So you want your ex back - tips, do's, and don'ts!

[Ciaran]

what to i say to her blank message ? . i know she still loves me i just don't know what to say

[sunnysideupx]

if it was me, id ignore it, it could have been sent by accident, and if it wasnt and she cant even be bothered to write anything, it isnt worth a response.

[Tom1990]

Hmm...I'd say it also depends on the circumstances of your breakup. Also, how long has it been since breakup?

[stranger03]

i just want to share this.. since this site help me a lot and sorry for the bad english.

 

first, my intention is to get my ex partner back.. but as the days goes by and after 5 weeks here i am and learned am not happy to be with him again. yes, i followed every details in this thread and am also having hard time at first.

 

But now i realized and accept that we will never be again. and i'm more happier alone even he got his partner now.

 

i am sharing this experience for the next person who will also experience my situation.

[Scuza]

what to i say to her blank message ? . i know she still loves me i just don't know what to say

 

If it's blank, she said nothing. So you say nothing. Don't read into anything. If she wanted to have a conversation with you, she would have a conversation with you.

[ALLEY P0OH]

I will be seeing my ex at school and may have classes with hiim... so how should i handle dat situation??? but the other steps are helping

~ALLEY P0OH~

[ZhaoZilong5]

I actually know of a situation where my friend stayed in contact with his ex, and they eventually got back together. No NC, LC, or any of that stuff. It's really similar to my situation, so it's making me question my NC. They've been together for years now. My ex has always been caring of me, even before we dated, and she had hoped to remain friends and talk no matter what. If anything, NC is making me feel guilty, and I always constantly wonder if I made the wrong move. Guilty as in...how can I treat somebody I care about like this? I'm afraid of it giving off the impression that I'm trying to move on and stop caring about her, when in reality, I want nothing more than to be with her. I guess it's essentially playing games, which was something that we never consciously did with each other.

[lefoujoyeux]

Hello everyone !

Very good thread ! I love this forum it helped me so much ! Thanks guys !

I need an advice from you. My girl left me a month ago because i didn't took enough care of her cause she said she was the only one to care about the relationship, i was wrong and focused too much on my schools and friends than her. 4 days after the break up she was seeing someone (who must have turned around her for a bit) I accepted the break up and the fact that she was seeing someone else but i wrote her a letter where i poured my heart out. I needed her to understand that i loved her. After i gave her some space with her newboyfriend, to rebuild myself.

Let's be clear : i do wish i could get her back but i'm meeting new people at the time. I'm happy if she's happy. And after all, if i don't manage to get her back, i don't want to erase her from my life cause she means a lot to me.

 

2 1/2 weeks of NC and she contacts me today by text. So i'm at phase 2.

She wrote : "Hey it's Katy, how are you doing ? I wanted to congratulate you for your graduation (some of her friends may have told her that i gratuated, it was monday) ! When are you going on vacation ?"

I know that's not a real sign of interest, maybe she's being polite. I don't want to pressure her, and i want to apply the principles of this thread. Do you have any suggestions that might help me ?

 

Thank you very much !

[Pleasedonot5]

"Hey Katy, I'm doing great. I recently saw ___ and it made me (think of you/smile) because I remembered how much you loved to _____. Thank you for your congratulations. I'm going on vacation ___."

 

I would advocate something along those lines -- feel free to change it around to suit your situation.

[Milan175]

I agree with post above, I would make it even shorter. You dont wanna look like you think a lot about it.

Cool and brief.

[lefoujoyeux]

Okay i see

I don't ask things like "how are you?", i mean i don't question her to have a conversation, that's it ?

[Pleasedonot5]

Yeah. If she wants to have a conversation, and you do too, then let her continue it. That way, the ball's in her court. Don't expect anything to come of this though. She could just be acting polite, or something else, you never know.

[lefoujoyeux]

You're right, i haven't texted her yet.

I'll do it tomorrow i guess

 

Btw, telling her i saw smthing that made me think of her won't it make me look needy ?

[lefoujoyeux]

Here's the message i sent her : Hey Katy, i'm doing great ! I was with cops the other day (she wants to be a cop - btw it was not made up), Officer "her last name" would have been happy. Thanks for the congratulations, it allows me to have many projects . Hope all is well for you.

 

I know it's a bit longer than it should have been, i didnt wanna sound spiteful, like i hold grudges and all..

[jj1985]

Heyyyy great article however u dont state how long you should hold n/c?

Im worried With n/c i Know she will either miss me or move on. Could i have some advice please?

 

I met my ex 4 months ago. We started dating and then got together and was together a month before splitting.

The reason we split in my eyes is because she fell pregnant. She was using birth control but forgot. We both decided to abort the pregnancy for a number of sensible reasons however it was mostly her idea. She had the abortion and became incredibly distant despite claiming she was fine mentally and physically (all just a front?) ive done a hell of a lot of research and know 99% of women arnt ok. I try to understand what shes going through, try to be there for her but its hard when shes so distant. I didnt nah her when she became distant, i still kept it very laid back. You cant make a girl talk to you when shes not up to it! I even tried to lighten the situation by sending her a funny pic of me in a dress she left at mine and didnt even get a reply.

 

Thisnis where i went wrong and i was badly advised to do this by a few people. I turned up at here wanting to see her snd talk. She said it wasnt the right time as she wasnt at home because she had a load of crap going on ther, i said id wait but she said she may not be returning home. She really wasnt happy and i went home and asked if she wanted to finish and she said yes, i asked her why and she gave 3 absolute bulls**t reason which i know for a fact are false. They actually are laughable. I think i pushed and provoked her turning up to speak demanding it gets sorted. She probably still had the abortion messing her head up mixed with the rubbish that was going on at home,

 

Anyway 5 days later i sent her an essay apologising saying ive seen the error or my ways, told her how much i love and care for her and i would like to stay on contact because i miss her company and her making me laugh so much, she responded positive however this doesnt mean im going to text her every day. I want to do n/c but still text the odd time to let her know im still around. Any ideas on what i can do to fix it? This really is the hardest thing ive ever gone through! Im so hurt and i cant stop thinking about her it means im constantly depressed and upset! I want to remove her off facebook because it will make it easier to get over her and forget her but it will have the same effect on her right? Ill never bump into her as she lives half an hour away so i want to use facebook to show her im still keeping busy, checking in to places etc.

 

Does anyone have any advice as to where to go from here? I know for a fact she liked me a HELL of a lot. She constantly said she was mega picky with boys and she did things like pay £160 for a posh hotel for us. Those feelings and the attraction dont just suddenly disappear?

 

Thanks for reading anyways. I just feel mega awful on her going througn the abortion, before she had it i was worried sick becsuse i told what happens! She didnt even let me go with her, i just felt useless and be there for my girlfriend who i love and who needed me.

 

She did tell me 2 weeks before the abortion she was worried we wouldnt be the same afterwards which shows she cares! I tried my best to reassure her but i guess she was right

 

 

Jonathan

[Shortcake16]

I was with my ex for 2 years and yes, for the last year or so I have been unfair to him, but now he has declared that I hurt him and he broke up with me. I realize my faults, but every time I try to talk it out he seems angry, enough to avoid me when we see each other on a day to day basis because of our work situation. It's only been a week and I've done my best to give him his space and yesterday he attempted to cheer me up, we even talked a bit! Should I initiate a casual conversation with him or continue to try the no contact rule? Do you think he won't miss me if I talk to him so early?

[blondie93]

I am in a very similar situation, down to the reason we ended to our work situation. I would HIGHLY suggest you leave the ball in his court and let him initiate all contact ... I know that is hard, but he became resentful and disrespected when you crowded his space and he needs to miss you a little on his own.

[ZhaoZilong5]

I doubt you'll see this seeing as how this thread was necro'd, but there's no period on NC. You do it until you heal; you do it until you know you can communicate with the ex without being hurt. Go NC here for both of you. She has a lot on her mind about other things, so dealing with the BU is the last thing she wants to do. She wants time, so give her time. Give yourself time to heal. Win/win. If she cared about you, then she'll contact you again. I wonder how relevant this post will be...it's been like...2 months lol.

[jezaroj]

Great post! I was wondering if you had any personal advice for me...

So my ex and I dated for a little over a year and we had a wonderful relationship, agreeably the best relationship either of us have ever had. We were deeply in love with one another and he even discussed with my parents and his parents about asking me to marry him. When we broke up, he didn't want to lose me as a friend, so we agreed to stay friends. He and I decided that we weren't ready to move on, so we were "exclusive" with each other for the past two months (this included not seeing other people, and we continued on with our sex life as if we were still a couple). It started to get complicated between us, and he recently decided that he liked another girl. So, he asked the girl out and was rejected by her. He was mad, and they didn't really talk after that. He ran into her again the other day and they hung out together with friends. I asked him about it, and he explained that he wouldn't date her and she didn't want to date him and only really saw him as a friend. I became tired of the back and forth nonsense, and the fact that he has a crush on this girl, so I told him just yesterday that we need to break all contact for a while (I suggested a month or two). He seemed angry about my request at first, but then he went on to say, "I couldn't agree more." I told him that in a month or two from now, if he missed me or wanted to start talking again that it would be ok with me, but I need time. Oh, and I know the feelings are still there for him, he and I still exchanged "i love you's" and we still went on dates and whenever we were together it was just the best time. It was really hard to do but I felt like it was necessary and I really want him back!! Advice??

[Ang33]

Could this work for a LDR situation? We we're together 7 years, high school sweet hearts and already did 4 years of LDR through undergrad and we made it work. We both moved home and she just started law school and I'll be in grad school soon but we're going to be the same distance as we were in undergrad. We had plans of getting married after school but 2 weeks into Law School she dropped the hammer. I think its the classic "grass is greener syndrome" but I know she doesn't want to go through another 3 years of LDR (we would only be 2 hours apart). I know I did nothing wrong and there is nothing wrong with me and I told I don't resent her because I didn't want to hold her back from pursuing a career in law. We had a great relationship and we never had any big fights or breaks. She told me this is something she needs to do and she didn't do it because she doesn't love me because she will always love me. She also said that she'll be back in my life someday but I need to get over her and not wait around for her? Huh?

 

I've been using NC so far and she's contacted me once to wish my mom a happy birthday for her. We've already agreed to see each other during Christmas time when she comes home. It will be nice because I will get to see her family because it feels like I lost them also. That's not for awhile and a lot can change but I'm waiting for that day to come..

 

Any advice to give me in this situation? (More about my story can be found in past threads)

[mikejames]

Girlfriend I'm living with just broke up with me

 

This is the second time I’ve dated this girl. The first time was for two years and she was still in high school (17-19) and I had already graduated (18-20).

The ending of the first relationship was almost mutual. We were pretty serious but we were too young to really go anywhere because we were both fresh out of high school and trying to start our individual lives. All in all, she was my first real love (cheesy, but true), but not my first relationship at all, and I have always thought back on her and all of my other relationships have never been as good as it was with her.

 

Now were 25 and 26 and both have kids (a daughter each). We started dating again and moved in with each other. Everything was good for the first couple of weeks. But her daughter’s behavior changed, she wasn’t going to the gym as much, her laundry piled up, and all of these other factors in her life changed. Basically, after I moved in, I messed up her routine and now she feels like her life is out of whack.

 

Yesterday, she came back from visiting her grandparents with a “list” of things she wanted to talk about. I knew it wasn’t good or else, the day before, she would have been excited to tell me whatever it was. I never saw the list because while she was gone I moved some stuff around with, what I thought I had, prior approval. When she returned from her grandparents, she didn’t know where a bunch of stuff was and wanted to go through stuff before it was moved. This basically irritated her more and solidified the decision in question that inspired the “list.” I never actually got to see the list because she said it didn’t matter anymore.

 

The way it sits now, I’m still living there until January when the lease is up unless I find someplace to go until then, she is still taking the kids to pre-k every day, and she defined us as “friends” but I never agreed to it (I still need the opportunity to deny it though). And it sucks…

 

The problem I’ve had since we’ve started dating again is that I have fallen back into my old self from our previous relationship but I have been overcoming those old behaviors slowly. I have put her up on a pedestal, I am overly accommodating (I do everything she asks basically), I get a little jealous which I have not been a jealous person all these years beyond and, for the majority of the time at least, I have overcome it and addressed it with her. I feel like I’m the nice guy which I grew out of a long time ago, but all those old feelings came back and I regressed.

 

I feel like I need to get back into my old ******* (not mean though) self, be a little less accommodating, give her some time, not make her the center of attention, not bug her about getting back together, and somehow make her jealous without hurting her.

 

What do you propose I do? She means a lot to me and is what I want in a girl.

[NathanSteele]

My ex girlfriend hates me and i need advice on how to get her back because i was always talking to her on facebook and i became iritating from asking her all these questions so how can i get her back.... Please help me

[NathanSteele]

Dude i carnt help you but i want to go back out with my ex just like i said on my post...... My ex is all i want in a girl to

[fullofregret]

Bump.....................

[NathanSteele]

Dude i carnt help you but i want to go back out with my ex just like i said on my post...... My ex is all i want in a girl to

 

My new ex girlfriend said she loves me and watns to be with me forever, but she is apparently dating some other guy, help me someone please