Junebug03

Giving an update! So first I talked things through with my therapist, and she helped me formulate the right way to say what I wanted to say. I talked to him this evening after dinner, and it went really well! He listened to me, and asked some clarifying questions. He was a bit confused, because he said that the way he socializes is by asking people a to do things a bit last minute, because people are always busy and you're never sure who will be available and who won't. But all the same he understood that I wanted to be kept in the loop in the future, even if the plans are last minute, and actually apologized for the first instance when his friends were in the car. I'm came out feeling happy, and like I would feel more comfortable communicating my needs in the future. I am hopeful that he will feel the same for his own needs, and I think, at least for now, that everything is good. I know I still need to work on my jealousy issues, but I think this was a really good and big step for me. Thank you all for your advice, I really appreciate it.

Thank you for your advice. I'll be honest, there are some factors in our relationship that do make things a little difficult. I also didn't realize this until I started this relationship, but I am deeply insecure. I'm afraid that I'm not good enough, that he'll get tired of me and leave me for another girl. I am not his first relationship, while he is mine. I am realizing that I do not trust him as much as I want to, but I think the only way I can develop this trust more is by communicating my needs with him. If I can't do that, I know that our relationship will be doomed to fail. I am lonely, because I'm currently in my 1st year of college. I'm doing a lot with school, but I'm still trying to make friends. I recognize that in order to have a healthy balance, I need more in my life than just him. He definitely has more going on in his life than just me. That might be one reason for this jealously and nervousness about what he's doing. I also know that I can't expect him to tell me what he's doing all the time. If he expected that of me, I'd be out of there faster than you could blink. He constantly does little things that prove that he likes me, and enjoys our relationship. We go to college in different cities, but only 20 minutes away without traffic. I don't have a car, so he constantly drives back and forth to see me. Sometimes, if we're both busy, he'll come up just for a little hello and a hug. He has a photo of me on his dashboard, he keeps all the art I make him, and I do believe that he's a good person who will listen to my needs. He think's what he's doing is ok, because I don't say otherwise. You're right, he isn't a mind reader, and I can't expect that of him. I say to him that I value honesty and good communication, but I can't do the same myself. I'm sorry for the rant, but I do appreciate yours and everyone's feedback. It's not only calming me down, but it's giving me the other perspective I needed. Everything will be ok. This relationship is not wholly me but only a part of it. Instead of spiraling, I need to be proactive, and focus on what is there right now and not what could be.

Should I bring it up when I seem him in person next, or wait until something like the situations above happen again? I believe that it's better to have these conversations in person and not via text or phone call Something I noticed the first time this happened, he told me that he thought I wouldn't mind since I'm relaxed and a bit go-with-the-flow. At the time I genuinely didn't because it meant I got to meet his friends, and see what they were like. I realize now that if I don't stand up sooner rather than later he might think I'm always ok with it and walk all over me, unintentionally

To me he seems to be a bit of an introverted extrovert. He is someone who is very friendly with everyone he meets, and is very conversational. I do have other hobbies to focus on, and I should do that. I know that I'm a little too hung up on everything he does when it comes to me all the time

We spend a lot of time together! Recently our schedules haven't' lined up, but when we first started dating we were spending almost every other day together. This past week I saw him on Monday, then again on Friday/Saturday.

I am in my first real relationship of 3 months. So far everything has been great, but I've been struggling with some serious anxiety and jealousy on my part. I also think that he doesn't communicate well enough with me. Jealousy/Anxiety: I am someone that believes that we should be allowed to have friends of the opposite sex, because that means that we trust each other. I have met two of his female friends, and I like them a lot. There is good energy. But there is one female friend, who I think is kind of new, who I haven't met yet. Sometimes I see him texting her and it upsets me, only when he texts her when I'm with him. Maybe if I met her and liked her I would feel differently. We haven't talked about how comfort levels in this situation yet, and we probably should. Communication: He is slow to text, which I try to not let it upset me. I am on my phone too much sometimes. The problem is when he will respond to something I sent him through social media, but won't respond to my text for a while later. Also, there have been two instances when we would go to hang out and when I got there he would tell me his friends were also coming/there. The first time he went out drinking with friends (including the girl I mentioned previously. I didn't go because I can't drink yet and he said he didn't feel comfortable getting drunk while I'm there because he would want to make sure I was safe.) The next day at 10am we decided to meet for lunch. When I met him, he said that his two guy friends were in the car. I didn't mind, because it was important to me that I met his friends, but wished he had given me a heads up, because at that point I wasn't in a position to say no. The second time we went to participate in a mutual social hobby that we like together. I get there, and he tells me that he invited 5 other people, 3 I had met and 2 I hadn't met (1 being the girl). Again, I like his friends and our mutual hobby is a social one, but no real heads up. At the end the 2 I hadn't met yet cancel last minute and we hung out with the other 3 friends. I don't know how to stand up for myself, or how to communicate my needs. I don't have a lot of friends myself right now, so I'm left pinning after him and stressing. I don't want to come off like an overly anxious and controlling girlfriend, but I feel like I'm falling to pieces a bit and have no one to go to for advice or a shoulder to cry on.