annie24 Posted April 6, 2009 Author Share Posted April 6, 2009 yeah, he checks his email daily, for sure. i know he has a ton of stuff going on, that i know too. of course, even a response saying, 'i need a few days to think about this - will get back to you' is fine at this point. would it be totally immature of me to defriend him on facebook should i not hear from him? i am tempted to do so!!! mainly for my own closure, it helps for me to do something symbolic to 'move on.' whether that means deleting his phone number, his email address, or doing something else to indicate to myself that the relationship is over. to me, a friend won't make me wait days and days to hear a response when i have opened my heart and laid it all out there. Link to comment
BellaDonna Posted April 6, 2009 Share Posted April 6, 2009 would it be totally immature of me to defriend him on facebook should i not hear from him? i am tempted to do so!!! mainly for my own closure, it helps for me to do something symbolic to 'move on.' whether that means deleting his phone number, his email address, or doing something else to indicate to myself that the relationship is over. to me, a friend won't make me wait days and days to hear a response when i have opened my heart and laid it all out there. I don't think you should delete him yet. You're letting your mind race. Try to relax and see what happens. (I know it is easier said than done). Link to comment
annie24 Posted April 6, 2009 Author Share Posted April 6, 2009 no - not delete him yet. but say, i don't hear from him by friday......? Link to comment
hosswhispra Posted April 7, 2009 Share Posted April 7, 2009 Give it at least a week. I agree with BellaDonna. Give it at least a week. Men don't seem to notice time go by as we women do on matters of this nature. He will get back to you. Men are compartmentalizers. They don't multi-task like women do. A scientist-is always thinking about problems. Don't delete him off FB. Relax and don't do anything rash. Hang in there Link to comment
annie24 Posted April 7, 2009 Author Share Posted April 7, 2009 ok, he finally wrote back...... first, he responded to some of the other things i said in my email, etc... then he said at the end that he has been really stressed out with graduation and moving, finishing up, etc.... and that he feels like he has to please everyone right now, and he is falling behind. he says that he has had a great time spending time with me as well, and thinks i'm a really interesting person. and he told me to tell him anytime i will be in europe. sigh. so, that sounds to me like 'you are a friend' response. he didn't acknowledge the part where i said i had feelings for him. sigh. oh well, guess now i know and can move on.... i mean, it was a very nice, sweet email, he sounded genuinely interested in the things i had to say and asked more questions, etc.... but, yeah, sounds like just friends..... Link to comment
Daligal83 Posted April 7, 2009 Share Posted April 7, 2009 I don't know if he sees you as just a friend, cause I'm sure he didn't need another one. And you don't kiss your friends...at least I don't! It just sounds like he got overwhelmed and realized that he can't handle that kind of relationship at this point. Either way, I hope this provided you with some closure? Are you doing OK? Link to comment
annie24 Posted April 7, 2009 Author Share Posted April 7, 2009 yeah, i am feeling better. it does give me the closure i need. definitely won't be kissing him again, i can't deal with getting too attached!!!!! i think i'll hang back a bit now. take some time. for sure, i would like to be friends - well, penpals with him, from time to time, catch up, etc..... but yeah, since he is not available for a real relationship, i need to kind of back off to let my emotions simmer down. Link to comment
Daligal83 Posted April 7, 2009 Share Posted April 7, 2009 I think that's a good idea. And now the fact that he's leaving can be a good thing, no chance of running into him! Link to comment
hosswhispra Posted April 7, 2009 Share Posted April 7, 2009 It is possible to keep in touch with someone. The timing might be off now-but you never know what will happen in the future. I would keep the door open. If it is meant to be, it will happen. Link to comment
Sweet Venus Posted April 7, 2009 Share Posted April 7, 2009 It is possible to keep in touch with someone. The timing might be off now-but you never know what will happen in the future. I would keep the door open. If it is meant to be, it will happen. I agree with this. Just because something doesn't happen right NOW does not mean it will NEVER happen.I think this could be a great opportunity for you and him to form a real and lasting "bond" but you need to let go of these visions of how things are "supposed" to work out. He seems very open to maintaining contact with you. You need to understand he was under some time constraints, with moving, graduationg etc.......and he would probably LOVE to date you IF the timing were "right". Remember.......you met him on a BUS..NOT a dating site. He was probably NO more looking for "love'" than you were....so holding that against him will do you no good. If I were you I would keep in touch with him regularly, see how he's doing and who KNOWS what may happen???? Link to comment
hosswhispra Posted April 7, 2009 Share Posted April 7, 2009 I agree with this. Just because something doesn't happen right NOW does not mean it will NEVER happen.I think this could be a great opportunity for you and him to form a real and lasting "bond" but you need to let go of these visions of how things are "supposed" to work out. He seems very open to maintaining contact with you. You need to understand he was under some time constraints, with moving, graduationg etc.......and he would probably LOVE to date you IF the timing were "right". Remember.......you met him on a BUS..NOT a dating site. He was probably NO more looking for "love'" than you were....so holding that against him will do you no good. If I were you I would keep in touch with him regularly, see how he's doing and who KNOWS what may happen???? Totally agree with this-who says everything has to work out in a certain order. Keep yourself open to him as well as others. Keep all your options Link to comment
annie24 Posted April 8, 2009 Author Share Posted April 8, 2009 well, maybe to explain my dating history a bit more in detail, you might understand why i'm reacting the way i am..... when i was 18, just a few months before i was going to move off for college, i met a guy through friends. we hit it off right away. he had a ton in common - same culture, same friends, interests, etc..... he was totally my first love. however, right after we got together, it was pretty much time for me to move away to college. he asked me to stay. and although i was crazy about him, i just couldn't do it. so, we tried long distance (we were 6 hours away by car). after 2 weeks, he told me he couldn't do long distance, that it just didn't work for him. i cried i was sad, but ok, what could i do? so, we stayed 'friends' but i still kept harboring feelings for him, hoping he would change his mind. even when i saw on his website that some girls were leaving him saucy comments about how much fun they had with him last weekend in the jacuzzi! i eventually told him after 6 months i still liked him, and he told me we were just friends. i tried to accept it and move on this time. well.... over the next few years, we stayed friends, and sometimes we would be on vacation in the same city and meet up, etc. sometimes if i tried to make a move on him, he'd tell me we were just friends. but when he was single, he'd try to make a move on me! and of course, i liked him so damned much, it was hard to say no. and whenever i had a bf, he was insanely jealous. fast forward to when i was 23, i was traveling in europe and met up with him in the same city where he was doing an internship. this time, i grew, my boundaries increased, etc.... he got me a bit drunk (kept buying shots!!!!) and then tried to make a move on me. this time i said no, that i didn't want to do that. honestly, i was sick and tired of the back and forth. he told me he wanted to come visit me, i told him he could, but he would have to sleep on the couch. he got really mad, walked out the door, and i never heard from him again. i called 2x, sent 2 emails, basically saying that i valued his friendship, and that i wasn't going to do this yo-yo thing we had been doing, and if he wanted to talk to me, i would be glad to hear from him. never replied. the kind sweet guy i fell in love with turned into a self-centered jerk over the years. i saw that at the end. so, there you go. i'm afraid of the same sort of thing happening again - where i have these feelings for someone who is so far away...... but then again, i guess i have grown a lot in the last 10 years, and i have clearer boundaries, and am a bit more aware to not hang onto false hope. like i would read into ANY LITTLE thing that my ex said and use that as justification in my head he was still into me. i wish ENA were around back then, you guys would have slapped some sense into me! Link to comment
Sweet Venus Posted April 8, 2009 Share Posted April 8, 2009 I can see why you feel this way Annie....bad experiences are great teachers though! You learned and you can filter out things that may not work for you. I'm not saying you need to be the guys best friend or anything...but keeping in touch with him can't hurt you. And this scenerio is totally different than the first one. Maybe he WILL become a friend you do indeed want and value despite the distance....even if it doesn't turn into a great romance. Link to comment
hosswhispra Posted April 8, 2009 Share Posted April 8, 2009 I can see why you feel this way Annie....bad experiences are great teachers though! You learned and you can filter out things that may not work for you. I'm not saying you need to be the guys best friend or anything...but keeping in touch with him can't hurt you. And this scenerio is totally different than the first one. Maybe he WILL become a friend you do indeed want and value despite the distance....even if it doesn't turn into a great romance. Again, I agree with Sweet Venus. Don't let the guy from your past determine what happens with bus boy. Keep your options open, Annie. Link to comment
annie24 Posted April 10, 2009 Author Share Posted April 10, 2009 thanks guys. the guy from 10 years ago, he was a good friend, or maybe so i thought. i think that over the years, he turned out not to be as cool. who knows with bus boy. i'm still disappointed, but trying to move on. trying to put him out of my mind. i think he is coming to a show i am in this weekend, so that's nice of him. i know he is very busy right now. sigh. i winked at some guys on link removed tonight. and responded to one guy who asked me out. he said he wasn't sure if we are a love match (i agree!) but says that it would be nice to meet me and hang out as friends. i agree. he seems nice, not quite my type, but i have no problem at all meeting him for a drink or something and getting to know him. could be fun. Link to comment
Sweet Venus Posted April 10, 2009 Share Posted April 10, 2009 Annie I gotta say, you are a strong chickie...and you're ability to bounce back is a great asset...you definetely have the right mind set...just enjoy the ride and see where it takes you!!! Link to comment
annie24 Posted April 10, 2009 Author Share Posted April 10, 2009 awww, thanks. sigh. i am still sad. trying not to think about him, trying to think of other things. i'm just disappointed he didn't want to try to pursue something more with me.... but i guess i understand, he has a pretty darned good excuse! Link to comment
BellaDonna Posted April 10, 2009 Share Posted April 10, 2009 Annie I gotta say, you are a strong chickie...and you're ability to bounce back is a great asset...you definetely have the right mind set... I agree. I had the pleasure of meeting Annie in person and she is a beautiful woman too. Some guy will be very lucky to have her one day. She also makes her own chocolate- how COOL is that? Hang in there Annie. Link to comment
annie24 Posted April 10, 2009 Author Share Posted April 10, 2009 awwwww, thanks guys. sigh. i got a really sweet email from him. he's coming to my dance performance tomorrow night (even though i know he is super busy right now). and in my last email to him, i told him that if he wants to hear some story he asked me about, that it would cost him a drink. he replied back absolutely, and that it will be a lot of drinks! i'm trying not to get my hopes up here. i'm trying to view it as a 'friend' thing. i won't make a move on him, but i think if he does make a move on me, i won't be able to resist. sigh.... Link to comment
BellaDonna Posted April 10, 2009 Share Posted April 10, 2009 but i think if he does make a move on me, i won't be able to resist. sigh.... He's going to see you BELLYDANCE, and go for a drink after..... I'd be quite surprised if he did not make a move on you..... lol Link to comment
annie24 Posted April 10, 2009 Author Share Posted April 10, 2009 oh no, we're not getting drinks after that. when i told him it would cost him a drink if he wanted to hear my story, i said after he is done and finishes his PhD (that's in about 10 days now). i'm actually going with some of the other dancers to a club/lounge afterwards. i guess if he asks what i'm doing after the show, if he wants to join us, he can for sure. but, i'm not counting on it. Link to comment
BellaDonna Posted April 10, 2009 Share Posted April 10, 2009 Ohhhhhhhh....I thought you were getting drinks after the show. Link to comment
annie24 Posted April 10, 2009 Author Share Posted April 10, 2009 erm, not that i know of! i mean, he might suggest it, but i'm not counting on it. i purposely told him to buy me a drink AFTER he is done with his PhD, because i know he's under a lot of pressure/time constraint right now. i guess we'll see what happens...... Link to comment
BellaDonna Posted April 10, 2009 Share Posted April 10, 2009 I thought you were getting drinks after the show. Perhaps this was a subconscious prediction on my part. lol Link to comment
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