THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[brazilgirl21]

FriendnorFoe - I believe you are doing the right thing, although I'm not sure I'd be as strong. Congrats.

 

I'm on Day 25 of my second round of NC. In 5 days I will have reached 30 twice... =] Still half-regret the text I sent between those two periods, but I mean, I'm proud of myself to be holding up.

 

In Jan/Feb I was an emotional mess and would call him, text him, e-mail him, crying, being dramatic, etc... Now I feel so much stronger.

 

NC shows our exes that we have control over our emotios and ourselves, and that we won't be pining over them forever (ever if we still are). I'm sure my ex, and your exes wonder what the heck happened that we are not "chasing" them anymore...

 

Let's keep strong guys!

[LemonCheesecak]

I'm an idiot, was on someones bebo page and my ex had posted a comment. She's apparently waiting on some texts that she "hasn't got yet" but told this person to "wait and see". That could mean anything but of course it got me a bit nervous. Further proof that social networking sites are a burden.

[FriendnorFoe]

FriendnorFoe - I believe you are doing the right thing, although I'm not sure I'd be as strong. Congrats.

 

I'm on Day 25 of my second round of NC. In 5 days I will have reached 30 twice... =] Still half-regret the text I sent between those two periods, but I mean, I'm proud of myself to be holding up.

 

In Jan/Feb I was an emotional mess and would call him, text him, e-mail him, crying, being dramatic, etc... Now I feel so much stronger.

 

NC shows our exes that we have control over our emotios and ourselves, and that we won't be pining over them forever (ever if we still are). I'm sure my ex, and your exes wonder what the heck happened that we are not "chasing" them anymore...

 

Let's keep strong guys!

 

Thanks brazil and lemon, I took a step back and logically thought about what I would gain from it, and that is much to nothing, plus what I also thought about how life is gonna throw me much more pain and tragedy that is not related to my breakup, this is certain, what capacity do I have dealing with these things without needing to cry on my ex's shoulder, If I gave in I saw a vicious cycle of repetition emerging, what would then stop me from calling her when I had a bad day at work, or when I stubbed my toe or ate a burnt waffle...lol, So far I am at 32 days of NC, in regards to your comment you are right brazil, and I DO feel like today was the final test, I have definitley regained control of my emotions, my self confidence is a work in progress but nonetheless much improved since 3 weeks ago. And yea, I believe she is either wondering why I am not chasing her at all or completely fine with her decesion and moved on, either way its a guess, I have been in very strict NC, I dont even go on myspace or facebook as I know I would be too tempted to check her profile.

[cl76]

... I felt like caving in so bad to call my ex to tell her(she was close to her too), I was emotionally unstable and I am glad I didnt do that...

 

The last thing you want is sympathy from your ex.

[tujna]

FriendnorFoe,

 

I am so sorry about that. Hopefully, these moments let us put things in perspective that there are people who deserve our love much more who love us in return as much as we love them or even more. A friend's grandmother died in her second month after a break-up and she was devastated by the loss but did help her to evaluate her priorities. I really hope she recovers and you get to talk to her many more times...

 

E

[tujna]

Day 4 and 16 since I haven't seen him.

 

I still love him and miss him dearly! After the nice and calm day yesterday, I am back in the vicious cycle but it is not as bad. I think I will handle it tonight. I need to study, I hope I can make it. I want to be at your place, guys, where your exes are wondering why you are not chasing them anymore. I still need to find a way to control my emotions. Sometimes, I just feel like I absolutely have to call him, otherwise I will die. Has anyone dealt with this feeling? I am at least looking to improve my record of not calling him for more than 11 days.

[cl76]

Day 4 and 16 since I haven't seen him.

 

I still love him and miss him dearly! After the nice and calm day yesterday, I am back in the vicious cycle but it is not as bad. I think I will handle it tonight. I need to study, I hope I can make it. I want to be at your place, guys, where your exes are wondering why you are not chasing them anymore. I still need to find a way to control my emotions. Sometimes, I just feel like I absolutely have to call him, otherwise I will die. Has anyone dealt with this feeling? I am at least looking to improve my record of not calling him for more than 11 days.

 

Yeh definitely been there. What cured me of those blues was focussing on a new goal: to get six pack abs! Then I started dating again.

[tujna]

Yeh definitely been there. What cured me of those blues was focussing on a new goal: to get six pack abs! Then I started dating again.

 

Haha, this is an honorable cause. I am not as excited about anything as to make me forget about making silly and emotional phone calls

[cl76]

Haha, this is an honorable cause. I am not as excited about anything as to make me forget about making silly and emotional phone calls

 

It's hard at the moment because your heart is ruling your head. We were all like that initially after our break up. Once you can do the opposite, once you're able to think strategic again - then you know you're on the road to recovery... Not only that, you can then plan to give yourself the best chance to reconcile with your ex as well. At the moment everything you do to get your ex back only pushes them away.

 

You need to do the opposite of what you feel. As they say, getting your ex back (if it's even possible) is counter intuitive.

[tujna]

It's hard at the moment because your heart is ruling your head. We were all like that initially after our break up. Once you can do the opposite, once you're able to think strategic again - then you know you're on the road to recovery... Not only that, you can then plan to give yourself the best chance to reconcile with your ex as well. At the moment everything you do to get your ex back only pushes them away.

 

You need to do the opposite of what you feel. As they say, getting your ex back (if it's even possible) is counter intuitive.

 

Yes, yes, the whole NC thing. How long after the break-up did it take you to implement absolute NC? Unfortunately, so far I haven't been able to implement it 100% because so far he was giving me a lot of hope. I always end up calling in less than 2 weeks but this time I hope to do better, especially after he didn't answer my last calls. I know this makes the whole situation worse because they feel secure that even though it has been a few weeks, you are still calling them. This time I hope to achieve at least 2 weeks, maybe more. Will definitely post here the results.

[cl76]

Yes, yes, the whole NC thing. How long after the break-up did it take you to implement absolute NC? Unfortunately, so far I haven't been able to implement it 100% because so far he was giving me a lot of hope. I always end up calling in less than 2 weeks but this time I hope to do better, especially after he didn't answer my last calls. I know this makes the whole situation worse because they feel secure that even though it has been a few weeks, you are still calling them. This time I hope to achieve at least 2 weeks, maybe more. Will definitely post here the results.

 

It took me one week after the break up to go NC. We were living together for the last 1.5 years.

 

Since then the only contact we've had was two brief emails about housing arrangements. While I would prefer to not contact her at all, it is part of the plan to respond only if she initiates contact. But keeping those responses brief and friendly.

 

We haven't spoken in 4.5 weeks.

 

I plan to get myself to the point where I do not care if we reconcile or not. Once I have done enough things in life to become strong and happy again then I will contact her and see if there's a chance.

[tujna]

It took me one week after the break up to go NC. We were living together for the last 1.5 years.

 

Since then the only contact we've had was two brief emails about housing arrangements. We haven't spoken in 4.5 weeks.

 

I plan to get myself to the point where I do not care if we reconcile or not. Once I have done enough things in life to become strong and happy again then I will contact her and see if there's a chance.

 

Currently, I am so scared of getting to 4-5 weeks. I feel like it will be so late after we have last been together. It has been only 16 days since I saw him last and it already feels like an eternity. Was I ever with this person? Will I ever get to see him again? Will we ever be together? I guess this is one of the normal consequences of NC. Is that how you feel?

[cl76]

As time goes it becomes easier - it is actually true. Of course at first it seems like an eternity. But as I become focussed on other things in life it then didnt seem long at all - in fact I don't think 4 weeks is enough, more like 8.

 

...Was I ever with this person? Will I ever get to see him again? I guess this is one of the normal consequences of NC. Is that how you feel?

 

Yes I was with this person. We shared a great deal of good memories together. But it is OVER. It is hard to let go, but until you do, you can't begin to recover.

 

Will I ever see her again? Yes I am sure I will see her again at some point. But we will not be boyfriend/girlfriend, we won't even be friends. It will be completely neutral again.

 

Will we ever be together? The chances of reconciliation can be high if you put in the work and play your cards right. But will either of us want to? I don't know. She may have gotten back with her ex before me or met someone new, it was certainly looking that way when we broke up.

 

But it doesn't matter if she does. She feels almost dead to me. There are sufficient other things to keep my attention and make me happy these days without her. Meeting/dating other people has been the single most helpful way to get over it.

[tujna]

CL you really seem to be on the right track. Will I be like that in 2 weeks? I really hope so. You seem to have completely let go and you are even able to date other people. I know I need to that as well but I cannot bring myself to do it. I still feel as if I am going to betray him if I do, although I know he is really trying hard to get to date someone.

 

Your last sentence almost scared me... If for a dumpee is that easy, how about the dumper? My ex must be having a lot of fun without me

[ScorpiGal83]

Day 21

 

Exactly 3 weeks since NC and a little more than that since the breakup.

 

I am going out this weekend, my friends are taking me clubbing and to meet their hot friend excited!!

[Cat76]

Hi All

 

I've beaten my record and got past the dreaded 5th day (Phew)

 

So confused right now. The new guy on the scene wants to meet up but I'm not sure.

 

I wish I could just chill out for once and not worry about everything

[Cat76]

Day 21

 

Exactly 3 weeks since NC and a little more than that since the breakup.

 

I am going out this weekend, my friends are taking me clubbing and to meet their hot friend excited!!

 

You go girl. We will want to know all about the 'hot friend'

[hesnotworthit]

DAY 17

ahhh i feel soo good haha. new hair cut and colour and i feel b-e-a-utiful! haha.

driving so many hours, so close to getting my p's, im so excited! wudnt had time to get my hours up, if i was still with him...

The Hills marathon with my girls tomorrow cant wait!

Y would i even bother texting him for his birthday this weekend, im happy enough as i am without him coming back into my life!

Next weekend clubbing for first time without a man on my arm, i cant waittt, im guna go crazy with random guys haha (in a non-over- * * * * ty-way lol).

cant wait for the party this weekend!

its funny how good today was, without me needing my friends or him to fullfill my happiness...i found my own ways

i feel like this break up has forced me to grow up in so many ways...me compared to before the relationship or during...im so much more independent now!! Im caring less what others think of me, im doing so many things on my own, without hiding behind my friends or him, im not terrified of being alone, i dont feel the overwhelming need to make others happy, before myself, and i dont feel like i need a boyfriend in order to hold worth, who cares if im single?

nope today was jolly haha

[cl76]

CL you really seem to be on the right track. Will I be like that in 2 weeks? I really hope so. You seem to have completely let go and you are even able to date other people. I know I need to that as well but I cannot bring myself to do it. I still feel as if I am going to betray him if I do, although I know he is really trying hard to get to date someone.

 

Your last sentence almost scared me... If for a dumpee is that easy, how about the dumper? My ex must be having a lot of fun without me

 

Well in 2 weeks I don't really know. If you have other things to focus on then yes you can be well on your way to getting over it. If not, then time will have less effect. I know another guy in the same position as me, probably broke up a week or two before I did and he's still suffering badly.

 

You might feel like dating other people is "betraying" your ex but you have to remember that they dumped you in the first place. They're the ones who want to be without you. Now by dating other people you are showing them that you can live without them and that other people do find you attractive. It also makes them realise that they have to live with the consequences of making their decision.

 

Some people are bit undecided whether dating again is good because they don't want their ex to think they've moved on already. You can only really date again if you are ready, because if you are not, it is really unfair on those you date - and they'd probably smell some kind of desperation coming from your direction.

 

Dating again not about jealousy or lust - I've only gone out for coffee, nothing more. By doing so I've gotten back a lot of confidence and self esteem, this is essential in winning back my ex. I do not want to come accross as needy and desperate when I see her again. If it turns out that she does not want to reconcile, despite all my efforts to improve myself, then at least I have met other people and all this effort was not a waste.

 

I am sure that dumpers do miss us dumpees but in their mind they cannot be with us if we are still in the state we were when they left. Thus we need to change during the NC period, and they need to start missing us. We need to let them go through their relief, guilt and loss stages just as we need to go through our grief, loss and recovery stages.

[Viper55666]

3 Months 21 Days since my wife left...

5 Days NC...

7th Time trying NC...

 

When will it end? When does the pain go and life actually starts having some meaning again?

[brazilgirl21]

Day 26 of second time around NC. Almost 60 that I haven't spoken to him. (Sent him a text about something casual/important after the first 30 days. Haven't spoken to him on the phone since February 15th... Haven't seen him since January 20th. Well, we did meet at a party on March 21rst but we didn't say hi to eachother, that's when the text was sent.

 

I guess it's been months that he hasn't been part of my life. Starting to REALLY imagine my life without him. I'm also starting to see that you know, it's his loss, I know the girl I am, I know the girl he chose to be with and all I can say is I feel sorry for him. It's my birthday on Sunday and I'm not really expecting anything from him.

 

I went on a date last night with someone I'm finally genuinely really interested. The guy also have ex drama but I mean, don't we all? Let's see how it goes...

 

I've been feeling better so there is definetly light in the end of the tunnel for those who are only starting the challenge.

 

Nights are still HARD and DEPRESSING for me, but during the day, I'm finding my happy self again...

[pace of ace]

day 16

 

Feel ok. Got alot of work on which is a good thing. Little bored and feel like going off travelling again but right now there is no chance of that.

 

Yeah but other than that, i'm ok.

[Ixtapa]

Day 10......

[Wanted]

Day 4

 

She called yesterday, it is killing me wondering what for? But overall i feel good!

[FriendnorFoe]

I know I am past the 30 day mark but I like posting on this thread cause you are all so nice and supportive Today was one of those mixed days for me at work, Listened to my ipod until it ran out of juice, when I listen to music it really helps to take my mind off her, then when I was forced to listen to my co-workers and the sounds of machines and crap, my mind started to wander to her a bit, I quickly told myself to stop. I have been so busy with stuff lately I dont have the time or effort to think about her, which is good, but every now and then especially at night I cant help it, I know with time it will get better as it has been doing. I dunno, I just cant stand the dreams man, at least during the day you can discipline yourself, you are so vulnerable when you sleep, had another bad dream about her last night, it kinda screws up your morning until you forget about it, but thats the worst to me by far.