surfjon Posted January 25, 2013 Share Posted January 25, 2013 Maria, I understand how you feel, I've been with a girl nearly 5 years now and I'm going thru that weird time right now where we aren't broken up, but unsure of what we each want. I feel I've done all the work in the relationship just to hear "I'm not sure what I want". I'm now pretty NC with her, we foster dogs together so have to interact a bit, but nothing about "US", I'm just giving her the time and space she asked for. I feel at peace, I'm sad we may cease to be together, but I cannot regret anything because I gave it my all, 125% and more, so like you, I simply say "I've done all I can do, kiss me and never let me go..... or allow me to find a person who wants that".... This is hard as hell, and there is no script, but I know from experience that we do move on, meet someone else, and start the dance again..... Link to comment
dashorror83 Posted January 25, 2013 Share Posted January 25, 2013 I accept the challenge as of now. This is going to be really tough, as she's been my best friend for 5 years. Link to comment
surfjon Posted January 25, 2013 Share Posted January 25, 2013 Dash, Me too man, with her 5 years, shoulda seen the red flags 2 years ago, but we keep on trying don't we, even when we know it's unhealthy. I learned when my wife of 20 years walked on me in 2007, that what was killing me was NOT the loss of her, but the loss of the familiarity and sense of contentment that comes when we get so familiar with someone. When the familiar routine is disrupted, we humans are disoriented and thrown off track. Rationally, we KNOW that we were born alone, and are fine and complete by ourselves, we need nobody to make us whole, but the heart longs for the familiar, the kisses, the cuddles, the just being in the same room and reading a book....... When suddenly on our own, we naturally long for what we knew, that warm routine. The unknown scares us, but I have started looking at these times in life as an adventure! I start to focus on all the things that could happen and the possibilities for positive change and try not to dwell on what was and may never be again. Peace to all who hurt...... Link to comment
rosasnyder811 Posted January 25, 2013 Share Posted January 25, 2013 Why are you going NC with someone that you want to be with? You can't rebuild things if you aren't in contact. You're just drifting further apart. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted January 25, 2013 Share Posted January 25, 2013 Why are you going NC with someone that you want to be with? You can't rebuild things if you aren't in contact. You're just drifting further apart. Yes, but it takes two. Link to comment
Maria Kabute Posted January 26, 2013 Share Posted January 26, 2013 Why are you going NC with someone that you want to be with? You can't rebuild things if you aren't in contact. You're just drifting further apart. Just like what IThinkIcan said, it's take two to rebuild a relationship. He's the one who broke up with me, saying he's not sure about his feelings for me and he need to sort it out and he don't want to drag me. It's been 3 weeks since we broke up. And i've been the one that always initiate contact for almost 3 weeks. Asking if we can both work it out but I always get the same answer, We broke up, we can't do anything about it. Being NC does not meant I gave up hope. But i need to take some time for myself too. I need to accept that it's over. I need to rebuild myself first, before I can rebuild the relationship.. 1 Link to comment
Maria Kabute Posted January 26, 2013 Share Posted January 26, 2013 wow..5 years. that's tough.. We're only together for 5 months, but I give everything to him and for the relationship. I'm going NC to respect his decision and to give myself some time too. We can't fix things, if we are broken too. Link to comment
Lambo Posted January 26, 2013 Share Posted January 26, 2013 It's been 6 days since she texted me and our brief conversation. I WILL NOT TALK OR MESSAGE HER AT ALL. I do see her at school sometimes (we go to a small university) so sometimes its unavoidable. If I do see her, I will just wave. Link to comment
JohnGalt Posted January 26, 2013 Share Posted January 26, 2013 Broke no contact. oh well. Sent her a text. 5 minutes ago. No reply. She won't reply. She's over me. I am finding it hard to move on. Link to comment
JohnGalt Posted January 26, 2013 Share Posted January 26, 2013 Actually she responded. Not mean or anything. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted January 27, 2013 Share Posted January 27, 2013 Actually she responded. Not mean or anything. I have cheered for you in the past... and I am glad this went well.... Now I am worried. Are you okay? Can you keep your center strong and stay light on your feet? Link to comment
JohnGalt Posted January 27, 2013 Share Posted January 27, 2013 I have cheered for you in the past... and I am glad this went well.... Now I am worried. Are you okay? Can you keep your center strong and stay light on your feet? Yeah, I mean, nothing has changed. I had a weak moment. Back to NC for me. Link to comment
swans Posted January 27, 2013 Share Posted January 27, 2013 Day 14. I thought it would be harder. Link to comment
fxluhe Posted January 27, 2013 Share Posted January 27, 2013 ND for 14 days. No contact so far. But the day before yesterday she sent me a message: "heard u have came back. hope u everything is Ok. The snow is very heavy recently. take care when u drove outside". I am hesitating if I should reply or maybe it is too late to reply? Any advise please? Link to comment
sara1691985 Posted January 27, 2013 Share Posted January 27, 2013 Day 6 Saw my ex accidently at work. I am trying to avoid him totally. I felt afraid, inconfident and miserable, I tried to avoid him seeing me and I avoided looking at him too. I think I am doing fine although I still feel really empty and alone ... I really need someone close to me and loads of love ... Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted January 27, 2013 Share Posted January 27, 2013 Yeah, I mean, nothing has changed. I had a weak moment. Back to NC for me. Cool. I get that. I am at 37 days, not as far along as you, and I am stronger and more self-aware than I was. Still, I am having urges to reach out for reasons that I can not articulate. Just waiting them out. Link to comment
Maria Kabute Posted January 28, 2013 Share Posted January 28, 2013 day 4. I'm proud of myself to survive the Weekend without reaching out to him. I still have the urge to contact him during weekends, that is why this is my third attempt for 30 days of NC. Link to comment
vesper Posted January 28, 2013 Share Posted January 28, 2013 does this apply to me, I actually need to communicate. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted January 28, 2013 Share Posted January 28, 2013 Its been 38 days. He and his gf have posted complimentary fb profile pics. He's Harry. She's Sally. Oh puke. I care. I want to message him "Really?" I find the fb helpful in putting it in front of my face. Gotta move on. Actually wondered if I would be friends with him and if I would have sex with him just so I could be satisfied that he cheated on her. That's disgusting that I would think that. Link to comment
mj1228 Posted January 28, 2013 Share Posted January 28, 2013 I hate starting at day one...third time is the charm. He took all of his stuff yesterday so we have nothing left to talk about. I have to deal with him at work but will not start any conversation that is not work related and a must. I can't disappear but I can be strong confident and aloof. Here goes nothing...YAY Mondays! barf... Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted January 28, 2013 Share Posted January 28, 2013 Really? Harry Met Sally? So now I am just part of your frigging movie? It really does make me lose my appetite. Yuck. Link to comment
Johanna81 Posted January 28, 2013 Share Posted January 28, 2013 Two weeks of no contact today! It's hard but I realized when I did send text messages he wouldn't reply anyways so just makes it easier. Link to comment
vesper Posted January 28, 2013 Share Posted January 28, 2013 no response from the man in questions Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted January 29, 2013 Share Posted January 29, 2013 I love that my NC started on an even number, so now its easy to count. 39 days. Don't know if its the new guy, the ridiculous harry met sally fb references, the blessings of time, the little observations that are trickling in from my subconscious to my conscious musings - about how he often made himself the center of attention even around my girls or how he is generally vulgar as evidenced by fb. Or maybe its that i am working super hard and recovering my sense of self.... whatever it is, i can feel a new layer is gone. I may be over him, or nearly so. my date this weekend will be a good test. please Lord let me be rid of him, he who is not my friend or my champion! Link to comment
surfjon Posted January 29, 2013 Share Posted January 29, 2013 Rosa, I use NC for me and my sanity, if a by-product of NC is making the other person think about their decision, so be it. In NC, I can truly think objectively, the day to day contact when in limbo is generally disposable semantics anyway, I mean what is there to really say when one person is "unsure" and "needs time" nothing.....if my partner is "unsure", then by default, I am as well. What the puller (dumper) does in creating this limbo period, is if the dumpee is strong and does not push and act all weepy and needy, that dumpee will eventually drift far enough to sea that they are gone. She's been sending me texts, just dog pics and words that have nothing to do with us, so I don't respond..... I am currently passing over the breakwater reef, I've reached a safe point in my vessel, it is strong and I can see the open ocean awaiting me. Not sure if I'll anchor and wait, or just continue to sea, but I am at peace..... Link to comment
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