barbielovesmac Posted February 29, 2008 Author Share Posted February 29, 2008 i listened to cher on my way to work. enpowering, that women is. anyways. i talked to my sister on the phone and i told her what was going on. she told me basically that she'd be upset too. she says it's crap that's he's lying. but she said that it sounds innocent to her. and she told me to remember that. to remember that nothing may be going on. and yes, it may be innocent. i believe that it is, but i still don't get it. none of it makes sense. i can handle that he lied to me about the running. but THIS i cannot handle. this is a completely different story. can i accept that nothing is going on between them other than a friendly lap? right now, no. i cannot. he always said that there was more to me and my guy friends. but that's where he is sooo WRONG. i never kept them a secret. he knew about them. he was friends with them. one of them was HIS FREAKING BROTHER!!! and yes, i am listening to the advice im receiveing. i haven't been able to log on until just now. im okay. im breathing. i picked myself up for work and my bank card is going to get hit hard after work. he's at his FIRST track meet. oh god, what kills me that most and even my sister said it was weird. she's not on the team but she was there?! it was AFTER practice. practice was O V E R. barely over, but over. his excuse, she was there for a run. and he stayed late to do other things ... yet he wasnt doing those other things when i pulled up! GAH Link to comment
JeckyllNHyde Posted February 29, 2008 Share Posted February 29, 2008 well, what bugs me about the whole thing is that you broke off the engagement and he didn't give a f*. He was more bothered about other stuff. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted February 29, 2008 Share Posted February 29, 2008 well, what bugs me about the whole thing is that you broke off the engagement and he didn't give a f*. He was more bothered about other stuff. oh and he lies. where is the innocence? 'you know i want to go hang with this girl. but my fiancee will be mad. hmmm, what do i do? i got it...' Link to comment
barbielovesmac Posted February 29, 2008 Author Share Posted February 29, 2008 he was more worried about his car, then he was our relationship. he was more concerned about having her as a friend then he was having a relationship with me. he told me that if we are to stay together then he gets her as a friend. because she listens. and that she is the reason we are still together. CRAP! but i can't have male friends right? because im a you know what, when i have male friends. male friends that HE KNEW ABOUT. no secrets with my male friends. but all secrets with his. uggh writing all this makes me so mad. wow. Link to comment
midnightrambler Posted February 29, 2008 Share Posted February 29, 2008 he was more worried about his car, then he was our relationship. he was more concerned about having her as a friend then he was having a relationship with me. he told me that if we are to stay together then he gets her as a friend. because she listens. and that she is the reason we are still together. CRAP! but i can't have male friends right? because im a you know what, when i have male friends. male friends that HE KNEW ABOUT. no secrets with my male friends. but all secrets with his. uggh writing all this makes me so mad. wow. reread this......it will help you realize what decision you need to make Link to comment
barbielovesmac Posted February 29, 2008 Author Share Posted February 29, 2008 he got mad at me exactly THREE days ago because he told me to meet him at his parents house right? so, i go there and he hadn't got there yet. well when i pull up, his brother and his friend (both these guys USED to be my best friends) we're pulling out. i guess he thought i needed something so he rolled the window down and asked me if i needed a key. i rolled down my window and told him no, that i was just waiting for his brother. that was it they left. my boyfriend pulled up two minutes later. sooooooo i get home from work later that night. he asks me if there is anything i want to tell him...i have NO idea what he is talking about. then he told me ........... about having to talk to his brother and that supposedly he heard a totally different story. it's like what story is there to possibly hear?! it's like he freaks out on me, when he's been lying to me for god knows how long?! wow. this is helping to get all this out. Link to comment
EQD Posted February 29, 2008 Share Posted February 29, 2008 okay so this relationship is doomed to fail, you both need to learn how to trust in general.. so.... what now? Link to comment
m12988 Posted February 29, 2008 Share Posted February 29, 2008 i thought things were good. but i just found out that he was lying to me. it all started with this morning. i got on our computer to check my bank account. so as im typing in the website, the drop down falls and it says link removed. hmm, that's weird. we don't have myspaces anymore. so out of my curiosity i go to myspace and put in his email. i knew there would be one because he couldn't delete it because he couldn't remember something about the email. so we reset the password he typed in a word and so did i and we didn't tell eachother the words we used. we also made his profile all weird before we did that. we put his display name as a period and we put some funky out of this world location. well, this was about september last year. SO ANYWAYS, i see his email there and it says his last login was 1/23/2008 and his display was set to his name and his location was indeed our location. and it also said he was single. there were no friends, no pictures or comments. ????????????????????? im so mad. Not defending his behavior in any way, but a few of my friend's myspaces have been messed with (i dont really no how, maybe the phishers or spammers) and it pretty much deletes their friends, comments, pics, everything. However, their name and locations still remain, and since everything (their about me, interests, etc) has been deleted, their basic information (their relationship status, smoke/drink/have kids) gets deleted and set to default, basically saying that person is single. So yeah, someone could've hacked into his somehow if this describes his current profile. Link to comment
JeckyllNHyde Posted February 29, 2008 Share Posted February 29, 2008 he got mad at me exactly THREE days ago because he told me to meet him at his parents house right? so, i go there and he hadn't got there yet. well when i pull up, his brother and his friend (both these guys USED to be my best friends) we're pulling out. Yep.. he's been lying to you and then freaks out. Look honestly, the reason most people do this is b/c of their guiltuy conciounce. I think he is afraid that if he can do it to you, why wouldn't you do it to him ya know? Also.. wth is up with him forbidding you to even talk to his brother (and friend)?????????!!! What does he think you'r gonna run off and have sex with his brother too? SOrry this is just very messed up. The whole way you both have tried to control each other. There is NO trust. And he made you also say bye bye to your best friends. Link to comment
barbielovesmac Posted February 29, 2008 Author Share Posted February 29, 2008 it is very messed up. i just don't know how to pull away. i know its what i need to do. but it's easier said than done. it's really hard to walk away. im afrain of the unknown. i know that i deserve more. i know that i have my flaws. but im a good person. im a good girlfriend. i would never cheat on him. im always there for him. i love him uncondtionally. i don't get that back ... so i don't know why it's so hard for me to just walk the hell away. he even asks me why i don't. he kept saying "why are you still with me?" "i do all this to you, and you're still here. " i had no other response then i don't know. Link to comment
EQD Posted February 29, 2008 Share Posted February 29, 2008 i think its because you feel relationships validate you.. and you are clingy.. and also what you wrote in the first part.. "i'm afraid of the unknown" Link to comment
Siriana Posted February 29, 2008 Share Posted February 29, 2008 Barbie, it's because you think you don't deserve better and think you can't find better. And that is wrong - because you do. Link to comment
barbielovesmac Posted February 29, 2008 Author Share Posted February 29, 2008 i need to open my eyes to the fact that i will be OKAY without him. but i can't. thinking about it scares the hell out of me, i am not going to lie. us not together doesn't make sense to me. Link to comment
diamond78 Posted February 29, 2008 Share Posted February 29, 2008 he even asks me why i don't. he kept saying "why are you still with me?" "i do all this to you, and you're still here. " i had no other response then i don't know. That was your cue to leave him and this relationship forever. It's hard to leave anyone you still love...it's one of the hardest things to ever do, but you have to ask yourself... Are you living a life that you would want to live not only for now, but for many more years to come?? If you can't say yes, then you should at least start preparing yourself emotionally to leave this relationship. And unless you two experience some type of miraculous 180 degree change in your behaviors, this relationship will continue its vicious cycle....Cycles never end, which means you will never feel lifelong happiness and peace within your relationship with him. Is that something you really want for yourself? This man is your fiancee, and it's extremely hard to let go...but you should seriously start considering a departure from this situation. Link to comment
PixelPusher Posted February 29, 2008 Share Posted February 29, 2008 i need to open my eyes to the fact that i will be OKAY without him. but i can't. thinking about it scares the hell out of me, i am not going to lie. us not together doesn't make sense to me. And this pathetic behavior of his DOES make sense? Link to comment
barbielovesmac Posted February 29, 2008 Author Share Posted February 29, 2008 no, it doesn't make sense. nothing makes sense to me right now. it's amazing to me how he can be doing all this behind my back and then come home to me. tell me he loves me. make love to me. it's sick. and i put up with it, thats even more sick. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted February 29, 2008 Share Posted February 29, 2008 i'm still waiting for a positive post about this amazing guy. *sarcasm* i have no idea why you are still trying to figure this guy out. he is what he is. Link to comment
EQD Posted February 29, 2008 Share Posted February 29, 2008 and i put up with it, thats even more sick. i feel a little enlightenment phase coming on..... Link to comment
duchesstigerlily Posted February 29, 2008 Share Posted February 29, 2008 Wow, Barbie. I feel so sorry that all this has happened to you. The problem is though, you *let* it happen by continuing to stick around no matter what he does to disrespect you and the relationship you have. You not being together makes all the sense in the world...you clearly are NOT compatible and have different ideas on what a good relationship makes. Not only that, he's a liar and a cheater so it makes even more sense that you wouldn't be together. Its pretty bad when the guy himself asks you why you are still with him even though he treats you like crap. If a guy said that to me my self-respect would drop a notch or two. He just isnt worth all the pain he is causing you. Unfortunately, if, after everything he has done to you, you cant see why it would "make sense" for you to be done with him then no one's advice here is going to help you and you would only have yourself to blame for any future hurt he inflicts on you....and you can guarantee there will be more hurt down the road. Link to comment
barbielovesmac Posted February 29, 2008 Author Share Posted February 29, 2008 i need a drink. im such an idiot. i am so stupid. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted February 29, 2008 Share Posted February 29, 2008 i need a drink. im such an idiot. i am so stupid. it's not you. he's the one that's stupid. you are bit naive for sticking with him this long though. Link to comment
barbielovesmac Posted February 29, 2008 Author Share Posted February 29, 2008 i think im going to go and get my guy friends back. they all know why i stopped talkking to them. although it was wrong of me, they know why i did it. i still see them here and there. so i know that we could make our friendships work. so i think that's what im going to do. work on fixing my friendships with these guys. we'll see if it's OKAY with my boyfriend. we'll see if the tables turn. see if he likes it. see if he's really okay with it. Link to comment
EQD Posted February 29, 2008 Share Posted February 29, 2008 i think im going to go and get my guy friends back. they all know why i stopped talkking to them. although it was wrong of me, they know why i did it. i still see them here and there. so i know that we could make our friendships work. so i think that's what im going to do. work on fixing my friendships with these guys. we'll see if it's OKAY with my boyfriend. we'll see if the tables turn. see if he likes it. see if he's really okay with it. you know... he could construe this as you getting back at him.. thats not what you are doing right? You should be getting your guy friends back because you realise its extremely childish to dictate who your SO does or doesnt hang out with or talk to.. not because you want to see if he will get jealous and then you can say "well you have that girl from track!" ... this just sounds like another endless beginning to a power struggle.... Link to comment
ghost69 Posted February 29, 2008 Share Posted February 29, 2008 why are you still with him? Link to comment
barbielovesmac Posted February 29, 2008 Author Share Posted February 29, 2008 no, i've been wanting to rekindle those friendships for some time. i've just been to damn scared to do it because of him. and why am i still with him? I DONT KNOW. i canot answer that question. Link to comment
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