Moral dilema

[flower99]

So I have 2 little brothers. One 22 year & 20 year.

the 22 year old has been dating this girl (beth we'll say) for over 2 years. They broke up on Tuesday, it was his first love...ect. But my brother couldn't see himself marrying her & So broke up. he's feeling good about it.

 

today my 20 year old brother called me today, with a moral dilema, I don't know what to answer so i'm looking to you guys for imput.

 

He told me he mentioned to his boss, (Beth used to work with him) that Beth & our brother broke up. His boss was happy & said good. My brother confused said why? he said that Beth had cheated with another emloyee a few months back. The boss (very crediable person) is certain of this & said he would never mention this if he wasn't. - there is no doubt in our minds that this is the truth.

 

Now my brother is unsure of whether to tell my other brother what this girl did to him while they were dating.

Part of me says no dont tell him, because my brother is happy & feeling good about things right now. there is no point in telling him.

But part of me says yes because my little brother feels terrible knowing this & our other brother not knowing the truth & her not being exposed for what she has done And my youngest brother is worried he will find out through someone else.

 

What do you guys think?

I don't know what to tell my little brother, his stomach has been turning all day with this.

would you tell your brother???

[shikashika]

if they were still together, I'd say yes.

 

In this circumstance, I'd say no.. its over anyway.

 

Ahh.. I don't know actually i'm sitting on the fence... i'd probably want to know.

[DN]

If they broke up and he is happy about it what is the point of telling him? I see no good purpose.

 

But if he were to say he was going to get back with her - that would be a different issue.

[shikashika]

.

 

But if he were to say he was going to get back with her - that would be a different issue.

 

this is what i thought too... but could you imagine if they did and how angry he would be.. i could imagine him saying "You knew?!?!! why didn't you tell me?"

 

 

Because if he gets back together with her, then he's obviously going to be thinkign about her before... and if he knew from the beginning, then (hopefully) he would never even think about getting back together with her.

[rosephase]

that is hard. I would say just let it go. It sounds like the relationship ended for other reasons. There is no reason to hurt him and cause more grief in ether of there lives if it's already over.

[knightNshiningarmor]

if your a cool older brother . coming from an older brother myself...id tell your younger brother...to not worry about it and tell him that if it becomes necessary to tell the other brother youll be the one to do it..if your other brother is in a good place about the break up that is, isnt still hung up on her and there is no chance of them getting back together then id keep it to yourself but if it becomes information you think he needs then say it but take the responsibility off your younger brother and take it on yourself in my opinion....at 20 he may not have the maturity to handle something that big.

[Censored]

Do not tell him if it is over.

 

Only tell him if there is any chance of her worming her way back into his llife.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Since they are broken up and he is happy about it then I would say leave it alone. It is possible that he already knew about the cheating and just kept it to himself. You don't know the reason why she cheated...it is possible the relationship was faltering for a while and she ended up cheating (no, I certainly don't condone cheating). You don't know what really happened in the relationship, but the key thing is that it is over and done with. If he decides to get back together, then yes, he should be told...but for now let it go.

[flower99]

the one thing about them getting back together....is I don't really know whether hes considerng it or she's trying. from my experience I get 'hey guess what we're back together' I never get the heads up, 'we're thinking about getting back together'

personally I don't think they would, but honestly I didn't think they would stay together as long as they did. So what if they do decied to get back togehter but at that point it's too late ??

 

thank you everyone for all the imput so far...its very helpful.

[itsallgrand]

As the sis, you can help little brother to get through it without going to Bigger Bro and spilling the beans.

 

That's a lot for a sibling to have dropped in their lap, from the boss, and your younger brother now has it as "his responsibility" to deal with. Sucks for him, but you can be there to help him blow off the steam.

 

Of all the times for a boss to let the company secrets come out, what a poor choice there.

 

So I think you don't even have to make the decision - just be there for your younger bro as an ear. He'll figure it out.

 

It would be really bad timing to tell about this now. It has no purpose, except to ease the load of secrecy from his gut.

[Nixee]

I have to humbly disagree with everyone else's advice here.

 

Of course it all is a case by case basis, and every situation is different.... but at one point in my own life, I found myself in a situation where I was with a guy who had cheated on me. Turns out, several of my "friends" knew about it, but none of them had the heart to let me know the truth.... save one. One person had the strength to step forward and say, "it pains me to tell you this, but this is what I know, and I thought you had the right to know."

 

And yes... it hurt a lot, but I was very, very grateful.

 

Had I had to find out on my own later, through the grapevine or some other means, and then found out that my friends had known all along and wouldn't tell me.... that hurts.

 

So try to think of your brother in that situation. Try to imagine what he might think of you when he realizes you kept a secret from him.

 

You've said yourself that he ended things himself and is feeling it was the right thing to do. News like this would hurt him... but it would also solidify his reasoning. I would recommend not giving it to him while the wound is this fresh, but I honestly think he will respect you (or your brother) for gently telling him the truth and just being there for him.

 

I guess it all comes down to a choice.... do you think you can keep him in the dark successfully forever... for the rest of his life? Or do you think he can take a blow now and just heal and deal with the truth? Which would you rather choose for yourself?

[Aleadragonhawk]

He's already broken things off with her, but hmm. One thing that I'm thinking of is this. If he was completely unaware of what was going on and never suspected it, it might be easy for another woman to pull the wool over his eyes, so to speak. Life lessons are important to learn - and learning this one might help him in the future. I'm not saying that he needs to be told or not - it's a very hard decision to make - but that this is a factor that you might consider.

[flower99]

Thank you so much for all the input, it's given me a lot to think about.

I really appreciate it!

[midnightrambler]

If they broke up and he is happy about it what is the point of telling him? I see no good purpose.

 

But if he were to say he was going to get back with her - that would be a different issue.

 

 

 

 

if it stinks don't stir it........leave it alone

[cc2006]

Case by case basis .. yes.

 

If I were in this situation ... I'd probably tell. Things are broken off ... I'd just try and bluntly and blankly state it. "Dude .. BTW, I found out Jill was cheating on you ... you're better off without her."

 

If things were reversed? ... well ... I'd want to know, I think. .. or would I?

 

 

Wow ... I'm confused now

[RayKay]

This really is always a tough question....for me it all depends on the relationship with the person and the circumstances.

 

Personally, I would tell. I would make it clear I JUST found out though (as I did). I would tell as it is my BROTHER; not just some random acquaintance, and because it is something he needs to be aware of health wise as well (i.e. if he had been tested before relationship and they were supposedly monogamous.....he may not be aware he needs to get tested now).

 

I'd want to know in his shoes. As much as it would hurt, I would admire how much guts it took them to tell me, and I feel I would deserve to know to be able to get tested, and to definitely write them out of my life forever!

[flower99]

Just thought I'd let you know....My little brother & I both slept on it to see how we were feeling the next morning. And the next morning we both felt strongly that he should know

We'd both want to know and considering how close we all are we couldn't keep it from him. And it would be far worse to find out from someone else when we all knew about it. Plus, Yes bella - the health factor - she was his first & only- so he wouldn't think to get tested after her, had he continued to believe she was faithful- so he definietly should get tested.

So we my little brother mainly..told him. He seemed to take it well... poor guy....but he did appreciate us telling him. well he's defineitly reassured that he made the right choice.

thank you for everyones input!