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Annie's Journal of Dating and Body Hair Removal


annie24

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he sent me another email saying how much fun he had and that he wants to see me again and hang out sometime. sigh. why is it it takes me forever to find a decent guy, after dating a million flakes, and now he's moving?!?!? what the heck?!??? i am so sad.

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Aww, annie! I'm sorry! Things always seem to go that way, don't they? Just have fun with him and date casually if you really like him this much. Who knows, maybe things won't work out with his job and he'll end up staying.

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well, an update, we've been sort of 'hanging out' around school but haven't had a 'real date' yet. he was very touchy the last time i saw him, he was showing me around his lab, and touching my arm a lot, showing me everything that's going on. i asked him on thursday if he wants a 'study break' to get some food or drinks sometime. he said he might want drinks after he turns in his thesis for his advisor to look at. well, he sent me an email on friday night that he turned it in (that's all he said!) he didn't make mention of drinks or seeing me. sigh. what to do? ask him and follow up? all i did was send an email saying 'yay!!!' should i ask him if he wants the drinks soon? i don't want to be too pushy, know what i mean?

 

as for the other guys on match - i was supposed to have 2 dates this weekend, but my friend talked me into cancelling them. she said that i should probably focus on this nice new guy. while i don't agree with that, i don't want to be 'overly' focused on this guy who is moving so soon!!! however, i don't really have space in my heart to give some other guy a chance right now, and maybe for that reason alone, i decided to call the dates off and i took down my link removed profile. we'll see what happens with this boy, and who knows - maybe things will go nowhere in the next few weeks, so i'll just put the profile back up again!!!!

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Annie,

 

I know you're excited about the guy from school-but I think you should keep your match profile up and not cancel any dates. You aren't exclusive with the guy from school. You're smart not to put all your eggs in one basket. He is moving away in May? This is all the reason more that you should continue to multi-date until you are exclusive with someone who is eager to pursue you.

 

I wouldn't ask the guy out from school anymore. You asked him already and if you do again it will be possibly viewed as being pushy/pursuity (which I know you're not!).

 

The guy should be making a lot of the efforts in the beginning. When you're exclusive-you can chime in about dates (but not until then!).

 

I just don't want to see you get hurt, Annie. You deserve a man that's head over heels for you

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sigh.... you have a point too!!!! see, i am so torn. my friend last night was telling me that i should take down the profile and not see other guys, she says this one seems really into me. but.... he didn't give me a concrete day/time when i suggested drinks so.....

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sigh.... you have a point too!!!! see, i am so torn. my friend last night was telling me that i should take down the profile and not see other guys, she says this one seems really into me. but.... he didn't give me a concrete day/time when i suggested drinks so.....

 

I know your friend has good intentions for you but---Yeah, you don't ever want to get ahead of the guy in the dating stages.

 

He needs to pursue you more in my view. He is showing interest, but not enough (right now). I wouldn't ask him out anymore (no more suggesting coffee, drinks, lunch, study dates, symposium run-ins etc.). He knows your email address, where your lab is, etc. He will seek you out if he is interested.

 

In the meantime, I would not wait around for him. I would put my match profile up again, go out with my friends (don't forget about meeting men offline, too) and fill my time up. He is not the only fish in the sea-and I know you know that already because you're a smart lady.

 

I know it's hard to do when you're excited about someone-but this is what I would do if I were in your shoes. There are so many ladies that have been in your shoes and with 20/20 hindsight, I am sure they would advise you to do the same.

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You responded already, when you emailed him the yay! response (which was just great in my opinion ). I wouldn't email him anymore-if this is the email that you're referring to. Am I missing that he sent you another email after your yay! response?

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You responded already, when you emailed him the yay! response (which was just great in my opinion ). I wouldn't email him anymore-if this is the email that you're referring to. Am I missing that he sent you another email after your yay! response?

 

no, the day before the 'yay' email. he sent me a different email. basically, we traded some jokes back and forth. (thursday night) he also said that he 'may be interested in drinks once he turned in his thesis.' (in response to my asking him if he wanted a 'study break' for food and/or drinks. i haven't yet responded to that email. then he wrote me back like 15 hours later saying that he turned it in (that was friday afternoon). that's the one i responded to.

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Yea I'd wait for him to ask you out for drinks. You already suggested it, he knows that you want to see him. If he wants to see you, he'll ask. And I agree that you should keep your match profile up. Even though things seem to be going well, you don't know what will happen down the road or if he'll even want to really pursue anything since he's leaving. You don't want to miss other opportunities in the meantime. And for all you know, he could be seeing other people (since that's the point of dating), so why shouldn't you?

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yeah, you have a good point too. it's a bit 'unseemly' my friend said - that this guy seems interested in me, and that i'm dating other guys. actually, more than anything else, i am crazy busy right now, and have a lot of work to be doing this week and right now (but i am procrastinating). a lot of my friends say it's obvious he is into me, is just shy.... but then again, maybe he is cautious since he is moving and doesn't want to take that 'next step' because of it.

 

sigh. both of the guys i cancelled on this weekend took it well and wrote back nice emails.

 

i am so confused/conflicted.

 

dali - should i reply back to his thursday night email? would it be too pushy if i told him to let me know when he wanted to meet up for those drinks? or should i just reply back to the other stuff he wrote?

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ok, i found this on the web about dealing with anxiety. i have anxiety issues (i've been diagnosed). it isn't helping that i am out of pills and haven't gotten a refill, my doctor is out of town. i'll try to do this exercise now.

 

1. I am worried about what to do with this guy, and the others on match. I really like this guy, but of course, since he is leaving soon, the situation is muddled. on one hand, he has been giving some signs of interest (emailing me back right away even if he's busy, being touchy, offering to give me the tour of his work even though he was busy and i told him if he was busy, we could do it some other time). but on the other hand, to my suggestion for drinks/food, he didn't jump on it and suggest a day/time. so, i am worried about being too pushy. but at the same time, i am worried about being 'too cool' and laid back, because i know since he is leaving soon, we only have a short amount of time together. i also worry about getting hurt, getting attached to someone who is leaving so soon. i am not too worried about these 2 guys i just cancelled the dates with, i wasn't all that interested in the first place! i am also worried about taking down the profile prematurely - all my friends have different suggestions! but then again, i can put it back up, it's not as though i deleted it. a dating book i'm reading likened dating to job interviews. if you had a really good interview with one place, you wouldn't turn down interviews for other places until you were actually HIRED! that would be ridiculous.

 

2. Decide what action to take? hm. well, i should focus on my work this week. maybe tomorrow or monday, i should reply to this email he sent on thursday that i haven't replied to (but put the ball in his court for making plans). if he doesn't ask me out in the next week, i should just try to move on, accept that our relationship will be only one of friendship, and i should put my link removed profile up again.

 

3. Ok, so i can stick it out a week, and if nothing happens, link removed will go back up.

 

4. let it go.... sigh! i should do that! i am going to a wedding reception tonight, i will try to go and have fun. until then, i should get back to working on my paper. urg. beautiful day outside and i have to write.

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Wait he sent you an email on Thursday night that you did not reply to. Then he sends you an email on Friday and you reply to that one, right? Then there's no need to reply to Thursday's email because you've already communicated after that. Even if he is shy, you opened that door by saying you should get drinks. If he's still too shy after that to actually make specific plans, I think he's just too shy for you in general. It's not like he has to guess if you'll go with him or not.

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Wait he sent you an email on Thursday night that you did not reply to. Then he sends you an email on Friday and you reply to that one, right? Then there's no need to reply to Thursday's email because you've already communicated after that. Even if he is shy, you opened that door by saying you should get drinks. If he's still too shy after that to actually make specific plans, I think he's just too shy for you in general. It's not like he has to guess if you'll go with him or not.

 

that is correct. thursday's email was a couple of paragraphs. friday's email was basically 2 words saying he finished his draft and turned it in to his advisor. (i also saw him on the bus on friday morning and talked to him then - when we said bye, he told me to have a wonderful day. )

 

yeah, you are right - he doesn't have to be 'worried' or 'unsure' at this point if i want to see him over food/drinks or not, since i brought up the suggestion!

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Yea I don't think there's a huge need to reply to Thursday's email since you've had communication after, unless there was something specific that you wanted to reply to.

 

I can get anxious too (it's genetic, lol), especially when I feel like something is out of my control and especially when it comes to guys. I bought a bracelet today and it has english on one side, hebrew on the other and it says "breathe." Just a reminder to myself. Oh and I saw a quote that said something like, even though it may not seem like it, the universe is unfolding exactly as it should. I loved it! Gave me peace of mind, you know?

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well, the one specific thing in his email wanted to reply to.... is not too urgent, i can save it for the next time we talk/email. i mentioned to him that i might be in his country where he is moving to for a conference this summer. since then, i found out that registration is closed for that conference so now i can't go. lol. ok, i've shown interest!

 

i like the 'breathe' thing. i should remember that!!!

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Annie, this guy really digs you a lot and reminds me of the old shy guy I used to be. I definitely know the man should be the pursuer on this matter, but I HAVE SUCH A GOOD FEELING ABOUT THIS GUY FOR YOU. I really think you may have to go against conventional thinking and become the aggressive pursuer with this guy. The benefits are that when he becomes attached and if there's a possible future with you he might modify his future plans for you, but you need to "rock his world".

 

Let me tell you a story of a professor friend of mine and her husband. They both are doctors in their field and met in a similar situation as you and "bus boy". They both kept the relationship alive as they too finished their respective doctorate in completely different fields. They got married and during their career start they worked in cities about 800 miles apart for about three years. They had to rent three locations, one in the cities they worked in and one right in the middle as their careers progressed. This is how they spent their time for the next seven years until they found convenient openings at for each other at universities that were only 70 mile apart. Now they live in a wonderful home next to her work and he commutes 70 miles three days a week to teach classes. They had their first child in their late 30's and are making excellent income too. Her husband had to forgo great opportunities to make this happen due to his love for her; so, someone always makes a sacrifice in these types of relationships.

 

This is how they achieved total bliss and managed to work through the initial difficulty of their relationship. You may need to ask yourself what you want since your career is not an easy path. From my friends example, one of you may have to put their career aside if you want a traditional future relationship or you may have to look for a less educated man that's willing to follow you as your career grows; then again, you can wait for the next ten years until you're settled into your career to seriously date and seek marriage. These are things you need to decide as you want to have a man in your life.

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hi - thanks FO. well, since we are both in academia, for now anyways, neither one of us would have to give up our career to have a future together. i think that would hold true with just about any scientist i date. especially in major cities.

 

however, as a few of my friends have pointed out, maybe this guy is being cautious and hasn't asked me out on a 'real date date' because he is leaving and wants to be cautious. i understand that, i feel the same way. (ie, that he hasn't asked me out properly just because he is shy).

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I know at this present time neither of you need to give up on anything... I'm just commenting that their might be three types of men to seek for a potential relationship in your shoes. Your career is going to take you places and the man you want a future with has to be willing to adapt to change. This is all academic itself if you just want to date for fun and temporary companionship. I guess you may need to figure out your intentions for dating in this stage in your life: Are you looking for a temporary semi long term relationship? Are you looking for husband material? Are you just in it for the physical passion of the moment? I can't obviously answer those questions, but you may need to reanalyze you intent on this matter.

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i am looking for something long term and real. not for a fling. but at the same time, i'm not one of those 'bridezillas' who wants to be married by a certain date, and to whom is less important. i do want to find the right guy for me. but, obviously, it takes getting to know someone for a while to know if they are right for you or not.

 

well, i couldn't resist. i sent him a short email today, replying to one point in the thursday email, and telling him something funny that happened to me this weekend. i told him i hoped he was enjoying the nice weekend. i didn't ask or bring up drinks. now, ball is in his court. i have a lot of anxiety, but i feel better today. i'm working on worrying about what i can control, and letting go of the rest. i took a nice long walk today, that really helped clear my head and had some iced tea.

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