Robert013

Dreams are just another way for our body's to release emotion. When you are sad in a dream your body is releasing sadness. When you are angry in a dream your body is releasing the anger that is built up inside. I know they suck but it is a good thing that your body is releasing these emotions. Soon they will disapate and become happier.

Hello all my friends. I am doing just fine today after my ex showed up at my house unexpectedly yesterday. I know the women is thinking about me. But i also know that I have a new life to lead. I am sick of sitting around and waiting for something to change inside of me. I realize it will not happen unless I allow it to happen and make it happen. I have figured out that my ex cannot live without me in her life. It is just something she is not capable of. I guess my son and I mean to much to her. I let her know that she has to give me time to heal and forgive. I think we finally have an understanding. Tonight I am going out with some old friends of mine that are in town. It will be fun there will be many people I haven't been able to visit in a real long time. Also there is this one women who has caught my eye. I have talked to her once before so I will most likely see her also. I need to start dating i am ready. My ex might also be out tonight because many of her friends are in town also. Well they are mutual friends so the possability is there to see one another. All of her friends love me. i still talk to them once in a while. I don't know if she knows this? Who cares? I don't. Well who cares what day it is I don't because I am living my life one day at a time. I will not try to contact her I do not have the need anymore. I will also not run away in fear of breaking NC if I see her anymore because telling the truth I don't care. It has been 3.5 months and I can control my emotions. Yes she still has an affect on my emotions but I am in control. Its not like she was the only women out there that I could love or that can love me. No way. I am not worried about finding a new love I am just worried about how am i going to know she is the one? Stay strong my friends and remember to live your life. The more you live life for yourself the quicker you will be able to move on and heal.

No I really don't think she does. Just try to enjoy the Holidays they are not about our exes they are about us. Don't let him spoil your happiness it is not worth it. We will survive this and one day we will find the one or they will find us. Thats right they are out there looking for us right now. Our chances are good. Merry Christmas and happy holidays.

Well she showed up at my house this morning looking for the books. I guess all of them were not hers so she needed to return them to there rightful owner. I excepted the excuse. So i boxed them up and walked them to her vehicle. She saw that i put some books in there that she gave to my son and she said to take them back that they were his. Wow some compassion. So I took the liberty to thank her for letting my son to keep the books and wished her and her brothers who were in the car a Merry Christmas. It was funny because she was so angry when I showed up and when I acted totally normal and let her have the books with no fuss she changed her mood. She was trying to be mad but then she saw me smiling and just being myself. She couldn't. I was on my way to my mothers anyway she lives a couple blocks away so I just walked away down the street. When I started walking she was turning the other way then she saw me walking and changed her direction. She drove past me slowly and just stared at me. Then I smiled and waved and mouthed the words have a nice day. She could not take her eyes off from me. What was this about? She called me earleir tonight I answered because NC was already broken for the day. She started out being a little crabby but then i cracked a joke and told her a story about my son and she brightened up. I gave her a present for her behavoir I let her talk to my son for a minute. She said thank you so much for that. so as usual I ended the conversation as I have for the past three months when she breaks NC. I told her I don't know if we can ever be friends. Do not contact me I need time you understand. She said yes I understand. I said merry christmas, she said the same. I said goodbye, she said goodbye. What made her change? Did she see my changes? Are they allready visible? She was the one who acted nervouse not I. She was the one who acted angry not I. She acted like she didn't want to let me off of the phone. This is how I knew she saw something that was not there the past few times she broke NC by showing up at my house. i was angry before and acted nervous. No, I have changed. i can control my emotions in front of her now. I have control of myself. I gained this abilaty due to this breakup. I can't count days you know that. it makes no point to me. I will not call her I will not answer her calls, text, e mail, etc. But she will keep chasing so she will break it again. Whatever I am getting my life back. sure I still have bad day's but everyone does. I still get angry, sad, and whatever. But everyone does. I am just choosing to blame her for those bad day's when actually I am allowing myself to feel this way. Stay strong people change yourself and become who you were meant to be and the world will notice. NC helps it helped me and will continue to help me.

My ex has been trying to get in contact with me this afternoon. She sent a text message then she tried calling and left a voicemail. She is ANGRY! Now she wants back all of the books that she gave to my son. I am not going to let her have them. She told him that he could have them so they are now his. You do not take something that you gave to a 7 year old back. This has been going on for to long. She is dragging this out. She is hurting my son and I more than is normal. She dumped me! She is already in a new relationship and is still trying to contact me. I don't understand why she does not get the point. I told her not to contact me for any reason after she said she didn't want to give me another chance. I also told her that a friendship was not possible with my son or I. I then told her that we had to walk away forever and wished her the best. I owe her nothing. I am the one who should be angry. I also see that it is not all great for her also. She is hurting and just covering it up with her new bandaid. Not doing the trick. This is why you do not jump into a relationship right after a breakup of a LTR. You can't block emotions by hiding behind someone else. If she is still contacting me that means she is still thinking about me and this will effect her new relationship. Oh well she made the bed let her lay in it. She is not my problem anymore. NC continues for eternity

I have been feeling down the past couple of days. I know it is because of the holidays. My sister is coming to town tonight so spending some time with her should help. Friends will be around as well so I will get in touch with them. My ex tried to contact me again last night. She is getting pushy and angry now because I have ignored her for so long. She said in a text message "I am leaving town at 8 o'clock tomarrow night. Are you going to drop that book off or not?" I am not going to drop it off. I am done with this stuff. I don't care if she wants the book. It is just another way for her to control my life and I can't let that happen. I took the control back 2 months ago. What good would it do to text her back saying NO. No good at all. The best way to tell her is to just ignore her and not drop off the book. That is a pretty good way of saying no and showing her she does not and cannot control me. I am feeling very lonely lately even though I have so many friends. It is starting to affect me. I will just have to deal with it in the best way I can. I will try to smile during this holiday season even if it is fake. My son should lift my spirits also seeing the joy on his face when he gets to open his gifts will be great. That is just another thing I have that my ex has lost. She will miss this for the first time since my childs birth. The things you take for granted are the things you end up missing the most.

The dreams are not fading that is for sure. I think it is our brains way of dealing with the situation. They are just starting to get a little harsh all dealing with her wanting me back then rejecting me all over again. Or her telling me why I wasn't good enouph but her new guy is. Really harsh stuff. Yes, I will have him for the night starting in the afternoon on Christmas day. I will send pics. You are right I need to start making new memories.

This dreaming is starting to affect me. I wake up a couple times at night due to my dreams. They haven't been this bad since right after the breakup. It is the restlesness. I am just tired because of it. I am starting to become depressed. I am having trouble controling my thoughts they need to become positive to get me out of this downward trajectory I have been on lately. I hope it is just the impending holiday's that are causing it. I knew this was going to be the hardest time to get through. I just have to bite my lip and endure. Hopefully friends and family will lift my spirits. My Sister is coming home along with many of my friends from out of town. It just does not feel like Christmas without her. Next year will be better I will make it better.

I agree I think it is going to take longer than I expected also. But it has only been a little over 3 months so we will see what happens in the next 3 months. Time is the only thing that is going to help me also. Staying active during that time should speed the process along.

Didn't sleep well last night i couldn't stop thinking about everything. Christmas, ex, the things I did this weekend. I am tired today. I am supposed to watch a movie with a friend tonight that might be getting canceled. I will see after I go to the gym. I think Christmas is going to be hard on me. I will miss her. It is starting to iritate me that I miss this women. She is in another relationship and still trying to contact me. How rude. I think she is trying to make me feel sorry for her, or it is her guilt catching up with her. Telling me about her aunt being sick. I am finding it hard to let the last little bit of her go. I am sure once she stops trying to contact me it will go. I know she is missing my son, but you loose everything from the other person during a breakup. If I care about her when she doesn't care about me then I will never get over this. thereforee I don't care if she misses my son. He doesn't miss her that much anymore. It has to be all about us from now on.

Just 2 day's you can do it jenna. It is Sunday always a depressing day for me. I will just fight through it. The sun will shine on us again we just have to let these grey clouds float away. Jenna we will be fine it is just hard to see this now. Our ex's meant alot to us and now it is if they never existed. Only in our minds. You are doing fine. It is human to miss the ex god knows I do. Christmas will not be the same. But it will not be the same for our ex's either so just try to enjoy yourself.

I was sitting her feeling a little low after my high this morning reading some threads. i was reading about if you should contact them on christmas and I am not of course. She has been on my mind all afternoon for some reason. I hear the beep from my phone alerting me of a text message and before I even picked it up I knew it was from her. I almost always know when it is from her before I even pick up my phone. I find this to be real strange? Does any one else ever sense that it is their ex when they try to make contact? It hasn't even been a week this time. Her contact attempts are getting closer together. Same message as last time she just resent it. Telling me about her aunt who is sick. I love her family but this information is not any of my business now. Then goes on with how she wants a book from me now after she said I could have it. I don't want to give it to her not out of spite just because i am sick of this run around. It has been over 3 months it is time to go our separate ways. she will just think of something else. This is her way of stringing me along whenshe is with someone else. i am not quite done with it I have about 50 more pages that I was going to read on Sunday my sad day. the problem is even if I give it to a mutual friend to give to her she has still succeeded in making contact. i am drawing the line. The last time she needed something right away i droped it off at a mutual friends and she didn't pick it up for over a month. Real urgent right? NC continues.

I know. lol.. Love that christmas movie. That is why i didn't get it for him he is to young. i let him shoot my beebee gun under my supervision of course.

I went and did all my christmas shopping this morning. At first I felt lost and a bit upset. I haven't had to do this alone for 10 years. Wow. Then i thought wait a second i can buy watever the hell I want and she can't try to convince me not to. I can go buy a beebee gun for my son and she will not yell at me.. I didn't, but knowing I could have was liberating. So then i started to smile and i actually enjoyed it. it turned into a game for a little while. i was checking out stuff and testing things i wouldn't dream of with her there because she would scold me like a little kid not anymore girl. Guy stuff golf clubs, mountain bikes, power tools, i hit the heavy bag a few times they had set up. I even had them give me a riffle to check out. I don't hunt anymore so i wasn't going to buy it. Yea I was having fun. ALONE! Also to make myself feel better i started trying on clothes. I have lost around 25 pounds in three months. i am feeling healthy. So i grab a size down from what I usually where in jeans thinking these will be fine. They were real loose and fell down. The next size down i was thinking no way, and they were perfect.AWESOME. I haven't been a 34w 32l since high school. then it hit me I am looking good. "F" yea! So i went all out and bought a whole new outfit new shoes nice shirt and the "skinny" new pair of jeans new belt to match the shoes. i deserve a christmas present to right? I am going out tonight with friends sporting my new gear. i am excited. Being single and back in the mix might be just the thing i needed after all.

WARNING!!! Do not block emotions. This goes out to all. Yesterday was one of the hardest days to date for me. I had a emotional breakdown. I was in tears all day and forced them at night. The reason is that I was blocking my sadness. We all have emotions that we can deal with better than other emotions. I can deal with the anger but i am terrified of the sadness. I do not cry or let out my sadness it is hard for me. For instance the last time I actualy cried before this breakup was about 2 years ago at my old college roomates funeral. I can't deal with sadness so I block it. Yesterday was a turning point for me. It was the 3 month mark of the breakup and it hit me hard. I couldn't stop it I was in dispair all day long. I did not cry over the loss of the relationship in over a month and a half. I was blocking the sadness. Well what they say is true if you try to block or hide your feelings they will come out eventually. After i was all done crying for the day my son and I sat down to grieve over the memories of the relationship together. He tried to look at the pictures of my ex and him in a photo album a few weeks ago that I have stored in his room out of site. I told him to put it down because I am affraid of it. Last night we looked at it together and cried, but it was not so bad because we cried over the memories and what was lost. We needed this. He needed this. I have decided to face my fear head on and will devote one day to grieving the memories so I can be sad. I do not want it to build anymore. I will trigger the sadness if I have to so I can grieve the loss. Once my trigger does not make me cry anymore then I can move on to the next stage of healing. I was told last night that I have not spent enouph time grieving the loss of the relationship and this I believe to be true. I have spent so much time and energy staying busy to block the sadness that I have not grieved the loss. I have spent to much time being angry because I can handle the anger. This i realized was a pattern for me. Everytime I had to grieve a loss I would try to block the sadness until it had to come out. When it does it is the most intense sadness you can imagine. I will not let sadness build anymore. Today a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. I am feeling okay probably the best since the breakup. I am not angry, I am not sad just a bit tired. The pictures triggered some dreams that made me a bit restless. But it still wasn't that bad. I will remain in NC with a better understanding of myself.