Johnathan Posted June 6, 2008 Share Posted June 6, 2008 So even though my ex still has all the feelings for me that she had while we dated, how do I do this and pull her out of her 7 year relationship with another guy that she also has feelings for, that thinks she can't leave? (even though she should because she cheated on him more than once) Link to comment
19Justin15 Posted October 22, 2008 Share Posted October 22, 2008 We have been together a little over five years and we had a good solid relationship. When we hit five years she started college at western career where she met alot of knew friends. Note: She was 16 when i met her and everyone is saying its bc she hasnt experienced anything, but ok. She said she needed space and I freked out. We saw each other everyday and we do both love each other, but anyways a break. I did the whole beging pleading thing, and sure enough, that lead to a break up. Id say a week later she started talking with another guy and things with them had almost gotten weird, i e she built a crush toward him and he backed off. Then she had a cruch on another guy which would have gotten someone, only he had backed off too. Then along came a 3rd which they had started dating and seeing each other alot. At this point i was doing the whole guilt thing on her and pissing her off whice pushed her to do it more, resulting in her saying im done im not coming back. The weird thing is she changed her number but still kept in contact with me. She would call me at weird hours of the night telling me that she liked him but its not me and she thinks of me when shes with him. That happened for about a month, then I totally backed off. She ended up calling me and giving me her new number and began checking up on me making me feel like i was doing something wrong, but anyways she wanted to leave him and told me she wanted to come back but is not ready, shes still in love with me, bla bla, and misses me. But still I dont hear I want to come back lets work it out. I mean there hasnt went a day without speaking to each other at least once. When I put the breaks on talking to her i e begging and trying to get her back, she started contacting me more asking y. Now its been three months, and shes been wanting me around but still acting weird. Its killing me to stay around, but when i tell her i need to let go, she has a fit and talks all kinds of crap like im wrong for leaving, then starts acting nice saying she misses me and all that. I dont know what to do???? Its obvious she is confused and still loves me. But i guess giving her space and no contact seems like its working somewhat. Link to comment
Robert013 Posted October 22, 2008 Share Posted October 22, 2008 This starts by saying that there should not be a third party. What if there is a third party or an obviouse rebound? She went with him less than a week after she broke up with me. It has only benn alittle over a month. I have been no contact for a week. Do I say screw it and try the formula anyhow? The first part is to heal and become more atractive. I want this no matter what. Do I get her out of my life forever? I am already in no contact. The one thing that I have that no one else in this world has is the sweetest, and the most beautiful 8 year old son that my ex. helped raise for 7 of those years. I am not sitting around waiting but I do still care deeply for this women. Do i wait for the rebound train to derail or move on once and for all? My son also cares deeply for her so I need to consider his feelings as well. Link to comment
Coolj305 Posted November 30, 2008 Share Posted November 30, 2008 Ok this is my situation, I met my girl through my parents in Europe. Both me and her coem from really good families with status. She has only been with one other guy and she loved me more then i loved her. she lived in LA and at the time i lived in Europe but was planning to move back to finish school in the U.S. So when we met in Europe i decided to move to L.A. to finish school and we moved in together right away. We lived together for three years and after a few fights among other things she moved out. She told me how great of a guy i was and so on an so forth but told me how bad i treated her and didnt have feelings for me anymore and didnt miss all the things we did. I pleaded, begged, cried, and the whole shabang (i know pathetic) but we were engaged and we loved eachother very much. Shes the girl of my dreams and i still love her very much. We still talk and the latest talk she told me that she doesnt know how she could ever have a relationship again after ours and that she doesnt know i we could ever get back together. If it were possible then prob not for a month or 2 or even a year or 2. Ireally love her and want to marry her one day and for her to be the mother of my kids. She calls me sometimes and said we could be friends and if we were to see eachother then maybe once a week or once every two weeks and talk to eachother every so often. How should i go about this situaion? Should i remain in touch with her as friend and give her time to think tings over until she decided to bring up more personal conversations?? Should i tell her that we need a break from talking and communicating to give eachother space?? I dont want to jsut reamin friends with her. Also shes gonna be taking all her stuff from my place within next month so i dont know how to proceed in my situation?? Shes given me many chances before but this time its different because i really know what i did and what i wont/will do again. What signs should i look for???? Her birthday is coming up in JAN 15, should i get her a present or just which her happy BDAY?? Should it be just flowers or something more?? If you need any more info to answer some of my questions please let me know. We both thought we'd be togehter forever but i F#$ked Up. Link to comment
digitaldiva Posted December 1, 2008 Share Posted December 1, 2008 Did you read the first page of the post? Link to comment
Jester1586 Posted December 1, 2008 Share Posted December 1, 2008 I've been in NC for about a week now. I never told my ex I was starting it though. They do know I don't think I can handle "being friends" and I've told them as much. She contacted my on Thanksgiving via text. Just asking how my holiday was and such. I never responded. I'm in NC right? Anyways, seeing that I didn't respond to her, will she continue to try and contact me? Should I have replied to her message? I know the first says to keep it cool when they contact you, but I had just started NC, and I didn't want to break it after a few days. Link to comment
digitaldiva Posted December 1, 2008 Share Posted December 1, 2008 I've been in NC for about a week now. I never told my ex I was starting it though. They do know I don't think I can handle "being friends" and I've told them as much. She contacted my on Thanksgiving via text. Just asking how my holiday was and such. I never responded. I'm in NC right? Anyways, seeing that I didn't respond to her, will she continue to try and contact me? Should I have replied to her message? I know the first says to keep it cool when they contact you, but I had just started NC, and I didn't want to break it after a few days. NC is so that you can heal and get yourself together. If you feel emotionally ready to begin a friendship with her then do it. Are you ok with her telling you that you're going to be Just Friends or her talking about her new love life? If not I'd recommend keeping NC until you can handle those things. Link to comment
Coolj305 Posted December 2, 2008 Share Posted December 2, 2008 If she calls me or texts me does that me that the No Contact rule is not necessary????? That i should casually talk to her and maybe ask her if she want to get lunch or coffee???? We were engaged and she has a $25,000 diamond ring i got her, should i ask for it back or to see if she gives it back to me before asking for it back ???? I dont want her to think that i dont want our relationship by asking for it back but if was over without ever having a chance then i would want it back. I love this girl and i want to spend the rest of my life with her. She told me the last time i spoke to her that she doesnt know how she would ever have a relationship with any1 or me again because shes very hurt and doesnt know how to trust again and be open like she was before. Im going to follow all the advice, my main concern at the moment is the $25,000 diamond ring i gave her when we were engaged for a while. Should i ask for it back right away or wait to see if she gives it back??? Link to comment
digitaldiva Posted December 3, 2008 Share Posted December 3, 2008 The NC rule is to help you heal your broken heart. If you talk to her again you won't be emotional if your heart is healed. You seriously gave her a $25,000 ring? ask for it back. Link to comment
Monty36 Posted March 17, 2009 Share Posted March 17, 2009 So I've been in the no contact period for about a week now. When my relationship i guess ended she told me that she wanted to take a break and that she needed some space (ya i know that basically means were through). We tried talking a little bit for the next five days where she told me she still loves me with all her heart but she needs some space. I really wanted to respect the fact that she wanted space so i told her "the only way i think i can really give you the space you want is to wait until your ready to talk to me" she responded "i don't really know how this works either because I've never done it so maybe we should try that" and that was the last I've heard from her. What I'm wondering is that if this no contact thing keeps up for over a month or so should i make the first contact or should i "stay strong" and wait it out? Link to comment
Monty36 Posted March 17, 2009 Share Posted March 17, 2009 So I've been in the no contact period for about a week now. When my relationship i guess ended she told me that she wanted to take a break and that she needed some space (ya i know that basically means were through). We tried talking a little bit for the next five days where she told me she still loves me with all her heart but she needs some space. I really wanted to respect the fact that she wanted space so i told her "the only way i think i can really give you the space you want is to wait until your ready to talk to me" she responded "i don't really know how this works either because I've never done it so maybe we should try that" and that was the last I've heard from her. What I'm wondering is that if this no contact thing keeps up for over a month or so should i make the first contact or should i "stay strong" and wait it out? Link to comment
JohnGalt Posted March 17, 2009 Share Posted March 17, 2009 Yeah, everything seems to be progressing according to the tips on here. I hope I don't mess up. I feel so close, yet I'm getting anxious. I want to just get it all in the open and tell her I still love her and want to spend the rest of my life with her. Slow it down, Galt. Slow it down. Logic and reason set in. Follow the plan. Follow the plan. Do not throw it all away when you're so close. Link to comment
RobD70 Posted March 17, 2009 Share Posted March 17, 2009 Wait it out because it's going to take over a month. You need to think 3 months minimum. She needs to miss you and think she's going to lose you before she'll have a change of heart. She'll want you back the minute she thinks you will be fine without her. Link to comment
intolerable Posted March 29, 2009 Share Posted March 29, 2009 ive done the whole thing but the more my ex misses me/feels like he's got feelings for me, the more he distances himself. So basically, i accomplish my goal, i come accross attractive positive etc. but the more he is subjected to that, instead of thinking 'aw shes so lovely, i'll reconsider', he thinks 'aw shes so lovely, this is so hard to get over so i have to distance myself'. It's like i can never win. A vicious cycle. So close yet so far away. I think this is also my problem. o_O do any of you guys have any inputs on this one? Link to comment
Crolla Posted April 16, 2009 Share Posted April 16, 2009 Does this really work????? because im in a situation where we do casualy talk, but i want her back but i dont know if talking to her will comfort her because she has started seeing someone else now. Link to comment
Lavender25 Posted August 23, 2009 Share Posted August 23, 2009 I'm bumping this. What can I say? It gives me hope. Link to comment
longlonglong Posted August 31, 2009 Share Posted August 31, 2009 I have a question. In the post is says that you should disappear completely when going into NC, which includes also not being on AIM while they are on. How long do you keep this up for? Doesn't this break a line of communication that could lead her to contact you again? My ex of 3 years broke up with me in late June. I haven't seen her since, and I've been on NC for nearly 3 weeks now (including not being on AIM). I feel like I should get back on AIM in order to open a line of communication and make it easier for her to contact me, but I'm not sure if that's a good idea. Link to comment
Lavender25 Posted August 31, 2009 Share Posted August 31, 2009 I have a question. In the post is says that you should disappear completely when going into NC, which includes also not being on AIM while they are on. How long do you keep this up for? Doesn't this break a line of communication that could lead her to contact you again? My ex of 3 years broke up with me in late June. I haven't seen her since, and I've been on NC for nearly 3 weeks now (including not being on AIM). I feel like I should get back on AIM in order to open a line of communication and make it easier for her to contact me, but I'm not sure if that's a good idea. If she wants to contact you, she'll know how to get a hold of you. It won't matter if you're on AIM or not. Link to comment
JonasWaingaro Posted August 31, 2009 Share Posted August 31, 2009 Important: This is assuming there's no third party waiting in the wings and you've heard the "I need space," "I think maybe we should date other people," or "I don't know if this is going to work out," or other "iffy" statements that imply they're questioning their feelings and/or feelings about being in a relationship... or you've had indications from other sources that your ex is not so happy with their decision. I read this before and never got this disclaimer. Why does this make a difference, and what would one do if they got this. From the threads a whole lot of folks got this stuff. I wonder what the alternative is then. Link to comment
doiiiieeezie Posted August 31, 2009 Share Posted August 31, 2009 I read this before and never got this disclaimer. Why does this make a difference, and what would one do if they got this. From the threads a whole lot of folks got this stuff. I wonder what the alternative is then. You know, I wouldn't over think it. I got the "we were better friends than lovers" line, yet I'm still waiting for him to talk to me to work out the issues that divided us in the first place. Don't make it complicated, just let it happen if you have the chance. Link to comment
JonasWaingaro Posted August 31, 2009 Share Posted August 31, 2009 You know, I wouldn't over think it. I got the "we were better friends than lovers" line, yet I'm still waiting for him to talk to me to work out the issues that divided us in the first place. Don't make it complicated, just let it happen if you have the chance. Yeppers. I wait as well. I was just wonder what the OP was thinking adding that. Makes me wonder what that changes in the equation, if anything. Link to comment
Lavender25 Posted August 31, 2009 Share Posted August 31, 2009 I read this before and never got this disclaimer. Why does this make a difference, and what would one do if they got this. From the threads a whole lot of folks got this stuff. I wonder what the alternative is then. That bit is worded a little weird. I had to read through it a few times before I understood. I guess it means that if you've been left for someone else then it changes things because you have to wait for that new relationship to lose its luster. I think a lot of the tips still apply: NC, working on yourself, etc. But you'd have to wait longer for the ex to want to reach out because they have someone else keeping their attention. If there isn't a third party and you've heard things like "I need space," "I just want to be single," "I think we'd be better matched up with other people," etc... then it implies that the relationship didn't end over something serious and there might still be a chance? I dunno. That's how I interpreted it and those are the kind of reasons my ex gave to me. Link to comment
Bayles Posted January 5, 2010 Share Posted January 5, 2010 Hi, I think its fabulous work you've done here and congratulate you for your efforts! I'm currently in the relationship of, I broke up with him, and yet I'm the one wanting him back. I broke up with him because I felt I was getting in the way of him being with his friends and a bit of the 'I'm going to break up with you first so I don't get hurt when you break up with me!' thing going on.](*,) Our relationship has been on and off for a while but has had the love we had from the beginning. I've gone through the pleading stage, and I do NOT know what is going on in his head, he says he doesn't care about the break up, but then again does... And is going to move on and reccomends I do too. But then he ALSO told me that he needs time to think. And I'm so confused. I think he's confused as much as I am, (what makes it worse I'm in my monthlies too, so I tend to get mood swings over it). I have all my friends saying it wasn't meant to be and he wasn't right for me, but then I have other friends who said we were perfect together. We had been going out for about 8 months. I'm going to try to have fun, but I don't know how to the no-contact thing... Do I still say 'Hi' when he says 'Hi' or should I just ignore/block/quickly go/tell him I don't want to talk. I'm just really confused about everything. Link to comment
tony c Posted January 5, 2010 Share Posted January 5, 2010 This is a really good post, I wish I followed it b/c I think back now and think that I could have gotten my ex back. Oh well, live and learn. you and me both my friend i messed up for 6 months and now she is in some kind of relation ship with another man, but i still have to see her to see my son it really hurts. as you say we live and learn Link to comment
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