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Delusion

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Everything posted by Delusion

  1. Hi everyone, I promise not to make this long. Honestly, I've stayed away from this forum for a couple of months b/c some feedback I got hurt me and was not what I wanted to hear. After taking some time to reflect, cry some more and talk it over with my folks I'm finally accepting his absense and not dwelling on a return. It's been about 8 months since my ex broke up with me and the start of holidays has been rough but I'm trying hard not fall back to where I was months ago. Sadly, I've cried so much and stayed away from friends that I've become used to it but no more. I'm making more of an effort to get out and start thinking about me and not my ex and who he may be with or how he is. The point of me writing back on this forum today is to share with those that remember my posts that I'm working to be a better person. To those who haven't read my posts do know that this forum has helped b/c even though it might hurt to hear some things it's being said for a reason. So, all in all, I want to say thanks to everyone out there who took the time to read my posts and provided feedback. Lastly, as much as it has been said over and over, everything happens for a reason and time does heal everything. And, don't ever lose hope but don't let that stop you from doing things. All my care and love. -D
  2. WC: Thanks for those good words. It makes feel better and I will continue to work through it. Thanks again.
  3. Jordan: I've been coming here for about two months and it has helped and I just wish I would of come here before and just maybe I would not of made some the mistakes I did. Can't do anything now and I things good or bad happen for a reason. Thanks for your Post it helped me. -Delusion
  4. WC & Nikki: The last time was a month after the breakup. See, he had been with me looking for conods and I was going using the realtor who he had used. I sent him a note saying, "just wanted to share the good news, I closed on my condo. Thanks for all the help and support. The key ring did bring me good luck." He did respond by saying, "I'm glad to hear that! Good luck with the new place. Take care..." After this the realtor told him I had bought the place and he said to her something about her probably knowing we broke up. The realtor cameback to tell me that he said something about me just not being the gal for him. It broke my heart and I still hurt everytime I think about it. I called him after a couple of weeks and left a msg but he didn't call back. After this, around memorial day weekend I ended up hitting rock bottom and made many calls to him to which he answered to none and to top it off had my friend that night (we were drinking) to call and pretend she met him somewhere, I think he caught on. I left about two messages saying something about him not ever loving me. Well, given all this and the fact that our breakup was not good I just think he hates me b/c and doesn't ever want to see me or hear from me. I recognize the hurt I caused and it seems I'm still paying for it. I'm working on myself b/c it was those things that pushed him away and I don't want to do that to anyone else. Even though I can't see myself with anyone and feel so deeply scared by this that even if it does happen it will be hard to love like I loved him. Saddest part is that I don't think he knows or will ever know how much I loved him (and still love him). Sometimes I want to pick up the phone but I know he doesn't want to hear from me or else he would contact me. And there it is, that's where I am, still in love and trying to get through things and know that one day I will be a stronger, better person. Despite this, I'm still that hopeless romantic who believes things will have a happy ending like they did for you Nikki. Nikki, thank you for sharing and understanding what I'm going through. Will keep going.
  5. Nikki, I'm so happy for you. Could you tell me what happened? I'm approaching the seventh month mark since our breakup. Long story short, I did a lot of crappy things in terms of getting upset at all sorts of things and acting immature about it. Ended up in him telling me he couldn't take it anymore and that I pushed him away and didn't trust I would change b/c he had heard it too many times. He knows I was going through a tough time with my father's illness but knew the way I acted was not just b/c of the stress related to this. I guess where I'm going with this is that I'm at the point where luckily it doesn't hurt as much as before but I still think what we had was very different and I believe he thought that too. In the four months of being with him night and day he introduced me to his parents, took me on a trip (which he had not done so with anyone else event he an ex gf of three years) as well as just being there for me. I still love him and deep inside I can only wish and hope that we will be together. Sorry, to go on but your story made think about things. Made me think of writing him a letter a someone suggested but said not to mail it. I don't know what to do. Part of me thinks I need to leave him alone b/c I haven't heard from him which probably means he's moved on and doesn't care how I am.
  6. Putting my two cents in...I think there is always a happy endings it's just that they are not the ones we are always hoping for. It's true what Joyce says about not waiting around or hoping that person will return. I've been hoping these past couple of months since I started NC and 5 months since the the breakup. You have to believe that everything happens for a reason good or bad and have faith that if that person is really your soulmate they will return b/c they were meant for you. But you must accept this and move on. I'm learning after a rough past couple of days of feeling depressed again over the ex that I can't continue falling in that hole that only brings tears to my eyes and plain misery. Life is too short and the most wonderful things happen when we least expect them. For example, meeting my ex last November was at time when I least expected to meet someone I could connect so well with or let alone truly fall in love. You see, I was very carefree and never really opened up to anyone before him but for whatever reason it happened with him. I will always love him. I have accepted that he is gone in not in my life and that I can't think of what might happen in the future b/c I have no control over it. By just writing this, I feel I'm making progress in accepting the reality and leaving it in God's hands and know that if he's the one he will return. I'm now getting back to concentrating more on work, going back to school to get my MA/law degree, my family and above all working on myself. As for getting back together stories, I have one that kind of fits but it's more about how you never know what destiny has in store and as said before and as cliche as it is, if it's meant to be it will be. So, this friend of mine went on a date with this guy from work about three years ago, they went on about three or four dates and then the guy never called her back. Things were left at that, she went overseas for about two years and came back last summer. When she returned she bumped into this guy that she dates three years back. They started going out on dates and so forth. They got engaged a couple of months later and got married this summer. So, the gist of the story is that this friend didn't ponder, think or even imagine that this guy would be the one (or maybe she did) b/c she went out with other people. But see, her destiny was him. I hope this brings some comfort to everyone out there and I think of this when I start to get down.
  7. Thanks Joyce. I guess the hard part is that he was so good to me and sadly I was the one who was not so good to him, that's what makes it hard to think of him negatively. I know no one is perfect and he wasn't but he was NOT a bad guy that treated me badly, disrespected me or cheated on me. If anything he was good and my parents knew that and saw it. Not that I wish he was an jerk but in some ways it this would be easier. I appreciate your advice and I know that I must continue and move b/c there is no going back to what is done. The memories and nostalgia are still hard to swallow but I know that at some point time will take the pain the away. Guess, I'm impatient and want all of it to end quickly. I have to be patient and know that everything will work out. I'm trying.
  8. I've been having a rough couple of weeks and especially the past couple of days. It's been a been a little over five months since my ex bf broke things off and three months since I started NC. I've been very nostalgic, sad and the crying is back. I was doing good but then all the memories and reminders of the good moments came back as well as the bad ones. If you've read my posts you can see I was the one to blame for almost all our arguments and ended up pushing him away. I keeping playing over and over in my mind that he told me I pushed him away, I embarrased him in front of his friends and that he can't do it anymore. And at the same time I remember him telling me he wasn't with anyone and didn't want to be with anyone and that he needed to time to work on himself emotionally and physciologically and that he thought I needed that time too. How do I forget all of this? I'v prayed and asked for God's forginess and have gone to see a counselor. I'm trying to work on myself but I feel right now that I'm falling back to where I was after our breakup. When will this end? I've asked God that if he's not for me to help me get over it and move on. I don't know what else to do. I'm starting no to have much appetite again and don't feel like doing anything. I've gone out with friends, dated and keep doing things to keep my mind off of him but it all is temporary and I don't seem to find a lasting solution. Please, can someone tell me what more do I need to do? Why to I feel like he's happy while I'm so miserable? I think that this is Karma, that maybe I deserve to be hurting the same way I hurt him. Not doing good today.
  9. NC is the best way to go. To reiterate what has been said over and over, NC is for you and no them. It's been hard for me not to pick up the phone, send him and e-mail or ask a friend we have in common about him. I'm battling getting out of my head that the NC will get him back and working on myself. It's true that if someone truly loves you and it's meant to be they will come back. You have to believe and have faith that everything will work its self out for the best. Hang in there.
  10. Super Dave, Not sure if you saw my story but if you could please read it and the following link too. I'm new to this forum but I've seen a lot of good postings from you especially on NC so I'm happy that you are back. Your last posting was what I needed especially b/c I'm having a rough time with NC at the moment. I would appreciate any advice on my situation. My ex and I shared so much in a short amount of time, he was loving, caring, we have the same values, close to our parents, same small likes and dislikes, he loved to go shopping with me and we both went to Church together. I wish with all my heart that it's meant to be our paths will cross again. I don't want to lose hope or faith that this can happen but I know I must not wait. This is so hard for me especially b/c a lot of things around me remind me of him including the condo I bought a couple months ago rigth after our breakup, the furniture, gifts he gave me and the moments we shared. I could really use your encouraging words at this moment. -Delusion
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