THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[hesnotworthit]

Hesnotworthit,

 

I would not text him if I were you... Behave just like you don't care whether he is there or not. I know it is easy to say it from the side. My situation is a bit different, since I have spent my whole conscious life with this person (7 years) and this is something really important to him although I am sure that there are a lot of people who would advise me not to contact him. And they may well be right. Usually NC is the best, even in my situation.

 

yeh i probally will act like i dont care, since i always act like im always happy, but im affraid of the horrible feelings im guna be experiencing at the same time.

yeh that must be tough, to let go of someone who you've spent so much of your life with. But, i hope you make the right decition for you, regardless,...after all your needs of healing are what is most important

[brazilgirl21]

Day 21 of NC... I've done 40 before, broke it with a text, and now I'm already in Day 21 again! It's getting easy to stick to NC, but at the same time, it is starting to KILL me in some ways.

 

It is crazy that I have NO idea where he is or what he is up to. I just REALLY wonder if he misses me at all. He does NOT contact me! It makes me sad.

 

I feel like he's dead at times.

 

Holidays are horrible for me because while I'm missing him, I know he is travelling somewhere nice with his new gf. It doesn't seem fair.

 

At the same time, I'm starting to feel a little better... progressively. I've been away from ENA for the whole holiday, which is a big step for me. haha. Went to my hometown, had fun with friends, saw family, and well, thought about him a lot of course.

 

I met an interesting guy from my hometown who lives in Sao Paulo for work/school too who I'm maybe excited of getting to know better. I guess getting a little excited about someone else is a good sign.

 

It's my birthday next weekend so I'm flying home again. It's going to be the most depressing birthday of my life without him... I'm going to have to rely 100% on my family so I don't completely lose it... Last year he sent me beautiful roses and an amazing letter to my hometown, it was amazing. This year, I'm not expecting anything at all.

 

However, I know I'm already dying with anticipation for the 19. A text, a call, an e-mail, anything. I don't think I'll be able to concentrate on anything else. I just wish I didn't expect so much when I KNOW I'll be disapointed when he doesn't contact me =[

 

I guess all in all, still an emotional rollercoaster.

[brazilgirl21]

tunja - What makes you contact your ex if he doesn't reply to you?? Just wondering

[tujna]

tunja - What makes you contact your ex if he doesn't reply to you?? Just wondering

 

Brazilgirl21,

 

What happens is that we have been trying to break up for over 4-5 months now and the last time we were together was not even 2 weeks ago. Usually, if I don't contact him, he will do it and we end up being together again before we know it. It is EXTREMELY hard to break up after 7 years, especially given the fact that we still love each other (there are many other problems though). Then the old problems surface and we are back in the breaking-up mode. So it was really a relatioship in which he wants to break up with me but he really can't.

 

But this time it is different. I decided to do NC for first time (because he does not give hope for us) and kept it for 12 days. On the other hand, he seems to have made up him mind to keep me away and put all his efforts in forgetting me. Overall, it is the first time I observe that he is determined to go on without me. Interestingly, since yesterday, I feel empowered and more ready to accept the break-up since it is really the first time I am seeing him determined to carry his words through.

[ScorpiGal83]

Day 18

 

Sholy hit! I feel pretty good about myself. Worked out really hard at the gym yesterday so my body is aching but in a real good way. I lost some weight too, and people keep telling me how fantastic I look.

 

Life's good.

[tiggboriqua]

Day 2

 

I was reading and trying to come back to the sanity , not easy everytime I talk to her it does affect me I need to fix the situation with the car so she can let me be and I can go heal . God Have Mercy Happy Easter Everyone

[4dogs]

day 3

 

She emailed me happy easter, and as much as I want to I feel I should NOT respond.

 

Good choice? Bad choice? Help me out here!!!

[4dogs]

Oh, and might I add that this is the THIRD TIME she has contacted me after I told her not to!? So much for her movin on, huh?

 

Well I cannot do the same, I am determined to stick with this until she flat out says I WANT YOU I WILL CHANGE I AM SORRY.

 

And maybe at that point I just might say no

[createhappiness]

day 3

 

She emailed me happy easter, and as much as I want to I feel I should NOT respond.

 

Good choice? Bad choice? Help me out here!!!

 

i don't know your situation, but think of it this way - what would you regret more, responding to a generic happy easter greeting and getting sucked into meaningless email banter w/ the ex that could put a halt your healing process OR holding strong by being mysterious and aloof while not responding, which will inevitably make her think and wonder about you even more?

[4dogs]

Yes I think you are right. The only thing that was making me think twice was the idea of being polite about everything and not wanting to come off like a jerk.

 

Bu I told her do not speak to me until there is no other guy and I meant it. Maybe I should suck it up and keep doing what Im doing.

[createhappiness]

you are far from being a jerk if you don't respond. in fact it will speak volumes if you don't respond to her email because you are showing her you are sticking to your word and you mean business. IMO, if she's seeing someone else, there is no alternative but to end all contact, which is what you did. now stick to it i know how hard it is, but you can do it - good luck!

[4dogs]

Man it feels amazing to actually not respond. Seriously, all of you people breaking NC should try it! Haha I really am amazed about how GOOD I feel...from not saying ANYTHING!

[Cat76]

Day 3 and it's not easy but it's getting better.

 

Got in contact with a guy my friend has been trying to set me up with. He sounds nice, just taking it slowly.

 

 

[pace of ace]

Day 13

 

I've equalled my personal record!! 13 days

 

And i have no intention on breaking it now. I just don't know why i didn't do this a year ago!

[hesnotworthit]

DAY 14

today was jolly haha. hanged out with the mutural friend in which i met my ex through, for the first time since the break up. ive been putting it off, seeming i knew my ex would be brought up in conversation. he was. and suprisingly the fact he was, was a good thing. she told me she was so suprised when he told her we broke up, that she drilled him for an hour, saying it was all a joke, because we appeared to be so happy...and then she admited to me, that she always thought i could do better... and for some reason, talking about him with her, didnt hurt me...normally when i talked about him to my other friends, who never really knew him, when we first broke up, it killed me...but with her, it was good. maybe because shes really the only one who knows both of us, unlike my other friends who didnt, so i could believe her when she told me i could do better.

i always knew it, and was told it, but never really believed it...

he doesnt have a new gf, shes only seen him once, drinking as per usual with his mates, how classy of him...it made me sooo happy to think what stupid activities i missed out on...i was so miserable hanging out with his shallow friends drinking, or the sleezy things he'd text me when he was with them...i dont have to put up with that * * * * anymore haha

hanging around her, reminded me of all the emotions and fun stuff i experienced with her when i was single, before him...it was like getting in contact with an old friend, as corny as that sounds haha...but today i really felt, happy, to be single again

im not going to text him next weekend for his 19th, whats the use in trying to have a friendship, that i clearly wouldnt enjoy...i hated almost everything we did together, and dispised his sleezy, gay, bogan friends that reminded me of him...the only thing i liked out of the relationship was the bonus's that come with having a boyfriend, the "i love you", kisses etc. so what would i ever get out of being friends with him without all of those things?? its pointless. i was only looking for an excuse to get back in contact with him. and now i realize i dont need or want it.

i also realized all those times i connect everyday experiences to things ive now lost with him, i chose to connect them...i chose to let my stomich flutter when i get a text and hope its him...i create drama that i dont want and only causes pain. so now im taking a whole new approach, everytime i let myself get a rush, i tell myself to stop it, and then the next time it doesnt happen, or happens less!

yep. today was great.

and tomorrow will be spent with more friends. i cant wait. creating more fun memories without him

[Ixtapa]

Day 7

 

One whole week of NC !!

[ToodlePip]

Went for a run in the rain - had a nice lunch and watched the end of flight of the conchords series 2. Wizzed through the whole 2 series in about 4 days. I've started block booking my time up, a bit like in the film "about a boy" - it's helping keeping me organised. Gonna give my fat a good clean, do some ironing and then get ready for gig tonight. I really need to get cracking on some new hobbies.

[FriendnorFoe]

well i made it, thanks for everyones advice and support, I am definitley in a better mindframe than I was 30 days ago, theres much to look forward to in the future

[tujna]

Day 2 again...

 

I had a normal day yesterday and got encouraged by that. Not knowing what will happen kills me, still struggling with acceptance as well. I hope I can do better this time.

[LemonCheesecak]

Day 10

 

Wish my upbeat mood from last night had carried on into today Not that I'm down or anything, just not bouncing off the walls like I was last night. Maybe its because I haven't bought anything for dinner tonight because I'm going to be away for a week, maybe its the thought of packing for leaving for this week at home.

[journeynow]

well i made it, thanks for everyones advice and support, I am definitley in a better mindframe than I was 30 days ago, theres much to look forward to in the future

 

Good work, FreindnorFoe!

[tujna]

well i made it, thanks for everyones advice and support, I am definitley in a better mindframe than I was 30 days ago, theres much to look forward to in the future

 

Congratulations, you are a very strong individual! I don't know if I will ever make it that far.

[4dogs]

day 4

 

I feel so much better today. It really does get better and better everyday.

[Jabbe]

I'm feeling great about not contacting her. I'm actually on a countdown to when I will have to break NC to discuss the marriage.

 

75 days to go.

[Raider81]

Wow, you guys are really trying to commit to the NC. I also have a problem with NC. I still live with my wife we have run into some problems in the past six months and I am having a hard time dealing with things. She says something is missing.... this something I don't know what it is and have alot of doubts if she'll ever find out what it is. So in the meantime i'm preparing for the worst because i'm not happy with how this relationship is going for the past 13 years I feel like i've been the one holding the marriage/relationship together. She says she's not willing to give up on us, but with me trying to beat up the fact of why this could happened, how these feelings came about, and trying to get things back to normal I feel were just pushing eachother furthur apart. So i'm gonna give NC a try, obviously it's gonna be hard because we still live together and are raising our five year old son together but for my sanity and sake of finding who I am I'm gonna have to give her some space to try to get through her feelings too.

 

This is by far the hardest thing I've ever had to go through, and divorce and seperation scares me it is'nt a big part of my family. I realize long term relationships go through up's and down's this is indeed the lowest I think my self esteem has been and the lowest level of trust I've ever felt for my wife.

 

Any input would be a good pep talk for me to continue on!!!!