Annie's Journal of Dating and Body Hair Removal

[annie24]

hm..... yeah, but...... i dunno. i don't want to 'force' something that isn't meant to be. i mean, if he wants to see me and hang out, he can call or text or email me. last week was a bit awkward, when he sent me the email suggesting we get together, but then i didn't hear back from him until i texted him.... i mean, we had a nice time once we got together, and he seemed interested...but it was a bit strange to me (strange/awkward) that i had to call and ask if we were still on.

[Daligal83]

I know exactly how you feel. I just always wonder if the guy is feeling the same way, wondering why he hasn't heard from you. Then again you did email him last. I'd give it another couple days. He does have a lot going on right now. It's just very hard when you don't know exactly what is going on.

[annie24]

and i'm sure the fact that he is leaving the country soon factors into it too. perhaps he is thinking in his mind, 'do i really want to start something with this girl when i have to leave so soon....?'

[Daligal83]

It could be. He could be afraid of getting too attached because it would make it harder to leave. Even though moving far away is exciting, it's scary at the same time. So he could just be trying to keep it casual since long-term isn't a possibility right now.

 

annie come visit me for the weekend, we'll go man hunting lol.

[FortunateOne]

Have you considered that this may be a bad time to pursue a romance in both your lives? I pose this question because of the busy schedule, different commencement dates and mutual physical transplant in the future to quite separate career paths.

 

My current living example is that I'm at peace with not dating for the last five years and my willingness to wait for that special woman; therefore, I'm happy being alone after exercising past demons. This grants me the patient attitude to not make a big deal if any of all potential romantic conections.

 

I go back to the example of the married Phd couple I know. They made great career sacrifices and postponement of graduation dates in order to build the life they have. The even put off children until their early 40's until they were tenured in the universities close to home. This is an example of what doctors in separate fields can do to nurture their love.

 

The other option is to find a less ambitious man that's willing to follow your every life change. This is what my MD friend did with his wife - she followed him to different states for college/med school and Mexico for his internship among many other states for first ten years of his career. She simply was a stay at home girlfriend/spouse.

 

I may not have answers for you but there are tough choices ahead. The real question is how badly is love a priority in your current life? This might seems like the pragmatic approach to your dating woes.

[FortunateOne]

It could be. He could be afraid of getting too attached because it would make it harder to leave. Even though moving far away is exciting, it's scary at the same time. So he could just be trying to keep it casual since long-term isn't a possibility right now.

 

annie come visit me for the weekend, we'll go man hunting lol.

 

LMAO!

 

* as I raise my hand high I ask*

 

Can I be the prey for the both of you bueatifully intelligent very hot gals?

[Daligal83]

hahahah come join us fortunate!! we'll chase you down

 

and while i'm sure annie fits into that category, i definitely cannot be described as hot. i wish! lol. i'd probably have a lot less dating problems.

[annie24]

hm. fortunate one - is this the right time to find a relationship? i dunno. i don't think there is really ever a 'right' time. i don't know if things in life ever work out so perfectly that way. i meet some women who say something like, 'i'd like to graduate from college at 22, be single for 2 years, meet mr. right, marry at 26, and have my first child by 29.' i think it's crazy to try to plan like that. i'm 28, i think if i want to find love, i have to keep looking. i can't wait until i graduate, because my next job will be likely be short terrm also (post-doctoral research positions are usually 2-3 years). so....i can't exactly keep waiting until i am perfectly settled in one town before looking.

 

sigh. i would be willing to move for love, i would definitely be willing to compromise.

[annie24]

hahahah come join us fortunate!! we'll chase you down

 

and while i'm sure annie fits into that category, i definitely cannot be described as hot. i wish! lol. i'd probably have a lot less dating problems.

 

you're hot sweetie!!! maybe i might take you up on your offer!

[Daligal83]

woo!! an annie-dali weekend!! this city won't know what hit it

 

actually my best friend's boyfriend got into school in your whereabouts, so in a couple years i'll be visiting your area once a year haha.

[BellaDonna]

sigh. i would be willing to move for love, i would definitely be willing to compromise.

 

awwwww..... ((hugs))

 

I think he will e-mail you. He'd be pretty dumb not to-

 

I don't think you should give up hope about him just because he is moving, but don't put all of your eggs in one basket either. I know it's hard and I have a hard time doing this myself but sometimes you have to just "Go with the flow"

[annie24]

I feel like I'm giving up hope because I haven't heard from him. Maybe it's time to put the link removed profile back up?

[Daligal83]

I think it couldn't hurt to send out one quick email. You don't have to ask him to hangout at all, he can take that initiative. I think I'd do it in your shoes just to know I tried one last time, in case something was going on I didn't know about.

[annie24]

so, i'm actually pretty upset right now. i went to a peruvian cultural night, and afterwards, the shaman did a reading on me with cocoa leaves. i asked him about my love life. he told me i am very passionate, but i have trouble in love, more specifically, i've come into this world with sort of karma that predisposes me to being cheated on. he said this is because my spirituality is out of whack. i can fix this by 'rebalancing' myself. he said i would have 1 child and 1 miscarriage, and that the next man will be good for me. he said i should marry a leo or a scorpio, but absolutely not a cancer (i'm cancer myself). and then i asked about this guy who is going to europe, and all he said was, 'be careful.'

 

why should i have to rebalance my spiritual side - shouldn't my future cheating husband have to do that?!?

[NightLily]

Aww.. I wouldn't take anything he said too seriously. How could he really know what he was talking about anyways?

 

From all of your posts I have seen you seem like such a sweet woman. I can't imagine for the life of me why a guy would cheat on you or you would have trouble dating.

 

Yeah.. I just don't get it.

[Daligal83]

annie, I wouldn't take it too seriously. I bet you could get a reading from somewhere else and it would be different. You can't control what guys will do, but you can have control over your own actions. As long as you are happy with how you handle your dating life, you're OK.

[annie24]

i decided to put my link removed profile back up. i'm just so sad right now.

[Daligal83]

I'm sorry annie Just remember that you have no clue what's going on with him right now. It's so hard to wait around and not know what the other person is doing or thinking. I know you really like this guy, but remember that you don't know that much about him right now except that you have chemistry. You are still in the beginning stages of getting to know him. It's possible that he's pulling away, but it's also possible that he's the type to shut down when he's overwhelmed. My sister told me that when she first started dating her husband, like three weeks into it, he didn't contact her for days. She got annoyed and emailed him saying that if he wasn't interested anymore that was fine, but he needed to let her know. And it turned out that he was just writing a paper and didn't even stop to think that she may think he wasn't interested. His habit when writing papers was to lock his door and shut out the world. The point is, you just never know what's going on until they tell you.

[annie24]

i guess you are right. i don't really know what is going on. well, in a sense, i do know. he is trying to graduate and move in 1 month. on top of other responsibilities his boss has put on his last minute. i know he must be really busy, and part of why i haven't contacted him again is that i don't want to pressure or smother him at this point. i just guess he doesn't want to start something right now....?

[Daligal83]

Or maybe it's more that he can't as opposed to he doesn't want to. It's easy to get caught up in the emotions and the chemistry, and then real life hits you and you realize that it's harder to actually make it happen. It would be a lot more considerate of him to at least shoot you a quick email or text, but he could be like my brother in law, or maybe he's just not that thoughtful kind of guy. Like I said, you don't really know him well enough yet to know for sure.

 

I think it's good that you put your match profile back up. There's no sense in waiting around for someone who may not really be available anyway. You don't to miss other opportunities. But let the whole situation give you hope that you just never know where or when you can meet someone that you really click with.

[Sweet Venus]

I see nothing wrong with shooting him a quick "thinking of you" text. It's no obligatory on his part, and non pressure. What will it hurt? I think I have written you before and that you tend to think so 'black and white" within dating. Right now is a very 'grey" area...and sometimes you just have to adjust to that. Not everyone is going to act or react the way we would...especially men!! Men are just too logical for their own good sometimes! Anyway, I think it would be sweet to express that you're sad he's going to be leaving...and you'll miss him. You might be surprised at his reaction. In this situation, you really have nothing to lose!

[BellaDonna]

I think it's good that you put your match profile back up. There's no sense in waiting around for someone who may not really be available anyway. You don't to miss other opportunities. But let the whole situation give you hope that you just never know where or when you can meet someone that you really click with.

 

I agree.

 

I still think you'll hear from this guy again though. Just don't make him your only option.

 

I also would not take anything the fortune teller said to seriously.

 

I mean the things he told you were so general "You will have one miscarriage" -Miscarriage is so common. With 20% of pregnancies ending in miscarriage, if he was right I would not think it was talent on his part- but just mere probability.

[annie24]

i think a lot of my reactions are based on previous relationship experience. one guy in particular that i dated a few years ago, he was so excited in the beginning, but then through the course of the relationship, he was less and less excited about me, and i found myself being the one to always initiate plans. i mean, if i contacted him or asked him out, he would almost always respond, but i noticed he stopped coming up with plans/dates/ideas of his own accord. eventually we broke up when he finally confessed that he didn't feel the 'spark' for me. he said he enjoyed spending time with me and wanted to stay friends, but didn't feel it for me.

 

and in a sense, that's what i'm afraid of happening here. i think if a few years ago, i stopped contacting him and just sat back to see if he would contact me and ask me out, i would have gotten my answer a lot sooner. but then again, i was going through a really difficult time in my life due to school and stuff, and i probably couldn't have handled a breakup on top of it all at that time.

 

with this guy, since i feel the last few meetings i've initiated, although somewhat indirectly, i want to step back and see what his next move is.

[Sweet Venus]

See..here is where I think we differ. Initatiing or not initiating contact is not the determining factor of "chemistry". Chances are things would have dwindled anyway..IF he wasn't really 'into" you. And you would have second guessed yourself for not trying hard enough. Men who are into you don't care if you call or text them first...sure they may not want you bombarding them with calls, but they certainly won't be scared away because of it. It really seems as if this guy LIKES you but the timing is off. That is not his fault or in his control.

 

And who is to say if this guy initiated ALL the contact, the outcome would be any different? It might ..it might not, but you can't let THAT keep you from

being true to how you feel either. You like him....text or call him. The worse that could happen is he doesn't respond, or responds unfavorably. Either way, you'll be fine...

[annie24]

ummm......ok....... so, i log onto facebook and i see that he is online. i see in his status update that it says that he has a date (meaning a graduation date). so, IMed him on facebook to ask when. he's not writing back to me. ok, fine, whatever, he could be busy, in the bathroom, eating a sandwich. i know i walk away all the time when i am online and i forget to log out.... but this just sucks. ok, fine, if he wants to ignore me, whatever.