barbielovesmac Posted March 3, 2008 Author Share Posted March 3, 2008 i don't know what the hell to think. Link to comment
JeckyllNHyde Posted March 3, 2008 Share Posted March 3, 2008 Aww. That was a sweet goodbye. But honestly I am pretty damn sure by the time he comes along IF he does, you WILL have found someone better. B/c in my opinion there are ALOT of way better guys out there who like you said, have matured. He looked a bit older then you in the pictures so I'm guessing he was, and I know they say guys "usually" mature after women but gimme a break. This was too much. That good bye was sweet and touching to read, but it does NOT make up for all the stuff he put you thru. On the bright side that good bye seems to have given you your closure. Even though I know it hurts like hell. Look the last guy I dated before my bf now, he fed me the SAME line (minus the I love you b/c we never reached that stage yet): "I really do care for you yadda yadda... but I just don't want to be with anyone right now. I need to be on my own. And I will contact you when I'm ready. Hopefully you won't have moved on yet and you will still be available." Uhm... 7 months have passed and I never heard a word from him. And this was the guy who was saying that I was wife material, and whatnot. (NOT that he proposed or anything, but still it hurt and the words didn't match the actions... something which you need to keep reminding yourself). If he truly did love you he wouldn't have done this, and taken the cowardly way out. I think he purposely didn't come home a few days so that you would have had time to cry your eyes out on your own, think things thru, be sad, shocked, contemplate, etc. So that when he came and officially broke it off, you wouldn't take it as hard since you thought things where going just fine. Link to comment
BeStrongBeHappy Posted March 3, 2008 Share Posted March 3, 2008 Barbie i'm glad you found some closure to this... it sounds like he really isn't ready to be committed to anybody. but sometimes people say they will come back and then they don't, or they say these need to 'find themselves' when what they really want to do is date someone else and they don't want the rage that would blast his way if he admitted that when leaving. And if he does want to date that other girl soon after the breakup, he won't want his family holding it against her as having broken you up... so i suggest you don't just listen to his words, but see how long it is before he is dating someone else... if you hear he is with this other girl soon, i would just go for total no contact and recognize the guy just wanted to chase someone else and isn't as noble as the speech he was giving... Link to comment
JadedStar Posted March 3, 2008 Share Posted March 3, 2008 He said everything one would expect a cowardly person to say when brought face to face with this break up. Sorry that I can't be more positive, but I wouldn't have expected him to have said anything less. He can't deal with confrontation so he gives a fluffy speech about he wants you back one day but the typical "don't wait for me" clause. He is so full of it. Like Bestrong said let's see how quickly he is dating someone else. Link to comment
Miss Firecracker Posted March 3, 2008 Share Posted March 3, 2008 He just didn't want you to scrape the paint off his car, Barbie. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted March 3, 2008 Share Posted March 3, 2008 Yea, Miss F really put it in the best perspective. Link to comment
thejigsup Posted March 3, 2008 Share Posted March 3, 2008 Barbie, I hope what he was saying was sincere, but somehow this guy sounds like a professional liar. As to what to do now? SPOIL YOURSELF ROTTEN! Do something everyday that you love. Doesn't have to be a big thing, but something. Make everday Barbie Day. Soon, you will feel special to yourself. and if you feel that way, it won't be too long before you're healed and you will be very special to someone else. Link to comment
barbielovesmac Posted March 3, 2008 Author Share Posted March 3, 2008 im not expecting anything. im not expecting him back. and i told him should we EVER meet again that it will NOT be on a count of me. it would have to be him. he told me this has nothing to do with that girl or any other girl. he says its him. that he just wants to live his life ... alone ... so that he doesn't have to wonder. what ever the hell that is supposed to mean?! i don't know. i told him that i was okay. i assured him a few times that i was okay and that i'd be okay and that i'd move on with my life. i don't think he liked hearing that very much. don't know when i'll see him again. im completely out of the house, i made sure of it. soo i don't know when i'll face him again. i feel closure but it feels like there could be more. i don't know. im still a mess ... i've just got my strong face on. Link to comment
BeStrongBeHappy Posted March 3, 2008 Share Posted March 3, 2008 barbie when a guy says he wants to live his life alone, that usually means he wants to live it alone (with a lot of other girls) or alone without you (while dating another girl). i've had guys do this to me before, in fact had a married guy who was LYING to me about being single give the excuse he didn't want to get serious because he wanted to live alone. there wasn't a less alone guy on the planet than that guy, with a wife and multiple other women he was conning, but he CLAIMED he wanted to be alone. it's their way of getting off the hook WITH YOU. they also go down swearing it isn't another woman, but that's mainly becuase they don't want you talking to that other new woman and setting her straight about you. or he could have already told that other girl you were broken up already (like he told his father). the other odd thing is saying he doesn't want to 'wonder'... wonder what? that another girl might be better for him? or what it was like to sleep with another girl he has his eye on? the thing that is most disturbing about this guy is he lies whenever it serves his purpose. you are taking him at his word that he might want to come back, but you already knows he lies, a lot. so he could easily be lying about that too as a CYA gesture to get out of the relationship with less fuss. stroke you a little at the same time he is slapping you so to speak. so honey i suggest you REALLY deep down, recognize this is a breakup, and even if you don't feel it yet, act as if it were over... don't talk with him or see him or give him his 'barbie' fix while he goes off and dates other girls. honestly, if someone is really really precious to you, you wouldn't take the chance of losing that precious thing... you really MIGHT be the best thing that ever happened to him, but it doesn't sound like he really believes that or he wouldn't be breaking up with you. Link to comment
EQD Posted March 3, 2008 Share Posted March 3, 2008 i think he will come back. because he knows you will probably let him. i have a bad feeling of it. Link to comment
BeStrongBeHappy Posted March 3, 2008 Share Posted March 3, 2008 yes, that too, extinction! Link to comment
JeckyllNHyde Posted March 3, 2008 Share Posted March 3, 2008 Usually they deny it because they don't want you to know they are dishonest lying cheaters and they don't have the balls to tell the truth. True. Very true. Makes me so mad that people/guys/women do this but oh well.. What to do really. Just be glad they decided to show themselves to the door I guess.. Wouldn't want to have such a person as a bf/gf. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted March 3, 2008 Share Posted March 3, 2008 i think he will come back. because he knows you will probably let him. i have a bad feeling of it. i feel this way myself. every post sounds as if you are telling yourself you are over it. your posts sound you will take him back if he says he changed and what not. Link to comment
EQD Posted March 3, 2008 Share Posted March 3, 2008 i feel this way myself. every post sounds as if you are telling yourself you are over it. your posts sound you will take him back if he says he changed and what not. its basically what she is saying i think. "if he comes back that means we really have something" and so on. Barbie, do you really think you had something? Link to comment
metrogirl Posted March 3, 2008 Share Posted March 3, 2008 She just needs some time to absorb everything and see how things really are. She's weak right now, I think a lot of us would be. Hopefully, in time she will find someone that is worthy of her and all of this crazy mess will just be a thing of the past. Link to comment
barbielovesmac Posted March 3, 2008 Author Share Posted March 3, 2008 i don't know what the heck he means by "he doesn't want to wonder." im sure it has something to do with his other girl. i wouldn't put it past him. he still claims to this day that it isn't her ... i don't know. i don't believe him. because if he loved me ... well ... we wouldn't be here right now. he would've came home ... that night. he would've been sorry for hurting me ... not just sorry cause he got busted. i just don't know how to pick up all the pieces. i don't want to start ALL over with someone new. it feels like i'll never find someone new. i know, i know this is just a feeling but even the thought of touching another man makes me sick. so kissing ... sex ... with another man .... makes me ill. i don't even want to think about it. it feels like i will always compare ... that he'll consume my every thought when i TRY to move on with someone new. but on the other hand ... i know i wouldn't be able to handle this relationship ... while he's out kanoodling with this girl at track and all ... NO FLIPPIN WAY. i know this is a blessing in disguise ... but it's new .... and im in pain. that's all. Link to comment
barbielovesmac Posted March 3, 2008 Author Share Posted March 3, 2008 honestly, if someone is really really precious to you, you wouldn't take the chance of losing that precious thing... you really MIGHT be the best thing that ever happened to him, but it doesn't sound like he really believes that or he wouldn't be breaking up with you. this thought it what it keeping my head on straight. if i was so 'dear' and 'prescious' to him, we'd still be together. and NONE of this would've happened. like i said above, if he loved me, cared for me and wanted this relationship he would've come hom, he would've been sorry. and he wouldn't have ran away from me for 3 days. it took me going to him ... that's not LOVE. Link to comment
EQD Posted March 3, 2008 Share Posted March 3, 2008 youre right, its not. Now just focus on how much better your life is going to be when you find someone who will help you trust again. Link to comment
BeStrongBeHappy Posted March 3, 2008 Share Posted March 3, 2008 Barbie, i have a hunch here... Did this other girl see you come confront him at the track? My hunch would be that he has been telling her he was already broken up with you, and you just hadn't moved out yet (same story he told the father), and he'd been dating her on the sly. Then if this girl sees you come there, he has to explain to HER what happened. I suspect he didn't come home because he was at her house 'proving' that you were already broken up... She probably was upset seeing you come there and wondering why he would be seeing you and claiming you were broken up, then you show up there! So that might be the real reason he didn't come home, and where he was going... if he's already been dating this girl and needed to 'prove' you were broken up by staying with her rather than coming home to you... Link to comment
Miss Firecracker Posted March 3, 2008 Share Posted March 3, 2008 What a lie he told everyone. You know it was a lie, Barbie. It was a way for him to see this other girl on the side, kept her happy and you didn't have a clue. That is one of the most common stories I've heard on these forums. Guy is living with a girl who is just a psycho and won't move out. Good sob story. Link to comment
EQD Posted March 3, 2008 Share Posted March 3, 2008 whoa BSBH, that is a far shot imo. i am not ruling it out but maybe this had nothing to do with the track girl. It just sounds to me like he got tired of being controlled and smothered. So he opted the single route in the most cowardly way possible. But still, he tired of the game and ended it. I think that is a little more likely. Link to comment
barbielovesmac Posted March 3, 2008 Author Share Posted March 3, 2008 no, i don't think so BSBH. because the night i "caught" him at the track. she just kept running off. and him and i left to talk. he was home that night. it was the NEXT night that he didn't come home from his track meet. i even to this day, don't think it has anything to do with this girl. i honestly feel i just smothered him ... and he just needs to be alone. he also lied about her being on the track team, she is. and i found that out from his dad and his brother. it's just a big mess. Link to comment
hers Posted March 3, 2008 Share Posted March 3, 2008 where was he staying when he wasn't coming home? Link to comment
barbielovesmac Posted March 3, 2008 Author Share Posted March 3, 2008 where was he staying when he wasn't coming home? his friends house. that was for three nights. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted March 3, 2008 Share Posted March 3, 2008 guess what barbie. this guy was so great right? this is your motivation to find someone and start a new. be excited for the guy in your future. don't let this bum in the past bring him down either. Link to comment
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