EQD Posted February 29, 2008 Share Posted February 29, 2008 no, i've been wanting to rekindle those friendships for some time. i've just been to damn scared to do it because of him. and why am i still with him? I DONT KNOW. i canot answer that question. .. but see the difference here is you didnt actually put an effort into rekindling the lost friendships with guys, until you found out he was friends with track girl. i know how it is.. i learned this lesson when i was 16..... you are going to wait for him to say something and then cry 'double standard' ... you both have double standards... and you both are afraid of eachother... Link to comment
JadedStar Posted February 29, 2008 Share Posted February 29, 2008 Do you really think he is in love with you Barbie? And are you really in love with him or are you so afraid of losing that which is familiar? Think about this one long and hard. Many people mistake familiarity and comfort with love. Change is tough. But you are a young person and WAY better to make these changes now then to wake up one day and realize you have been married to the wrong guy for 20 years. Link to comment
barbielovesmac Posted February 29, 2008 Author Share Posted February 29, 2008 Do you really think he is in love with you Barbie? Do I think he's really in love with me, yes. But I think the love is different. The love isn't the same love that I have for him. That's bad. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted February 29, 2008 Share Posted February 29, 2008 We can care about someone and not want to hurt them without necessarily being "in love" with them. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted February 29, 2008 Share Posted February 29, 2008 this thread is pretty much 16 pages of how great barbie still thinks this guy is. it's disgusting. Link to comment
barbielovesmac Posted February 29, 2008 Author Share Posted February 29, 2008 We can care about someone and not want to hurt them without necessarily being "in love" with them. and i get that. maybe he doesn't really love me. maybe he thinks he does. i told him that lastnight. i told him that he wasn't acting like a person in love, trying to save his relationship. he was acting like a cold hearted s(o)b. when someone loves you ... they don't want to hurt you. and when they know you are hurting they want to comfort you. he didn't do any of that. he thought grabbing my hand was all that needed to do. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted February 29, 2008 Share Posted February 29, 2008 Actions always speak louder than words Barbie. If someone is telling you something and their actions do not reflect that, always go with the actions. That is where the truth really lies. Link to comment
barbielovesmac Posted February 29, 2008 Author Share Posted February 29, 2008 there weren't even any actions. there was nothing. not even a reaction. he was sorry that he got caught. he was sorry that he had to hear me complain all night. that's what he was sorry for. because if he was really sorry, things would be different. you shouldn't sit there and watch the one you 'love' in pain. you should want to console them and comfort them. as he lay on the bed and watch tv Link to comment
PixelPusher Posted February 29, 2008 Share Posted February 29, 2008 Do you really think he is in love with you Barbie? And are you really in love with him or are you so afraid of losing that which is familiar? Think about this one long and hard. Many people mistake familiarity and comfort with love. Change is tough. But you are a young person and WAY better to make these changes now then to wake up one day and realize you have been married to the wrong guy for 20 years. Well said. Doesn't sound like love to me... sounds like a little co-dependency. Barbie: I know this hurts right now and I'm glad that you're starting to see how bad this is. I think regaining your friendships is a GOOD thing. But that being said, don't do it out of spite to see your b/f's reaction... and don't do it because you fear being alone. Being alone is a wonderful thing, and you DO have the strength inside you. Link to comment
JeckyllNHyde Posted February 29, 2008 Share Posted February 29, 2008 Do I think he's really in love with me, yes. But I think the love is different. The love isn't the same love that I have for him. That's bad. Yes. I am very happy that you realise this Barbie. It's sad but I also feel it is the truth. Link to comment
barbielovesmac Posted February 29, 2008 Author Share Posted February 29, 2008 my problem with them being friends is that fact that he kept it secret. for whatever reason he kept it a secret, i don't know. but he shouldn't have. that was wrong of him. she has always been A SECRET. and i always find out. he lies and says he doesn't talk to her and then i find out. the problem is that he feels he needs to go to her, because she 'listens.' he says she was his friend wayyyy before i ever came around. he says they've known eachother and been friends since day 1 of his freshman year in freaking high school. he's had every chance to be with her. but he hasn't. so maybe she is just a friend. i don't know. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted February 29, 2008 Share Posted February 29, 2008 Barbie we don't know him, so we can't say for sure, but i think if you are the controlling type as your posts suggest, coupled with the fact that you pretty much forbade him frmo doing a lot of things that pretty much sets the stage for deceit. However, if he was a stronger mature type he never would have been bullied into doing things like this and never would have done it behidn your back. He would have been clear and upfront that if he wants to join track and a female friend is there that it is harmless and he can't be controlled. I have a feeling it is a mix of the controlling AND the fact that he is not all that up to snuff that leads to the lies. I think he has a guilty conscience thrown in which makes this entire situation a really really bad one. I am on the fence about male/female friendships. I truly believe yes, men and women can be friends and it shouldn't be controlled by an SO. However, the level of closeness these two friends share is where it gets sticky. i have male friends but i don't go out with them one on one because I dno't want to give the impression of impropriety even if there isn't any. I am friendly, jokey and gregarious but i know my limits. I like to think my SO does too and as such we do not go out on events one on one with an opposite sex friend. That doesnt mean, however, if he has a female friend that he knows that happens to be on some baseball team or smoething that he joins that i will tell him no, you need to give up baseball if she is on the team. Now if he ever did something with this girl that was inappropriate then yes, I'd have no qualms saying no i don't feel comfortable with this. He has a few female friends that pre date he and I that i have no issues with. I have met them and we have all gone out together and i have no gut feeling that something is up. You do have that gut feeling so you have to figure out is it because something really is "up" or are you the type who is so jealous that you will create issues that are not there. I think that too much damage has been done in this relatinoship in all honesty and no amount of getting even games or probably even talking it out will save it at this point. There comes a time when too much damage has been done that a point of no return is created. I think you are there. The thing working against you the most is that he seems to be the immature type and no amount of talking this thing thru is going to make him grow up over night. You also have some issues that I suggest you iron out. I am not sure why a woman who looks like you is so crippled with insecurity. That one really makes me scratch my head. I can't hold a candle to you in the looks department and am no where near this insecure so I guess how one looks is not commensurate with self esteem. Try not to fear the unknown so much. Man i wish i was 23 and single somedays! LOL Make the most of it. Link to comment
barbielovesmac Posted March 1, 2008 Author Share Posted March 1, 2008 im home all alone. he hasn't come home from his stupid track meet yet. his meet started at 3pm it's nearly 8pm. Granted, it is an hour away. i don't know what is going to happen when he comes home. i don't know what's going to be said. i just don't know. i'm so tired. i talked to my mom this afternoon and i told her what was going on. my mom knows our relationship very well, as well as an outsider can. she knows my side about this stupid girl AND she knows his. she doesn't think that he is doing anything with her, other than being her friend. and as she said that his lying was completely WRONG that i did indeed play my part in ALL this mess. i agree and i can admit that. she pretty much said everything that you all are saying. we're allowed opposite sex friends ... the whole nine yards. i trust what my mother has to say ..... i just don't know. i just don't. i know this is very, very unhealthy and i don't know why i stick around. it's like he's dug a knife in my heart and he keeps digging ... and i can't pull it out. i'm hurt. Link to comment
CallingAllAngels Posted March 1, 2008 Share Posted March 1, 2008 ^^Barbie... OF COURSE you're hurt. Regardless of ANYTHING, you are human. You LOVE this man. He has hurt you. You don't just "stop" loving someone, even if they are "wrong" for you overnight. I'm so very sorry. ((HUGS)) ~Allie Link to comment
barbielovesmac Posted March 1, 2008 Author Share Posted March 1, 2008 he's still not home. i just went to visit his mom at her work, as i usually do because works nights. she knows of nothing going on and i didn't feel it was my place to tell her. why can't he just care? why can't he just love me like i love him? better yet, why can't he love me? love me the way i deserve to be loved? why is it so hard for him? why is it so easy for him to see me hurt? to watch me cry ... and feel nothing, do nothing? i don't get it. what did i miss? Link to comment
CallingAllAngels Posted March 1, 2008 Share Posted March 1, 2008 he's still not home. i just went to visit his mom at her work, as i usually do because works nights. she knows of nothing going on and i didn't feel it was my place to tell her. why can't he just care? why can't he just love me like i love him? better yet, why can't he love me? love me the way i deserve to be loved? why is it so hard for him? why is it so easy for him to see me hurt? to watch me cry ... and feel nothing, do nothing? i don't get it. what did i miss? In my opinion... It's because he's been caught Barbie... He knows you know... He's already lost you and he knows it. I'm so sorry. ~Allie Link to comment
barbielovesmac Posted March 1, 2008 Author Share Posted March 1, 2008 but he hasn't lost me ... i still haven't let him go. why i haven't ... that's another novel. Link to comment
jengh Posted March 1, 2008 Share Posted March 1, 2008 but he hasn't lost me ... i still haven't let him go. why i haven't ... that's another novel. barbie, I'm so sorry for everything you're going through. I think the best thing for you right now would be some space. This guy clearly has no idea what he has with you. You're a complete package and you deserve the same thing. Link to comment
CallingAllAngels Posted March 1, 2008 Share Posted March 1, 2008 ^^see my above post Barbie...that's why...see post #165. Link to comment
barbielovesmac Posted March 1, 2008 Author Share Posted March 1, 2008 i saw him with HER and im still here. that means nothing to him. he questions why. almost like me finding out would be his way out. i don't know. Link to comment
barbielovesmac Posted March 1, 2008 Author Share Posted March 1, 2008 omg i have to go Link to comment
JeckyllNHyde Posted March 1, 2008 Share Posted March 1, 2008 but he hasn't lost me ... i still haven't let him go. why i haven't ... that's another novel. yes barbie, he HAS lost you. you're just not letting go. face it. or don't but i think that's the way it is. you're saying it and rationalizing and you know what's up. but you're just afraid to let go and go thru with walking away, and go thru the whole break up process and be on your own again all over. Link to comment
GrowingUp Posted March 1, 2008 Share Posted March 1, 2008 I hope you are okay, just take some time to yourself I am. Link to comment
barbielovesmac Posted March 1, 2008 Author Share Posted March 1, 2008 it's 1130. the team is back. they were back at 10. but he hasn't come home yet. i dont know where he is. i have this feeling he isn't coming home. what if he's with her? i am going crazy wondering where he is and what he's doing. Link to comment
jengh Posted March 1, 2008 Share Posted March 1, 2008 has he even bothered calling you? ughhh I would be so bothered...I'm sorry. Link to comment
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