he's lying to me...again guys

[CallingAllAngels]

i don't know why i care so much about what he's doing.

 

why do i care if he's thinking about me? he's a JERK. i shouldn't care. but i do.

 

You care because you are human, and NO ONE stops loving someone over night, no matter HOW BADLY they treat them...

 

I'm so sorry for this nightmare you are going thru.

 

~Allie

[barbielovesmac]

im trying so hard to distract myself. im trying so hard to act like im okay but im not.

 

i just want to cry. i want to cry for hours.

 

i just find myself doing all the things that i'd normally be doing with him.

 

i can't think like that i know but still. it's a stab to the heart feeling.

 

even when distracted im thinking about him. wondering ... where he is.

[Aleadragonhawk]

im trying so hard to distract myself. im trying so hard to act like im okay but im not.

 

i just want to cry. i want to cry for hours.

 

i just find myself doing all the things that i'd normally be doing with him.

 

i can't think like that i know but still. it's a stab to the heart feeling.

 

even when distracted im thinking about him. wondering ... where he is.

 

This is natural Barbie. It's only been a day. It'll take time to heal.

[barbielovesmac]

i feel like im saying the same thing over and over again. im sorry.

 

it's just how i feel.

[JadedStar]

Can you be with your family right now?

[barbielovesmac]

yeah ... but i feel like being alone because i feel like crying everytime i talk about.

[Aleadragonhawk]

yeah ... but i feel like being alone because i feel like crying everytime i talk about.

 

Do you have a friend or someone in your family who you could spend some time with and who would understand that you don't want to talk about it right now? It might be good for you to just get out of the house - go see a movie or get pizza from your favorite pizza parlor. If you're an animal person maybe go by a pet store - I always feel better and more balanced in general in my life when I share it with an animal. You don't have to explain things to them and they're still there for you. They don't care about your makeup or hair. And they can make you laugh and smile even when you don't really feel like it, just because they're cute.

[barbielovesmac]

im with HIS little sister. she really loves me and wants to spend time with me before i leave. she's 8. she's an amazing little girl. she's kept my company and she's keeping me distracted. we went for starbucks earlier today and we did some window shopping.

 

so, yes i have distractions but it doesn't stop me from thinking about it.

 

this place is a big vent. it's amazing. it's kept me sane.

[JeckyllNHyde]

That's great that this place is helping you.

ANd it's also very sweet she is keeping you company. Imagine his family was totally uncaring or didn't give a crap. Or imagine they just said nice stuff... but here you have his family who is showing thru actions they have your best interest at heart. Lucky you.

[barbielovesmac]

his mom told me that she loved her son, but that i deserved better. she went on about how she'll always be here for me no matter what. and she just wishes he didn't have to be a jerk.

 

it made me cry. it sucks that you build these sort of relationships ... and it's like the relationship is over ... and i lose these relationships too. it overall sucks

[Eric2.0]

god dang it barbie!... this sucks...(((Huggs)))

 

They deleted the fart thread!!

[Eric2.0]

What I posted was for laughs...I hope you did.... I suck at advice so I thought you needed a laugh... I hope you didn't take it the wrong way...

[barbielovesmac]

the nights are the hardest i miss him.

 

why is it im missing someone who doesn't even care about me? someone who probably doesn't even love me? someone who doesn't miss me back?!

 

whyyyyyyy?! he doesn't care! why can't i?!

 

i hate this. im sick of it.

[Eric2.0]

Well it's because you loved him.. I don't know anything about this kind of thing, but I hope you have some real life support... Don't use ena as the main source.

 

You need to go clubbing with friends...

[barbielovesmac]

this is so hard. our show is on TV

[JadedStar]

I know you like his family but realistically and honestly you should be spending more time with your own.

 

Hanging onto his family will impede your ability to let go of him. Later after you heal if you want to be friends with them that is great but right now I don't advise. It will keep you tied to him. Deep down that is probably what you want but is not best for you.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

Barbie, you are missing the man you hoped/expected him to be, not the man he is, and it is easy to gloss over the negative things that were wrong when you are grieving.

 

Make a long list of everything that he did to you that was wrong or hurt you. Keep it handy, and when you are tempted to dwell on all the good things you miss, read that list again.

 

You are missing companionship, having someone to share with, simple pleasures like watching TV. Remind yourself you can get that from any relationship, not just HIM. A lot of the pain of a breakup is not about that 'special person', but about fear of abandonment and being alone. Those things drive us into a relationship that is NOT healthy, and if you learn how to sit with your emotions, feel them, let them pass over you like a wave, then recognize that you deserve someone who doesn't just fill just a generic 'make me not feel lonely' function, but is truly good to you and for you.

 

Say you chase him now and drag him back... what then? has he changed... no! you are just repeating a pattern that you are both comfortable with, that doesn't resolve conflict or make your lives better. The pattern is he treats you badly and hurts you, he runs away, you get separation anxiety and chase him down, he comes back again and you start the cycle over. But he feels no remorse for hurting you, and is out partying and chasing other girls (when he is with you and when he is broken up with you, it doesn't matter, it is what he does.).

 

So please recognize that its just another round in the spin cycle if you don't stop and learn how to be alone, so that you choose a man not becuase he plugs a loneliness hole in you, but because he is good for you, treats you with respect, and is the right man for you.

[ghost69]

sucks barbie, but it's for the best. you will get over it.

[barbielovesmac]

i finally got my closure this morning. i needed it. i needed it to be OKAY. i needed to know that this was REAL. and it's safe to say that i am OKAY. that i will be OKAY.

 

we talked. i tried not to cry. did i cry? yes, but only a couple honest tears. he actually spoke to me. it wasn't all me this time. but this is what i needed. i needed to hear it. i heard it. when i got in that car and drove off, i didn't cry. im not crying now.

 

im hurt, im sad. i want to cry. but im not. i've shed too many tears over him. it's done. it's over. we said goodbye. im here at the house getting the last of my things. i told him i'd be gone by the afternoon.

 

it's done. we said goodbye. now what?!

[EQD]

now you go to your favorite eatery and buy what you deserve, your favorite food, your favortie drink, and then a little dessert. Take a deep breath and say to yourself you are on a better path now. Start anew..

[GrowingUp]

I'm sorry you are hurting barbie. ((hugs))

[JeckyllNHyde]

What did he say barbie? (Sorry I was just wondering...)

[ghost69]

i finally got my closure this morning. i needed it. i needed it to be OKAY. i needed to know that this was REAL. and it's safe to say that i am OKAY. that i will be OKAY.

 

we talked. i tried not to cry. did i cry? yes, but only a couple honest tears. he actually spoke to me. it wasn't all me this time. but this is what i needed. i needed to hear it. i heard it. when i got in that car and drove off, i didn't cry. im not crying now.

 

im hurt, im sad. i want to cry. but im not. i've shed too many tears over him. it's done. it's over. we said goodbye. im here at the house getting the last of my things. i told him i'd be gone by the afternoon.

 

it's done. we said goodbye. now what?!

 

now you look to the future. you are worry free right now. this jerk is gone.

[barbielovesmac]

What did he say barbie? (Sorry I was just wondering...)

 

he said a lot. when we're over and done, he finally speaks. in a nut-shell. im sorry. i still love you. i'll always carry you with me. i just need to be with myself. i should've just told you. he said he wants to see what it's like without me instead of always wondering. that he feels like we're meant to be. he said he doesnt want me to wait. but that he'll come back to me. he said he's scared to go home because he doesn't want to see that im gone. he told me he is handling this a different way, but that it doesn't mean he isn't hurting. yeah, so pretty much that in a nut-shell. he told me that i intimidated him and that he never felt good enough for me, and while he was saying that he cried a little. he also cried when he said what hurts the most is thinking about me with someone else. and like i said, i shed a couple tears. but i stood strong. we gave eachother a hug and a nice little kiss. we told eachother that we loved eachother and then i walked out.

 

it was hard, but i did it. i don't know what's to come. but i let him go, i set him free. if he comes back ... then it's meant to be. but im not going to wait around for him. i need to get a move on. as hard as this all is, my head is on straight. i've accepted that he can't be with me right now. i truly feel it's him, and that it has nothing to do with me. he has some growing up to go and he has to go at it alone. i've accepted it.

 

it's going to be a long hard road. but i'll be okay i know. and hey, maybe that day he does come back to me i'll be moved on. possibly moved onto someone better.

 

this still hurts so bad but i feel a little more content with things

[ghost69]

no no no. please don't think that. this guy is scum. i like how people say 'i want to know what it's like when you aren't there.' they already knew that before you got together.