Krystal_Ivy Posted November 15, 2007 Share Posted November 15, 2007 My friend is going through this terrible time w/her bef right now. He won't give up porn no matter how much she begs him! personally my fiance' thinks it's disrespectful to watch porn if you are in a relationship. And he says, "why do you need porn if you have your woman??" what do you guys think?? girls, would you care if your bf was watching porns? and guys, why do you do it if you're in love and turned on by your own girlfriend? Link to comment
melrich Posted November 15, 2007 Share Posted November 15, 2007 It's Ok if both partners are Ok with it. If one partner wants to look at it and the other finds that an issue then they either reach a compromise or they determine the relationship is not compatable based on failure to reach a compromise. Link to comment
Krystal_Ivy Posted November 15, 2007 Author Share Posted November 15, 2007 what kind of compramise can you make with it? if one is against any porn watching in their relationship, then what do you say? "oh, honey, it's ok if you watch it once a week instead of 3 times a week"....? Link to comment
melrich Posted November 15, 2007 Share Posted November 15, 2007 what kind of compramise can you make with it? if one is against any porn watching in their relationship, then what do you say? "oh, honey, it's ok if you watch it once a week instead of 3 times a week"....? Well if one partner in immoveable on the issue then the other partner either agrees to stop looking at it or they go their separate ways. Link to comment
moxi_crimefighter Posted November 15, 2007 Share Posted November 15, 2007 i personally thinks it harmless Link to comment
glitter_dreams Posted November 15, 2007 Share Posted November 15, 2007 I agree with melrich, if there's no way to resolve it then hey should go their separate ways. However I've never really understood why people make such a big deal about their partner watching porn. As a girl, I really enjoy porn and I'm not sure what I'd do if a boyfriend told me I couldn't watch it... But I could only be in a relationship with someone who was sexually open-minded, and to me that includes accepting that your partner masturbates, and if this includes watching pornography then so be it. Even if you're in love and have a great sex life, it's healthy to have a good sex life with yourself as well... The only way I'd see porn as an issue is if it interfered with the couple's sex life, i.e. if someone would rather watch porn than have sex with their partner. Link to comment
Krystal_Ivy Posted November 15, 2007 Author Share Posted November 15, 2007 I agree with melrich, if there's no way to resolve it then hey should go their separate ways. However I've never really understood why people make such a big deal about their partner watching porn. As a girl, I really enjoy porn and I'm not sure what I'd do if a boyfriend told me I couldn't watch it... But I could only be in a relationship with someone who was sexually open-minded, and to me that includes accepting that your partner masturbates, and if this includes watching pornography then so be it. Even if you're in love and have a great sex life, it's healthy to have a good sex life with yourself as well... The only way I'd see porn as an issue is if it interfered with the couple's sex life, i.e. if someone would rather watch porn than have sex with their partner. why would you need to watch porn to masturbate, when you can just have sex, or think of your girlfriend instead of some strangers? Link to comment
KG Posted November 15, 2007 Share Posted November 15, 2007 For me, watching porn didn't equate with being in a relationship. I wasn't married to a porn star. I didn't expect to sleep with one. It was something i used to take off the edge, when lovemaking wasn't going to be had for awhile. A quick one in the shower, the thoughts go down the drain with the water. Emotionally...nothing. My S/O remarked, once in bed, didja get that move from watching porn? YEP! But that's just me. And there are varying degrees of watching. occasionally, sometimes, a lot, too much. I think some here and there is fine. When you're showering more than you are making love, then it's a problem. My 2 c's here... Link to comment
JadedStar Posted November 15, 2007 Share Posted November 15, 2007 Sounds like the couple isn't compatible. If they are not married yet they might want to reconsider. Link to comment
raffi_FL Posted November 15, 2007 Share Posted November 15, 2007 I have no problems with porn. As long as it isn't a huge aspect of my boyfriend's life (that would be pretty creepy) and he doesn't compare me to the porn star ladies. Their career is to **** mine is not. So as a woman I don't come with all the silicone add-ons that they do. To answer your question, why would they need porn to masturbate instead of thinking about their significant other. Well pure and simple. They say guys are visual creatures. This is true (not just for men) and while thinking about the s.o. is great and pleasurable, it really helps the whole process to watch porn and be visually stimulated. I'm sure a lot of guys watch porn and think about doing what's on screen with their gf. Porn is very stimulating and it is also a fantasy that gets the job done quick and easy. It really has nothing to do with the girls in the porn so there is no reason to be hurt. Link to comment
Up and Down Posted November 15, 2007 Share Posted November 15, 2007 I think porn is OK as long as its not a substitute for intimacy with your SO. Link to comment
love4life Posted November 15, 2007 Share Posted November 15, 2007 Honestly, I don't understand what the big deal is with porn. It's just images/videos, it's not real people. Heck, I'll be the first to admit that sometimes desperate times call for desperate measures! If my man's not around and, well....my needs are screaming to be met, I'll do whatever I need to take care of them on my own *hint hint* It's almost like saying masturbation is out of the question if you're in a relationship. And porn is just a means to an end. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted November 15, 2007 Share Posted November 15, 2007 It depends on how often, what kind of porn, etc. and your post presumes that this is a male thing. women watch and enjoy porn too. I agree with love4life, for the most part. Link to comment
Krystal_Ivy Posted November 15, 2007 Author Share Posted November 15, 2007 Honestly, I don't understand what the big deal is with porn. It's just images/videos, it's not real people. Heck, I'll be the first to admit that sometimes desperate times call for desperate measures! If my man's not around and, well....my needs are screaming to be met, I'll do whatever I need to take care of them on my own *hint hint* It's almost like saying masturbation is out of the question if you're in a relationship. And porn is just a means to an end. No. it IS real people. their not cartoons...And masturbation is a little different than porn. It doesn't involve you getting off from other people. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted November 15, 2007 Share Posted November 15, 2007 From what I understand, masturbation often involves fantasizing about other people. does that change your view? Link to comment
Krystal_Ivy Posted November 15, 2007 Author Share Posted November 15, 2007 I was looking through the archives here and I found a post by some girl, and I think she has a really good outlook on porn in a relationship. Here is her quote. mandymay Offline Member Join Date: Dec 2005 Gender: Female Posts: 12 porn -why do they look? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- arg!!! what is with males and porn????? I think that if you love someone you will not be wanting to look at someone else's body and lusting over it. I think it is just wrong no matter what. there is no "its all a prefrence" if my boyfriend looked at pron I would feel betrayed and that would hurt me more than anything in this world. to feel that he felt he wanted/needed to look at another womans body, and that hurts. I dont care what guys say to defend their behavior. or girls who look at porn for that matter, it is just as wrong as sleeping with someone else. it hurts you just as much. and it is just another sick escuse to lust after other people while with someone.. and I have never heard someone in a LTR say "oh the thing that keeps us together is his/her porn sites" and another thing that is lost in this is trust... if I lose my trust in my significant other, I have nothing left.... Link to comment
JadedStar Posted November 15, 2007 Share Posted November 15, 2007 No. it IS real people. their not cartoons...And masturbation is a little different than porn. It doesn't involve you getting off from other people. Is it different if the images are in one's head vs on a screen? Link to comment
JadedStar Posted November 15, 2007 Share Posted November 15, 2007 Her outlook might match yours, but that does not mean her outlook is prevalent. There is nothing wrong with your view of porn, but if you think all men's view matches it then that is where it gets "sticky". Link to comment
Krystal_Ivy Posted November 15, 2007 Author Share Posted November 15, 2007 Her outlook might match yours, but that does not mean her outlook is prevalent. There is nothing wrong with your view of porn, but if you think all men's view matches it then that is where it gets "sticky". I don't think all men's views are that way. My fiance's couldn't be further from these. Link to comment
fantasyfern52 Posted November 15, 2007 Share Posted November 15, 2007 my boyfriend use to watch it and get off to it but when we started dating he stopped. the only time he watches it, is when we sometimes watch it together. replicating some of the moves makes things pretty interesting haha! Link to comment
Day_Walker Posted November 15, 2007 Share Posted November 15, 2007 Unless pornography rises to the level of an addiction where a person is abstaining from intimacy with their partner then pornography is not a problem. Now of one person objects to their partner viewing porn based on moral and or religious issues that that is their issue and they cannot force the other person. It seems to me that people tend to look at porn as your fiancee does as a utilitiarian tool. Now that may be the case for him but not for others, pornography is fantasy, which are healthy to have but people have a hard time believing that porn and a relationship can coexist. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted November 15, 2007 Share Posted November 15, 2007 Her outlook might match yours, but that does not mean her outlook is prevalent. There is nothing wrong with your view of porn, but if you think all men's view matches it then that is where it gets "sticky". i agree and it's circular to say "if he uses porn there is no trust and without trust there is no relationship" - it depends on whether the person views looking at porn as a breach of trust. You and your fiancee are entitled to your views (I think you also expressed discomfort being around women in bikinis if you were to go on a cruise) but I don't see the need to judge others' views on the role, if any of porn in a relationship - it sounds like you and your fiancee are on the same page and - even better - he "has" a view and since you say he is a passive person good for him for taking a stand on this issue! Link to comment
alcide Posted November 15, 2007 Share Posted November 15, 2007 To me there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. At the end og the day it has to do with you, and how far you take it. Link to comment
beauty21 Posted November 15, 2007 Share Posted November 15, 2007 I watch porn and my boyfriend doesn't. I have always enjoyed watching it, always. You don't have to like anything you are not comfortable liking. Everyone is different. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted November 15, 2007 Share Posted November 15, 2007 I don't think all men's views are that way. My fiance's couldn't be further from these. Ok. Then it is a non issue. I would imagine that would make you not so frantic and have to search to see if others agree. If you feel he agrees that is all that matters. But as batya mentioned you thought perhaps you didn't want to go on a cruise because women in bikini's might be around - you are going to have a long and hard road ahead if your guy is not allowed to look at women dressed scantily because they are everywhere. Not jsut on the beach or cruises. Even billboards driving down the street. Secure women don't feel bad if there are women in bathing suits at the beach. Link to comment
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