smackie9

OK so this guy's response to a relationship conversation was to disappear for over a month and then divert blame on YOU saying he didn't want to deal with YOUR wrath. How stupid does that sound to you? This guy doesn't deserve your attention let alone answering his messages. He's an immature twit. He insulted you and your intelligence for Chr^% sakes. Block/delete, don't respond to him. Lose his number.

You were friends zoned before any of this got off the ground so there was nothing you did wrong...it was already set in her mind. She wanted something to do so she went out with you thinking it's just friendship/maybe for attention. You didn't know which ladder you were on because she acted all nice and stuff. Being nice doesn't always = interest. Some girls are oblivious to your actions, some know but take advantage. It sucks but this is how is goes at your age. Most girls grow out of that manipulation or they finally figure out men that interact with them are most likely interested in dating them. Anyways there's no point in sitting there scratching your head over this. Push yourself away from her and move on from the BS.

This is what some guys do...it's called keeping desperate/lonely girls on the hook. They just sprinkle just enough attention and watch you gobble it up and wanting more. It keeps you available to him while he can be unavailable to you, and be available to others when he feels like it. My advice...stop chasing him... he is dropping breadcrumbs.

Just block and delete his number....make sure he can no longer contact you. Grieve, heal, and move on. Then down the road, you will ask yourself "What the hell was I thinking getting involved with someone like that?" It will a seem silly to you eventually.

You and her just got carried away with the fantasy affair, to which many have gone there too, so don't keep kicking yourself. It was a matter of time either one of you would have met someone irl, and would want to take that opportunity. It's a tough deal but you can't blame her, you were just as much as a participant in this. Lesson learned, go forward with the knowledge to not get involved with someone in this manner. There are way too many risks, with a small chance of reward.

That's mental abuse.

ya like I said don't engage in conversation just block her.

When things get bad, that's when you need to stop investing your future with that person. Clinging onto the "good times" isn't a good enough excuse to try and make it work. This has run it's course.

You can do both. You can just tell her you don't want to keep in contact, and then block/delete go no contact immediately after. Do not get into a conversation with her.

She masking her desire with "Oh I thought this would help with your depression." That's very manipulative. She's only thinking about herself.

Don't matter if you see signals or not. If you find someone you are interested in, you simply ask them out. It's that simple. Oh and do it in person, never over text. If they say no, no big deal. It's just part of life.

Well if that's how you feel then tell him this doesn't work for you and wish him all the best. Pretty simple. Don't make this anymore complicated than it needs to be.

I would take this as a warning that he could be projecting his guilty actions...like it's OK for HIM to be with other women as long as you don't know but not OK for you to be with other guys. And if you ever found out he was with someone else, he would just turn it around on you saying that you two didn't agree to be in a committed relationship. See where I'm going with this? His silent treatment speaks volumes that he is very manipulative, and childish. Instead of properly talking this out, he would rather hurt you and make you feel bad. Big red flag hun....run for the hills on this one. I urge you not to chase him down. Don't do it. Do not put up with this type of behaviour.

Obviously it's her stressing is at the root of all this. Go get couples counselling. It will be ideal for her because she can get some guidance on how to control and deal with her stress.

Some don't realize what they are getting into with raising kids until they are in the thick of it. She's very over whelmed and feeling trapped. That this isn't what she signed up for. Having outside relationships whether it just be emotional is what she wants as an escape. In other words she's thinking of ways to keep the family together as an obligation, but wants different in her life. I urge the both of you to get counselling together because yes she is NOT in the right head space. And it better be quick before there's a decision to walk away.

This>>>100% Open communication is necessary for any relationship to succeed. You are 35 years old...why are you playing head games.

Obviously you come to this conclusion that this is how your BF is...a little slow, a bit thick headed. Guess what....this is who he is. Don't like it, breakup with him. This is why we date. To find out if they fulfill our expectations. He doesn't. Instead you are frustrated with his personality/behaviour, especially in social situations. You like him, you have to be more understanding and patient with him. I suspect he's on the spectrum. You can't sit there, you have to be supportive and learn to navigate this situations with tact and grace. If you feel his friend gets out of line, YOU step up and shut him down. His friend's behaviour is atrocious. That should be your focus. He's been bullying your BF for some time and now he's starting in on you. Never let a man get away with such attitude, immature behaviours. Your BF isn't the problem here.

I know abuse myself...been there. They hide their true self, be on their best behaviour, but domestic abuse/violence starts to reveal itself in small increments. So small you dismiss them because you keep relying on the good behaviour as the truth about them. This is how the cycle begins. You get in too deep, love them too much and you fall into that trap of feeling you are the cause, you created it and feel guilt, try to make it better. You need to end it now.

IMO if it was when he was in his early 20's and it stopped then, and it's 20 years later I would give it a pass......but if this was a few years ago...I would say that's a deal breaker. His attitude stinks too btw.

Not getting it from her is because that's the way she is...in her mind as a woman she should be showered with affection, chased, complimented, protected, etc by the man. You say you have to reassure her, or make sure of that...that's creating a monster. She will never have confidence in this relationship or herself without it. Sounds like you have an insecure girl, and reassurance is an enabler for that insecurity. She keeps needing that fix to feel better. A woman that strongly returns the romantic gestures, affecting, protection, compliments, etc is a woman that has confidence. Your GF don't have that. You have to change your habit of reassurance, and use encouragement to build confidence....but you have to have a serious conversation about it first.

Have you not flirted with this person, hinted at going out, dress up real cute, cutesy body language, etc.? Kinda give them an opening to ask you out?

We check on each other for all kinds of things, not just sleeping in. We have been together for so long we know each other's algorithm. There's sometimes a blame game if something isn't done, but it settles itself out with humor.

why are you still hanging on? I told you to punt her to the curb because she doesn't put in any real effort into this. Nothing is going to change.

Workplace emotional affairs do happen but should be avoided. Emotions like that have no place in the work environment. It's just a crush which is more desirable because she's unobtainable. All I can say it, get your head out of your butt and distract yourself some way to turn off that dopamine. Reality is there is nothing else you can do about it. She's taken and you need to respect that. Don't end up being her side line chump.

Who knows what this guy is capable of. His next plan could be to try and break you two up by spreading rumors about seeing you with someone else etc. It's best to get to your BF asap and explain the situation.