So you want your ex back - tips, do's, and don'ts!

[fantasia2004]

Myjoy ,

 

after everything you have read from my posts and all the things I did to try to get back my ex but faileds and how he responded, do you think it is possible that maybe he never loved me like my friends say? Will he think that I may have been to clingy ands needy? He probably never lovedme to begion with.

[TR]

Here's a question....

 

I am keeping a very tight contact with my ex, as very close friends. I am still extremely nice to her and show her that I love her and she doesn't seem to mind at all (we say that we love eachother and she tells me sometimes that she misses me, especialy when she's mad at her current bf).

 

Anyways, is my "plan" going to work in my favor? I mean when she has problems with her current bf (and she does), she might think something like: "Why am I still with him when I have a guy who loves me to death and I know that we always were happy together?" (We have a LD relationship and that's the only this that separated us). I think that with time that might happen and I just have to keep being very nice to her.

 

Or is this a bad "plan" because I look like a rug? Again, I can see that she REALLY apreciates that I am still so nice to her.

[otterloo]

if i am the dumper (although we had a very short second try which she stopped) and she is seeing someone else casually do these rules still apply or not? i already made a go at it and failed miserably. i was too emotional.

[Belgian girl]

My ex b/f said when I was sitting next to him at the bus last weekend that he doesn't often goes online (Messenger). Actually, he had blocked me for about 3 months and now he has in his nickname the adress of a new Messenger. Did he mean by saying that at the bus just not to have the idea he is blocked and thus the less chance I would find out he is going to stop with his old messenger and so I can't add him and I probably won't ever have contact with him after this year at unif It was almost the only thing he said during the trip (1,5 hours). Quiete a shock because my plan was to ask him back after the exams (about end juni). (Eventually advise at my own topic is wellcome (easier to find back)) All the best!

[coooolsome]

This is a really good post, I wish I followed it b/c I think back now and think that I could have gotten my ex back. Oh well, live and learn.

[BONO]

Bump.

 

Vintage advice from 2003 !

[BONO]

I still think the basis of this thread is fantastic BUMP - Again !

[Delusion]

How long does NC really last? I guess you don't know if it's worked in terms of getting the ex back until they make contact but how do you wait without waiting for it to happen? Keep busy but it's hard.

[DG9]

ok i was in the no contact phase when i caved in today.. bcs i felt bad for not wising him for his birthday...i dont get to see him because we live in two diff countries and he broke up two weeks before he was supposed to visit me... im not ready to go home and face him so im postponing my trip!

 

but i know he's forcing himself too bcs he cant hate me this much... what do i do? i know i cant talk to him, i know that my parents dont like him anymore.. i dont understnad why he's so mad and how he changed... so i cant move on completely till i understand!

 

whats my next step??

[finalcloud13]

So, you break NC as soon as your ex contacts you first?

[kate111]

Damn right boundaries...

 

That is why I told my ex to never speak to me again and that I didnt want to be friends with her.

 

People are kidding themselves if they think they can be friends with their ex right after a breakup. IT JUST DOESNT WORK THAT WAY.

 

No contact, forget that they exist. Why? Because I guarantee, sometime in the future, they will call you. And when they do, you will be healed and can decide from there. But , most of the time, once you are healed you most likely will tell them to beep off.

 

 

I love this post. I hope you are right.

[Jess...]

everyones advice has been so helpful to me! my bf of 14 months dumped me on christmas eve last year...(yes, merry christmas to you too..) and i saw him out tonite. i was driving around in my car, and he was out walking around with MY friends. he hangs out with MY friends now!?? wat is wrong with his own friends? he only knows these people thru me, if we hadnt been together, theyd be complete strangers! i was asked to go out too, and i was all dressed up ready to go for it, but the minute i saw him (even from the safety of inside my car) i knew there was no way i cod be in the same group of ppl as him. i burst into tears and my heart nearly exploded when he looked at me as it was..goodness knows wat i would have done if id actually come face to face with him...any advice? would be much appreciated

[Wandering_Sword]

This is a great thread. Thanks for bumping it

[isisastaria]

I have a question. What if you're engaged and step two is in a counselor's office? LOL. That's where I may find myself Monday.

[Jenna16]

wow, ur artical is very inspiring. I have a problem and i hope you can help. there is this guy that i love alot.we met in on a online website. for singles. in march of last year (2006) then on may 20 we met in person. we hit things off. then that week he asked me to be his girlfriend. and i said yes. i have had boyfriends before. but i was his first girlfriend. and first of many things if you know what i mean. So then we dated on may 26. it was going well but we had problems in our relatiponship. he said he couldn't handle it. so he broke up with me on augest 14. then. for 5 months, i was upset. did all the wrong things.. and became friends. and then soon enough friends with benifits. i soon cut that off on the christmas break. bc he was trying to get with some other girl. i started someone to. and i started loving this other guy as well. so we had a huge fight after christmas around january 5 basically. over me having bf and i wasn't interested in him. he started getting jealouse bc things didn;t turn out between him and that other girl. and things turned out great betwen me and my bf. so what happened was. we didn't talk. and when he would try to say sorry i'd being like. leave me alone. and stuff. then i desided to talk to him about 1 month later in febuary. he was really nice. he use to be mean and was rude. and always looked at me as a ex gf. but he started to consider me as a firend. then all my feelings towards him came back. and all his feeling towards me came back to him. so then feb 22 i broke up with my current bf to get back togethr with my ex. bc we went out to the movies. and had a great time. with out any sexual contact. it was going great for a few weeks. but then st patties day came. i never drink. but i got hammered. as they call because i was stressed. so it was also my first time drinking. i did some stupid stuff. then after that weekend. he got scared and after one lil fight about me being mad bc he would play his game and not talk to me. i had reasons. it was a dumb fight. then we broke up on march 21. and then now its april 9. i havn't talked to him since. and i dont know how to get him back bc i truly love him. is it possiable for me to win back his love and him a second time? with out it being 5 months? I would really be thankful for ur help. Thanks, and i hope i made my story clear enough.

[Pending]

Now The no contact thing kinda worked for me:

 

I did go to her a day or two after, shouted my heart to sky, told her I wanted back and that we could make it work..hell I did that 3 times.

 

Bu between that, I ignored her, kept meetings casual and short, and made no attempt to meet her...

 

Now i'm back in that boat. She actually cheated on me, and broke up with me very recently(6 months between breakup #1 & now).

 

Spoke to her once(msg her actually asking how her studies were) and wished her goodluck(and she is acting very oddly but anyway..)

 

 

As for no contact; it does work. The only probelm I have is, in about 3 weeks we well be completely apart all summer(had planned on living with her but with the breakup that didn't quite work out). Do I stay the course of no contact, even though my time is so short?

 

In the meantime:

Well it hurt if I actully enjoy being single?

She's not going be running back to me, and I have many opputuinties with women in front of me. Do I go after those single women? Well that runing my chances with my ex?

I want to be back with her, but well it hurt if I live my life as I would if I didn't?

[dreamguy]

I think this post (the initial post on page 1) deserves to be up there with MajorD and SuperDave's excellent advice so I'm bumping it.

I was about to call my ex today but I changed my mind for the time being after reading it.

[ghostfreak]

Thanks you so much for this

[Advice]

Step three - meeting again, or less casual conversations, casual dates etc. The point where the ex starts openly questioning things about the breakup. Comments like "I've been thinking a lot lately about us," "Do you ever think about being with me?" "Have you started seeing anyone else yet?"

 

 

 

 

My ex is always asking me if i have met anyone yet, she sounds disappointed when i say no and she is encouraging me to go and have sex. Why is this? We get on really well, hugging all the time when we see eachother. Is this to perhaps satisfy her own guilt. We have only been split 3 months. I am now thinking i should make something up to say i have.

[missiongal]

hey all.

I was in love with a married man..before i meet him,his wife cheated on his so theyre done for two years..so i did think its okay/he has a daughter and loves her to death.

he doesnt go for sex n we share same dream n hope.its really awesome.i came from a messed up family.i have nobody to talk ..nobody hugs me.im 18 and he is 43..he is the only one who hugs me that makes me feel so rich,i had a good guy..things changed so fast..i turned out to be a girl he wasnt suppose to fall in love with.he said i had a strong personality,im INTENSE..yes im 18 n im a free spirited girl full of passion n he has a big family tie he loves his daughter soo much.i did cry n beg him to stay..i found out why.i got pregnant and he said he didnt wanna go further and he wanted to try again with his wife.he wanted to forgive her and she was his first gf.his wife etc...

I was really * * * *ed up.later he told me he wasnt able to be a dad,i may sleep with others.im just so mad n hurt.he said hed still help me to abort the kid.but i felt its a shame.he said he would see me as a friend again tho,i said go.

i called again,his cell is power off.so the NC...even i wanna contact him. i cant find him.he changed EVERYTHING!

i went back home for abortion,id kill to keep the baby but for many reason i have to abort it,and i found out its not his.i got pregnant before i met him!!i felt much better..cuz its not his..i aborted the kid n at home now.i cried,i smiled i rethink something i cried more..now try to find peace in my heart.

im sure he will worry about me.but he cares more about his family,he doesnt wanna destory his family.im sure if i find him he will see me as a friend..but i dont want him to feel im cheap,he said if he see me i want more..i want more..yes i do want his love.but after everything.he lost my trust and i know i cant depend on anyone for my happiness now.i cant find happiness if i cant let go.i still hope our road will cross again but i wont lose myself anymore

im not into sex.im truly emotional and he isnt a man goes for sex.so tho oneday it works out.maybe its no sex.and what i want is his heart close to me.he wont have sex with his wife.and it doesnt hurt that much but i do want his heart back to me i want him to want me again.to be close to me..

im not about to move on.he let me know that not all the men are the same.i dont really want relationship.its worthless.nothing lasts but if i want one..i want him.relationship is dangerous..when ur in love he is your everything when it ends,it almost rip your heart out.it controls us waken us..

well i have a strong personality etc intense..etc want love as hell.i dont know how to change myself.but after everything,i hate him for some reason.well i dont hate,i just feel cold inside and i will forgive him but never forget.

I dont want to move on,i dont want sex i just want someone like him.i know im weird.

a roman girl who plays cards n tells things..she said she saw me in his mind.he feels stressed and will travel with his family.but he is not happy with his wife.and he will think of my life.he will break up with his wife n keep the daughter.and he will see me oneday.but i need to contact him.also he will love me oneday. i cried!cuz i know you guys will say its bull * * * *..i wish its true n i cried..

andway i wanna stay friends n hope for the best.i cant really let him go..tho im sure i dont love him like that anymore,i listen to the song emotionless by GC and it hurts.ive never been anywhere cold as him.he is a wimp!

I wanna contact him one month later.but i dont want him to feel im cheap.its not simply make a phone call,i dont know his number.i have to find a friend to go find him..at his work place..his wife is there too.

 

1, i dont know what to say to him,whats the reason to see him again.i dont want him to feel im cheap i hope i can contact him in the best way

2,should i tell him the kid isnt his..i dont think he deserve to know the truth or tho i tell him.it wont help or change anything right?

he cut me off from his life,its NC forever.but if i give up there is nothing,,if i contact him.there is hope..

sorry its so damn long.Thanks you all

[benga]

another bump!!

[iamconfused5302]

good Post. Thanks so much.

[pester1c]

Hey Morrigan,

 

Are you active in this forum?

 

Here is my story. Around 5 months back my gf broke up with me. We had 3 yrs long relationship though a long distance one but we maintained it well. My normal reaction was to try n convince her/cry all the things "not to do" and most probably i made the situation worse. She mentioned that she want to keep in touch and she still keeps calling me up almost every alternative day. She has time n again told me that she has a lot of problem in her professional n personal life, which was the reason for the break up. I am aware of the critical situation that she s in. For past sometime, I hv not mentioned getting back with her. I had avoided that topic cos it only makes her utterly uncomfortable. But its really difficult for me not to think about her when we talk daily. I had never entered the "no contact" phase. Even though sometimes i tried to avoid her calls a little, she calls up sometimes later n we talk. I had also told her clearly once that we cant be friends. In the last 5 months occasionally she has mentioned that she s tagging with me n keeping the decision for future. Then when things in her life tends to go bad, she enters in a bad mood n avoids me. Thats when i feel bad. There are more details to the story which if i mention you might be able to give me some suggestions. I want to give the relationship a 2nd chance. But I dun really know how to proceed. I need some advice. If its possible for you (or anyone who thinks he/she can help me) to give some interactive time (in yahoo or google talk) it will be great for me..

 

Thanx..

[mikeca]

Hey guys and gals -

 

Do me a favor - when you've read this thread and want to post your specific situation and issues and ask for further advice, please post a new topic. It'll get more easily seen by everyone - and you'll get MUCH more support and feedback to help you along the way! We want to make sure everyone gets the opportunity to see all your posts and offer any help and insight they can from their own experiences!

 

Thanks!!!

 

 

for everyone else ^^^^

[rokston]

great post. bump bump bump. will be reading it over and over during stage 1!