Noname84

Thank you for the responses so far. They separated 3 years ago and he lived a very separate life but in a different room in the house. I know it isn’t a scam but I just don’t like being taken for a ride as I’ve been so patient. He seems to think that this is what happens when guys separate and I’ve told him time over that it is not and no one would put up with this but he seems to think I’m unreasonable.

Marriage! Jeez he won’t even get divorced!

Also my job is at risk due to company restructure which makes this more important and he told me that he can’t support me! I said I wouldn’t expect him to fully support me but at least I could rely on him a little until I’m sorted. He basically said “you will be fine” and that when he nearly lost his job he found another and that’s what I would have to do. i told him that I am feeling used and then he tried to tell me he has been spending 90£ a week on me! I have not seen this. For example at Christmas he expected me to almost off set his contribution because he spend x amount of me. I did say that he shouldn’t have to choose to either buy me a gift or contributez

I did and he won’t do that as he basically lived on the lounge floor there for years and didn’t have a life there. I just wondered if I was being fair and whether he is actually wrong doing me as when we get in the argument about it he basically blames me and makes me feel bad about it by calling me jealous and tell me that I’m trying to leave his kids with nothing. In fact I want us to be able to treat his kids but we can’t when he is now planning on giving 500 for maintenance pay another 500 for mortgage there and then keep 400 by for the kids. That leave us with not much after that. He said he is legally bound to pay the mortgage which in theory is correct but he doesn’t live there and she is going to get the money from the government. He also said he is handing over the house! So why would he keep paying. I did say that if they need more then as she is the other parent then she will need to work for it and provide. Just like I do for mine.

We moved in together as we were ‘dating’ for a year and a half and it seemed like the most logical step and also managed the already difficult situation. I’ve known him for years and he is a genuinely nice guy and I think he is scared that she will turn him against the kids. He has no relationship to his ex as they don’t talk or be in the same room most of the time. I genuinely think it’s out of worry but at the same time this isn’t right. He doesn’t see that if he paid his maintenance and then he would have money to treat them on top and be more secure with me. He thinks I’m asking for him to give bare minimum and doesn’t see that we can’t go on like this.

I’ve been with my partner for nearly 2 years and he moved in 6 months ago. He has 4 children who are all secondary and college age. He has been paying his wages to his soon to be ex wife and he has barely anything for us. He cannot contribute fully to bills even though I have said that he doesn’t need to contribute to the mortgage as his name isn’t on it but the offer of some help would be good and fair. He also has no money for the month which leave me paying for most things. I earn a good wage and explained to him that I can be patient until he sorts his finances. She is claiming universal credit and she will have enough to cover pretty much what he is covering for her. She didn’t tell him and still took his money. I questioned this and he is now angry at me rather than her. He said he will give her the respect to talk to her before withholding all his wage. He told me that even though this is the case he will pay the mortgage for her as well as maintenance. My argument is that, she is receiving benefits to cover that and he now could just pay maintenance. But he won’t have it. So, he cannot pay towards bills fully in the house he lives In or have money for the month. He says he has 100 a week but recently he has been spending that on the kids. Again, I wouldn’t have a problem if he wasn’t already giving the rest of his wage 2000 to his ex wife to support the kids. So leave us with nothing from him. He also recently was medically cleared to drive and I spent the time and money with him using my car to practice and paying all the fuel. On top of this for 6 months I was dropping him to see his children 2 evenings a week and picking him up at 9 and also the day at the weekend. He didn’t see that this impacted on me financially and also my time with my kids. His ex doesn’t work as 2 children are home schooled but he won’t ask her to try and support herself as she apparently can’t work as can’t leave the house. The children are 12 and 14. He won’t see that she could work from home as he said he feels she should not do any job but one to use her skills. He also said he won’t challenge things because she will cause arguments which will impact the kids as she is volatile and he has to think of her mental health! I work full time in a pressurised job; I have a physical health condition and cutting my hours down would help. Also I have 2 children with their own needs but manage to work and juggle their appointments etc. It’s hard but I do it as I have no choice. I can’t even question him about this as he gets angry and then tells me in causing arguments all the time and I’m nasty because I won’t allow this to continue. Moreover, his children who are secondary age and college age won’t integrate I to our lives and he has to go to his exes house to spend the day and evenings to see them. I get this is the right thing as they are his children after all but they often cancel which possibly his ex is not helping the situation. I think she is turning them against him and he is a fantastic dad. He won’t see how this is not fair on me and my children as I’m picking up the financial burden constantly and having to always go along with his and her decisions. He is blaming me and tells me I am jealous and that I am going to put his kids into poverty! I feel like he is gaslighting me and he is happy to argue with me and keep information from me and not allow me to have a say. Am I being unfair or am I being taken for a ride? I want to know whether I have a point or if I’m in the wrong like he blames me.