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THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2


SuperDave71
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Day 2 - The evenings are so hard. I was very conscious of the time yesterday as he always contacts me at a similar time in the evenings. I knew he wouldn't last night as we had only talked the day before. I told him I need to just let him get on with things. I meant it. Later today will be hard. I will have to leave my phone somewhere so I won't contact him. I'm worried he will contact me though. And I'm also worried that he won't.

 

Great idea with leaving the phone behind! That's what I did too at first, and it really helped me to relax and not worry about him. Keep it up! It gets better day by day

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sufjon,

 

Your words are very true. It is comforting to know that years back, there were people struggling with the exact same feelings as we are going through today. It is a dance that always goes on.

I'm sorry that you had to return to here... I cannot imagine going through this more than once. But I'm sure we all will several times in the years to come. You are not alone in here. Stay strong and keep us updated. Peace to you.

 

Day 8: eh... this too shall pass.

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I saw him on the street today. Worse.. We walked towards eachother. The whole time I saw him approaching I thought : shall I say hi and be mature about it or shall I wish I he will fall dead just by the look I give him. I went for option 2. But I know he can see past the angry look and silence I give him and see the hurt.

Anyhow he didn't say anything either. We exchanged a couple of looks. I felt very very angry.

 

The funny thing is.. I work in the same city as he does and the whole time I was thinking " what if I meet him" "what if I see him" "what if he sees me and tries to apologize to me and Í'll be the one ignoring him and walking away like a tough strong woman"..

 

I didn't want to ignore him, because that would mean I would avoid a confrontation somehow. And I'm not such a coward, I think he is.

But hey I admit, it was not my most mature response. He somehow seemed a tad scared. Maybe he thought I would act the same way as I did when we broke up.

But no I didn't. But I don't know.. what to think about all of this. Have I done the right thing? Other people say I should've kept my head up high and be the better one and say hello. But I can't pretend everything is ok. Everything is nót ok. And if I can somehow let him know that, I know one look of me is all I need. Guess he couldn't avoid my emotions after all. I bet he could see them in my eyes. Yeah I hope he's sorry. Am I sorry? A little bit.. tucked away under a lot of anger and hurt.

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So I'm still NC. But it's tough. It does a lot to me. Yesterday I said to a friend that I somehow knew we could one day talk about things because we've got some unresolved issues. But after today, after us passing eachother like that, I think I could've been further from the truth. This is tough. It hurts.

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Day 51.. NIC.

 

i feel a little better, but today he contacted me again on facebook, but i wasn't even online.He just ask how i was doing. This time i wont answer, maybe over a week or something, although i feel a little bit of guilty.

 

He always is initiating contact, i even thouht maybe he is sick of always initiating contact lol, but i see that if we didnt speak for 10 days trought 2 weeks, he speaks to me.

He is just giving me breadcrumbs i think.

 

There is still one thing im sometimes wondering about. 3 weeks ago he posted a videoclip on fb, it was a song from nelly - just a dream, he writed; it was only just a dream..

but the lyrics are like; im thinking about us, thinking about me, thinking about where we gonna be, i open my eyes, its only just a dream. I travel back down that road WISH U CAME BACK, KNOWONE KNOWS.. and My love, my wife, SHE left me and stuff like that..

 

I know it may not mean anything, because if he really wanted me back, he would make that clear right?

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Sigh, only on day 2 and he texted me already about post at his house and asking how I am. I told him I was good and asked him.to forward the post. He text again saying he was.glad I am ok.

 

Back to NC for me. I am not counting that as a lapse because he initiated contact and my reply was functional and I ended the contact first. He'll most likely text again this weekend. Can't seem to go too long ..without talking to me but still has doubts about being in a relationship. Confusing guy.

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Day 40.

 

I really thought this would be way more difficult. I'm not over him yet, and I don't think I will for a very long time. I'm crying probably once a week or so, but not because I miss him, I just want to find the one for me, and thinking how much time I wasted on him just saddens me.

I not counting the days, I just had to look at the calendar to know how far I've come. I really like posting in this thread but I'm not doing this to get him back, in fact I don't plan on contacting him ever again. I think the only thing that could make me talk to him again is if something bad happens to him or his family, otherwise, I'm pretty much done with him.

 

I think that I need to live somewhere else to completely move on. Living in the same city we used to it's setting me back. I plan on moving to another country sometime this year. Then I can have a clean slate.

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Day 9:

 

What a great day! Just heard that they will start interviewing applicants for the job I applied to next week. Hopefully that will go well!

 

I also finally pulled myself together and went down to a vet clinic and asked to volunteer/intern. It is a dream of mine to go to vet school. Now it is time make that come true and build up my experience!!

 

So far so good... Now, the rest of the day will be studying for midterms... urgh.

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Day 10.

 

Having a bit of a set back today, after an awesome moment where I looked at myself in the mirror and realised that it had been so long and I wasn't missing him, I started almost having a panic attack about what it would mean if I got over him - I don't know who I am without him and I don't want to give up my love for him. BUT I do want to be happy, and given the last text he sent me was 'forget where I live and delete my number' (after I told him I couldn't be friends because I still wanted to be his gf, so it was either all or nothing) I know that we can never be together. I still wish that he would change for me. Our love was so good.

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Still NC. Got no clue which day. Really wondering what he would've said to me in the conversation I was meant to have with him but blew off...

Just as I predicted.. now I regret I blew off the opportunity..

 

What would he have said to me in that conversation?

 

It must have been something important because he didn't want to talk about it on the phone..

I'm such a curious creature. I hope I can let this go and just.. don't think about it.

Just hate the idea of the missing puzzle piece. I hate not having the whole puzzle.

But then again, you never have the whole puzzle.. with no one.

 

Time to go to bed, in my dreams atleast I won't worry about stuff like this.

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Day 14.

 

Tomorrow I am half way through the challenge. I feel alright. I have felt a bit down the past couple of days but I am surviving it. Saw him on gmail chat today - didn't even know he was on that. I didn't write back.. enough with me trying anymore. Moving on, moving on. What a life..

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icantsay.....

 

You've been trying hard, and its a tough place where we all are. I have good days and bad, really didn't think about her much yesterday thankfully, just movin on like you....

 

I find that in these times of intense longing and pain, I feel more alive than ever. Its bittersweet, but I feel every nerve and synapse in a way I don't feel when I'm in some cocoon of love.

 

I have sort of come to like it.

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icantsay.....

 

You've been trying hard, and its a tough place where we all are. I have good days and bad, really didn't think about her much yesterday thankfully, just movin on like you....

 

I find that in these times of intense longing and pain, I feel more alive than ever. Its bittersweet, but I feel every nerve and synapse in a way I don't feel when I'm in some cocoon of love.

 

I have sort of come to like it.

 

 

Surfjon, I'm so happy to hear you are finding yourself again. I'm not there yet, but I hope I will be soon... It is just so tough to think about a future without him in it.

I pulled myself together and applied to jobs last week - but I haven't heard from any.. So, I just feel like nothing is improving in my life right now. It's all really going downhill. But I have found that I am smiling a little more again. So I guess that's good...

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Still proudly NC

 

Today was a good day. I work in 'his' city and yes.. sometimes I think about him.. a lot.. But I had this song "Holes" from Passenger in my head.. Especially the lyrics:

 

now we’ve got holes in our hearts, yeah we’ve got holes in our lives

well we’ve got holes, we’ve got holes but we carry on

 

And that's exactly how I feel about all of this right now! It really applies to well.. most of us here Atleast I hope.

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I'm on my second day of no contact. I've made an ass out if my self letting my ex string me along while she was seeing someone else. That was never something I've ever done in the past and don't know why I couldn't let go. I'm just hoping she doesn't contact me!

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had almost 2 months of NC then she contaced me, I handled it well. just a phone convo of 6 hours. i didnt agree tho seeing her , speaking to her didnt mess with my head and made me show that me doing NC is for ME. theres nothing left but old memories and we both need to let go.

 

hope she realized the same after a longer period of of no contact. i wish her the best

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Ok, so day 18 has started - and I just wanted to pop in and say that yesterday afternoon I ran a 5k marathon, and wow it felt so good! Running really helps me be happy with myself.

Also, I finally was invited for a interview next week!

 

Still no word from ex.. who cares anyway! I ran a 5k!!

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icantsay, good to hear that. I actually started running again a week ago. Feels good right! Maybe a few months down the road I'll be running 5 kilometers too

 

3 weeks of NC. When it's a month I want to celebrate it with something. I miss him but it's more that he was a good friend to me too back then. My social life is not that great at the moment and I think that's the reason I'm missing him. I'm trying to feel good about myself without someone in my lovelife. "Date yourself first". It's tough. Now I finally see that I have been using others to help me feel good about myself and that could never be constructive. So I'm trying to change that. I'm maybe making it hard on myself but I bet I'll become stronger for it.

 

Btw I had some contact with another ex few weeks ago and wow, it didn't do that much to me as I thought it would. This was the guy that brought me to this website in the first place, long ago. It's someone I will always have a weak spot for. But fortunately that weak spot is a tiny, tiny spot. I've managed to be nonchalant to him and that feels really good.

When I said I was going to sleep he said"oh, that's a shame". Ha! Roles reversed ^^ ( Ok at first I was very happy to get just one text from him.. but aside from that it really doesn't matter a lot to me as I thought it should) Unbelievable.. I've had such a hard time getting over that guy! And now I'm no longer that interested. Yay! No longer desperate to hear from him. I was the one cutting off the conversation. I've got the power

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