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love4life

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Everything posted by love4life

  1. Can't believe this thread is still alive and kicking, three years after I started it. It has certainly taken some twists and turns!!
  2. You're right - definitely an assumption! I'll be quiet now
  3. I just had a breakthrough - that sort of comment was the sort of comment I made towards my ex quite frequently during our relationship. Because he had warned me he wasn't looking for a LTR from Day One, I put up my defenses and approached the relationship in a sort of "sarcastic" way - teased a lot, made him think I "didn't care" about things, even though I did - I was just afraid to show it. I was rarely serious with him, and made light of things far too often. I think I understand now why he walked away. And I think it is up to me to break NC now that I've gained this perspective.
  4. I understand the argument about removing the ex from the pedestal and, certainly, finding that another person can please you physically is one way to help do that. But in doing so, just for pure physical pleasure in the moment, you're using someone for your own instant gratification. I know that I could never do that - I'd feel so low afterwards.
  5. I personally have never experienced this, per se. However, the house my family used to live in was a house on which my father built an extension off of the old foundation. The portion of the house that was older always gave me an uneasy, cold feeling. My sister had some strange experiences there. One in particular... When she was in high school she had to do a creative writing assignment about a "special place/location." So she chose to sit herself in our unfinished, cement basement (from the old foundation) in absolute darkness. While down there she wrote up her observations/thoughts about it and while down there she did see lights flashing accross the room. Odd, because there was no source for light to get in there. So anyway, after a half hour or so of this she finally came back upstairs - pretty weirded out of course - and went to her room (in the newer section of the house) to type up her paper. She finished the composition and set the printer to go (one of those old printers, with the perforated edges that took forever to print and made a lot of noise.) She left the printer to do its thing, and no one was in that part of the house while it printed. When she came back to get what she'd printed, the computer screen showed her composition all typed up, but the printed page only said "F the lights". SO WEIRD. I was glad when my fam finally moved out of that house and back into the one I grew up in!
  6. If you're looking for a serious relationship, keep an eye out for consistency. This means that they develop a "routine" in communications and also means that their words and actions are in synch.
  7. *Ahem* Weren't you the one who encouraged me to "get back out there" and start dating again? ;-) Well...I am. And I've met someone I like quite a bit! The ex pales in comparison
  8. Hey yo, As you can see, I defer my responses to Zorba, my PR guy ;-) Sounds to me like both your ex and her ex-now-BF are both very weak people. I had one BF who was always so eager to please and clingy and I just couldn't respect him for that. I like a man who can stand his ground and has a bit of a stubborn streak. Sounds to me like your ex knew he loved her more than she did and felt safe with that. Bottom-line: she settled and now YOU don't have to!
  9. Emily, Why are you sticking to plans you'd made even though you're broken up and she's pursuing someone else? I feel like you're torturing yourself by doing this! If I were you, I wouldn't go. You want to be "the old you" but your hurt feelings are going to make that too difficult. Call her and say an emergency came up and you can't make it! Best for you to leave the picture so she can miss you. Don't let her have her cake and eat it, too! It's unfair to you.
  10. This is great, ClarkM! Could you send the link to your "success story"? I don't think I ever read the final outcome after you brought Mira by her house a few weeks ago.
  11. emalkoc, Am I hoping he'll come back? Um, only if he's CHANGED. If he hasn't changed, then I know we'll never work. He does NOT want a commitment because he's afraid of intimacy. My contacting him will only make those fears resurface, I believe. He needs to work on himself and then figure out if he wants to be with me long-term. I don't know Dreamguy's story, but I'm familiar with ClarkM's. From what ClarkM told me, his GF told him what he needed to change, so he's making efforts to make those changes, and I think that's GREAT! She broke up with him because she felt HE wasn't doing enough. The difference is that I was doing the work in my relationship and my ex wasn't. I TRIED to get him to open up to me, but he couldn't/wouldn't. He ran away from the relationship due to his own fears. He is the one who needs to make an effort to change and, in my opinion, contacting him will only end with me being hurt again. He will view that as a push to get back together (which of course it would be on some level), and he'll only resist even more. I made efforts after the break-up and they only pushed him further away. The ball is in his court if he realizes the mistakes he's made. In the meantime, I'm moving on with my life. Occasionally, when I'm feeling down or lonely, yes, I miss him and maybe fantasize about him coming back, a changed man. But that's not the reality, and there's no sense in my trying to force that. I've started dating again, because I do believe that it's time for me to put that relationship to rest and move on (hence the reason I'm not on the GBT forum very much anymore).
  12. Hey buster, It was merely me philosophizing, as per usual. I like coming up with my own theories and trying - oftentimes in vain - to back them up. It's an interesting theory, though, wouldn't you say? I also wrote that at a time when I was hoping against hope that my ex would come to this realization, so part of it was borne of wishful thinking. Well, 61 days of NC later, there are no signs that he will (or won't, for that matter - there's the beauty of NC!). So it's (maybe?) likely that my theory will be disproved in my own life. But I'll actually defer to Zorba on responding to your first post, since I think he hit the nail on the head in response. Of course, every break-up and reconciliation (if one is to happen at all) is on a case-by-case basis.
  13. These people also tend to be serial monogamists - they rebound from rebounds and rebound again! God, how exhausting!
  14. Awww, thanks, poems! I think going through that experience as a kid kind of makes you want to prove those people wrong in the end. I remember for the longest time I was so concerned with what other people thought of me. I'd say it was as recent as a couple years ago that I finally started thinking, "Who cares what people think of me? I like me, so that's what matters!" I will say,though, I was one nerdy-looking, skinny kid (with a unibrow and tortoise-shell glasses, lol!) and I wasn't allowed to wear make-up or get contacts till high school. GAH, it was a nightmare!!! Wouldn't relive those years if you PAID me to!
  15. I understand the pain of the adolescent teasing - I went through hell in Jr. High and was called "ugly", too. It took a long time to get beyond my flaws, but I've found ways to either minimize them, remove them, or accentuate them (since I now, for example, LIKE my non-existent chest, lol!) Start with going to therapy and addressing the issues with your father - this can't be good for any child to hear her own father call them "ugly". If after some time in therapy, you're still not happy with you are then, as annie24 pointed out, maybe you will want to consider plastic surgery if it will help you make the first step towards accepting who you are. The only concern with that is to realize that you will have to cope with adjusting to a NEW appearance. I've heard this can be traumatic for some people, so just make sure you're aware of that.
  16. I've kissed a few girls - mainly during drinking games and the like back in college. I'm not into women, but I'm not afraid to kiss them if necessary.
  17. Yes, it's definitely a good thing. Just be polite with it and don't start with the dry humping - the anticipation of what's to come is much more of a turn-on.
  18. That's another thing...with the whole waiting thing. Let's say you finally "do it" at 4 months. Usually is this without really anything else happening (except kissing) first or is it usually a little of this and that leading to an "Enough of this already, let's just do it!" moment? For me it's always been a little of this and a little of that, not all at once.
  19. So what's the general consensus of how long to wait? Gee, this thread is all over the place!
  20. I think my ex was a "conquistador" of sorts! Before me, while he was in an uber Christian phase, he dated a woman who was saving her first kiss for her wedding. He said he "wanted to marry her" (they dated for 3 months before she broke up with him). I say, he saw a Virgin Goddess and was simply infatuated. He definitely started to be less attentive a couple weeks after we first slept together. And I started to feel like I was there just for his satisfaction. Whenever we got together, that was the first thing he wanted to do. Forget going to dinner or talking about each other's day - first things first! Priorities! Ugh. Yes, it's becoming clearer and clearer that I'm better off without him, lol! And Zorba, that's not "lazy", it's "committed".
  21. Just short of 2 months. He actually said he'd never had to wait that long before.
  22. Concise and to the point! Couldn't agree more, sabreen!
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