he's lying to me...again guys

[jmantra]

ok barbie I can probably sum up your situation with one quote:

 

"No guy is worth your tears, and the one that is will never make you cry"

 

 

If this guy has cheated on you past and is lieing to you yet again, why the hell do you stay way with him? Are you some kind of masochist?

 

Stand up for yourself and leave this man, you don't deserve to be disrespected like this, you deserve so much better.

[RayKay]

These two posts by JS are RIGHT on.

 

Yes, he is a liar, he is also a cheater and while I know you took him back before and think you worked through it, it has never been apparent in your posts at all that you have. All that is apparent is you are more insecure, more jealous and even obsessively so (I mean...really, not wanting him to run track....that IS very overboard...as I said before, no way I would stay with someone whom told me they wanted me to stop running or cycling as there are "too many guys in it", I couldn't spell "GONE" fast enough!). Someone trying to curtail your hobbies and interests (because it is NOT like his interest is swingers parties) is just NOT cool...at all.

 

Anyway, in respect of his behaviour I do think he takes you for granted and does not deserve to be with you, I think he is pretty selfish a lot of the time (and I can easily recall your posts dating back to when you first came here about him) and he is to blame too for this dynamic.

 

But, you are not blameless. You keep condoning it by keeping the drama up. Yes, you get upset with him (sometimes with reason, sometimes without...but always it is very dramatic). You ALLOW him to treat you this way over and over again by blowing up, crawling back, forgiving him (sort of), blaming yourself, forcing it to be "right" and then the cycle repeats...

 

You both cling to one another out of insecurity, comfort and fear but are very unhealthy people for each other nor are either of you really ready at this point to be with anyone, ever mind one another. I REALLY think the best thing to do is to end this and walk away - for good. You two are toxic to one another....do you really think that this up & down for the rest of your life is healthy, normal or even fulfilling? Our relationships can be work, but they should not be the very things that drain us and bring drama to our lives - over and over.

[RayKay]

Oh, I thought the track thing was tomorrow?

 

This was a practice?

 

And...what did you do?

[barbielovesmac]

Oh, I thought the track thing was tomorrow?

 

This was a practice?

 

And...what did you do?

 

yeah this was "golf practice"

 

i told him we needed to talk. he didn't want to. he told me that i might as well end it right there. i said no, lets do this right. lets go talk.

 

he got in the car. he said NOTHING. i had to ask him if he was even sorry. he said yeah im sorry. i asked him if anything was going on, he said no. they are just friends.

 

he said he didn't tell me about running track because of me not wanting him too.

 

and as far as the girl goes ... they are "just friends" apparently they are friends who run together. we talked for a long time ... well i did all the talking. he said NOTHING. he wasn't even acting like he cared. no remorse for me seeing them running together.

 

he kept trying to turn it around on me, but i wouldn't let him. but he did keep making it seem as though i DID something wrong. like it was wrong for me to see it.

 

im confused. im alone and im a wreck. i don't know.

 

it's bad enough that i caught him lying. but then i catch him lying ... with her.

[barbielovesmac]

i show up at the track field. there is his car and there he was. running. running with HER. yep. i was right.

[redrose85]

I'm not supposed to be here...but I just want to say this, because this is something that my best friend said to me when I left my liar of an ex:

 

"If you go back to him, you deserve what you get". I never went back, and I've got a good, happy life now.

 

In this case, if you don't accept that he is never going to change...well, it's obvious. Even if he's not trying purposely to hurt you, he's a coward for not standing up to you and saying "No I WANT to run, and I am GOING to." Who wants a coward??

[Censored]

Barbie you need to get out of this "relationship" before you totally destroy yourself.

 

This guy is a dog, why is it so hard to accept that he won't change and that you have made some bad decisions. Is the fact that he won't change for you really so important? He doesn't respect you at all, and now you have become so paranoid and emotionally crippled that you are going to destroy yourself!

 

I was there once. I literally imploded. In the end I realised that it wasn't about her, it was about me. I had become so paranoid that I could not have a healthy relationship with this girl no matter how desperatly i thought i wanted it to work.

 

She had cheated, i forgave her, she did it again, i forgave her. But I didn't really forgive. I just said the words. But inside, I was a mess. I wanted her to change, I wanted her to validate ME.

 

Who the hell did she think she was cheating on ME!! I AM good enough for her. I AM worthy enough not to be cheated on. SHE should value me. It was about not wanting to be rejected in a weird and twisted way. I wanted what i thought i was going to lose.

 

Anyway, if you stay with this pig who basically thinks you're a moron then you WILL be totally miserable.

 

You're smarter than this barbie. Accept that.

[thejigsup]

Barbie, let him run with her, and keep running and running. I just unloaded one like this and once it's over, you will feel much better about yourself. Half of your anger, believe it or not, is directed at yourself for buying his crap for so long. Listen to RayKay, wise lady there. She showed me things I had not been able to face in my relationship. It was like I suddenly saw it as an outsider would. She is awesome with her insight!

[Miss Firecracker]

I would have never spoken to him after that, Barbie. This is way too much drama for me. Just finding them together should have been enough for you.

[JeckyllNHyde]

Well barbie.

I don't know if you will take my advice or not but it's still worth the try to share my opinion and experience.

 

I was with a guy who was a big cheater when I was about 18.

 

When I read this part it struck a cord b/c this is what he always did (I thank god we never had a relationship which lasted too long before I "got it"):

i told him we needed to talk. he didn't want to. he told me that i might as well end it right there. i said no, lets do this right. lets go talk.

 

he got in the car. he said NOTHING. i had to ask him if he was even sorry. he said yeah im sorry.

 

we talked for a long time ... well i did all the talking. he said NOTHING. he wasn't even acting like he cared. no remorse for me seeing them running together.

 

He acted like he didn't care. That's b/c he doesn't. Sorry. That's how it is.

No one will lie if they care, and he knew you would get mad. And yet he kept running with his partner: this girl who he cheated on you with (in the past but even if he cheated now again OF COURSE he will not be admitting it. Why should he if you have no proof??)

He's been making a fool of you these past weeks (?) everyday feeding you lies about his golf practise. Leading a double life while you thought everything was fine and dandy on your way to marriage with him.

 

Look. If this guy is doing this while your in the relationship: do you truly expect him to change when you get married??? Say hello to a very very rocky marriage with good sex, but no faithfullness nor honesty. Oh and hello to self esteem issues and insecurities due to this whole thing.

 

Just like redrose said that she got out of that relationship with her cheating ex and now she is so much happier with someone whome she doesn't have these issues with. I can say the same for myself. You just gotta walk away and remember that you deserve better. But if you stay well.... then you're "looking" to get played and cheated on and treated this way.

He even SAID openly he is a good lier. Trust me, as you noticed, liers DON'T only lie to "their parents".

[Hope75]

There are two major things happening here:

 

One is that he does what he wants and he lies to you and hides things from you because he doesn't want to be controlled and he doesn't want to hear it from you, and he knows that even if you find out, you will be mad and read him the riot act, but eventually you will forgive him and take him back again... he knows his actions against you have no consequences... you have proven that to him again and again every time you take him back...

 

The second this is because this relationship has been so dysfunctional with him cheating, lying, etc and you continuing to take him back is that you have become a controlling, insecure person... someone who has to drive to the track and check up on her boyfriend... someone who snoops in his myspace and other email accounts... I tell you the minute I felt I had to follow my boyfriend to validate his story would be the day I ended things with him... do we really need this drama in our lives? Don't you think you deserve to be with someone you can trust, because he is honest and respectful, and his actions are consistent with his words? Don't you want to be with someone you don't have to police? Are you really happy living this way?

 

Raykay is right... you hold onto him because you are insecure, you are comfortable with him (when he is sorry), and he is familiar to you. But he is not a good person for you, and this relationship is so unhealthy for you both.

 

I don't think you will end it, and if you do I think you will take him back... until you can manage to look inside yourself and figure out why you keep repeating this same pattern with him over and over and expecting things to be different. They aren't going to be. The only thing that will change is if you remove yourself from this situation and stop allowing him to treat you this way.

[SapphireNoir10]

Im sorry

 

I know how hard it is to leave someone you love. I've been in a similar situation. You've been through a lot together. But for him to act like he doesn't care in that situation is absoloutley unforgivable.

 

You were upset, he should have been upset he'd done that to you. How can he love you if he lies to you adn still wants to spend time with the girl he cheated on you with?

 

Leave him now whilst its easier to do so. If you dont you'll get in deeper and deeper and begin to accept his behaviour whilst it destroys who you are.

[ghost69]

i know him. i know him like the back of my hand.

 

he can't handle confirnation. if things get the least bit hard then he wants to run and when i say run i mean break up. it's like im the glue that holds us together. i won't let him act stupid. im not sure that he'd really break up with me but he always brings it up ALMOST everytime we fight. he can't handle it. and he's one to bring up 500 different issues in a fight then the actual issue ... so when we fight it's not even about what we were fighting about in the first place. it's about what happened a year ago or whatever. it's no longer about the issue at hand. and i know he will try and do this tonight. because he does it all the time.

 

do you really know him? you know some of his actions/schedule. this whole thread i haven't go the impression you really know him. he's been jerking you around for a while now.

[jmantra]

Well, since barbie is having a child with this boy (sorry he's not worthy of the title "man") then unfortunately she can't totally cut off contact with him, the child is going to need a father in his/her life, plus she'll need the child support.

[ghost69]

Well, since barbie is having a child with this boy (sorry he's not worthy of the title "man") then unfortunately she can't totally cut off contact with him, the child is going to need a father in his/her life, plus she'll need the child support.

 

she is? i completely missed that. still doesn't take away from him being a liar.

[JadedStar]

Well, since barbie is having a child with this boy (sorry he's not worthy of the title "man") then unfortunately she can't totally cut off contact with him, the child is going to need a father in his/her life, plus she'll need the child support.

 

I don't think Barbie is pregnant.

[barbielovesmac]

i went to that track. i went to that track hoping HOPING for the best. sure, him there, i could deal with that. but when i walked up there he was, running. running with her. the sickest thing about all this is TRACK PRACTICE WAS OVER!

 

it was him, her and HER brother there. her brother was sitting on the side while they ran.

 

according to him they are just friends and have always been just friends. that i can no longer take that away from him. that i've taken all his friends away. WHAT ABOUT THE MALE FRIENDS I GAVE UP?!?!?!? HUH?

 

he told me that all they ever talk about is me, my butt! and she 'isn't on the team.'

 

no, she was just there after track practice right? he also said this is the FIRST time they've 'ran' together.

 

i broke the engagement last night.

 

im a mess guys.

[barbielovesmac]

he didn't even try in the slightest to comfort me. he was more worried about his car keys being taken from the track field. he didn't shed a tear. all he said was he's sorry. yeah, sorry he got CAUGHT. sure, they may have just been 'running' but still. he said he no longer had anything to do with this girl. i don't know. im trying to get ready for work. i havent cried yet today. im ...

[midnightrambler]

what else do you need to know........i am truly sorry

[Miss Firecracker]

He's a smooth one, Barbie. Out with his girlfriend and made you seem like the bad guy. That was a good one. I really can't imagine him running for some reason. Doesn't look the type at all to me.

[CallingAllAngels]

Barbie...

 

I am so sorry.

 

I feel the pain you feel, as my husband betrayed me in the worst possible way.

 

He deceived me for years.

 

I could just about cry for you I know how much you hurt. It's not just the fact that he's lying to you...it's the lies AND the deceiption, and yeah...it's the fact that he's probably more sorry that he got C A U G H T.

 

That's how my husband was.

 

Trust takes the longest to build, is quickly, and takes the longest to get back, if you can ever get it back. My husband did things that were so horrible I could never trust him again. That's why I divorced him.

 

I'm sure there will be many tears ahead for you.

 

Please keep posting. We are all here to support you hon.

 

My very best...and a big hug to you...

 

~Allie

[Hope75]

Barbie,

 

I'm glad you are angry, perhaps it will motivate you to actually do something.

 

I really don't see this situation changing. Every few months you post about another issue with this relationship. It's pretty clear you are not happy in it.

 

A big red flag is that you both gave up friends of the opposite sex because you are so insecure with each other. Surely you recognize how unhealthy this is.

 

You obviously don't trust him (with good reason) and he doesn't trust you. And neither of you respect one another (he's going out with this girl behind your back, you're snooping on him and following him around..)

 

No trust + no respect = no relationship.

 

When will you have had enough?

[PixelPusher]

I really don't have much more to say that hasn't already been said. There is some good advice here, Barbie but it seems to me you're not really paying attention to what is being said. I understand you're upset, and you have every right to be.

 

I don't know your whole story but your relationship with this guy is SCREAMING dysfunction. You two are destroying each other and you BOTH are enabling one another to continue this cycle. It's good you broke off the engagement, IMO. And I'll go further to say that I think you need to leave this guy behind you, get your head on straight and be single for a while. This relationship is full of lies, manipulation, anger, fear, mistrust, infidelity, stonewalling, resentment, jealousy... need I go on?

[ghost69]

He's a smooth one, Barbie. Out with his girlfriend and made you seem like the bad guy. That was a good one. I really can't imagine him running for some reason. Doesn't look the type at all to me.

 

oh come on, don't say it's his gf. we don't know that. but this guy is definitely scum. we can all agree on that i think.

[Miss Firecracker]

She's not even on his jogging team. So cute.