I love my girlfriend a lot. I want to spend my life with her. She told me last month, after a small incident where I told her how important honesty is to me, that she had cheated on me by kissing her friend about 8 months ago, only a few months into our relationship. I was devastated. I begged her for details and she assured me that she didn’t enjoy it, that he was making her uncomfortable for the entire night, and that she just didn’t feel like she could say no to the kiss. After a month of anguish and begging her for details and questioning her, she never told me the total truth still. She was lying to me and to herself about things. Finally, just last week, she tells me that he actually kissed her twice, that she actually enjoyed his attention during the night, and that she was not uncomfortable except during the kisses because she genuinely didn’t enjoy that part, and afterward when it hit her what she did to me. She didn’t even remember that I existed during the entire night until at the end right after the second kiss, at which point she left very quickly, deleted his message telling her goodbye which is something she’s been hiding too (but she did that because she already wanted to erase the whole night), and felt terrible. She woke up at 3 in the morning that night sobbing. She wrote down in her journal of the worst moments of her life that morning how she was an awful person, how she can’t believe she’d do this to me, how meaningless he and that was to her and how much she loved me and yet she still did it. She was truly devastated by and regretful of her own behavior. I’ve been wrestling with leaving her this whole time. For a while my condition was that I’d leave if she enjoyed it or lied to me further. Obviously it’s been exposed that both of those things have been true but… I don’t want to leave. I know that she wouldn’t do it again. She is a sweet good person. She genuinely hated it and wishes it never happened. She sobbed to her best friend about it the next day and she told her never to tell me. She’s been trying to preserve our relationship for the past month which is why she’s been lying. And, she told me everything. It took a lot, it took a long time, but I FOUND out none of this. She chose to tell me every detail, chose to hide things at first but still eventually told me. I love her so much. She messed up, and everything else has been just trying to fix that one thing. I truly believe she’d never do this again. She truly is so special to me. It hurts like hell but I’m willing to work through that. I just have so many emotions I don’t know how to work with them.
