

Yes,.. I wouldn't mind meeting a sweet girl, but I really don't even think about it unless I'm actually around girls I'm interested in.

I'm used to not always having someone on my arm. Of course I'd like to experience it,.. but I've got better things to do than rehearse conversation gimmics.

[1899]

But what you dont want to do is turn a potential girl off by things you may do or say that you may never even think about. And just because you are looking for tips does not mean that you are desparate, Imean some people actually have to work on a few things to get girls/guys to notice them or become more noticeable around the opposite sex, like not appearing too cocky or stalkish. You do have to be your self, but you do want to look as presentable as possible to someone you may like when that person ever comes your way.

 

I used to be the kind of person that never bothered to Iron my clothes. But now that I think of it, I dont know if most girls would be interested in a guy who does not look like they care about themselves, Not that I didnt, i just was too lazy to iron them. Now I pay attention to myself when I go out.

[Shinobie]

Ya im pretty stupid when it comes to girls i dont know how they think,how to act around them,and like what they like in a guy.I feel like a failure as a man if year after year guys goes by without experiencing a relationship or even having some interaction with women.It feels like we all are so much alike and i wonder if there is plenty of people all around this world living the same way as us because it is feeling that way.

[Shinobie]

O yah whats wrong with me? Why does every girl or women i ever meet seem to dislike me?LIke even co workers,adults,girls my age,young girls,and all girls.Is it just a way that i act the makes the opposite gender dislike me?They never seem to ever like me or ever even wanna talk to me i dotn know what my problem is i mena im nice to them and too all people but i never seem to be liked as a friend or anythign too them.

[drahcir]

Shinobie,

 

your problem is that you too negative. I am sure that not every girl hates you and some atually really like you. Think positively and imagine girs liking you...even if it doesn;t seem realistic...do it.even it takes a lot of effort..until you reach a paradigm where you can realize that some girls really do like you......

 

and stop these thoughts about depression, suicide and self pity...think positively and good things will come

 

Richard

[1899]

That reminds me of a guy I work with, hes in his mid 30's and he dosent have a girlfriend. recently got dumped by one and was really hurt. Really nice guy, but when women pass by they almost dont even acknowledge him when he talks to them. But the same woman always smiles at me when im in her path way. I think the diffrence is hes got a very loud pushy attitude.

 

When they are walking by and he has to get thieir attention then ask these silly questions in a unsensere salesman voice while they are still walking, like "Well I really hope you have a great day, ok?"

 

I act like they are just another person when they walk by. I just smile and say hows it going?. Thats it. They approach, smile and ask hows my day going, or have a nice weekend. Then you may ask what her name is etc. later if you are interested.

What you have to do i think is remember that they ARE noticing you just like you are noticing them, but you have to be very laid back about approaching them, as in not desparate.

[alexander]

I'm . . . I think I'm actually more depressed now than when I started reading this thread, which I thought was impossible. I'm only 17 and don't see how I haven't managed to kill myself yet. It would be better if I were the only one, the only one who had to go through this. Seeing so much pain from people like me, seeing it not "get better" for so many. . .

 

God really doesn't give a ****, does he? Some people must be made to live in misery.

[drahcir]

hey...

 

first to heardtoomuch...did you really read all of this thread, from beginning to end...there so much talked about!!! what did you think about what you read..do you relate to it in any way??

 

people who suggest yoiu might be gay are really stupid..its them who have a problem, not you...like what difference does it make to them if you are gay..doesn't affect them...they are just dumb people...

 

do you know why you have not had a girlfriend???

 

as for the following post, i think all this talk about blaming God isn't too productive..blaming God is a cheap way of saying we are too lazy to do something for ourselves to improve our conditions...its not God's responsiblity to solve our problems...its ours..its somethign we have to work on..cursing God does not make the world a better place, especially if he doesn't exist (which some people believe)..in any case its better to be proactive

 

Richard

[Pyralis]

"do you know why you have not had a girlfriend???"

It's because I'm so quiet - simple as that. What girl would go out with someone who doesn't talk to them I used to think that I must be really ugly but I've realised that even ugly guys get girlfriends.

You know the saying "looks are unimportant, it's personality that counts" well what if you have no personality... then you're screwed.

 

I know what you mean. I have the same problem too. I'm just too quiet and shy. I attract almost no attention to myself. Also it's really depressing seeing a nice girl accross the room but knowing that there's really nothing I can do, because being paralyzed with shyness holds me back every single time. I also struggle with feelings of inadequacy too. I tend to think to myself that I'm simply not good enough for her. Why would she be interested in me when there are plenty of more attractive / interesting guys around? This is just a small sample of the kind of crap that goes through my head when it comes to meeting girls. It really sucks.

[Shinobie]

Ya i wonder how we got so down low in socializing with girls i mean where did we go wrong?I dont even really know if any girls really r attracted to me because whenever there is young girl my age at work or something i always look down i just cant stare at them i feel way to inadequate and its a phobia that wears me down.All i remember is having problems whenever i actually tried to go for girls like i would always be shut down by them.I just cant wait for the day if it ever comes when i have a gf that tells she loves me that would be so nice i dream of it like the women i live to marry.

[Derek]

Dudes, don't get so down in the dumps.

 

I am gonna give you some platitudes, but platitudes are

platitudes for a good reason...

 

To get women, you need to become the best man you can be.

 

You can't change women. Us guys may never understand women completely either. (though I won't stop trying) You can change your own attitudes though.

 

Have a life. Be interesting by doing things that are interesting to you.

Have some interests. Have an opinion. Be an individual, hopefully yourself.

From that kind of life experience comes the confidence that is sexier than any physical or mental thing. Be the best you can be at what interests you and women will notice. That could be tuning cars, or motocross bikes or mountain biking or jogging or flying Ultralights or surfing or writing or marketing or drinking or Playstation2 or playing Jeopardy or whatever.

 

Women are interested in jumping on the train of a guy that is going somewhere. A guy that is following his own direction. She doesn't want a guy that gives her everything whenever she bats an eyelash. (If she does want that, she's trash anyway) She wants a guy that has the same goals as she does. A partner in crime. To do that, you have to have some goals in the first place to share with other people, especially potential girlfriends.

 

Don't expect girls to fall into your lap though. Sure that happens sometimes, usually in the movies. It happens a bit in high school and college, that's why those "convenience" relationships don't usually work.

After college, your prospecting becomes much tougher to find.

You've got to keep your eyes open. You are the hunter. Watch for body language and eye contact from every woman you come in contact with. You are the hunter. Don't tip off the prey until you have her in closer, play it cool, play like you don't care, then drop the "I care about you more than anyone" bomb only when it counts. You are the hunter.

 

Every time there is a social situation, force yourself to go. Even if you are there to only observe how things go, even for other guys and girls. It still gives you insight into how others are playing the game and you aren't at home warming the bench wondering when the next practice is.

 

Perhaps you need to start with making friends with girls and talking to them as the dreaded "let's just be friends" friend so that the mystery about girls is reduced and your confidence is increased. Talk with the average and loner girls, talk with any female. Get into the habit of being around females and being comfortable. Then you can graduate to the ones that really count. While you do that, you might just find that that average girl you used to think was average has now become the one that really counts.

 

The better man you become, the better woman you may attract. You become the type of person you want to attract.

 

 

[madhornet]

Hopefully I'm going to meet up with a girl early next week (I've been chatting to her on the internet for a couple of weeks but it's a start to the real life chatting to girls!) She seems quite cagey and shy from what I can gather about her emails to me so far but we have emailed daily and exchanged pics and I think we're both looking forward to meeting up.

 

We're both about the same age (I'm 27 she's 28) but there are just a couple of things that ring minor alarm bells in my mind. Firstly the fact she's so keen on meeting up after a series of short emails and secondly that she's really after someone to 'sweep her off her feet romantically' (as she put it). My main worry is I'm not someone to go for all the slushy romance stuff (I don't mind making the odd romantic gesture but hate it when things go over the top as in the movies) and she sounds like she is that sort of person. Also I've been caught out with the 'rebound' from previous relationship scenario a couple of times before and don't want to get caught again.

 

So should I go with my instincts and ring her this weekend and arrange something and meet her purely as if I was going out with a friend I've known for ages and not treat it as a date? We're probably going to meet for after work drinks so there won't be too much time to think or worry about it which is good for me. I just don't want to go along to be used again.

 

Maybe she's thinking similar things to me I don't know - I just want to have a good time and see how it goes but my gut instincts haven't let me down in the past and there's just something that doesn't make me feel comfortable about meeting her just yet. Am I paranoid or just overly cautious?

 

Help - I'm very confused!

[madhornet]

Sorry that should read she's 28

[Shinobie]

Ya sorry drachir it is so hard to get out of the problem im in i do not know why i go from feeling alright to happy too depressed abd all around the board all the time.Ill try my hardest to work on my problems and as for my mind no matter what i think or do right when i think about a girls a million thigns pop into my head why none like me,will ever like me,or never have liked me.Its like i have so many bad thoughts coming into my head its so impossible to get one good thought in my mind.Maybe its becaause my whole life ive been always that "one friend" whos always picke don out the group and im always the one that is put downt he most.I get compliments every once and awhile but i never accept em or put down myself.Ive always seem to have been put down by everybody even my friends and family.O yah and is this bad because i have been thinking about this.I figured out that from the whole time ever since i was in 6th grade and i really started liking girls i had about 1 true friend that was girl.One that i would actually go over to her hosue and hang out with other friends and stuff.i really liked her and was gonna ask her out but then i moved from that town.So is that bad from all the time up till now thta i ahve only had one true friend that was a girl anybody, the same as me?

[drahcir]

hey....

 

its only recently (the last year) or so i have been actively looking for a girlfriend. Thats because for a the longest time i though no girl would ever like me. From grade 4 to grade 10 or 11 or so i never had any friends..not a single friend at all to talk to. At school people went around making fun of me, beating me up, saying i was gay at other stuff...so i thought for a long time that no girl would ever like me...

 

but after escaping high school everything changed for the better. I made huge numbers of friends almost right away. I think high school is a stupid popularity and academic contest which wastes time..anyway i made huge numbers of friends and suddenly became very popular. I quickly made friends with many girls too. I think its easier to be friends with a girl than with a guy..atleast for me thats true...because i can be more open about what i really think and feel..be more honest about it...but even though i was friends with many girls i still thought no girl would like me because i was so unaccustomed to that sort of attention..but soon i found out some girls liked me...there was this grade 8 girl who was crazy about me..but of course she would be way too young.......it would be wrong for me to have a relationship with her..but it taught be that atleast some girls liked me....i later found out other girls liked me toon.......

 

but i also found that some girls just don't make sense...like i am really nice to them and then they treat me like i am some sort of freak....like i scare them.....right now i am thinking of one girl in particular..i was never attracted to her romantically..i thought we were friends..but she said i "ScarED her"..what!....me?? scary??? i feel guilty if i step on a snail....lol...i would never hurt a girl...but its happened to many times..girls actually say i scare them....well not all girls...that s an exageration...but some do and i can't think why.......i think some girls, like some guys, are just stupid.......anyway......

 

so only in the last year have i actually been looking for a girlfirend....i doin't really care if she is ugly or beautiful...as long as her heart is good............

 

Richard

[Shinobie]

Ya man i am nice to girls and that is exactly how i feel how they look at me that they r looking at me like im some sort of freak.I could never think of how to explain it all this time but that is basically how i feel when they look back at me.

[drahcir]

yup...

 

i don't care if a girl says i am ugly, stupid....but if she says i scare her....that really really enrages me...to paint me as the villian...sometimes simply for pursuing a girl i get that...even for being nice and trying to be sensitive to how you feel...which shows how insensitive some girls are too how guys feel...now i am sure 90% of girls are NOT like that and many are very sweet and caring..but its the ones who say i scare them..that bothers me..like me..scary?? as i said before..i feel guilty if i step on a snail...lol...

[drahcir]

when ever i think about the fact i have never had a girlfriend there is one thought which keeps running through my head: does not having a girlfriend make you a better boyfriend later in life? and eventually a better husband. I hope so because then at least i can say i got something out of not having a girlfriend--that being a better relationship. Its true that people you date younger, have sex young, often get screwed up...some of them recover but many don't and then they have screwed up lives for the rest of thier lives...and the older one waits, the better the relationship is...like i have to admit there are endless sociological studies about how beneficial it is to wait..to wait to date, to wait to have sex (and preferably not have it until you are married..ect..) so i think there must be some advantage to the fact that i am almost 21 and not had a girlfriend..but then again, there are people i know who have boyfriends early and then screwup and then have perfectly happy relationships..like i have a friend who had her first boyfriend when she was 13..then had several..but now she is getting married and has a perfect realtionship..it bothers me..she made so many mistakes and now has a good relatoinship..i should be happy for her and i am ....but i don' t know...i think there must be some advantage to waiting.....what do all the girls and guys here think??????

 

Richard

[Shinobie]

Ya dude hopefully i keep a better perpective on life drachir because man i just overdosed on 25 tylenols yesterday but im all better.I feel like what i did was wrong and hopefully i can get better.But people wont stop bothering me they constantly degrade me they say i suck at things whne i know im just fine at them and said i was ugly and stuff.I cant stop feeling bad no one lets me be happy man.But dont worry ive been feeling better but man if theres really a god why do i have to feel like i have to be in pain all the time?

[drahcir]

Shinobie,

 

its sad to hear that you overdosed on some tylonal...you know what though..once you get out of high school, then things completely change...i think you are close to it, right?? like in college no one knows you, no one knows your history or popularity whether it is good or bad..and theres lots more opportunities to date...esp. when you take psychology classes...in most psychology classes girls out number guys 2 to 1...in my cognitive psychology class it was 3.3 to one...anyway remember that.you are almost at the end of the tunnell...and finding a girlfirend will come soon..

 

RIchard