annie24 Posted February 2, 2009 Author Share Posted February 2, 2009 at my HOA, not much going on there. some cute single guys my age, but they didn't seem too interested. i'll keep your other suggestions in mind. especially when i have more time on my hands, maybe i can explore those options. Link to comment
Sweet Venus Posted February 4, 2009 Share Posted February 4, 2009 Annie been following your journal. I want to point out something I get from some of your posts, and I hope you are not offended. I see a lot of 'black and white" thinking in your ideas of dating. Like...if he hasn't called me within two days, he can't be all that interested. In the ideal world yes..that's probably true, but life is not black and white.In fact it's probably mostly gray. You are still extremely young. Dating is MEANT to be fun, and not every man you date is going to act a certain way we THINK he should. Once you start putting every single person in a box and labeling them, you are limiting your possibilities. This guy S that called you took two weeks. Why does that mean he automatically is dating other women?? What if he is?? You met him on a dating site. You were dating other guys too. This does not make him a jerk or a bad person. If he called you the next day chances are you would have called him desperate, and wishing he would have waited longer. My point here is that as soon as you have an expectation in your head about how things SHOULD be or how they SHOULD play out, you are setting yourself up for disappointment. Sometimes just letting things happen with no expectations is all you can do. This is NOT to say you shouldn't HAVE standards, it is just saying go with the flow and to not crucify someone because they don't live up to your idea of how they should be. Hope you aren't offended by this. Just thinking outside the box. Link to comment
annie24 Posted February 4, 2009 Author Share Posted February 4, 2009 hi - no, i'm not offended. i've had other people tell me that too - that people don't always react the way you expect them too. i know S was dating others, we mentioned that on our date. and that's ok.... but i guess i just took it as a sign of disinterest (or low interest) if he waited 2 weeks to write. I actually really like it when a guy does call the next day, or a few days after our date. i dunno - after so many years of crappy, stand-offish bfs, i do really like it when a guy does express his interest strongly. but i'll definatley think about what you've said. Link to comment
Sweet Venus Posted February 4, 2009 Share Posted February 4, 2009 hi - no, i'm not offended. i've had other people tell me that too - that people don't always react the way you expect them too. i know S was dating others, we mentioned that on our date. and that's ok.... but i guess i just took it as a sign of disinterest (or low interest) if he waited 2 weeks to write. I actually really like it when a guy does call the next day, or a few days after our date. i dunno - after so many years of crappy, stand-offish bfs, i do really like it when a guy does express his interest strongly. but i'll definatley think about what you've said. Thanks Annie.... Glad you are taking this constructively!!! I am only saying this because I used to have this same exact mindset..and all it does is create UNnecessary bad or hurt feelings. Expectations are predetermined disappointments. I KNOW it's hard to not get frustrated when things don't go as we hope. I think books like The Rules are kind of poisonous, because it does teach women to think black and white. You said you like when a guy calls you the next day or within a few days. But you have to remember these guys have been conditioned to believe it's "desperate' to call a woman so soon. Not only that, but to expect a guy to know you want to hear from him right away is presumptuous. Yes..it's always better if the man pursues the woman, and all that biological crap, but men have lives too. I just think it's fair to have an open mind sometimes. I just think it's wrong to expect a guy to call me the next day after ONE date. Maybe he has to be out of town for two weeks after our first date. ..or maybe he's swamped with work. Now that said..of course after a certain time that window might close. But I think it's fair to give a guy some leeway after a first date..and I think two weeks is a very acceptable time period after a first date to call. JMO Link to comment
annie24 Posted February 16, 2009 Author Share Posted February 16, 2009 so, there's this guy that i've been playing phone tag with for a while. we met on match. finally, we got to talk on the phone, and he suggested we meet for drinks tonight. well, at 2 this afternoon, i got a voicemail from him saying he needed to cancel because his cousin has the flu, and her husband is out of town. so, he was going to spend the night hanging out with his cousin instead. he said he was really really sorry and really really hoped we could reschedule. but i'm very weary. we had such a hard time even meeting on the phone, and all that, and he told me he's been so busy with his friends and family, i'm not even sure this guy has time to date! sheesh. i dunno. it ticks me off. on one hand, he sounds caring, but on the other hand, the flu is not life threatening or whatever. and why would you want to 'hang out' with someone with the flu? i guess i'm a bit pissed because i think he could have taken just one hour to hang out with me for drinks. i'm tempted not to meet this guy. I put my family and loved ones before anything or anyone else all the time. he said this in his profile. makes me afraid to try to schedule another date with him becuase what if next time, his friend needs a lift or another family member gets a cold? ditched again? Link to comment
Batya33 Posted February 16, 2009 Share Posted February 16, 2009 I would give him one more chance and unless it is truly an emergency I wouldn't meet (and if he didn't get a flu shot I'd be a bit careful about meeting him soon!). Reliability was always key to me especially in on line dating sites because what else did you really have to go on? I remember one guy promising to call me on a Monday to make a plan to meet and he didn't call till Wednesday with no apologies - that was a main reason I declined to meet him - what kind of initial impression is that? Link to comment
annie24 Posted February 16, 2009 Author Share Posted February 16, 2009 yeah, it's just not a great impression. i dunno - i mean, it was just hard enough to get him on the phone - for the two of us to coordinate! i make plans and stick to them, that's just how i am. so, i don't like the sounds of being dropped at any one point so he can drive his sister to the mall or whatever. Link to comment
Daligal83 Posted February 16, 2009 Share Posted February 16, 2009 Yea it doesn't sound like dating is on his list of priorities at all. Why would he even need to stay with his cousin? She's just going to lay around. And like you said, it only takes an hour to meet for coffee. If he's not willing to put in any effort even in the beginning, I'm not sure if it's worth it. Link to comment
annie24 Posted February 16, 2009 Author Share Posted February 16, 2009 well, i sent him an email basically saying that while i think it's a good quality that he is devoted to his friends and family, on the other hand, it makes me nervous that he might cancel on me again should someone else get sick or need a favor or whatever. i told him that i'm the kind of person who sticks to plans i make, unless i have to go to the emergency room. i suggested if he wanted to meet next week, same time, same place, that we can do that. so.... yeah. and like you said batya, i don't want to meet him before a week, should he be contagious! i don't know why he needs to lie around with his cousin. the flu is miserable, but certainly not life threatening (unless you are immunocompromised). Link to comment
Batya33 Posted February 16, 2009 Share Posted February 16, 2009 well, i sent him an email basically saying that while i think it's a good quality that he is devoted to his friends and family, on the other hand, it makes me nervous that he might cancel on me again should someone else get sick or need a favor or whatever. i told him that i'm the kind of person who sticks to plans i make, unless i have to go to the emergency room. i suggested if he wanted to meet next week, same time, same place, that we can do that. so.... yeah. and like you said batya, i don't want to meet him before a week, should he be contagious! i don't know why he needs to lie around with his cousin. the flu is miserable, but certainly not life threatening (unless you are immunocompromised). Great approach Annie. One more chance..... Link to comment
Siriana Posted February 16, 2009 Share Posted February 16, 2009 "Let's do it again sometime?" Well I think the bolded part is the answer - sometime could mean when we reincarnate as cats too ;-) Love the idea of a thread Btw guys if they are interested can make a lot of effort. Recently I've red that "He's not that much into you book" (I must explain myself - I do read smarter stuff - this was pure curiosity because it's been so much talked about but this time it wasn't a complete disappointment as when I was reading that stupid Da Vinci code)...hm..what was I saying..oh yes the book is good. Guys do put a lot of effort if they want a girl. They stick to plans, they treat us right and they have no problem paying for a drink. My bf found my number after meeting me in a club through his friend who works as a police officer! Yep, little bit nuts but hey it was a lot of effort. Then he called me but it was my mother's place number and then he left his number to my mom so I could call him if I wanted to! That reassured me he's not some psycho - he was polite enough not to ask my mom for my number. Link to comment
annie24 Posted February 20, 2009 Author Share Posted February 20, 2009 oh yes, your stalker bf! that's cute though. ok, so today, i was on the bus to school, as usual. there's this guy that always gets on a few stops after mine, and we get off at the same stop. i figured he must be a grad student also. he's cute. i've had my eye on him for a few years, but never had the nerve to say anything. plus, i'm usually grouchy in the morning too. so, today, the bus was pretty full. i sat down once a seat opened. and when another seat opened up, he let some girl sit down instead of him taking it. i thought that was so gentlemanly of him. then, the person sitting next to me left, and he took the seat next to me. he pulled a science paper out of his backpack and started reading it. i decided to be nosy and said, 'what are you reading?' we got to talking, and yes, he is a grad student! we are the same year, both scientists. he's really nice, introduced himself and all. we talked for a few minutes when we left the bus, and then he asked me for my email address. and then he sent me an email an hour later saying hi and telling me to have a good day. oh, i'm so giddy and in a good mood. i haven't written him back yet. am teetering between playing it cool and trying not to seem too cool! arrrgh! i'll email him this afternoon to say hi back. Link to comment
FortunateOne Posted February 21, 2009 Share Posted February 21, 2009 Now this has the makings of a great story with the meeting of two scientists on the bus. You've read enough threads on ENA to know just be your friendly self if it's meant to be it will happen. Good luck. Link to comment
Daligal83 Posted February 21, 2009 Share Posted February 21, 2009 Aw annie that's so exciting!! You have to keep us updated on this guy Link to comment
annie24 Posted February 21, 2009 Author Share Posted February 21, 2009 now with this guy i am supposed to meet on sunday. i dunno. my friend told me tonight she would see that as a big red flag about me that i basically wrote him an email telling him off (afterall - we haven't even met!) she's probably right. but i donno. i was just being honest. i'm not all that excited to meet with this guy on sunday. what if he flakes again? should i just cancel and forget it? Link to comment
Daligal83 Posted February 21, 2009 Share Posted February 21, 2009 Give him one more chance. He might surprise you. And if it sucks, well then you can be done with it. And I wouldn't worry too much about the email because you sent it and he still arranged to meet you, right? Link to comment
Siriana Posted February 21, 2009 Share Posted February 21, 2009 now with this guy i am supposed to meet on sunday. I dunno. My friend told me tonight she would see that as a big red flag about me that i basically wrote him an email telling him off (afterall - we haven't even met!) she's probably right. But i donno. I was just being honest. I'm not all that excited to meet with this guy on sunday. What if he flakes again? Should i just cancel and forget it? cancel!!!!!! Lol Link to comment
annie24 Posted February 23, 2009 Author Share Posted February 23, 2009 hm, ok, just got back from the date. had a surprisingly good time! he was really nice and cute, we had drinks and talked for 2 hours. i think there was chemistry there! but... at the end of the night, i said thanks, we hugged and he told me to have a good night. he didn't ask me out again or anything. so, i guess we shall see if he contacts me or what..... i think i might sorta like him. but still i wonder if he will contact me!!! Link to comment
annie24 Posted February 27, 2009 Author Share Posted February 27, 2009 Hm, that guy, N (the one who cancelled on drinks to take care of his sick cousin), never contacted me. oh well, no biggie. we did have a nice time, though the bottom line is, i don't think we were too compatible. he seemed a bit too attached to his family. right now, he lives on the west side of town, and i live on the east. he said he might move out to the east side of town because some of his family was going to move from the west to the east, and he wanted to be near them. i thought that was a bit odd, because from the east to the west, by car, is only a 15 minute car ride, so it's not like they were moving to the next state over or something!! anyways - bus boy and i have traded some emails, he's very sweet. he asked if i had face book and i friended him on there and YES - he is single!!! but i haven't heard from him since he friended me back, so maybe he didn't like my photos? (ok - that was also only 11 hours ago, so maybe he just might write back, lol). there is a talk next week in his department that is really interesting and relevant to my research so i told him I would be there. so, we'll see if he shows too! as for match, a couple of guys have asked me out. one guy who lives half an hour away from me asked me to bring a friend to watch a play he is in and then get drinks with him and his friends afterwards - but i don't think that will work out due to my schedule that weekend. another guy, B, asked me out for lunch on saturday. we'll see how that goes. but yeah, bus boy is my current favorite right now. Link to comment
FortunateOne Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 How can the bus boy not like your photos when he's seen the real McCoy in person? Link to comment
annie24 Posted February 27, 2009 Author Share Posted February 27, 2009 i dunno?! my mind is irrational. maybe he doesn't like my lifestyle? i'm clearly nervous when i meet someone i like. Link to comment
Daligal83 Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 Haha good point Fortunate! annie it's a really good sign that he asked if you have facebook. He clearly wants to know more about you. Link to comment
FortunateOne Posted February 28, 2009 Share Posted February 28, 2009 i dunno?! my mind is irrational. maybe he doesn't like my lifestyle? i'm clearly nervous when i meet someone i like. Any update on bus boy? BTW, you both have very similar educational goals so why would it be such a drastic lifestyle difference? Link to comment
annie24 Posted February 28, 2009 Author Share Posted February 28, 2009 oh - i don't know - maybe he's not interested in my dancing? i dunno. nope, haven't heard from him. well, i told him i'll be in his department on tuesday for a talk, so we'll see if he's there. my friend told me to suggest getting lunch sometime with him if i don't hear from him by the talk. i just had lunch with another guy, B. he was nice, but he lives an hour away, and i don't have a car. he was in my city doing some errands because he used to live here. he was really nice and we did have a lot in common too. Link to comment
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