Annie's Journal of Dating and Body Hair Removal

[Ellie2006]

i dont see how you'd think he wouldnt ask you out! it seems like you guys are texting each other regularly ... maybe he's putting it off till closer to the weekend, so that he doesnt appear too eager.

 

hope your back feels better by then!

[MizzGee]

I've been sympathizing with you these past few days, Annie.. I wish we could just immediately know whats going on in a man's head. I can never tell if games are being played or if I'm just simply nuts I definitely have problems with over-thinking and too many expectations.

It's quite possible that, like Ellie said, he might just be waiting to ask you out so he doesn't seem too anxious. Or in his mind the week's just begun and he hasn't even started thinking about the weekend

[Batya33]

I hope you have the same "click" I did years ago when I was in this situation. After the third night (not in a row) of little sleep because the guy didn't call or seemed distant when he did something clicked and I was ready to let go of the anxiety over this guy. Now, it ended up not working out but ironically he called that same day and wanted to see me - but it was a very freeing moment. I wish the same for you. And your socks.

[LAYAAN]

Annie, I'm sorry you are not feeling well (back pain). I hope and pray that you feel well soon, my friend.

[annie24]

Thank you L. You are so sweet. I am seeing the eastern medicine guy tonight and hope it helps. Ironically, I also work with several orthopedic surgeons but there is nothing they can do for me at this point. Let's see what this guy says.

 

Thanks Batya. I hope I get that click too!!

 

I just feel all sorts of different anxieties. Like should I go on birth control or not? I haven't had sex in years (yes, tmi!!!) so I haven't been on any forms of birth control. I try not to take any medication I don't need. What if I make the appointment, get the pills or shot and then we break up a few days later!?? Well, I guess I would cry, and then move on and find another man to date, who I presume will want to have sex at some point. So it wouldn't be a total loss. And then I could stop my period if I want to go on a beach vacation.....

[annie24]

got back from acupuncture and acupressure.... well, i don't feel worse. i'm going to see him again next week and see if this works. he was very nice and mellow. it felt weird at times, like electricity. i was highly uncomfortable but told him i would probably be more calm next week. i'm usually not calm my first time with a person like a masseuse, etc...

 

ellie - i just get anxious that i won't get asked out by him. i was like that too right before i saw him last week for his bday. i kept worrying that he was going to cancel or back out or whatnot. i dunno. reading someone else's thread today also brought to the forefront in my mind about his potential move to europe. there was a poster who started a thread about dating a guy who is moving away/applying for jobs, and he's distancing himself from her. Then again, i also know tons of couples who have survived the long distance, even if they met a right before a move. i guess it depends on the individual people involved. then again, i'm not a mind reader and really cannot guess what he is thinking, if anything. i am going to take a hot shower tonight and try to relax and read a book i bought about a year ago but haven't gotten around to start reading. i think that would be good.

 

i'll see tomorrow if the acupuncture helped.... going back next week.

[annie24]

Well, I just had lunch with a coworker. I was telling her about M - she already knows about the situation. She told me to check to see of his match profile was still up, and yes it was. granted, it said he wasn't active in 5 days but still... So, I put mine back up too. She, my coworker/friend is just saying because he's not contacting me daily, lining upper dates, stc... He's clearly not as invested as me. I know M and I have had some scheduling problems, him with his surgery, me with my back, and we were both out of town last weekend. But we do live relatively close by (about 16 blocks) and he could be asking me out a lot more. I still haven't heard about him for this weekend.... I'm sad.

[Huntress0527]

Dating can suck and the games are even worse. Keep your head up, Annie, there is someone awesome who is going to be crazy about you out there!

[annie24]

Wow, how weird. It hasn't even been 30 minutes since I put up my profile on match and M sent me an email!! On gmail, which he has never done before. Asking if I want to come over tonight or tomorrow to hang out on his terrace and watch a movie? My friend thinks must have seen that my profile is back up. I don't know, maybe it is a coincidence?

[annie24]

I just feel really hurt and don't know what to do. The fact he wants me to go over so it sounds like he'd like to hook up..... But he either doesn't remember or disregarded our exclusivity talk so I am so confused. Don't know what to do. And yeah, my coworker, who has been hurt in the past herself, suspects he's just looking to date around, is still looking around on match, and hence emailed me 30 minutes after I put my profile back up. She thinks that's no coincidence. I don't know what to think.

[OptomisticGirl]

Slow down, and breath. It very well could be coincidence - remember the other night when you were about to text him and you were half way through and he texted you? That very well could be another one of those moments. I say take him up on his offer and sees what happens. Obviously not sex but you can't gauge interest or whether your talk was alcohol filled without seeing him. Even make a light joke and try to ease in the whole exclusive talk and see what he says about it.

[annie24]

I was thinking of just telling him (emailing) saying I saw his profile was up and was wondering if that was an oversight or if he simply wasn't ready to take it down and made some alcohol-fueled promises he can't keep.

[OptomisticGirl]

I think that conversation would be better in person. It should def happen but you can gauge his honesty better in person rather than over email.

[annie24]

I don't know. In just angry and hurt and confused right now. And inviting me over tonight or tomorrow to watch a movie feels like a booty call.

[Huntress0527]

I don't know. In just angry and hurt and confused right now. And inviting me over tonight or tomorrow to watch a movie feels like a booty call.

 

Go with your gut. It's not usually wrong. If this guy is making you that crazy with guessing and games then he isn't worth your time.

[OptomisticGirl]

I don't know. In just angry and hurt and confused right now. And inviting me over tonight or tomorrow to watch a movie feels like a booty call.

 

Does it feel like a booty call because of your anxiety and not knowing and being hurt or because of the past few times you've been over?

[annie24]

I don't know at all. I am so confused.

[Huntress0527]

How about you suggest to him to go out to the movies instead and don't hook up?

[annie24]

That's an alternative yes. I'm on my period anyway.

[annie24]

How about you suggest to him to go out to the movies instead and don't hook up?

I think it would also be easier to ask about exclusivity when we are not in his bedroom, snuggled up. Maybe more likely to get a straight answer?

[Huntress0527]

Well then do that or something that you know you'll be in public and just see what happens. But like I said if you're feeling this way there is a reason and don't totally ignore it. I felt like you did with the guy before my husband and would 'play the game' you know that don't look too available, where is this relationship going, why didn't he call etc. Drove me crazy.

 

None of that happened with my husband.

[OptomisticGirl]

What about dinner and a moive? Talk about excluivity over dinner.

[annie24]

Well then do that or something that you know you'll be in public and just see what happens. But like I said if you're feeling this way there is a reason and don't totally ignore it. I felt like you did with the guy before my husband and would 'play the game' you know that don't look too available, where is this relationship going, why didn't he call etc. Drove me crazy.

 

None of that happened with my husband.

 

Yeah, that is what I am worried about. Well, I wrote back asking if he wants to see a movie I've been wanting to see either Friday or Saturday.

[Huntress0527]

If he gives you an excuse to come over to his house instead well then you'll definitely have your answer.

[Applewhite]

Yeah this sounds a bit - sour - to me. I'd be really careful here. There's still the possibility that he is a nice genuine guy so don't go ballistic on him either about the match profile or about the booty call thing. But I understand exactly how you feel and I would be confused and hurt as well. What I would do here is tell him the weather is nice and I'd really like to spend time outside doing x instead of sitting around at home all day. Then be fun and happy during your time with him but do bring up in a non accusatory way whether he remembers the exclusivity talk.

 

Aso I agree with your coworker that it's not a coincidence that he emailed you after you logged back on to match. Keep me updated.