is p0rn ok if you're in a relationship?

[Krystal_Ivy]

i agree and it's circular to say "if he uses porn there is no trust and without trust there is no relationship" - it depends on whether the person views looking at porn as a breach of trust.

 

You and your fiancee are entitled to your views (I think you also expressed discomfort being around women in bikinis if you were to go on a cruise) but I don't see the need to judge others' views on the role, if any of porn in a relationship - it sounds like you and your fiancee are on the same page and - even better - he "has" a view and since you say he is a passive person good for him for taking a stand on this issue!

I don't recall judging others...

[CandyKins]

Lol, if both partners love porn then it would be fine.

 

I dislike porn. It is degrating and disgusting. It's disrepecting the body. Masturbating is natural, porn isn't.

 

But the question is... who would he choose, you or porn?

[beautifulbutterfly19]

to me, yes.

HELLLLLO LET ME BE YOUR PORNO!!!!!!

[Batya33]

I don't recall judging others...

 

You wrote: was looking through the archives here and I found a post by some girl, and I think she has a really good outlook on porn in a relationship. Here is her quote.

 

 

so, that was giving your point of view on how it should be in all relationships, not just yours.

[Krystal_Ivy]

You wrote: was looking through the archives here and I found a post by some girl, and I think she has a really good outlook on porn in a relationship. Here is her quote.

 

 

so, that was giving your point of view on how it should be in all relationships, not just yours.

I didn't know giving my view was judging. I didn't even write that SHE did. I just said she had a good point. I never said "you are all perverts!" that would be judging. Sorry to get you into such an argumentitive mood.

[Batya33]

A bit of projection I believe. I am not in an argumentative mood but it seems that you are looking for some sort of general validation on what you and your fiancee think about the role of porn in a relationship. Whatever works for you is fine of course. doesn't make it fine or right for anyone but you and your SO however.

[love4life]

A bit of projection I believe. I am not in an argumentative mood but it seems that you are looking for some sort of general validation on what you and your fiancee think about the role of porn in a relationship. Whatever works for you is fine of course. doesn't make it fine or right for anyone but you and your SO however.

 

Yep. As with anything else in a relationship, it's all a matter of compromise and respecting each other's boundaries.

[JadedStar]

Yep. As with anything else in a relationship, it's all a matter of compromise and respecting each other's boundaries.

 

Good point. And if you are marrying a man who looks at porn better get that in check before walking down the aisle.

 

It could lead to huge problems. Just because a woman doesn't like porn doesn't mean the man has to stop looking. they need to stop and talk about it and make sure they are compatible.

[annie24]

I think porn is ok in a relationship with some boundaries. first off, no kiddie porn or porn involving animals. that is sick, animals and children can't consent, and if I saw child porn, he'd get reported to the police ASAP. And as long as he isn't neglecting our love life for porn, then there is no problem. Porn doesn't bother me, for many, it's just a release.

 

I think if a couple disagree, then like melrich said, they either have to compromise or break up. I think there is a danger in forbidding someone from doing something, because then they will sit there and think about it more, and actually do it.

[goldfish box]

My bf and I both watch porn. We've watched it together as well, but that happens very rarely. We're both fine with it and think nothing of it. I think it's fine. But like someone said, if I knew my bf was watching incest porn or something, I would be really.. ugghh... As long as it's just pretty much "normal" porn, I guess, I'm fine.

[Girl_2]

I haven't read all of the replies but I think it's ok if both partners are ok with it. If someone is not ok with it then it's not ok.

Personally I couldn't care less when my partner watched it. I'd watch it too sometimes. Got us in the mood!

[valiantv]

I hate to sit on the fence, but it's all about moralising... It's up to each individual couple to decide what is OK and what isn't. Some people might say that having sex with other people is OK. (It's just sex, it's not like you love them).

 

Regarding this quote, "Why do you feel the need for porn if you have a girlfriend", the obvious answer is that she is not always around or in the mood for sex.

[s2ly]

My bf watched porn and I'm totally ok with it. He even asked me to watch it with him lol I did and I'm like whatever "/ I don't believe that if a guy watches porn or masturbate makes them change their feelings for you. Sometimes if a guy wants to get it on and you're not there or you don't want to give it to him porn is a great way to release is pleasure. Think of it this way, at least he's not going out and find another women

[Orlander]

Generally, I am against pornography

[Krystal_Ivy]

Generally, I am against pornography

thank you! nice to find someone on here with morals.

[Cardinal]

I could give a lot of reasons.

 

Intercourse orgasms tend to hurt a bit due to excess sensitivity for me. So I wouldn't rely on that alone. Blowjob and handjob orgasms can be tough to achieve. Moreover, I'd love to give up porn if I was in a relationship and knew that my girl would gladly give me a blowjob or handjob to completion when I needed it (once or twice a day maybe on average).

 

But face it, this isn't even close to realistic.

 

Hence masturbation. Porn enhances masturbation ten-fold or more. If I didn't look at porn to get off, I would just imagine women who are close to me doing what my imagination could come up with. Co-workers, my girlfriends best friends. Old college girlfriends. Random naked chicks I might be lucky enough to see. Whatever I enjoyed at the time. Only difference is I wouldn't have direct visual stimulation. I'd have to take a good photograph in my memory and keep it. I'd have to pay attention and go out of my way to see things that I knew would enhance my efforts later on.

 

Meh, I'll take my porn.

 

Inherently porn doesn't need to be degrading or have negative moral implications necessarily. Unfortunately, that industry isn't exactly very professional. A lot of things can happen that are morally inacceptable. I focus on what on is acceptable and the people who do things right according to my standards.

[JadedStar]

Hence masturbation. Porn enhances masturbation ten-fold or more. I generally don't care to masturbate much without when available. Masturbation is 'me' time. That is important in a relationship.

 

I think you nailed it.

 

It is "me" time for many men and women.

 

There is nothing immoral about it. I have found i rarely masterbate, if ever, when in a relationship but realize I am not in the majority.

[Batya33]

LOL - being ok with pornography doesn't mean the person is immoral or amoral or has "no morals." Being against pornography doesn't necesarily mean you have morals - a person may be against it because of psychological issues with it or insecurities- nothing necesarily to do with morality.

[Krystal_Ivy]

LOL - being ok with pornography doesn't mean the person is immoral or amoral or has "no morals." Being against pornography doesn't necesarily mean you have morals - a person may be against it because of psychological issues with it or insecurities- nothing necesarily to do with morality.

compleatly disagree 100%

[Batya33]

That's fine if you believe it's "moral" to be against porn but to judge those who are ok with porn or certain type of porn as "immoral" doesn't make a lot of sense. How would you like to be judged as "immoral" because you plan to use birth control? According to many religions, using birth control is a sin (and, hence, immoral). I am not judging your decision to use birth control and am not judging your values when it comes to porn, just noting that you are judging those who are ok with porn as "immoral."

 

And, of course you're wrong that all people who are against porn are against it on moral grounds. There are other reasons to be against porn - safety, psychological issues and insecurity are just a few of them.

 

I don't think all porn is immoral but I would be uncomfortable if my SO was into porn or addicted - far more because of my insecurities and distaste for it than on any moral grounds. If he was into a certain type of pornography (such as child) I would have a problem on moral grounds as well. I've never been judged as immoral for being ok with certain types of porn and certain uses of porn but there's always a first!

[Krystal_Ivy]

so exactly why do you have a distaste for it? And how can you be ok with it and then say you'd have a problem if your SO was into it?

[Batya33]

I have a distaste on moral grounds for certain types of pornography - such as child pornography or where the women involved do not have the capacity to consent to what is happening. Also, violent pornography.

 

However, I think certain types of porn are fine in a relationship between consenting adults - can enhance the mood, be fun, perhaps even a bit of a thrill. I find more porn boring rather than objectionable.

 

If an SO was really into or addicted to porn my distaste would be based on being uncomfortable with need to be that involved with pictures of naked women to that extent, perhaps a bit of insecurity, a bit of jealousy, and being wary of any sort of addiction, whether to porn or something else. I would have a problem on moral grounds depending on the type of porn (which I mentioned above and in previous posts).

 

So, my issues would not necesarily have anything to do with morality, and I don't believe that I "lack morals" just because I am ok with certain types of porn in certain contexts.

[anggrace]

Its okay with me as long as I feel we have a decent sex life and as long as he still treats me like Im his #1.

[Krystal_Ivy]

Its okay with me as long as I feel we have a decent sex life and as long as he still treats me like Im his #1.

I just don't get why if you DO have a decent sex life and you ARE his #1. then why would he need porn to get off? me and my fiance' haven't even had sex yet and he gets soooo horny from me and can get off from pretty much anything we do. But he totally thinks porn is unnecessary, because he has me. So exactly why would one need it if they are fully fufilled? If he WAS to start watching it, I would think he was losing something for me or wasn't attracted enough to me that he had to look at other women, or that we just had a boring sex life.

[Batya33]

I disagree - I can think of many situations where as part of getting more variety into sex life or spicing things up (for example, when a woman is nursing and hormones are interfering with libido, or something similar), the couple can watch a porn flick together to get things moving again. It's not about "need" and I don't see it as black and white as you do "if he wants to watch porn then there must be something missing in your sex life." Not necesarily, at all. It also could be that a man who doesn't ever want to watch porn simply may have a lower sex drive or libido - may have nothing to do with how attractive he finds his SO or wife. Same for a woman.