theham2130 Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 My bf is literally incapable of getting jealous, which I find infuriating. If I talk and dance with other guys, he’s totally nonchalant about it. This is definitely a positive at times because it show’s that he’s not controlling. But, he’s my first bf, my first everything and for some reason, I just want him to feel threatened once in a while. I don’t have a past or any other ex-bfs that he can be jealous of, so I just want him to realize somehow that I am valuable. That probably sounds really shallow… ugh… let me try to explain. I am really jealous of my bf’s past. And we’ve talked about it before. He’s been with several other women before me and I guess im insecure about it. Plus, he has so many friends that are girls that he hangs with. I have NO guy friends to make him jealous with. I guess im a jealous person and I know this is a problem that I have, but I want him to feel like I do once in a while. Just so he knows how bad it feels. Is that vengeful of me? Link to comment
metrogirl Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 ^^ This is very immature of you. You should be happy that he has enough faith and trust in you that he doesn't need to feel jealous. Having a jealous boyfriend is not fun. Ask any of us that have to deal with in on a day to day basis. Link to comment
Mavh25 Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 extremely selfish of you to wanna put him through that so desperately. I hope he does it to you too. He knows your valuable, hence him trusting you. Don't be mean just cos he is'nt the same as you. Link to comment
djcom80429770 Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 yeah..seriously..that is YOUR problem not his..and there are several women that would love their guy to be like him..so instead of making him jealous..why dont you grow, and become someone that doesnt need to do that..and you really cant expect anyone here to be behind you with this Link to comment
Celadon Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 I do know what you mean, but the others are right in that it's not a good thing for you or him or your relationship to try to make him jealous. Now ... if you feel he doesn't value you or isn't showing you that he values you, then that is what you need to focus on. Talk to him about it. Perhaps you just need some reassurance from him and he doesn't know how to give it to you. Like I said, I understand jealousy. So I'm not judging you. I just think the cure for it lies in building up your own self-esteem, and again, communicating with him about what you want from him in terms of how he treats you. Hopefully he is treating you well... if he isn't, you may want to read the book, "He's just not that into you." Link to comment
regular joe Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 My Ex used to do things to make me jealous. It's not fun and it is not a good thing. It will stress the trust in your relationship. It also will make him wonder if you feel the same about him as he does about you. Then it gets to point where it is just insensitive and if you want him to respect your feelings, respect his. There won't be anything positive coming out it. Link to comment
orangesoda Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 nothing good can come out of this. You're punishing him for your own insecurities and while he's non-responsive to your bad behavior, I guarantee that he makes note of it (we guys can be dumb, but we're not stupid). My only advice is that if you really love the guy, stop sabotaging your relationship with him. Link to comment
Raoul Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 Don't focus on making him jealous. And drop your jealousy of him (and every other human being). Focus on being what you want, your best you. When you do that, you'll be happy and more fulfilled. And everythin else will take care of itself. You can do this, Raoul Link to comment
savignon Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 So, since you feel like a jealous and insecure person, you want to take him down with you so he can feel miserable also? And yet you say you're such a great catch that he should really value you....? Doesn't add up. You're being extraordinarily immature for wanting to hurt him just for fun. Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 It doesnt mean he doesnt care. It means he trusts you and secure in your relationship. Link to comment
annie24 Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 I think making him jealous is the wrong thing to do. Is it that you feel ignored? Is he a good bf to you? Personally I think he has a good and healthy attitude. If you want to flirt with other men just to piss him off, the I would tell your bf he is better off without you. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 When someone is trying to make their partner jealous and insecure, the partner may feel it inwardly but outwardly act nonchalent in order to not give the other person power over them. Your boyfriend may indeed be hurt and jealous and maybe not. Your tactics amount to a power struggle because you are insecure. You need to work on your insecurity. Trying to make someone jealous will only make you miserable and can end up backfiring because it can destroy your relationship. Link to comment
hers Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 i'm beginning to weep for the future of relationships. OP, how old are you? having a jealous SO is no fun at all. you are being vindictive and punishing b/c you have your own insecurities. the relationship will not last if you keep this up. Link to comment
Dancergirl425 Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 My ex used to have friends that were girls and hang out with them in groups. I was always jealous and didn't want to be annoying so I just acted like it didn't bother me. He even went to a hs prom with one of his friends which I was really jealous about, but couldn't complain bc I had gone to a sorority dance with another guy a week before. We (had both had these plans before we started dating) Anyway my point is he might just not be showing his jealousy...With that said. I understand your feelings however it's kind of immature to try to get a reaction out of him. Also you don't want a controlling guy. My ex thought I was always cheating on him if I was with another guy. Be greatful for what you have. The grass is not always greener on the other side Link to comment
Kumatora Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 But, he’s my first bf, my first everything and for some reason, I just want him to feel threatened once in a while. Testing your boyfriend by hurting him and your relationship is not a good start. The fact he doesn't get jealous is a really good thing to have (I know from speaking with experience)! Jealous can lead to abuse. Once he catches on to this game you've set up, you will drive him away. Guaranteed. Cut the crap. Link to comment
arwen Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 Wow, you should be happy he trusts you. Are you jealous yourself? Link to comment
heloladies21 Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 Expected responses. You know, I do my best not to get into ad hominem but when it comes to relationships, the last people I'd take advice from are those that aren't in one that works. But people have a tendency to pass blame off onto other people, egos too fragile. I won't tell you what I think about you, because I honestly have no opinion about whether what you're doing is right or wrong. It doesn't matter to me. But what I will tell you is that it makes sense logically that you feel the way you do, and if any other woman (and most guys) were in your exact shoes seeing what you see, they might feel the very same way. My bf is literally incapable of getting jealous, which I find infuriating. If I talk and dance with other guys, he’s totally nonchalant about it. This is definitely a positive at times because it show’s that he’s not controlling. But, he’s my first bf, my first everything and for some reason, I just want him to feel threatened once in a while. I don’t have a past or any other ex-bfs that he can be jealous of, so I just want him to realize somehow that I am valuable. Hey, be honest about your desires ad emotions. If you're heart tells you that you need your man to get jealous about you to show you that he cares, then that's what you need to see. It's not a good or a bad thing, and many women are just like you. "Fake" nice guys run into this problem a lot and it puts a lot of women off. Why do you think we have so many nice guys on this board getting dumped for "no reason?" That probably sounds really shallow… ugh… let me try to explain. I am really jealous of my bf’s past. And we’ve talked about it before. He’s been with several other women before me and I guess im insecure about it. Plus, he has so many friends that are girls that he hangs with. I have NO guy friends to make him jealous with. I guess im a jealous person and I know this is a problem that I have, but I want him to feel like I do once in a while. Just so he knows how bad it feels. Is that vengeful of me? Hey you can't control the way you feel, so pointless to even try. You feel the way you do for a reason. If you're insecure about your bf's past and he hasn't done anything to alleviate your insecurities, of course you'll feel mad at him. It's his time to step up and do this. I'm afraid if he doesn't though, and keeps being one of those guys who hides his true feelings instead of being real with you, unfortunately one day you'll leave him. Link to comment
Zoey Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 don't cause turmoils and chaos when you can get peace. just my $0.02 Link to comment
guynextdoor Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 OP I must say thats a strange way of getting more attention from your bf. Try to look outside the box, then you realize how foolish you are. Link to comment
Ginko Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 Wahhhh…been there done that…in my immature days though… My hubby was my first and everything too. I’ve never been in love before, never even care about boys…until I met this man. A wonderful man, almost perfect GPA (like a zombie, I love brains), a bookworm, tall, shy and very quiet. A treasure. The shy and very quiet part makes me feel insecure, I am darn unattractive too, so I did what you are doing right now. I told him some BS story, commenting on many ridiculously muscular men (although I actually felt repulsed…the horror of those popping veins… , I put some random numbers on my HP with random ridiculous names I’ve made myself, I was trying so hard to make him show some emotion. I failed every single time and just gave it up at some point. Nowadays, when I asked him what does he think about the early stage of our relationship, he’d answer: “the drama…ohh…the drama” Your BF may think the same like my hubby. So drop the drama, it won't work and pointless and accept it, that you are one lucky gal. Link to comment
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