he's lying to me...again guys

[barbielovesmac]

i just want, i don't know what i want.

 

he's just running around like this is NO big deal. while im here suffering. he's out partying all weekend ... while im here.

 

i DON'T want to be here when he decides to come. i don't even want my stuff here. i want him to see that im really gone and thats it. i want him to HURT. i want him to miss me.

 

he's avoiding the entire thing. i talked to his mom and she said that she tried to talk to him last night and he was avoidant .. and just said he'd talk later.

 

he doesn't want to face this, he just wants to run.

 

his mother, even his father made me cry. by telling me that he's not worth it anymore. that i will find better and realize that this was just a phase in my life. they told me they will always be here for me no matter what. and that's a good feeling knowing.

 

how he turned out so crummy from these wonderful parents ... who taught him different , i don't know.

[Aleadragonhawk]

it's hard ... the packing of the things...

 

it's one of the hardest parts. im packing up some things and it seems unreal.

 

his things are all over. i take a shower ... his stuff ... i go in the room .... his stuff.

 

this hurts like HELL.it's a stab to the heart.

 

Hugs from here, Barbie. This is part of why it's important to get out quickly - I know it hurts and it's hard, but staying there with all of his things just waiting for him to come by has to be killing you. You mentioned staying with your sister - is it possible that she could come by and help you pack, and maybe some other friends too? I remember a few years back when my aunt had to move all of a sudden - she called everyone in the family and we packed up her four bedroom house and moved everything, including her california king sized bed, all the way accross town in one day, AND unpacked it when we got there. We were all exhausted but it can be done, and it might be easier for you to face packing if you have some support.

[barbielovesmac]

i have a question on another thread when you annouced your enagement, you said both families were happy. was that because he told you that?

 

our famlies are close. im close to his and he's close to mine. they were both happy. now they are all mad at him, my family AND HIS.

[barbielovesmac]

he has to feel something sooner or later. i was a part of his life for a long time, how can he not? i know that it may not hit him now ... but when im REALLY gone it has to. even if he is good and over me ...... he will feel something. im sure of it. when he walks in this empty house/room .... .he's gotta feel like dang.

[JadedStar]

he has to feel something sooner or later. i was a part of his life for a long time, how can he not? i know that it may not hit him now ... but when im REALLY gone it has to. even if he is good and over me ...... he will feel something. im sure of it. when he walks in this empty house/room .... .he's gotta feel like dang.

 

Barbie, he sounds like he has been trying to get out of this relationship for sometime. You have to stop torturing yourself thinking he is going to wake up devastated. He has long been over this I do believe. He is probably feeling relief because as he told his dad before you two even had this snag - he said you two were broken up and he couldn't get you to move out.

 

Sounds like a guy who has since moved on. I say this not to be harsh but to help you realize that thinking he is going to wake up and be devastated over this loss is not likely.

[barbielovesmac]

noooooooo, you misunderstood. he told him this two days ago .......... during this whole mess. his dad ask if we broke up and he said YES, well no ... kinda we're friends with benefits. he hasn't been saying this about our past .... he's saying that's what we are now. it's stupid.

 

he didn't even break up with me. i didn't break up with him. he just hasn't come home. he's just avoiding me. and we are OVER. we just havent said it to each other.

[JadedStar]

and we are OVER.

 

Please continue with this mindset. There's a line in an old song that goes "don't want nobody who don't want me"....

[barbielovesmac]

im done living this lie with him. he isnt man enough to face me - that's reason enough to leave.

 

after all the things i've heard and after all he's done. i'd be a fool to stay.

 

i'm done with this little boy. he can go and be free and live his life.

 

he was just a stage in my life. now, im going to be single. and just get back on track with myself. i just want to be happy. i want to be ME. i lost who i was. i lost it in him. i was so consumed with him. so worried about him. im gone. and i need to find kina again.

 

im happy single. though i love his man ...... love isn't enough. i need to walk away and stay gone.

 

i cry as i write this . . . it hurts.

[Aleadragonhawk]

though i love his man ...... love isn't enough.

 

It takes a long time to learn this, but you're right. Love in and of itself isn't enough. Respect, common goals, and communication are all equally important in making a relationship work - and those are things that you didn't have.

[JadedStar]

RIght. Love is never enough. There are other components that MUST be present. AH hit on them very well - respect, common goals and communication. At a minimum two out of this three was missing in your relationship with him.

[JeckyllNHyde]

It's also gonna take some time to truly SEE/BELIEVE with all your heart he was just a fase of your life but trust me over time you will. And it's the best thing you can do for youself: walk away and stick to "it's over!".

It's good that your steering yourself in this direction.

When I was 19 I had a similar experience. The guy (my so called "bf" even though we never lived together or got engaged) was fooling me. He had other girls on the side he was seeing/flirting with and he had me believing we were in a relationship together. I was giving and had all my feelings invested in the relationship. And he sometimes seemed distant and sometimes moody with me. Also never call me much either. I was always the one chasing him.

And then well one day he also just up and dissappeared. And I also wanted him to hurt and I thought he would.

Well what do ya know he came back and wanted to see me about a year later maybe half. And turns out he used to remember me everytime he passed infront of my house, and thought I had moved out of the country. He seemed sincere. I wanted to believe he was.

I did.

Then a few months later: same s***.

Other girls on the side (another gf actually) and him telling other friends/people we're fwb. It sucked. But I learned my lesson: never to settle for a guy treating me in a way less then I deserve (while still being rational of course).

 

But a year later I only realised he was just a phase of my life. I had met other guys who treated me way better and though they weren't the one, slowly I learnt what relationships are supposed to be like, without the drama.

The day I lost my virginity to him I even remember, I found out the very very next day (while I was still on cloud 9) that he was still seeing an ex... from a friend of a friend.

Not trying to write a sob story lol. Just sharing an experience about a guy who also was selfish, a coward, and well.. a jerk?/scum? Whatever you wanna call it... It happens sometimes, but even though it hurts you learn from it and maybe learn not to be too naive.

[barbielovesmac]

thank you all so much for your support.

 

this has been hard, it still is hard. harder than hell.

 

i don't know what to do with this broken heart.

[diamond78]

The man is pure garbage...and he's not coming home because he is hoping you'll be gone by the time he does come back.

 

The other day I went back and read many of your other threads about this guy and he always came accross as just bad news for you. All the suspicions you had about him were true. Your instincts were always correct even when you felt you were overreacting.

 

I'm glad he's showing all of his true colors. A life with this person would have just simply driven you insane, no matter how much you love him.

 

You are still very young and you will love again. There is so much more out there and this guy isn't worth any woman's tears.

 

I feel sorry for his family too...I'm sure they are absolutely embarrassed by his behavior.

 

This is a lot for you to go through now, but I have no doubt that you will survive through this only to become a stronger person in the end.

[thejigsup]

Barbie, this man will never feel bad about anything he has done. He doesn't have it in him. The feelings of anyone besides himself are irrelevant to him. If he's happy, what you, his parents, the entire world for that matter, thinks of him is of no importance. That is why he is such a poison person. You really don't matter to him,and neither does this other girl. I'd stake my life on it.

[CallingAllAngels]

Just so you know Barbie...

 

I left my Husband and my house because he would not.

 

I left becaue I could not stand the sight of him.

 

I do not know your particular financial arrangement regarding the house.

 

But I left for my own sanity.

 

If you chose to leave, just make SURE to protect YOUR FINANCIAL INTEREST IN THAT HOME...if you have any.

 

~Allie

[RayKay]

I believe they rent and that they just moved in together very recently.

 

So there is no "financial interest" except working out the lease issues (whose name is on the lease?).

[RayKay]

If her name is on the lease then she probably should NOT move out. There are considerations here.

 

I don't think her name is on it though from what I recall (I think she moved in with him?).

 

Anyway, all depends where you are. In some places all you need to do is contact the leasing agent and work out a sublet arrangement; if they are both on the lease worries about the lease is no reason to stay. She just needs to contact the leasing agent and find out what she can do.

[thejigsup]

You're right, it depends where you live. Here, in my building, if your name is on the lease, you're stuck! I had a friend whose wife left him. They were separated, he moved out and she ran out on the lease one night. Guess what? The property management company had no address for her, but they did for him and they are now taking him to court. He had not lived there for about 3 months, yet he is liable for the rent.

[barbielovesmac]

i moved in with him. im not on the lease. i've got all my stuff out of ithere. im gone. nothings left.

 

he still hasn't been to his parents house. his brother said they went out to a party last night and that he almost got in a fight and got kicked out. and just moved on to another party.

 

i guess he went running today ...........

 

i dont know what's going on. his mom thinks he's got to be feeling it .... she says she knows he loves me ..... and he has to be feeling something. but i don't know.

 

im a lost puppy. im so upset. i wasted so much time. how could he do this to me.

[barbielovesmac]

i miss him. i can't help but wonder where he is. what he's doing. i wonder if he's thinking about me. i wonder if he's thought of me.

 

i'm sad.

[JadedStar]

You remind me so much of my daughter when her first serious b/f pulled these SAME stunts. She was such a wreck after he left her (they were living together to, and like you she wasn't on the lease and could move back to mom easy without financial ties) and she cried so much and seemed so broken that I took her to the doctor and asked what did they suggest. They gave her a mild sedative to help her sleep at night becuase she was a walking and breathing wreck.

 

Go see your doctor Barbie. Tell them that you just went thru a break up and it has really caused you stress that you are having a hard time coping with. They will talk with you about it and make suggestions. Even if it is only your MD, general practitioner. If you can't see a therapist that is fine. Your regular well visits doctor can still help. I don't like to suggest meds but a mild sedative prescribed by your doctor can help you get some much needed sleep. It's healthier than being wound up like a coiled spring.

 

Don't do it alone. Spend a lot of time with your friends and family right now. See your doctor. Stay busy.

 

My daughter DID get thru it. You will too. She is now married and never gives that guy a second thought. She also no longer has ill will for him. she realizes they were both young and didn't really know what they wanted out of life yet.

 

Just remember that it is these tough times that make us the strong women we will become.

[barbielovesmac]

i know. i know that this can only make me a stronger women.

 

but it still doesn't make the pain disappear. i want to go find him and i want to talk to him, but I AM NOT GOING TO. and i haven't even tried to. usually at this point im chasing him ... and i just wonder if he wonders why i haven't.

 

im going in circles here...wondering. he's been my love for a long time. it's really hard to let go of that.

 

he's been what i know for the past year of my life. i just want to cry ..........

 

i cannot believe that i am here again...that's why im really going to leave because if i don't i know he'll come crawling back ... i'll be weak and i'll give in. and in about 2 months i'll be right back here. that can't happen.

[JadedStar]

You are right. If you didn't leave you'd be right back here again. In this same miserable state.

 

Pulling a bandaid off quick hurts but a he11 of a lot less than when you pull it off slow chica.

[barbielovesmac]

i don't know why i care so much about what he's doing.

 

why do i care if he's thinking about me? he's a JERK. i shouldn't care. but i do.

[JadedStar]

Not a one of us on this forum would feel different in the same situation. We might feign being strong but we'd wonder what he is doing. That is human nature.

 

Just keep busy and occupy yourself Barbie.