lost-in-love

Surely it is contributing. I think in my mind I see her behaviour as a 'confirmation' of my lack of worth. I realize this is very unhealthy because I should not base my worth on someone else's estimation. One step I have taken recently is to start seeing a counsellor and discuss my issues.

Thank you for this very considerate comment! I agree that avoidance is not a solution but I cannot have a regular conversation with her unless she wants it. If she has put a wall and her attitude shows that she doesn't want to talk with me attempting a conversation will only make it worse. I thought that time would help but so far it doesn't seem to have helped so much.

Sometimes she says 'hi' and sometimes she doesn't. The last times we met and spoke it felt like I was at a trial because she managed to find fault with anything I say and we were not even discussing our relations but completely external topics. Sometimes she would not even listen to what I say but just talk over me whereas with the others she is kind and listens to what they have to say. That's why I took a step back - maybe I exaggerate but at some point communication with her became humiliating experience.

Thank you, very good comment, as well as the previous ones. Perhaps I took her words that we can stay friends too literally. Maybe she really thought this in the beginning but when she moved on she realized that friendship with an ex may be a problem for her future relationship and just decided to 'delete' me from her life. The problem is - and I realize this is a problem I have due to a low self-esteem - that I can't continue with my private life. I am having thoughts like: 'why go on dates and look for a new partner when it always fails?' or 'if my ex resents me, doesn't it mean that I do something wrong and I should not date anymore?'.

Thank you. Yes, the same woman. I was stupid enough to think that after some time passes she would become less cold and distant.

Hello, During the last few months I cannot stop asking myself this question and I realize this is harmful for me because I feel depressed and stuck in the past. I will try to summarize: I am a guy in my early 30s and my ex-girlfriend is in her late 20s. We started as friends for some months but it became clear that we both want more than friendship. Our relationship continued for some months and she ended it respectfully saying that she is looking for a different kind of guy (more confident etc.) but she wants to stay friends and keep in touch because she appreciates me as a person. I was a bit surprised that she continued initiating meetings for coffee, sending me jokes and so on. When I think about it now probably she was still interested in me even though she broke up with me. Spending a lot of time together it didn't take long that we kiss and hug again. I was stupid to think this could be a new beginning whereas she said that this was like a nice ending of our relationship, that from now on we should be strictly friends and we should both look for a new partner. Even if what she said sounded logical, I could not understand how she managed to change so quickly, as if she pressed a button in her brain and she detached. For me it was not so easy: she noticed that I have feelings and it seemed this annoyed her a lot because she started to criticize my personality, get irritated at things I say or do and so on. I realized this could get even more painful for me and we agreed to not meet for some time. However, since we have many common acquaintances, it's inevitable that we run into each other. I have missed many gatherings with her and other people because I know that her cold and distant attitude will make me feel bad and worthless. Also, some friends of her have become cold towards me. Months have passed, I haven't contacted her and I was again stupid to hope that she would become a bit friendlier. I don't want a relationship with her anymore, I just want that one day we could have a normal, civil conversation. It seems that in her eyes I did something terribly wrong and I don't understand what that is! I have gone millions of times through situations and conversations and I guess what I am 'guilty' of is that I still had feelings and she didn't. It seems I was someone she just wanted to get rid of and 'remove' from her life. For the moment my strategy is to avoid her, in this way I avoid pain but actually the pain is still inside me.

It was not me who wrote this comment but another user. I am not very confident, that's true and I understand a woman might not like that. But then why after the break-up (which she wanted) she was still flirty and initiating physical contact - that's not very consistent either.

Thanks for your opinion. I understand that if she is with a new guy we cannot be close but i still think one can acknowledge the other person's existence by a simple 'hello', nothing more. Maybe I exaggerate but I can't help thinking that she hates me and I don't understand why. We didn't break up in a bad way and she even said after the break-up that she is happy we had been together.

Hi everybody, I realize this is a very standard story but in the last weeks my brain is occupied all the time by this topic. I keep asking myself if and what I did wrong and how can someone who was part of my life treat me as if we never knew each other. My ex-girlfriend and I started spending time as friends and gradually things evolved in a relationship. I am in my early 30s and she is in her late 20s. We were together just for a few months, she ended the relationship in a respectful way saying that we are not so compatible. I am a bit introverted and I think she was looking for a different personality. She told me she wants a more confident guy who makes her feel desirable. After the break-up we continued spending time as friends which was maybe a mistake because in this way we didn't manage to process the break-up. After some weeks we ended up making out and actually she initiated it. And then the problem started: I thought we could be together again while she said this was a closure. She became distant, annoyed by small things I say or do. It felt that nothing I said or did was good. I realized I am losing her from my life, we spoke and I told her that I have feelings. She said that we both should move on. I didn't want to annoy her and stopped contacting her. We only met with mutual friends 3-4 times and she was confusing because she would switch from being friendly to being distant or even mean. After seeing her I was feeling worthless. After not meeting her for 2 months we saw each other and she didn't even say 'hello'. She looked at me as if I was the worst person in the world and I don't get why when I gave her the space she wanted. She might have a new boyfriend but is this a reason to completely ignore someone who was part of her life? I feel like a piece of garbage she wants to throw away from her life. Did I do something wrong or maybe I am just weak, or maybe she is rude and immature, or maybe that's just life?