Annie's Journal of Dating and Body Hair Removal

[sophie274]

I'm sorry that dream made you sad Annie. My dreams can really affect my mood even if I know they're not based in any sort of reality.

 

You're right about Logan - it's so normal to miss him, but good to think about your stack of index cards. And I think it's incredibly hard to be friends soon after a break-up, unless it ends in extraordinarily friendly circumstances (or you both simultaneously meet the loves of your life right after the break-up). I think, once you're further down the road of getting over him, that you wouldn't really want to be true friends with him anyway. You've done such a good job of not being in contact with him! You'll be over him so much faster than if you guys were in touch, for sure.

[annie24]

I am not sure if waxing is for me, I tried it once as a joke and my leg started bleeding. I started laughing because my friend couldn't take off the tape and had.

 

I am due soon too

 

]

 

 

annie, do you think part of it is the fact that he was a good friend as far as spending time with (in general) and now you have more free time and have to work a little harder to fill it. I always cringe a little when people break up, treat each other like crap, and then get back together or at least still talk a lot even after spitting so much venom about each other. I dealt with that for about 3 months, luckily they decided to end it for once and for all.

 

bwahahah!! hairy!!!!

 

yeah, i think part of it is just habit - you spend 2-3 dates a week together, you get used to spending time together, and suddenly there's this hole there. sigh. i miss him, but i don't miss the crap parts about him. Like you or another guy (maybe Patrick?) said on here - it's not like he was the most perfect guy and he slipped out of my fingers.

[Catherine_3]

I may be a little late to the conversation but I pay $5 to get my eyebrows threaded, and have been going to the same place for several years. I'm in a major Canadian city. Most places charge $15-30 but if you look around, ask around, check the Internet, etc. you'll likely find a cheap, good place. There is no need to charge $20 for something that literally takes about a minute and uses nothing but a thread.

[annie24]

I got my tumi backpack, I really like it. So nice and lots of compartments. I'm going out of town tonight, and there's enough space for a change of clothes and toiletries.

 

Went out to dinner last night with Carol. I bought her the Starbucks Advent Calendar as a surprise (to count down to our trip). She was super happy because she said over the weekend, she was holding it in her hands and really wanted to buy it, but then felt guilty and put it away. She was thrilled that I knew to get it for her, haha.

[WithLove]

BigKK, I think you're way overdue for a waxing! Hahaha!!

 

So two weeks ago, the man and I decided to try something new... I asked him to move in with me for a little while to see how it goes with us. We have lived together before, so I wasn't expecting anything different, but he has acquired a lot more stuff and it's all over my apartment! He also has a cat, so he brought her over last night, and my cat isn't having any of it! There's definitely going to be some adjustments.

 

Tonight we're going to have his daughter over for the first time since he moved in with me. With the apartment still needing to be put to rights, and I have family coming over this weekend, and our two cats trying to get along... I'm very overwhelmed. I felt myself getting irritated at all his stuff being everywhere last night (there are still boxes in our bedroom and living room, because my apartment is small and we're still organizing stuff) and I felt myself shutting down. Then, I remembered that we chose to do this together, and I can't control everything that happens in my life, and sometimes I need to relax my composure and go with the flow. And I settled myself down, took deep breaths, and it was okay. This morning, I texted him asking if he would help me clean up the apartment; and he texted back "Sure love, I'll be home much sooner than you, so I can get a lot of stuff done before you even get home".

 

It's nice being able to rely on him for stuff again.

[annie24]

Aww, good luck with moving back in together!!

 

On on a whim, I decided to join okcupid. I set up a profile on my phone 10 minutes ago and have 2 messages. I'm trying not to take this too seriously. If I meet a guy and he pays for dinner, that would be refreshing.

[Patrick974]

Good on OKC, less body hair talks, more dating journal.

 

You broke up with Logan like... a month ago, right ? Are you looking for someting serious this early after breaking up or are you using another dating sites just to know where you're at on the online dating market ?

 

Anything can happen, good luck.

[faraday]

Have you ever made a checklist of things that you absolutely need in a partner? Your list shouldn't be big...maybe 10 things at most? Really personal...not like generic stuff....and not superficial stuff either, like height or hair colour. Personality traits, ambition/dreams stuff...the stuff that makes or breaks a marriage.

 

I have 7 things on my list...and up until Jay, I haven't met anyone that meets all of them. I've had someone meet 6 of them one time. I was beginning to think maybe my list was too hard

[Batya33]

I vote for going back into the dating scene and seeing what happens - good for you!

[annie24]

Good on OKC, less body hair talks, more dating journal.

 

You broke up with Logan like... a month ago, right ? Are you looking for someting serious this early after breaking up or are you using another dating sites just to know where you're at on the online dating market ?

 

Anything can happen, good luck.

 

so.... i guess you're saying that you don't want to see photos of my armpits, lol??

 

yeah, logan and I broke up I guess 5 weeks ago ish..... I don't know what i'm looking for. maybe a date where a guy pays for dinner AND tip. that would be something. maybe just hang out, meet people, etc.... on one hand - the breakup is relatively new, but on the other, things have been going downhill for the last few months. i have a few guys who have asked me out already so i think that will be fun, at least, meet some new guys, hang out, see if there is any interest there.

 

i went out tonight with some people of the professional organization I'm part of. part of me felt strange, to go out to a bar that Logan likes without him, like i just miss cuddling with him.... but then the other part of me doesn't miss all the crap stuff he would say. i also know that he previously felt awkward at this one professional event that i took him to because he was the only unemployed person there, and everyone else was like, "I'm curing brain cancer!" so, he definitely felt out of place.

 

speaking of strange... so one guy in the organization - i've noticed that he's always gravitated towards me. i've started having a mild interest (very very mild). I was disappointed to hear that he's going back to his home country in 6 months. he always sits next to me at events and such. anyway, the girl next to me was like, "so, does your gf live in your home country?" he said, "actually, I'm gay." wow, could have fooled me, haha! I never knew!!! (and I thought I had good gaydar!!!). Anyway, that was a bit of a surprise but nothing dramatic. I asked him if he had plans for new years he said no. I said Carol wants to get a group of people together so i said that sounds great, and he wants to go too.

 

Anyway.... I'm organizing a date with a guy from OKcupid - he did his grad work at the university where I work now. 41. cute enough. my friend I hung out with last night wasn't impressed with his photos, but I dunno - it sounds like we have stuff in common, it would be nice to meet. Certainly not the most handsome guy but he seems interested, has been texting me all day.

[annie24]

PS - I never felt "proud" of Logan. I loved him, but never was proud of him. obviously, how could I be? I mean, I thought he was smart and fun, but like, one of my friends posted on Facebook this week that her husband was named one of the 20 best doctors in our metro area for (subspecialty). that's pretty awesome. And he's like, 35, tops. And then hers just posted that her husband won a big award this week too. I guess I was just puzzled by Logan - maybe he was depressed (I'm sure he was), but how do you graduate magna cum laude from college, and then just smoke pot and watch netflix for 7 months??? was I proud of him in that way?? no. not at all.

[hers]

You frequently say that you loved him--what do you mean? IN love with him? Or LOVE as in you like him enough as a person to care about his general well-being? To me, being in love does mean, yes, you are proud of them. That's not to say sometimes they don't disappoint or do things that embarrass you and such but for the most part, you're proud of the person they wake up each morning to be and are happy with the "person" they are putting out there without you around (if that makes sense?).

 

I remember when my best friend C went to his 10-year high school reunion a few years ago, and he was telling me about this one girl in his class, gorgeous and sweet and a lawyer now, introduced her husband as having worked at Chick-Fil-A. Most people were like "oh...." and acted embarrassed for her. C, humble guy that he is, simply said "I love Chick-Fil-A." Turns out, the guy owns like a string of Chick-Fil-A's in their town and they are loaded. She didn't say it to brag or to make it seem like he isn't worth anything by saying he just works for Chick-Fil-A, it just was what it was.

 

For some reason I thought about that when you said that Logan was the only umemployed person at your event with the people curing cancer. Don't feel embarrassed by someone but at the same time, you don't have to brag or boast about your partner. Accept the reality.

 

The reality in your relationship was things you couldn't accept, with good reason. He did not seem to be the stand-up guy you frequently tried to convince us he was. Sure, he was nice and he made you feel happy, but your morals and values SIMPLY DIDNT MESH. You have to stop dwelling on any other facts than that. Your values did not agree. There's nothing wrong with that. You did nothing wrong, he did nothing wrong, you simply have unmatched values and goals. THat's it. It's like 2 people deciding to break up b/c one wants kids and hte other doesnt--no one is in the wrong; there's just no agreement. No one should be th bad guy or the good guy. You just werent compatible.

 

You have to take a lesson here and let it be. The lesson, IMO, is that when you find out your values don't match, then you break it off. Prolonging breaking that off does nothing but make it harder when (when, not if) it does end. Learn that for next time.

[annie24]

I'd say that I loved him.... but wasn't IN love with him, because I was really hurt, in the last few months, the way he said that he wasn't "head over heels" for me. I wasn't embarrassed about him at the event where he was the only one not curing cancer. I think he was mainly embarrassed for himself. That was a bit earlier on (in June). He was unhappy with his situation, but wasn't doing a heck of a lot to change it. I agree that we have different values in that regard. I don't think it's really anything to be embarrassed about to not have a job and to be looking, but I didn't realize at that point that he wasn't planning on getting a job until his unemployment ran out.

 

He was just cruel at the end though, saying all those mean things like he wanted to break up to see if he could do "better," that while he found me beautiful, he's very picky about what he's attracted to and wanted to find that woman, that he's met those women at work he's attracted to, and suggested I should F lots of guys to get over him. But he hoped we could still get dinner and hang out from time to time. But he said he wanted to break up with me so he didn't cheat on me, because he thought I was a good person and didn't deserve that fate, like his ex-gf did. It's like, "F you, buddy!" omg. When I had tried to break up with him while he was unemployed, he said he didn't want to break up with me and I was the only good thing in his life. Ugh. He even admitted he was selfish. He was like, "I don't know what I would have done without you - just sat home alone for the last 7 months, I guess." ugh. I'm glad I was his diversion.

[annie24]

Ok, well... I have a date scheduled with a guy from Okcupid. I shall call him "Dirk." Dirk is 41, lives in the suburbs, has a kid. He has a PhD from the university where I work. He's kinda chubby, 6'2", but seems like an overall nice guy, at least from the profile. We're meeting at a pub/restaurant on Tuesday night.

[faraday]

hope it goes well!

[annie24]

i talked on the phone with a guy, I'll call him Tyrone. He's a TSA agent and has a part time retail job as well. He's working on getting a DJing and wedding photography business set up. He lived with his mom until last year when she finally kicked him out (he's my age). we have a date on sunday afternoon planned. i dunno - i'll have to think about it. he seems nice. i don't know if i really "fit in" with a DJ, nor do I have the patience anymore to sit around while a guy gets his career off the ground.

[Fudgie]

I would pass on him. At your age, you need a man who is already established somewhat in a career. And he got kicked out of his mom's place a year ago? He sounds like a bit of a bum in that regard. djs also tend to party a lot, it just goes with the business. That's cool if you like the club scene but not really if you don't.

[annie24]

i'm thinking that too...... sigh. gah. what should i do? do i send him a text saying no thanks? send him an email just that thinking about it, we're not a great match?

[hers]

i'm thinking that too...... sigh. gah. what should i do? do i send him a text saying no thanks? send him an email just that thinking about it, we're not a great match?

 

Email him and tell him after thinking some, you don't think you'd be a good match. He sounds like another Logan.

[annie24]

yeah, probably what i should do.

 

no thanks, not looking for another logan. the thought of that exhausts me.

 

Tyrone told me he's been at his TSA job for 8 years (good!) but then the fact that he's trying to start DJing more.... eh.......... right. that's just not me.

[faraday]

Email him and tell him after thinking some, you don't think you'd be a good match. He sounds like another Logan.

 

+1

 

 

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

[annie24]

ok, i just sent him that email canceling on sunday and wishing him well (just said we are not a good match).

[annie24]

whoah, crazy! I sent him a brief, polite email on the site. he then responded with:

 

So, you could just text me that info on here, you had to go directly to the site?? what brought this on??

 

My answer: I'm actually somewhat fresh out of a long term relationship where we had a lot of problems. I just don't thin we would be a good long term match. But I wish you well in your business and life.

 

Him: You're not making sense!! If that's the case then why are you on a dating website??

 

Me; take care

 

Him: whatever, peace out ******!!!

 

blah. good lord.

[hers]

Always go with your gut.

[annie24]

Always go with your gut.

 

yeah, seriously.

 

when i write a guy something like that and he's super classy about it like, "thanks for letting me know - best of luck to you" - then I always feel like I made a mistake, like wow, that was a good reaction.. when a guy gets angry like that (what - after like a few texts and one 30 minute conversation??) yikes!!!!!