rosasnyder811

There is nothing wrong with holding out hope, especially if there are good reasons for having it. You never know what can happen tomorrow that will change feelings. Sometimes relationships that seemed the most doomed spring back successfully.

It's NEVER about getting the other person back. If used to get the other person back, it will fail. It is abusive, manipulative, and a game. It should only be used to move on and let go.

Then send her a message: "I understand you don't want contact with me right now. I don't agree with it, but I agree it is your decision. I am going to take some time to work on some things I need to fix about myself, so I'm not going to contact you for x weeks. If after x weeks you still don't want contact with me, I will understand. Please feel free to contact me during this time whenever you need to/want to. I will respond." Figure out how many weeks you need. Then you have to leave it alone until that time period is up. If she contacts you during that time, wonderful. Go with it, but don't push her during that time. No pressure. Just casual, nice conversation. The problem is that it seems like you keep pushing her to get back together. This isn't an instant process. Real reconciliation takes time, and there is no quick fix--especially no contact.

Reading through some of these, it seems some of you still want to be with your ex. Some of your comments should be directed into energy toward getting them back, instead of ignoring them.

Just be careful, don't wait too long (few days, etc). I know it's hard. However, just a "Hey how are you doing?" every couple days will be enough to keep the lines open. You have to be able to control yourself. Of course you are nervous. When you love someone and you are no longer with them, it's terrifying to think you may never see them again. It was EXTREMELY hard for me the two months I was split from my girlfriend. However, as much as it hurt, I knew I loved her and we were better than the no contact game. So I pressed forward, sucked it up, and made the effort. Did we talk everyday? No. There were weeks where we didn't talk at all, but I kept the faith. It paid off. We are now engaged, and proof of what communication can do, even in horrible circumstances.

If you don't stay in some kind of contact, their chances of getting closer increase. If you want her back, you should figure out a way to do that without putting pressure on her. If you don't want her back, keep on truckin'.

I'm here to try to convince people that they are wrong in their thinking. You are working against human psychology, and you really are in a crap shoot here. Sure, NC may get them back, but it won't last because you'll get them back based on a MIND GAME. If you care about someone, wouldn't you want to get them back in a genuine fashion without mind games? Knowing that you actually put some good hard effort and pain into getting them back? Knowing that you gave yourself the best shot? If it worked for you 8 months ago, then why aren't you still together? Sounds like it did just enough to get you back together, just to split again. Without communication, you have no relationship. That's the basic and most simple explanation I can give you. There is no negativity in what I post, and the fact that you state that shows me that you are more interested in the concept of NC rather than real solid advice from people that have been through this type of thing. (Which I have been) No Contact is negativity if it is used to get an ex back, because it is just a game, and it is a losing one-- which I have seen over and over again. NC is an Internet fad, not a tried and true practice of reconciliation. It's simply a game, and in games you can win or lose, but they are still games. Relationships, at least to me, are not a game. They are a serious thing that need to be approached in a serious manner, not as a game. I'm sorry if some people disagree with that, but I have helped several people with my advice that were using NC as a way to get their ex back, and they found that actual COMMUNICATION helps gauge where each person is and gives them both a better chance at reconciliation. NC is great if used as a tool to get over someone you never want to have in your life again. When we were children we ignored people that we were mad at. This is the same thing. We are mad at our ex, so we ignore them. Except, as children we were usually mad at people we saw everyday, so we eventually forgot and forgave. We most likely won't see our ex's everyday in an extended capacity, making forgive and forget much harder. Sure, you may forgive, but they just may simply forget. As adults, we shouldn't be playing the same games because we are more mature. We should be looking at ways to better our communication with the people we love, BECAUSE we love them, not sacrifice it to the chance that they MAY come back. I hope you'll message me, you might find that I have better advice of getting your loved one back than simply ignoring them. If you would like a more clear picture of what I'm talking about, send me a private message. I can give you better assistance privately than in public, where we will just end up arguing for the sake of arguing, while your loved one continues to push away from you further.

The only thing that NC is going to make the other person think is that they are better off without you. If by some chance they come back, it will be under the auspices of mind games. Who cares what the conversations are about? You got together without talking about your relationship, because you didn't have one. Now you also don't have a relationship, but you want one, but you expect to just have intimate conversations? It takes time to work up to that. NC is a mind game that is not effective, it just causes more hurt. so if you don't want them back, use it. If you do, I would suggest staying in contact somehow, that is, if the relationship means anything to you.

Why are you going NC with someone that you want to be with? You can't rebuild things if you aren't in contact. You're just drifting further apart.