smackie9

This 100%^^^. Before you cower with guilt or dump this on your husband, it would be best to get your thoughts and feelings together to make a clearer decision on how you will approach this.

Remember what you just said "I don't know why my parents stayed together." Why are you staying with your husband when you have such resentment and it's killing you even more when you internalize your feelings about it. If you can't forgive him, leave him. Simple as that. And another thing...if your mom is still alive, you might feel it therapeutic to let her know how her behavior and her life decisions affected you. Even if she dismisses it, at least you had your moment to let her know.

You still feel there's unfinished business as to why it happened. That's why his gaming is still triggering you. I think you need to go over with him on why it led up to this emotional affair...something must have happened that would lead him away like that, it could be as simple as not feeling desired or life feels like it in a rut, etc. As you discuss it, those little things will pop up and start to make sense....getting more knowledge on it will ease the hurt and paranoia. It will give you more confidence that this thing is resolved.

You need to pull her aside and ask her for yourself. Just tell her whatever truth she wants say, you will accept it and move on.

We don't know her, so really we can't judge. This is up to you in how you want to deal with this. maybe spend some time apart to think, then regroup and talk more about not what happened, but be let it be more about feelings, emotions, why it let up to that. Some times it goes deeper/further back than one night at a party.

I'm married but not a therapist, but I do see your issues. You can't expect change in an instant. You need to pick small goals and do them one at a time, whether it be some self improvement, or a simple adjustment request of your husband. Acting out is your number one issue that should be addressed first. Cut out the drama. You don't sleep on the damn floor crying. This will affect the whole household. Your kids hear it and feel it no matter what you think. It proves nothing to your husband except you acting out like a child. You are a big girl now. If it can't possibly be resolved you just go find a different place in the house to sleep, like the sofa or guest room. Next, don't have discussions before bed. You do it when you both can have time to sit and talk like after dinner or on the weekend when there is one on one time. Make room for compromises. If you don't get your way, make a compromise that you both can accept...bend a little. Remove the tunnel vision. Don't pinpoint and stew over something that is bothering you. You don't have a clear mind, you won't be able to discuss things reasonably. Fights will ensue every time if you are not calm, and have your thought and feelings in check.

Any man who treats you like that, needs to be sent off out into the street. Complete jerk. Girl you are so much better off with this guy. Enjoy your freedom and live life the way you want to. Don't go back to this guy please.

Those excuses are not what is stopping him from commitment. He just doesn't want it. He's interested in getting between the sheets with you and nothing more.

Men don't like handle situations like this...in fact they would do the easiest thing and for him it was to take over the mortgage instead of dealing with the real issue...the very reason why they are in such debt. He should sign himself up to be executor of their estate, and take full charge of their money, and other needs. Get his mother into therapy for her OCD. He seriously needs to address this. His mother's illness is the root of all of this. Switching houses is not the cure.

Calm down! You are not BF/GF so you are not a priority to him on that level. Your expectations are too high.

So if she can get government support because he no longer lives there, and he keeps paying fully for everything like he is living there.....doesn't that say scam to you? That she will be collecting all this money? And that they are still married? He will be entitled to it too....plus he can claim this support on his taxes and get money back.

Then why are you even with him.....there is no future with this guy. Send him back to his ex. And yes he is gaslighting you. Get him legally removed from your house.

I would end this relationship...that's just me tho. He's using you IMO.

Well give him an ultimatum. He can move back in when his kids no longer need his support.

Why are you even dating someone who is in this situation? I wouldn't let him live in my house...no way. He's taking money away from you and your kids supporting his a$$. Makes me wonder if the two of them are in this together...he found a sucker to cover costs. Sounds like a scam.

Nothing controlling about adjusting habits. You would like advanced notice, you would like to be able to have some input on what you two are going to do together. It's all about communication and compromise. If he struggles to make changes , then you boot him to the curb. You have nothing to compare this relationship too, but I do. MPOV This is his personality...this is who he is and what he is all about. I wouldn't have dated someone who is like this. It doesn't feel like a partnership, nor does he think about your feelings. You don't feel like a priority.

If you feel real stuck, I suggest you seek out counselling and possibly couples counselling to sort through this before you make an rash decisions. That was way back then....this is now. Things are different.

If you have to work that hard to have communication, see that as a red flag and don't push this any further. Let her contact you. If she doesn't continue to date others.

When you marry her you will be able to see all of her naturally in person.

Some people are pursuers and some are chasers. I think she's a chaser. Be kool, aloof and not be so there for her. To be desirable is to be less available. But also beware of when being strung along. If you are not getting results, ditch them all together. Note: never act passive aggressive saying things like you won't be talking to them anymore to get a response out of them or $%^& test them...that's so lame. Show them you have self worth...backing off, knowing where you stand without saying anything is key.

There comes a time when it gets old. Trauma bonding is an unhealthy way to build or create intimacy within a relationship. If you have deep long time struggles, stop dumping it on your BF and find a good therapist. It's become too emotionally taxing on him...too much. Most would expect to move forward, be positive and build a new perspective on life. Finding counselling would be your best bet.

This is troublesome. He's being obsessive...obsessiveness means not respecting boundaries, controlling behaviour and jealousy. Red flags girl red flags.

Virginity is not a golden chalice. Sex is just an act, an experience. It's the emotions, and feelings, the sharing of the experience involved is what is important. This girl means everything to you...just hold onto that blessing because that has more meaning than giving up your cherry.

In my eyes no one was to blame...just turned out you two were not a match. When you can't be on the same wavelength everything falls apart pretty darn fast.

He fell out of liking you....the arguments, not getting along, incompatibility, differences of option, can be deal breakers. That's why we date and have relaitonships...to see how you get along, expectations being fulfilled, just finding what is a best fit. It just didn't work out....you both gave it a shot, he changed his mind how he felt about you. It happens. Can't let bitterness/butt hurt ego get the better of you because you got the $%^&&* end of the breakup stick.