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Robert013

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  1. Robert013
    Dreams are just another way for our body's to release emotion. When you are sad in a dream your body is releasing sadness. When you are angry in a dream your body is releasing the anger that is built up inside. I know they suck but it is a good thing that your body is releasing these emotions. Soon they will disapate and become happier.
  2. Robert013
    Hello all my friends. I am doing just fine today after my ex showed up at my house unexpectedly yesterday. I know the women is thinking about me. But i also know that I have a new life to lead. I am sick of sitting around and waiting for something to change inside of me. I realize it will not happen unless I allow it to happen and make it happen. I have figured out that my ex cannot live without me in her life. It is just something she is not capable of. I guess my son and I mean to much to her. I let her know that she has to give me time to heal and forgive. I think we finally have an understanding. Tonight I am going out with some old friends of mine that are in town. It will be fun there will be many people I haven't been able to visit in a real long time. Also there is this one women who has caught my eye. I have talked to her once before so I will most likely see her also. I need to start dating i am ready. My ex might also be out tonight because many of her friends are in town also. Well they are mutual friends so the possability is there to see one another. All of her friends love me. i still talk to them once in a while. I don't know if she knows this? Who cares? I don't. Well who cares what day it is I don't because I am living my life one day at a time. I will not try to contact her I do not have the need anymore. I will also not run away in fear of breaking NC if I see her anymore because telling the truth I don't care. It has been 3.5 months and I can control my emotions. Yes she still has an affect on my emotions but I am in control. Its not like she was the only women out there that I could love or that can love me. No way. I am not worried about finding a new love I am just worried about how am i going to know she is the one? Stay strong my friends and remember to live your life. The more you live life for yourself the quicker you will be able to move on and heal.
  3. Robert013
    No I really don't think she does. Just try to enjoy the Holidays they are not about our exes they are about us. Don't let him spoil your happiness it is not worth it. We will survive this and one day we will find the one or they will find us. Thats right they are out there looking for us right now. Our chances are good. Merry Christmas and happy holidays.
  4. Robert013
    Well she showed up at my house this morning looking for the books. I guess all of them were not hers so she needed to return them to there rightful owner. I excepted the excuse. So i boxed them up and walked them to her vehicle. She saw that i put some books in there that she gave to my son and she said to take them back that they were his. Wow some compassion. So I took the liberty to thank her for letting my son to keep the books and wished her and her brothers who were in the car a Merry Christmas. It was funny because she was so angry when I showed up and when I acted totally normal and let her have the books with no fuss she changed her mood. She was trying to be mad but then she saw me smiling and just being myself. She couldn't. I was on my way to my mothers anyway she lives a couple blocks away so I just walked away down the street. When I started walking she was turning the other way then she saw me walking and changed her direction. She drove past me slowly and just stared at me. Then I smiled and waved and mouthed the words have a nice day. She could not take her eyes off from me. What was this about? She called me earleir tonight I answered because NC was already broken for the day. She started out being a little crabby but then i cracked a joke and told her a story about my son and she brightened up. I gave her a present for her behavoir I let her talk to my son for a minute. She said thank you so much for that. so as usual I ended the conversation as I have for the past three months when she breaks NC. I told her I don't know if we can ever be friends. Do not contact me I need time you understand. She said yes I understand. I said merry christmas, she said the same. I said goodbye, she said goodbye. What made her change? Did she see my changes? Are they allready visible? She was the one who acted nervouse not I. She was the one who acted angry not I. She acted like she didn't want to let me off of the phone. This is how I knew she saw something that was not there the past few times she broke NC by showing up at my house. i was angry before and acted nervous. No, I have changed. i can control my emotions in front of her now. I have control of myself. I gained this abilaty due to this breakup. I can't count days you know that. it makes no point to me. I will not call her I will not answer her calls, text, e mail, etc. But she will keep chasing so she will break it again. Whatever I am getting my life back. sure I still have bad day's but everyone does. I still get angry, sad, and whatever. But everyone does. I am just choosing to blame her for those bad day's when actually I am allowing myself to feel this way. Stay strong people change yourself and become who you were meant to be and the world will notice. NC helps it helped me and will continue to help me.
  5. Robert013
    My ex has been trying to get in contact with me this afternoon. She sent a text message then she tried calling and left a voicemail. She is ANGRY! Now she wants back all of the books that she gave to my son. I am not going to let her have them. She told him that he could have them so they are now his. You do not take something that you gave to a 7 year old back. This has been going on for to long. She is dragging this out. She is hurting my son and I more than is normal. She dumped me! She is already in a new relationship and is still trying to contact me. I don't understand why she does not get the point. I told her not to contact me for any reason after she said she didn't want to give me another chance. I also told her that a friendship was not possible with my son or I. I then told her that we had to walk away forever and wished her the best. I owe her nothing. I am the one who should be angry. I also see that it is not all great for her also. She is hurting and just covering it up with her new bandaid. Not doing the trick. This is why you do not jump into a relationship right after a breakup of a LTR. You can't block emotions by hiding behind someone else. If she is still contacting me that means she is still thinking about me and this will effect her new relationship. Oh well she made the bed let her lay in it. She is not my problem anymore. NC continues for eternity
  6. Robert013
    I have been feeling down the past couple of days. I know it is because of the holidays. My sister is coming to town tonight so spending some time with her should help. Friends will be around as well so I will get in touch with them. My ex tried to contact me again last night. She is getting pushy and angry now because I have ignored her for so long. She said in a text message "I am leaving town at 8 o'clock tomarrow night. Are you going to drop that book off or not?" I am not going to drop it off. I am done with this stuff. I don't care if she wants the book. It is just another way for her to control my life and I can't let that happen. I took the control back 2 months ago. What good would it do to text her back saying NO. No good at all. The best way to tell her is to just ignore her and not drop off the book. That is a pretty good way of saying no and showing her she does not and cannot control me. I am feeling very lonely lately even though I have so many friends. It is starting to affect me. I will just have to deal with it in the best way I can. I will try to smile during this holiday season even if it is fake. My son should lift my spirits also seeing the joy on his face when he gets to open his gifts will be great. That is just another thing I have that my ex has lost. She will miss this for the first time since my childs birth. The things you take for granted are the things you end up missing the most.
  7. Robert013
    The dreams are not fading that is for sure. I think it is our brains way of dealing with the situation. They are just starting to get a little harsh all dealing with her wanting me back then rejecting me all over again. Or her telling me why I wasn't good enouph but her new guy is. Really harsh stuff. Yes, I will have him for the night starting in the afternoon on Christmas day. I will send pics. You are right I need to start making new memories.
  8. Robert013
    This dreaming is starting to affect me. I wake up a couple times at night due to my dreams. They haven't been this bad since right after the breakup. It is the restlesness. I am just tired because of it. I am starting to become depressed. I am having trouble controling my thoughts they need to become positive to get me out of this downward trajectory I have been on lately. I hope it is just the impending holiday's that are causing it. I knew this was going to be the hardest time to get through. I just have to bite my lip and endure. Hopefully friends and family will lift my spirits. My Sister is coming home along with many of my friends from out of town. It just does not feel like Christmas without her. Next year will be better I will make it better.
  9. Robert013
    I agree I think it is going to take longer than I expected also. But it has only been a little over 3 months so we will see what happens in the next 3 months. Time is the only thing that is going to help me also. Staying active during that time should speed the process along.
  10. Robert013
    Didn't sleep well last night i couldn't stop thinking about everything. Christmas, ex, the things I did this weekend. I am tired today. I am supposed to watch a movie with a friend tonight that might be getting canceled. I will see after I go to the gym. I think Christmas is going to be hard on me. I will miss her. It is starting to iritate me that I miss this women. She is in another relationship and still trying to contact me. How rude. I think she is trying to make me feel sorry for her, or it is her guilt catching up with her. Telling me about her aunt being sick. I am finding it hard to let the last little bit of her go. I am sure once she stops trying to contact me it will go. I know she is missing my son, but you loose everything from the other person during a breakup. If I care about her when she doesn't care about me then I will never get over this. thereforee I don't care if she misses my son. He doesn't miss her that much anymore. It has to be all about us from now on.
  11. Robert013
    Just 2 day's you can do it jenna. It is Sunday always a depressing day for me. I will just fight through it. The sun will shine on us again we just have to let these grey clouds float away. Jenna we will be fine it is just hard to see this now. Our ex's meant alot to us and now it is if they never existed. Only in our minds. You are doing fine. It is human to miss the ex god knows I do. Christmas will not be the same. But it will not be the same for our ex's either so just try to enjoy yourself.
  12. Robert013
    I was sitting her feeling a little low after my high this morning reading some threads. i was reading about if you should contact them on christmas and I am not of course. She has been on my mind all afternoon for some reason. I hear the beep from my phone alerting me of a text message and before I even picked it up I knew it was from her. I almost always know when it is from her before I even pick up my phone. I find this to be real strange? Does any one else ever sense that it is their ex when they try to make contact? It hasn't even been a week this time. Her contact attempts are getting closer together. Same message as last time she just resent it. Telling me about her aunt who is sick. I love her family but this information is not any of my business now. Then goes on with how she wants a book from me now after she said I could have it. I don't want to give it to her not out of spite just because i am sick of this run around. It has been over 3 months it is time to go our separate ways. she will just think of something else. This is her way of stringing me along whenshe is with someone else. i am not quite done with it I have about 50 more pages that I was going to read on Sunday my sad day. the problem is even if I give it to a mutual friend to give to her she has still succeeded in making contact. i am drawing the line. The last time she needed something right away i droped it off at a mutual friends and she didn't pick it up for over a month. Real urgent right? NC continues.
  13. Robert013
    I know. lol.. Love that christmas movie. That is why i didn't get it for him he is to young. i let him shoot my beebee gun under my supervision of course.
  14. Robert013
    I went and did all my christmas shopping this morning. At first I felt lost and a bit upset. I haven't had to do this alone for 10 years. Wow. Then i thought wait a second i can buy watever the hell I want and she can't try to convince me not to. I can go buy a beebee gun for my son and she will not yell at me.. I didn't, but knowing I could have was liberating. So then i started to smile and i actually enjoyed it. it turned into a game for a little while. i was checking out stuff and testing things i wouldn't dream of with her there because she would scold me like a little kid not anymore girl. Guy stuff golf clubs, mountain bikes, power tools, i hit the heavy bag a few times they had set up. I even had them give me a riffle to check out. I don't hunt anymore so i wasn't going to buy it. Yea I was having fun. ALONE! Also to make myself feel better i started trying on clothes. I have lost around 25 pounds in three months. i am feeling healthy. So i grab a size down from what I usually where in jeans thinking these will be fine. They were real loose and fell down. The next size down i was thinking no way, and they were perfect.AWESOME. I haven't been a 34w 32l since high school. then it hit me I am looking good. "F" yea! So i went all out and bought a whole new outfit new shoes nice shirt and the "skinny" new pair of jeans new belt to match the shoes. i deserve a christmas present to right? I am going out tonight with friends sporting my new gear. i am excited. Being single and back in the mix might be just the thing i needed after all.
  15. Robert013
    WARNING!!! Do not block emotions. This goes out to all. Yesterday was one of the hardest days to date for me. I had a emotional breakdown. I was in tears all day and forced them at night. The reason is that I was blocking my sadness. We all have emotions that we can deal with better than other emotions. I can deal with the anger but i am terrified of the sadness. I do not cry or let out my sadness it is hard for me. For instance the last time I actualy cried before this breakup was about 2 years ago at my old college roomates funeral. I can't deal with sadness so I block it. Yesterday was a turning point for me. It was the 3 month mark of the breakup and it hit me hard. I couldn't stop it I was in dispair all day long. I did not cry over the loss of the relationship in over a month and a half. I was blocking the sadness. Well what they say is true if you try to block or hide your feelings they will come out eventually. After i was all done crying for the day my son and I sat down to grieve over the memories of the relationship together. He tried to look at the pictures of my ex and him in a photo album a few weeks ago that I have stored in his room out of site. I told him to put it down because I am affraid of it. Last night we looked at it together and cried, but it was not so bad because we cried over the memories and what was lost. We needed this. He needed this. I have decided to face my fear head on and will devote one day to grieving the memories so I can be sad. I do not want it to build anymore. I will trigger the sadness if I have to so I can grieve the loss. Once my trigger does not make me cry anymore then I can move on to the next stage of healing. I was told last night that I have not spent enouph time grieving the loss of the relationship and this I believe to be true. I have spent so much time and energy staying busy to block the sadness that I have not grieved the loss. I have spent to much time being angry because I can handle the anger. This i realized was a pattern for me. Everytime I had to grieve a loss I would try to block the sadness until it had to come out. When it does it is the most intense sadness you can imagine. I will not let sadness build anymore. Today a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. I am feeling okay probably the best since the breakup. I am not angry, I am not sad just a bit tired. The pictures triggered some dreams that made me a bit restless. But it still wasn't that bad. I will remain in NC with a better understanding of myself.
  16. Robert013
    Gosh i hope so it seems logical. The first three months are the most intense for sure. I think most of the grieving is done in the first three months. The next month will be better because I will make it better. Yeah he is a great kid and I will make tonight extra special but i will not let him know why. Like I said before he needs to heal also and if i don't talk about it then she is out of his sight and out of his mind. I am starting to feel a bit better already but today is a hurdle that I have to overcome.
  17. Robert013
    Today I get my son for the night he is 7 will be 8 in feb. We usually have a great time together. I take him to the YMCA witch is right accross the street from my apartment. We usually shoot some baskets play some raquetball and then hit the pool. It gets my mind off of everything when he is around. I have him 3-4 nights a week. He told me last week that he is starting to forget what my ex looks like. He was just saying that to make me feel better. He has a picture next to his bed that I let him keep. It is of all of us together. It is the only one that is not put away. I asked him to keep it facing the the wall so I don't have to see it when I walk by his room. It is a trigger that I just don't need right now. I know this is hard on him. We were together 7 years he was 6 months old when we met so he doesn't know anything else. It is like loosing a mother to him. Sometimes I wonder if she actually thought the breakup through at all. She lost two people. She must have thought she still would be able to see my son. They do not have a relationship anymore I have to protect him and I. He will not get over her either if we stay in contact. I am a bit emotional today folks sorry it has been exactly 3 months since the breakup today. I don't remember the last time I had contact and I don't care. I am ready for this to be over. I am moving on with my life and I just want her to leave me alone. STOP TRYING TO CONTACT ME. I want her out of my head once and for all. I don't think I have shed a tear in a month but I am now. I will get through this day. It is just a bad one. We all have them and I haven't had one in a while. Tomarrow is a new day. I will pick my self up then. Today I am going to hurt. Today I am going to feel and I will grow from it.
  18. Robert013
    I would keep the conversation all about work. Say hello when you walk by. I would not try to discuss your old relationship though. Just be friendly because you work together other than that why do you need to talk to your ex.
  19. Robert013
    Days of NC do not matter because I know I am not fully healed yet. Counting for me is pointless because I know it is over. I said all there is to say and what is done is done. thereforee contact is pointless for me anyhow. She still wants a friendship for what reason I just cannot understand? Had a good workout last night. But i am still carrying some anger with me witch sucks. I am either angry or somewhat happy lately. Never really sad but sometimes lonely. I have never experienced so many intense emotions so rapidly in my life as I have in the past 3 months. It is draining sometimes, but other times I use them to my advantage. I have began to pray for my happiness, and hers everyday. I don't really know who or what I am praying to but I hope whoever or whatever it is hears me. The act alone is liberating even if i am not religious. I don't know if I truly mean it for her yet but soon and very soon I will. it is hard to want someone to be happy when they were and are the source of your intense pain and emotion. I believe it will set me free if I believe in what I am doing and praying for. Did some more reading last night it really does take your mind out of the situation. I slept okay still having dreams of this women they are affecting my sleep. I want them to stop but it is out of my control so I will deal with them. Smiled and said hello to a very atractive young lady at the gym. She smiled and said hello how are you? All I said was fine. I think i might have missed an oportunity, I never do that what was my problem last night? She did come and run on the treadmill right next to the one I was on after that though, so that is a good sign in my book. She was done before I was and I told her to have anice night she smiled and said you to. I take any positive interaction as a sign that I have a chance. We shall see won't we. Sometimes I think I am moving to fast. Talking to every women I am atracted to or flirting with them. I haven't had a bad experience yet so I guees it is okay. I figure this is how I regain my confidence. It isn't bad right now but where it used to be is astonishing. I used to be in love with myself. Not in a conceded way I just loved who I was. I am getting that back. How can you love someone else if you do not love yourself right? Well it is another day feeling a bit down, but i intend on lifting my spirits by the end of the day. Wish me luck. We will get through this my friends do not worry and do not rush it. We will love again even if it is only ourselves first.
  20. Robert013
  21. Robert013
    Feeling okay today. Ready to go rock the gym to release some steam. Stoped counting days. Ex still trying to contact pissing me off a bit but motivates my workouts so it is positive for me now. Met a beautiful women this weekend ego boost for sure. She was in to me but later found out she had a boyfriend. Still got her number because I could be friends with her no problem. She invited me to her hometown to hang. Flirted with another women on friday she was very atractive. Did this eye contact/ body language thing from accross the bar. She was into it and was smiling and then she couldn't keep her eyes of me. Flicking her hair, looking at me over her shoulder. Confidence is coming back my friends look out. Another women draged me onto the dance floor out of no where after we were done dancing talked with her for an hour. She was nice but I am not ready for anything but casual dates and flirting right now. Read about 100 pages yesterday good book "water for elephants" by Sarah Gruen. Son and I had a checkers tournament that somehow turned into a nerf dart tournament don't ask. Things are getting better. Soon i will be my old self just improved of course. Stay strong everyone things will get better.
  22. Robert013
    Exactly are you everyone else? No do the unexpected by not going and begging for him back. You are different and special let him realize it.
  23. Robert013
    Because if he wanted you back then he would contact you and say he wants you back. Also you will apear needy and desperate. It will look like your begging. Would you want to get back with someone who is begging? No That is why you must stay NC. You will begin to heal and if he comes back you will be in a better place to make your decision. Don't put all your hope into him coming back focus on yourself and not your ex.
  24. Robert013
    Had some drinks last night so I am feeling low today. This is the downfall about going out with friends and having drinks you always pay the next day. It feals great when you are out and enjoying yourself. But then the morning comes and that is when you realize alcohol is a depresant. The price we pay oh well. I need to hit the gym today I missed the last 2 day's I feal the emotions building. Mostly anger, but i will run until it is out this afternoon. I feal like I am going to explode. I can't ever just relax anymore it sucks. I will touph it out. This is not the end of the world althogh sometimes it feals like it. One of my girl friends told me to just relax and do not be so worried about finding someone so soon. She told me I was desperate and I agreed. I asked her to watch out for me because of this. She has been there this whole time for me. i told her I just need to take a step back and not try to find someone to be with right now. She said I have been making bad choices on dates because of this. I agreed. Time to slow down. Right now my heart is telling me I want her back, but I know better now. I just have to convince my heart that I will be fine without her or anyone. Then I will jump back in the game. Going to a mutual friends tonight for drinks then out. I asked them not to mention anything about her, and they said we never see her or talk to her anymore anyway. She doesn't call one of her best friends anymore? Strange
  25. Robert013
    No it's not pathetic it is human. Don't beat yourself up for caring about someone. Thats okay. Tell everyone who is talking to you about her to stop it is making it worse for you. It is a form of contact and hurts you when you hear it doesn't it? Then put it to an end. If you actually think that your ex is not having trouble with this also think again. You are doing this for the both of you. But you need to focus on yourself. You need some release. You work out? if not go for a run/walk today. Don't stop until you feal your emotion release it will happen. Why are you missing your ex? Because you are focusing on all the good. Save that for when you are healed it will never go away. Write down everything you will not miss about them. Use this as your weapon and add to it whenever you want. Block them from your thoughts. replace them with something positive. Everytime try to replace them quicker. It will get better. Hang in there NC will work, but it is the hardest thing you will ever have to do in your life. Look at it as a challenge. You will come out the other end more magnificent then you have ever been.
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