grymoire Posted September 16, 2008 Share Posted September 16, 2008 whoa.... wow.... this is just incredible.. somebody just give that guy a break.... in many of my posts i have talked about these type of responses and got lot of heat.... but this thread proves what i am talkin about... some one tell me why it is so wrong for a guy to expect physical intimacy from the girl he is dating? a girl can expect the guy to pay for the first few dates... nothing wrong with that... but a guy cannot have his own expectations right? a girl can come here and say that the guy didn't pay for the date and she will get lot of sympathy and support.... but if it is about a guy expecting some things he will be jumped on.... comments like this are so low and crass: better that you get rid of those guys early on and find the guys who want to get to know who sunflower girl is...long before they try to see what kind of bra and panties she wears. Link to comment
greywolf Posted September 16, 2008 Share Posted September 16, 2008 whoa.... wow.... this is just incredible.. somebody just give that guy a break.... in many of my posts i have talked about these type of responses and got lot of heat.... but this thread proves what i am talkin about... some one tell me why it is so wrong for a guy to expect physical intimacy from the girl he is dating? a girl can expect the guy to pay for the first few dates... nothing wrong with that... but a guy cannot have his own expectations right? a girl can come here and say that the guy didn't pay for the date and she will get lot of sympathy and support.... but if it is about a guy expecting some things he will be jumped on.... comments like this are so low and crass I have to disagree with you on this one. Everyone starts a relationship with certain expectations. Their expectations happened to be incompatible. And his expectations will probably be incompatible with many women's. I'm sure that many women would like a partner that is interested in her besides the sex. I'm sure many men feel that way too. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted September 16, 2008 Share Posted September 16, 2008 whoa.... wow.... this is just incredible.. somebody just give that guy a break.... in many of my posts i have talked about these type of responses and got lot of heat.... but this thread proves what i am talkin about... some one tell me why it is so wrong for a guy to expect physical intimacy from the girl he is dating? a girl can expect the guy to pay for the first few dates... nothing wrong with that... but a guy cannot have his own expectations right? a girl can come here and say that the guy didn't pay for the date and she will get lot of sympathy and support.... but if it is about a guy expecting some things he will be jumped on.... comments like this are so low and crass Can a guy get pregnant or catch an STD from spending $15.00 on the woman's dinner? So if a guy pays for her dinner then she has to put out...is that what you are saying? "You expect me to pay for dinner and thereforee I expect to be able to grope you, suck on your breasts and stick my penis in your vagina". If simply writing down those words is considered crass, what about actually having those kind of expectations?? Link to comment
grymoire Posted September 16, 2008 Share Posted September 16, 2008 Can a guy get pregnant or catch an STD from spending $15.00 on the woman's dinner? So if a guy pays for her dinner then she has to put out...is that what you are saying? "You expect me to pay for dinner and thereforee I expect to be able to grope you, suck on your breasts and stick my penis in your vagina". If simply writing down those words is considered crass, what about actually having those kind of expectations?? oh geez..... i was asking what is wrong with a guy having his own expectations... just like how a girl has her own expectations..... i never said that a man has the right to have sex with a woman because he bought her dinner... give me a break... and i do not know where the OP says that he was groping her.... she says his hands were roaming around...... i don't understand what is so wrong in making out with a girl that he is dating...... look... if you want to interpret it the way you want and make vulgar posts that's your problem. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted September 16, 2008 Share Posted September 16, 2008 oh geez..... i was asking what is wrong with a guy having his own expectations... just like how a girl has her own expectations..... i never said that a man has the right to have sex with a woman because he bought her dinner... give me a break... and i do not know where the OP says that he was groping her.... she says his hands were roaming around...... i don't understand what is so wrong in making out with a girl that he is dating...... look... if you want to interpret it the way you want and make vulgar posts that's your problem. Let's see...I think in the case of paying for the date it has to do with chivalry and the guy not being a cheapskate...you can't compare that with expectations of getting physical and having roaming hands or whatever when you don't really know someone and having the guy never call you back the minute you don't want to go further than a little kissing on the third date. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted September 16, 2008 Share Posted September 16, 2008 I would chalk it up to incompatibility. The guy sounds like a bit of jerk and a player, anyway. He is used to progressing very quickly with girls. And your not used to progressing that fast. HOWEVER, mentioning that you only only "make love" with people you are in love with is going to scare a lot of guys (possibly, a lot of great guys with potential) off. Guess what, this can be a red flag for guys. A guy you probably want wouldn't start in with such direct sex questions right away, but if the subject comes try to diffuse it with some ambiguity. Perhaps say something like, "my emotions tend get to involved, and I prefer having sex (or getting physical) with someone I care about. " That kinda takes the pressure of the situation. I totally agree. I try to think like a guy when i answer posts like this. guys have their own unique redflags too. Link to comment
grymoire Posted September 16, 2008 Share Posted September 16, 2008 Let's see...I think in the case of paying for the date it has to do with chivalry and the guy not being a cheapskate...you can't compare that with expectations of getting physical and having roaming hands or whatever when you don't really know someone and having the guy never call you back the minute you don't want to go further than a little kissing on the third date. we cannot say what the guy or girl should or should not expect from their dates.... if a guy does not pay for the first few dates the girl has the right to walk away as she may feel he is a cheapstake.... in the same way the guy can choose to walk away after knowing that he has to wait for the girl to fall in love before he can have sex.... call me whatever you want but i would do the same thing if i were in his shoes....... if i know that my expectations are not going to be met for a long time then i am gonna walk away.... Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted September 16, 2008 Share Posted September 16, 2008 we cannot say what the guy or girl should or should not expect from their dates.... if a guy does not pay for the first few dates the girl has the right to walk away as she may feel he is a cheapstake.... in the same way the guy can choose to walk away after knowing that he has to wait for the girl to fall in love before he can have sex.... call me whatever you want but i would do the same thing if i were in his shoes....... if i know that my expectations are not going to be met for a long time then i am gonna walk away.... Yes, that is your right to walk away..and judging from the many threads I have seen on this board from women who are very perturbed if the man doesn't expect sex by the third date, you would have a line up of women ready, willing and eager to meet your expectations. My point is that the OP has higher standards and is better off waiting for someone who also has higher standards. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted September 16, 2008 Share Posted September 16, 2008 we cannot say what the guy or girl should or should not expect from their dates.... if a guy does not pay for the first few dates the girl has the right to walk away as she may feel he is a cheapstake.... in the same way the guy can choose to walk away after knowing that he has to wait for the girl to fall in love before he can have sex.... call me whatever you want but i would do the same thing if i were in his shoes....... if i know that my expectations are not going to be met for a long time then i am gonna walk away.... I am a female and I agree. I am not a sex fiend. But i would not be comfortable dating someone if i thought it would be a super long time before they could be intimate. I surely understand a guy feeling this way. If a person does not really value sex or it isn't a priority, they have a hard time understanding this. I went too long in my 20s being uptight. In my second half of life I am not. Sex to me is as natural of an expression of love as is holding hands and kissing. Link to comment
Clarity Posted September 16, 2008 Share Posted September 16, 2008 Yes, that is your right to walk away..and judging from the many threads I have seen on this board from women who are very perturbed if the man doesn't expect sex by the third date, you would have a line up of women ready, willing and eager to meet your expectations. My point is that the OP has higher standards and is better off waiting for someone who also has higher standards. I'm all for waiting longer, and I generally agree with your statement, but I think using the term "higher standards" instead of "different standards" here is a little judgmental. Link to comment
wazaman Posted September 16, 2008 Share Posted September 16, 2008 Sunflower. i guess you've talked dirty with him in your texts... and you've given him hope to have sex so soon! that's what happened... take this out of his mind now! Link to comment
sunflower_girl Posted September 16, 2008 Author Share Posted September 16, 2008 Wow...I didn't know this would generate so much controversy. To clarify, I'm a sexually confident and relaxed person--I ENJOY sex and am not uptight. However, I believe that people should have an emotional connection before engaging in that very intimate act. (Random hook-ups would make me feel dirty. Sorry if that offended anyone, it's just my own perspective). By the third date, I was NOT ready to go any farther than a few simple kisses. I've only seen each other three times...he was still a stranger! I guess it's just different expectations. Ah well, upwards and onwards! It's just a shame because I really enjoyed our conversations...I just wanted things to progress more slowly. The ball is in his court, he can text back if he wants to. Also, I completely disagree with that fact that, since he paid for dinner, he should have any type of sexual expectations. Our first time meeting, we both paid. The second date, he paid because he asked me out and insisted that he WANTED to. (P.S. to wazaman...no, I never "talked dirty" to him via texts. I'm a classy girl!) Link to comment
May_It_Be Posted September 16, 2008 Share Posted September 16, 2008 Well, obviously this guy is a sleazy son of a b****, who just wanted to get in your pants. Thank goodness you learned the truth NOW before you fell in love with this guy and he dumped you after seducing and conquering you. That's what men like this do: they get excited by the seduction, but when sex finally happens and he's conquered you, he gets bored, loses interest, and wants to scavange around for the next grand conquest. I would leave this guy alone; he's not worth your time or acknowledgement. Let him find someone else to make miserable. Link to comment
May_It_Be Posted September 16, 2008 Share Posted September 16, 2008 we cannot say what the guy or girl should or should not expect from their dates.... if a guy does not pay for the first few dates the girl has the right to walk away as she may feel he is a cheapstake.... in the same way the guy can choose to walk away after knowing that he has to wait for the girl to fall in love before he can have sex.... call me whatever you want but i would do the same thing if i were in his shoes....... if i know that my expectations are not going to be met for a long time then i am gonna walk away.... Who said anything about no sex for a long time? She merely said that she wouldn't have sex casually, that they had to be in an actual relationship with genuine emotion involved. If a man walks away at that point, he's a sleaze, cad, and unworthy of love or sex of any kind ... not even safe adult fun. Also, isn't pre-marital sex frowned upon or even punished in Indian culture? I'm not gettin' ya. Link to comment
D_Lish Posted September 16, 2008 Share Posted September 16, 2008 HOWEVER, mentioning that you only only "make love" with people you are in love with is going to scare a lot of guys (possibly, a lot of great guys with potential) off. Guess what, this can be a red flag for guys. I agree. When she talks of being 'in love'...he's thinking, she's thinking 'committment and marriage'....hence whoosh gone. Still proven he aint worth her time though, because an interested guy would stick around in order to get to know her....so yeah, I reckon he's been after getting in her underwear and we can do without, guys like this! I once read somewhere, think it was Men Are From Mars....that women have sex to get love and men have sex, in order to feel love. Link to comment
greywolf Posted September 16, 2008 Share Posted September 16, 2008 I once read somewhere, think it was Men Are From Mars....that women have sex to get love and men have sex, in order to feel love. I always heard that it was, "Women give sex to get love, and men give love to get sex." Link to comment
D_Lish Posted September 16, 2008 Share Posted September 16, 2008 I always heard that it was, "Women give sex to get love, and men give love to get sex." You are probably right...I knew it was one or the other...lol Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted September 16, 2008 Share Posted September 16, 2008 I'm all for waiting longer, and I generally agree with your statement, but I think using the term "higher standards" instead of "different standards" here is a little judgmental. I stand by higher standards and have no problem being considered "judgemental". If someone routinely dines at nice restaurants vs fast food places they are usually considered having higher standards...same thing here...if someone is ready to sleep with someone they just met, chances are they routinely do that which means they don't set high standards because they are going by their "physical needs" as opposed to really getting to know someone and finding out if that person is even worthy of their time. If you wait for a relationship before having sex you are indeed setting higher standards for yourself because you are more selective and don't just want fast food. Link to comment
greywolf Posted September 16, 2008 Share Posted September 16, 2008 I stand by higher standards and have no problem being considered "judgemental". If someone routinely dines at nice restaurants vs fast food places they are usually considered having higher standards...same thing here...if someone is ready to sleep with someone they just met, chances are they routinely do that which means they don't set high standards because they are going by their "physical needs" as opposed to really getting to know someone and finding out if that person is even worthy of their time. If you wait for a relationship before having sex you are indeed setting higher standards for yourself because you are more selective and don't just want fast food. I agreed with Clarity at first, but this makes sense to me. Link to comment
pumpkinmoon Posted September 16, 2008 Share Posted September 16, 2008 Sunflower, From reading your post I think as soon as he heard that it wasn't going to be easy to get any he bolted. I am the same as you also in that I wont do the whole sex thing unless I am in a relationship that I know is going to go somewhere. It puts me off dating really because it seems that it's all they want sometimes. You can have all the great conversation you like, but at the end of the day I think that's what most of them expect. Not even saying it's their fault, there are so many people out there without morals these days, they probably just think it is the way now. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted September 16, 2008 Share Posted September 16, 2008 What if you fall in love and the sex is horrible? THEN it's everything. Link to comment
grymoire Posted September 16, 2008 Share Posted September 16, 2008 Who said anything about no sex for a long time? She merely said that she wouldn't have sex casually, that they had to be in an actual relationship with genuine emotion involved. If a man walks away at that point, he's a sleaze, cad, and unworthy of love or sex of any kind ... not even safe adult fun. Also, isn't pre-marital sex frowned upon or even punished in Indian culture? I'm not gettin' ya. Read her posts carefully.... she says she does not feel like having sex until she falls in love... not just entering into an exclusive relationship. That is the reason why me, Carmine, and some other guys wrote that lot of guys would not wait for that long... I said that I only make love with people I'm IN LOVE with. If I date a girl and she says "grymoire i will not have sex with you till we get into a mutually exclusive relationship" I will most certainly agree and have no problems waiting for 2 or 3 months. But if a girl says she won't have sex until she falls in love then I would feel uncomfortable and most likely will not proceed with her. Falling in love takes a very long time........ Yes Indian culture frowns upon pre-marital sex and sex in general all the while having erotic statutes in holy temples... That is why I hate that culture.... Link to comment
Daegas Posted September 16, 2008 Share Posted September 16, 2008 Read her posts carefully.... she says she does not feel like having sex until she falls in love... not just entering into an exclusive relationship. That is the reason why me, Carmine, and some other guys wrote that lot of guys would not wait for that long... If I date a girl and she says "grymoire i will not have sex with you till we get into a mutually exclusive relationship" I will most certainly agree and have no problems waiting for 2 or 3 months. But if a girl says she won't have sex until she falls in love then I would feel uncomfortable and most likely will not proceed with her. Falling in love takes a very long time........ Que? What kind of girls do you hang out with? Falling in love (infatuation kind) doesn't have to take long; it can happen within a week. Link to comment
Carmine Posted September 16, 2008 Share Posted September 16, 2008 Que? What kind of girls do you hang out with? Falling in love (infatuation kind) doesn't have to take long; it can happen within a week. Wha? A week? Jeez, I couldn't love a girl if you gave me a decade. Don't see how one human can be THAT valuable. Link to comment
grymoire Posted September 16, 2008 Share Posted September 16, 2008 Que? What kind of girls do you hang out with? Falling in love (infatuation kind) doesn't have to take long; it can happen within a week. one week? then i bet it is not love but just strong infatuation. and if the OP can fall in love in 1 week then good for that guy... now he can have sex with her. Link to comment
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